How do you not reflect over the past year as a new year approaches.
Do you assess one way or another it was a good year or a bad year? A conversation I had with a good friend as she counted the bad things that happened to her. I was ready with some strong points of the especially good things that happened to her as a reminder.
This year, 2012, was a very good year and a year like no other! I celebrated summer like a rock star, enjoyed 10 months off of work being at home with my girls, my personal life was surrounded by the ones that mean the most to me, my girls are both becoming more independent every year and I am enjoying a new found sense of freedom.
Starting off the new year in a new career I am excited about has my mind back in the game of life.
Challenged. Stimulated. Career girl.
I am refreshed, rejuvenated and ready for 2013.
The new year will bring a monster of its own with Mariah's dad and as we pull out of that storm in life, my Mariah will soon be 18 years old, a Senior in high school next August and a college/university will be chosen. These are the only things I can anticipate as I wonder what the new year will bring. Everything else will be life surprises that become part of the journey in our life.
For me, I want to travel. My Brooke wants to swim with the dolphins and I am ready for a white sand beach vacation. I also want to go on a spa resort vacation while enjoying outdoor excursions out west in breathtakingly beautiful Sedona, Arizona. I am not putting off a dream destination vacation any longer for myself, I'm just going to do it.
I've learned to become unstuck.
New Years Day 2013, I'm ready.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Saturday, December 29, 2012
A Mommy-Daughter Day
December 26th brought the most beautiful *winter wonderland* snow storm!
It feels like Christmas and I am not at all ready to take down our decor, I want Christmas to last just a little bit longer.
The snow storm had us trapped inside, which I secretly love. Plenty of food, a fire in the fireplace, no place to go, but to look at the picture perfect scene outside the windows of my home.
As if after a busy holiday season God said to relax, slow down, and enjoy it. I did.
I was good for one day. Thursday I went into the office to work a few hours when Mariah text me from her dad's house that she is going stir-crazy could we have a mommy-daughter day?
I smiled at her text and I am so happy both my girls love their special mommy-daughter days with me. I text her back, "Sorry, I am working, but Brookie is home if you want to go home and spend time with her."
Do I feel guilty I am working? No. For 10 months I was there for their every beckon call.
Mommy-daughter day usually costs me. It's a movie, shopping, and always includes going out to eat somewhere. I have taken my girls on dates since they were tiny.
Mariah went home for a few hours and spent time with Brooke and they watched the movie Pitch Perfect together. I'm glad they both (Brooke) stopped what they were doing and did something together for a few hours, without me.
It feels like Christmas and I am not at all ready to take down our decor, I want Christmas to last just a little bit longer.
The snow storm had us trapped inside, which I secretly love. Plenty of food, a fire in the fireplace, no place to go, but to look at the picture perfect scene outside the windows of my home.
As if after a busy holiday season God said to relax, slow down, and enjoy it. I did.
I was good for one day. Thursday I went into the office to work a few hours when Mariah text me from her dad's house that she is going stir-crazy could we have a mommy-daughter day?
I smiled at her text and I am so happy both my girls love their special mommy-daughter days with me. I text her back, "Sorry, I am working, but Brookie is home if you want to go home and spend time with her."
Do I feel guilty I am working? No. For 10 months I was there for their every beckon call.
Mommy-daughter day usually costs me. It's a movie, shopping, and always includes going out to eat somewhere. I have taken my girls on dates since they were tiny.
Mariah went home for a few hours and spent time with Brooke and they watched the movie Pitch Perfect together. I'm glad they both (Brooke) stopped what they were doing and did something together for a few hours, without me.
Friday, December 28, 2012
The Sweetest Phone Call
I received the sweetest phone call tonight from a friend I had a falling out with months ago.
We had a couple major differences of opinion on important topics and I pretty much said, "We have nothing in common, stop calling me."
Tonight his picture popped up on my cell phone when he called and I decided to let bygones be bygones and answered nicely.
I asked how his Christmas was when he said, "Please just let me say this ... (I think he thought I was going to shut him down, again) ... we have been friends for a lot of years and you know how important you are to me. I'm sorry if I said something to offend you (he knew that I knew he was referring to a Facebook post), Dawn, I would never do anything to offend you and I will be more careful in the future, but I don't want to start off the new year without things being right between us, you mean too much to me."
I smiled listening to him.
Our friendship goes back 11 years. I was 31 years old, he was 20. I am now 42 years old and he is 30. I still shake my head at this boys adoration of me.
I told him I'm glad he called, agreed we are still friends, and a fresh start is fine.
"Can we get together for a drink or coffee sooner rather than later? At least within the week?"
Such a sweet boy.
We had a couple major differences of opinion on important topics and I pretty much said, "We have nothing in common, stop calling me."
Tonight his picture popped up on my cell phone when he called and I decided to let bygones be bygones and answered nicely.
I asked how his Christmas was when he said, "Please just let me say this ... (I think he thought I was going to shut him down, again) ... we have been friends for a lot of years and you know how important you are to me. I'm sorry if I said something to offend you (he knew that I knew he was referring to a Facebook post), Dawn, I would never do anything to offend you and I will be more careful in the future, but I don't want to start off the new year without things being right between us, you mean too much to me."
I smiled listening to him.
Our friendship goes back 11 years. I was 31 years old, he was 20. I am now 42 years old and he is 30. I still shake my head at this boys adoration of me.
I told him I'm glad he called, agreed we are still friends, and a fresh start is fine.
"Can we get together for a drink or coffee sooner rather than later? At least within the week?"
Such a sweet boy.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
My Faithful God
Ten months ago when I walked away from corporate America as a single parent, it was a leap of faith beyond what words can express.
It was leaving financial comfort, while knowing my season there had ended, I embraced the unknown.
My dream situation was having the summer off, then look for a job when my girls started back to school in September. That was my limited perspective. God's is so much greater than mine!
What I received was a summer like I have never experienced in my life and time at home with my girls who needed me here during this time in their lives. It was showered in blessings.
School started back and guiltily I confess I still wasn't ready to go back to work, I just got the days back to myself! Then October came. I love October. I love autumn. I love the sunshine and cooler temperatures. I love Sweetest Day.
In "my" ideal ideal situation, I would be ready to go back to work in November. If I had, I would have missed out on Brooke's dream birthday surprise. I got that, too.
I'm refreshed and more than ready for what comes next. I am a career girl.
What is it I want to do? I had a very honest conversation with God to open the right opportunity and give me the peace of mind that I knew exactly what job to say "Yes" to. I'm asking God for supernatural opportunities and blessings.
I had two similar scenarios once upon a time:
*One day (13 years ago) I updated my resume to see what job opportunities were available in hospitals local to where I moved to so I wouldn't have to commute so far and was interviewed and hired within 24 hours. It was a whirlwind and I wasn't ready for such a quick decision that became the best move for me.
*After renting for years, my dad asked if I was interested in buying a house? I wasn't really, but agreed to look at a house in our community that he said would be perfect. An offer was made, my mortgage was only $15 more than I paid rent and I was moved in at record speed. We love our home still today. Another whirlwind I hadn't sought out.
I like whirlwinds of blessings. It feels as if it is destined and I am simply being carried through the decision.
Here I am now. "God, please do that magical thing you do where opportunities open and I know they are blessed by you."
In October one of my best girlfriends called and asked if I was ready to go back to work. "YES!" She has worked for an amazing company and couldn't be happier. Her company has a newly created position open that all my job experience has me perfect for. The executives are excited to meet me.
I interviewed with the President & CEO, the VP, and my girlfriend present. The interview went exceptionally well, she said I "rocked it and they love me!" I'm excited about the company, I'm excited to work with my girlfriend again, and love that the company office is NYC chic!
I'm a career girl. My time at home was priceless with my girls and I went through an amazing season in my life I needed. Faith took me there, gave me more than what I hoped for, and brought me out in a much better place.
My faithful God took my leap of faith and blessed it beyond measure.
It was leaving financial comfort, while knowing my season there had ended, I embraced the unknown.
My dream situation was having the summer off, then look for a job when my girls started back to school in September. That was my limited perspective. God's is so much greater than mine!
What I received was a summer like I have never experienced in my life and time at home with my girls who needed me here during this time in their lives. It was showered in blessings.
School started back and guiltily I confess I still wasn't ready to go back to work, I just got the days back to myself! Then October came. I love October. I love autumn. I love the sunshine and cooler temperatures. I love Sweetest Day.
In "my" ideal ideal situation, I would be ready to go back to work in November. If I had, I would have missed out on Brooke's dream birthday surprise. I got that, too.
I'm refreshed and more than ready for what comes next. I am a career girl.
What is it I want to do? I had a very honest conversation with God to open the right opportunity and give me the peace of mind that I knew exactly what job to say "Yes" to. I'm asking God for supernatural opportunities and blessings.
I had two similar scenarios once upon a time:
*One day (13 years ago) I updated my resume to see what job opportunities were available in hospitals local to where I moved to so I wouldn't have to commute so far and was interviewed and hired within 24 hours. It was a whirlwind and I wasn't ready for such a quick decision that became the best move for me.
*After renting for years, my dad asked if I was interested in buying a house? I wasn't really, but agreed to look at a house in our community that he said would be perfect. An offer was made, my mortgage was only $15 more than I paid rent and I was moved in at record speed. We love our home still today. Another whirlwind I hadn't sought out.
I like whirlwinds of blessings. It feels as if it is destined and I am simply being carried through the decision.
Here I am now. "God, please do that magical thing you do where opportunities open and I know they are blessed by you."
In October one of my best girlfriends called and asked if I was ready to go back to work. "YES!" She has worked for an amazing company and couldn't be happier. Her company has a newly created position open that all my job experience has me perfect for. The executives are excited to meet me.
I interviewed with the President & CEO, the VP, and my girlfriend present. The interview went exceptionally well, she said I "rocked it and they love me!" I'm excited about the company, I'm excited to work with my girlfriend again, and love that the company office is NYC chic!
I'm a career girl. My time at home was priceless with my girls and I went through an amazing season in my life I needed. Faith took me there, gave me more than what I hoped for, and brought me out in a much better place.
My faithful God took my leap of faith and blessed it beyond measure.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
December is Christmas
Christmas day was everything I wanted it to be. Both of my girls were happy, excited, and both said it was their best Christmas ever!
How blessed I am.
How blessed I am to have two teenage daughters when asked what they wanted for Christmas, neither could think of an item they would like to have. Brooke said she didn't want anything, that she already has everything she wants.
Lucky for them, I am creative and I know each daughter so well, that I was able to pull off gifts they were thrilled with. You see, they get three gifts each (just like Jesus) from me, and stocking stuffers.
The whole month of December was Christmas in our home. Decorations were hung by the chimney with care as well as holiday music filled the air.
It wasn't all Currier & Ives though.
Our furnace was out for two weeks.
Mariah was in her 2nd accident in my car.
December 19th was the second anniversary of Brooke's dads suicide. Last year we were just happy to have made it through the year, but this year was different. It was extra hard for Brooke.
Depression set in. Chest pain and physical heart ache called for a doctors appointment. Counseling sessions helped.
Mariah's dad has gotten significantly worse with his ALS (Lou Gehrigs).
After weeks of Brooke's depression our night reached its emotional crescendo on December 18th the night before the dreaded anniversary. Brooke's emotions where running high and I was running on mental exhaustion worrying about her. I had to drive out of town to pick up a Christmas gift Mariah's dad wanted for her for Christmas.
I'm swiping my credit card paying for her last Christmas gift from her daddy, Brooke is at home a mess, when the poor guy across the counter at Verizon nervously started talking fast to be done with my purchase, tears were rolling down my face, and he didn't know what to say. It was the reality of it all.
Brooke cries and yells I don't know how she feels and at my wits end I yell back, "No, I don't know how you feel, but I loved your dad very much, we were good friends, and I miss him. My heart hurts for you because your heart hurts so much and I cannot take that pain away from you."
It wasn't one of our finer moments.
In the midst of a magical holiday season we have had our share of intense moments to overcome and we did.
Christmas eve the snow began to fall and it looked like a winter wonderland. Thank you, God.
Brooke woke up happy and enjoyed Christmas completely. Thank you, God.
Mariah enjoyed a wonderful and emotional last Christmas with her daddy and said it was the best Christmas ever! Thank you, God.
I'm back to work and working at the very company I wanted to work at the most. It is going far better than I ever imagined. Thank you, God.
The whole month of December was Christmas in our home. I clung to the the very reason for Christmas, Christ's birth. I reinforced it in our family Christmas traditions as well as our our new tradition, the sparkle box.
Life happens and we all have seasons where it is harder than others, but it turned out to be a magical Christmas filled with love, happiness, family, friends, and laughter.
Success.
How blessed I am.
How blessed I am to have two teenage daughters when asked what they wanted for Christmas, neither could think of an item they would like to have. Brooke said she didn't want anything, that she already has everything she wants.
Lucky for them, I am creative and I know each daughter so well, that I was able to pull off gifts they were thrilled with. You see, they get three gifts each (just like Jesus) from me, and stocking stuffers.
The whole month of December was Christmas in our home. Decorations were hung by the chimney with care as well as holiday music filled the air.
It wasn't all Currier & Ives though.
Our furnace was out for two weeks.
Mariah was in her 2nd accident in my car.
December 19th was the second anniversary of Brooke's dads suicide. Last year we were just happy to have made it through the year, but this year was different. It was extra hard for Brooke.
Depression set in. Chest pain and physical heart ache called for a doctors appointment. Counseling sessions helped.
Mariah's dad has gotten significantly worse with his ALS (Lou Gehrigs).
After weeks of Brooke's depression our night reached its emotional crescendo on December 18th the night before the dreaded anniversary. Brooke's emotions where running high and I was running on mental exhaustion worrying about her. I had to drive out of town to pick up a Christmas gift Mariah's dad wanted for her for Christmas.
I'm swiping my credit card paying for her last Christmas gift from her daddy, Brooke is at home a mess, when the poor guy across the counter at Verizon nervously started talking fast to be done with my purchase, tears were rolling down my face, and he didn't know what to say. It was the reality of it all.
Brooke cries and yells I don't know how she feels and at my wits end I yell back, "No, I don't know how you feel, but I loved your dad very much, we were good friends, and I miss him. My heart hurts for you because your heart hurts so much and I cannot take that pain away from you."
It wasn't one of our finer moments.
In the midst of a magical holiday season we have had our share of intense moments to overcome and we did.
Christmas eve the snow began to fall and it looked like a winter wonderland. Thank you, God.
Brooke woke up happy and enjoyed Christmas completely. Thank you, God.
Mariah enjoyed a wonderful and emotional last Christmas with her daddy and said it was the best Christmas ever! Thank you, God.
I'm back to work and working at the very company I wanted to work at the most. It is going far better than I ever imagined. Thank you, God.
The whole month of December was Christmas in our home. I clung to the the very reason for Christmas, Christ's birth. I reinforced it in our family Christmas traditions as well as our our new tradition, the sparkle box.
Life happens and we all have seasons where it is harder than others, but it turned out to be a magical Christmas filled with love, happiness, family, friends, and laughter.
Success.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Prayers of Safety Over My Home
Saturday night Brooke, my dad and I went to Dickens Victorian Village for a walk back in time through Olde England with 88 scenes, over 180 lifelike figures representing Victorian society.
I'm glad my dad, Papa, went with us.
Here is my dad and Brooke in front of a building that was a light show to Christmas music ...
On the way home, he shared story after story of his life when he was in the Navy. He shared stories where miraculously he lived when he shouldn't have on a few occasions in life. His stories were fascinating and I enjoyed hearing them.
It got me thinking ... have I ever been close to death and not realized it?
Fast forward to today.
My furnace went out last week and I am heating my home with a space heater. Believe me when I say prayers are going up for not needing to replace the furnace. The timing right now is really bad for it to act up, but I know everything happens for a purpose, and I am thankful I could handle it financially if it did.
A repair man came today and was less than pleased to see the vent from the furnace in the dirt, plugged with mud inside of it. He says, "this is what causes carbon monoxide poisoning." The vent will be altered tomorrow.
Then, the repair man pulls a thing out of the furnace, looked at me and said to my dad and I, "God is watching out for you." The piece was so corroded could have caused a gas explosion.
My dad and I were stunned and I told my dad that I always say prayers of safety over my home.
I have always said prayers of safety over my girls and I do over our home.
Only $50 later, my furnace is running strong and safety measures put into place. That was a close call with all the things that could have gone wrong and a close call financially.
I wonder how many safety situations have been held off because of prayer.
I wonder that I wondered this only a few days ago if was this my "Yes."
I'm glad my dad, Papa, went with us.
Here is my dad and Brooke in front of a building that was a light show to Christmas music ...
On the way home, he shared story after story of his life when he was in the Navy. He shared stories where miraculously he lived when he shouldn't have on a few occasions in life. His stories were fascinating and I enjoyed hearing them.
It got me thinking ... have I ever been close to death and not realized it?
Fast forward to today.
My furnace went out last week and I am heating my home with a space heater. Believe me when I say prayers are going up for not needing to replace the furnace. The timing right now is really bad for it to act up, but I know everything happens for a purpose, and I am thankful I could handle it financially if it did.
A repair man came today and was less than pleased to see the vent from the furnace in the dirt, plugged with mud inside of it. He says, "this is what causes carbon monoxide poisoning." The vent will be altered tomorrow.
Then, the repair man pulls a thing out of the furnace, looked at me and said to my dad and I, "God is watching out for you." The piece was so corroded could have caused a gas explosion.
My dad and I were stunned and I told my dad that I always say prayers of safety over my home.
I have always said prayers of safety over my girls and I do over our home.
Only $50 later, my furnace is running strong and safety measures put into place. That was a close call with all the things that could have gone wrong and a close call financially.
I wonder how many safety situations have been held off because of prayer.
I wonder that I wondered this only a few days ago if was this my "Yes."
A Christmas Cottage
In the midst of the Christmas season, my girls and I love our home transformed into the warmth of a Christmas cottage ...
A fire in the fireplace, our Christmas tree glowing in decor that matches our home. Everything in chocolate, deep reds, and ivory.
The same decorations year after year. Sometimes I think I should just update everything, but everything matches our home and makes Christmas familiar. Someday I'm hoping my girls will have memories of each piece carefully chosen and have fond memories of how pretty and comfy our home is.
All those miscellaneous tree ornaments that don't match ... well, they go on the "banister of misfit ornaments." Remember the Christmas cartoon with the island of misfit toys? That is our banister.
Wrapped in garland, covered in miscellaneous ornaments collected through the years and where our candy canes are hung. We love it!
I would like to thank the Lifetime channel for hosting one Christmas movie after another all evening, every evening. It is the perfect touch to our entire month of Christmas.
A fire in the fireplace, our Christmas tree glowing in decor that matches our home. Everything in chocolate, deep reds, and ivory.
The same decorations year after year. Sometimes I think I should just update everything, but everything matches our home and makes Christmas familiar. Someday I'm hoping my girls will have memories of each piece carefully chosen and have fond memories of how pretty and comfy our home is.
All those miscellaneous tree ornaments that don't match ... well, they go on the "banister of misfit ornaments." Remember the Christmas cartoon with the island of misfit toys? That is our banister.
Wrapped in garland, covered in miscellaneous ornaments collected through the years and where our candy canes are hung. We love it!
I would like to thank the Lifetime channel for hosting one Christmas movie after another all evening, every evening. It is the perfect touch to our entire month of Christmas.
A Sponsored Child
My girls and I have sponsored a little boy in India, Akhil, for over eight years now. Through the years Brooke has said we should sponsor a 2nd child.
Yesterday, Brooke became a sponsor for a child through Compassion International with her own money.
Priyanka is an 8 year old little girl from India.
Brooke's sponsorship will provide education, healthcare, vaccinations, nutritional supplements, relief work opportunities, Bible studies, games, and sports for Priyanka as well as child development training for her parents.
As a mom, I did explain that sponsorship is a big responsibility; however, Brooke understands how this works and with a compassionate & generous heart, excitedly picked Priyanka out herself.
Welcome to our extended family, Priyanka!
Yesterday, Brooke became a sponsor for a child through Compassion International with her own money.
Priyanka is an 8 year old little girl from India.
Brooke's sponsorship will provide education, healthcare, vaccinations, nutritional supplements, relief work opportunities, Bible studies, games, and sports for Priyanka as well as child development training for her parents.
As a mom, I did explain that sponsorship is a big responsibility; however, Brooke understands how this works and with a compassionate & generous heart, excitedly picked Priyanka out herself.
Welcome to our extended family, Priyanka!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
A Force To Be Reckoned With
Our Black Friday society has managed to jump from its designated day, the day after Thanksgiving, to before Thanksgiving.
I love this caption ...
I love this caption ...
Television commercials, flyers in the mail, stores dazzling and tempting every consumer of their extra special $ales prices of must-have items.
Black Friday is pure madness.
In light of Thanksgiving with Christmas only weeks away, people will trample one another to get the best price of an item they don't need. Campers set up in tents outside of Best Buys seven days ahead of time to be the first in line for Black Friday.
What about Thanksgiving? What about the importance of family and a thankful heart for what each of us already has?
When it comes to Black Friday, I am a force to be reckoned with.
My shopping is done and there is not a single store that I need to step into for the next couple of days as to not deal with hoarding, shopping gluttens that challenge my Christianity and happy disposition.
I am not accomplished because I have so much time on my hands, when I worked full-time, took part-time courses, ran my home and raised my girls in a very busy lifestyle, I still managed to plan ahead and avoid the chaos.
Thanksgiving has always been the fourth Thursday of every November and Christmas has always been December 25th. Plan wisely.
In our home, the day after Thanksgiving (to America it is Black Friday), is staying safe indoors, decorating our home, and welcoming the Christmas season.
Monday, November 19, 2012
With Little Time Left
What if you knew this Thanksgiving day was the last one in your life?
For my ex-husband, Mariah's dad, it is.
Recent medical tests and the doctors informed Eric that ALS is becoming more aggressive than they thought and he is increasing getting much worse than they expected.
There are conversations I need to have with him, but no time seems like the right time. I had todays plans etched in my mind, until I saw a pumpkin roll sitting in my refrigerator. Eric loves my sister-in-law's famous pumpkin rolls.
Spur of the moment, I cut a couple of slices and even put the end slice with all the filling at its thickest on a thanksgiving plate and covered it with saran wrap and took it over. I'm just going to stop by, drop it off and ask a few questions about Mariah's Christmas gifts (we always discuss her presents together).
With little time left, I need a conversation with him.
*Please God, I hope just his aide is there and he isn't in the middle of physical therapy so he can talk. Please open up opportunities for me to say all the things I need to say and the topics we need to discuss about our daughter.*
Thankfully, I find him awake and in front of the television. I showed him the pumpkin roll, his eyes light up, and the aide said, "Perfect timing, he has been wanting donuts all day!"
Two hours we talked.
We talked about his health, his hopes and wishes for Mariah, family, friends, and laughed about funny moments when we were married. We laughed and we cried. A lot.
I wasn't prepared myself for how bad he is from just a few weeks ago. He is significantly worse. His respiratory failing, when he drinks he nearly drowns. When he cries he will burst into spontaneous fits of uncontrollable laughter. I've never seen anything like it and when he calms down he apologizes and explains he isn't losing his mind, it is all apart of the disease.
How cruel, to be broken in spirit with your head down crying hard as he was explaining to me his guilt that he won't live as long as the doctors originally thought, then to uncontrollably laugh and have no control over even his emotions during such a serious conversation.
Throughout my time spent with Eric today I said many quick prayers, *Please God, help me say all the things I have to say and leave nothing unsaid.*
I let Eric lead the conversation as to not wear him out or touch on the topics he couldn't handle, but he brought up on his own every topic I need to hear and discuss. *Thank you, God.*
With little time left, I'm so thankful I had two good hours with him today.
It is the oddest most unreal disease, this ALS. With my youngest daughter losing her dad to suicide and my oldest losing her dad to ALS, I cannot say which death is lesser of the two evils. Quickly, blindsided with no time to prepare or a deterioration and loss of quality of life, but with time to plan and prepare for death.
Today I thanked Eric for handling this nightmare disease like an absolute champ. For remaining strong, confident, positive and faith-filled with our daughter.
What he has given her in the face of death is love.
For my ex-husband, Mariah's dad, it is.
Recent medical tests and the doctors informed Eric that ALS is becoming more aggressive than they thought and he is increasing getting much worse than they expected.
There are conversations I need to have with him, but no time seems like the right time. I had todays plans etched in my mind, until I saw a pumpkin roll sitting in my refrigerator. Eric loves my sister-in-law's famous pumpkin rolls.
Spur of the moment, I cut a couple of slices and even put the end slice with all the filling at its thickest on a thanksgiving plate and covered it with saran wrap and took it over. I'm just going to stop by, drop it off and ask a few questions about Mariah's Christmas gifts (we always discuss her presents together).
With little time left, I need a conversation with him.
*Please God, I hope just his aide is there and he isn't in the middle of physical therapy so he can talk. Please open up opportunities for me to say all the things I need to say and the topics we need to discuss about our daughter.*
Thankfully, I find him awake and in front of the television. I showed him the pumpkin roll, his eyes light up, and the aide said, "Perfect timing, he has been wanting donuts all day!"
Two hours we talked.
We talked about his health, his hopes and wishes for Mariah, family, friends, and laughed about funny moments when we were married. We laughed and we cried. A lot.
I wasn't prepared myself for how bad he is from just a few weeks ago. He is significantly worse. His respiratory failing, when he drinks he nearly drowns. When he cries he will burst into spontaneous fits of uncontrollable laughter. I've never seen anything like it and when he calms down he apologizes and explains he isn't losing his mind, it is all apart of the disease.
How cruel, to be broken in spirit with your head down crying hard as he was explaining to me his guilt that he won't live as long as the doctors originally thought, then to uncontrollably laugh and have no control over even his emotions during such a serious conversation.
Throughout my time spent with Eric today I said many quick prayers, *Please God, help me say all the things I have to say and leave nothing unsaid.*
I let Eric lead the conversation as to not wear him out or touch on the topics he couldn't handle, but he brought up on his own every topic I need to hear and discuss. *Thank you, God.*
With little time left, I'm so thankful I had two good hours with him today.
It is the oddest most unreal disease, this ALS. With my youngest daughter losing her dad to suicide and my oldest losing her dad to ALS, I cannot say which death is lesser of the two evils. Quickly, blindsided with no time to prepare or a deterioration and loss of quality of life, but with time to plan and prepare for death.
Today I thanked Eric for handling this nightmare disease like an absolute champ. For remaining strong, confident, positive and faith-filled with our daughter.
What he has given her in the face of death is love.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Holiday Traditions
Yesterday began this year's Christmas holiday traditions.
We have many.
Black Friday to us is staying in, turning on Christmas music, making hot cocoa, and decorating our home for Christmas. I strive for Currier & Ives moments and once the production of dragging out boxes of decor, decorating and cleaning is done, our home feels warm, festive and ready for Christmas.
Let me back up to yesterday though ... yesterday was the annual Christmas Tree Festival and in tradition, my girls and I walked through admiring hundreds of uniquely decorated Christmas trees, then we are off to a local landscaping nursery that has an impressive holiday scenes and decor for sale. Last but not least, our afternoon wraps up at the Waterloo, known for incredible desserts in a highly Christmas-decorated restaurant, never changing and exactly the same in my memories as a child shared with my grandmother.
Here is a pic of one of the tree's that I actually laughed out loud over, the Grinch stuck in a tilted over tree ...
This is my Mariah conquering the famous 18" high Long John milkshake, where you must stand on your knees in the booth to drink it or set it on the seat beside you ...
My Christmas shopping is almost complete!
In tradition, I am on track for Christmas. My shopping complete by November 30th and PAID for. Christmas cards in mailboxes by December 1st (I'm still on track). Our home decorated on Black Friday (we are almost there). The month of December spent *stress free* enjoying one holiday event after the other. Endless Christmas music. Christmas shows on television in the evenings. Christmas concerts at church. Holiday lights. Endless celebrations keeping the meaning of Christmas as the reason for the season.
My favorite holiday embraced and celebrated to the utmost!
We have many.
Black Friday to us is staying in, turning on Christmas music, making hot cocoa, and decorating our home for Christmas. I strive for Currier & Ives moments and once the production of dragging out boxes of decor, decorating and cleaning is done, our home feels warm, festive and ready for Christmas.
Let me back up to yesterday though ... yesterday was the annual Christmas Tree Festival and in tradition, my girls and I walked through admiring hundreds of uniquely decorated Christmas trees, then we are off to a local landscaping nursery that has an impressive holiday scenes and decor for sale. Last but not least, our afternoon wraps up at the Waterloo, known for incredible desserts in a highly Christmas-decorated restaurant, never changing and exactly the same in my memories as a child shared with my grandmother.
Here is a pic of one of the tree's that I actually laughed out loud over, the Grinch stuck in a tilted over tree ...
This is my Mariah conquering the famous 18" high Long John milkshake, where you must stand on your knees in the booth to drink it or set it on the seat beside you ...
My Christmas shopping is almost complete!
In tradition, I am on track for Christmas. My shopping complete by November 30th and PAID for. Christmas cards in mailboxes by December 1st (I'm still on track). Our home decorated on Black Friday (we are almost there). The month of December spent *stress free* enjoying one holiday event after the other. Endless Christmas music. Christmas shows on television in the evenings. Christmas concerts at church. Holiday lights. Endless celebrations keeping the meaning of Christmas as the reason for the season.
My favorite holiday embraced and celebrated to the utmost!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
11.11.11
I've always thought same day/month/year dates were magical and significant.
I remember my own surprise when I realized the date of my 1st date with Miro (11.11.11) two weeks after the fact and wondered then if it was a sign of significance? It was, it is, and he is!
We are now exclusively dating. :)
It all happened so unexpectedly over the summer. Friends reuniting, having fun, casually getting together, and somehow, someway he became part of my everyday life.
I wasn't looking for a relationship and found a champion.
Last Sunday was 11.11.12, the one-year anniversary of our first date. As silly as it sounds, I was very reflective. Reflective of my thoughts on that significant date. Reflective of my relationship with him.
Sunday was important to me and as a *signs* kinda girl, the stars lined up in my favor.
Last minute plans for a community fundraiser and he called and asked if I could come up. After the event and walking to our cars, he asked if I had time for hot tea or coffee in the coffee shop (the very destination of our 1st date) and we did.
It was perfect and I was so happy to be sitting in that very special place.
One year later.
We have such a healthy relationship.
Such a good friendship.
We are boyfriend & girlfriend.
I remember my own surprise when I realized the date of my 1st date with Miro (11.11.11) two weeks after the fact and wondered then if it was a sign of significance? It was, it is, and he is!
We are now exclusively dating. :)
It all happened so unexpectedly over the summer. Friends reuniting, having fun, casually getting together, and somehow, someway he became part of my everyday life.
I wasn't looking for a relationship and found a champion.
Last Sunday was 11.11.12, the one-year anniversary of our first date. As silly as it sounds, I was very reflective. Reflective of my thoughts on that significant date. Reflective of my relationship with him.
Sunday was important to me and as a *signs* kinda girl, the stars lined up in my favor.
Last minute plans for a community fundraiser and he called and asked if I could come up. After the event and walking to our cars, he asked if I had time for hot tea or coffee in the coffee shop (the very destination of our 1st date) and we did.
It was perfect and I was so happy to be sitting in that very special place.
One year later.
We have such a healthy relationship.
Such a good friendship.
We are boyfriend & girlfriend.
Turning 13
My youngest baby, Brooke, is now a teenager. When my oldest turned 13, I couldn't believe I had a teenager. Now my baby is a teenager, too.
Of course, I am reflective.
Memories of her birth, her toddler years, her personality now that was her then fine-tuned into such an impressive young woman. I knew she would be. Both of my girls are. I say that biased as their proud mom and I say that unbiased from the praise they receive from everyone who knows them.
A month before Brooke's birthday it was a battle that ended in a very heated argument between Brooke and I. As she approaches the 2nd year anniversary of her dad's death, she didn't want to recognize her birthday. She didn't want to celebrate it or receive a single present from anyone.
I didn't plan her birthday party production until the week before.
My heart bleeds when her's bleeds. I cry when she cries. Ignoring her 13th birthday wasn't going to happen.
She yelled through tears that her dad is dead and she doesn't want to celebrate. I yelled right back, "He chose not to live! You are alive and we celebrate life!" I will crawl into her pit when she is there, but it was time to drag her out of her pit and I did.
Brooke had two wishes for her birthday: to swim with dolphins or ride 4-wheelers like she used to with her dad.
I have a friend who is a motorcross enthusiast I had reconnected with, thanks to Facebook. He set everything up and told me where to be and what time on Brooke's birthday. Brooke was excited and surprised when I told her she wasn't going to school that morning, that we were going 4-wheeling!
Brooke was excited when I called her off school, "Brooke won't be in today, today is her 13th birthday and I have special plans for her." The morning spent 4-wheeling, a family birthday party with karaoke, and her birthday party with friends over the weekend at Dave & Busters and a mall scavenger hunt made for a 13th birthday that Brooke said, "This is the best birthday ever!"
I like making their wishes and dreams happen.
Make a wish baby girl, I hope all your wishes come true!
Of course, I am reflective.
Memories of her birth, her toddler years, her personality now that was her then fine-tuned into such an impressive young woman. I knew she would be. Both of my girls are. I say that biased as their proud mom and I say that unbiased from the praise they receive from everyone who knows them.
A month before Brooke's birthday it was a battle that ended in a very heated argument between Brooke and I. As she approaches the 2nd year anniversary of her dad's death, she didn't want to recognize her birthday. She didn't want to celebrate it or receive a single present from anyone.
I didn't plan her birthday party production until the week before.
My heart bleeds when her's bleeds. I cry when she cries. Ignoring her 13th birthday wasn't going to happen.
She yelled through tears that her dad is dead and she doesn't want to celebrate. I yelled right back, "He chose not to live! You are alive and we celebrate life!" I will crawl into her pit when she is there, but it was time to drag her out of her pit and I did.
Brooke had two wishes for her birthday: to swim with dolphins or ride 4-wheelers like she used to with her dad.
I have a friend who is a motorcross enthusiast I had reconnected with, thanks to Facebook. He set everything up and told me where to be and what time on Brooke's birthday. Brooke was excited and surprised when I told her she wasn't going to school that morning, that we were going 4-wheeling!
Brooke was excited when I called her off school, "Brooke won't be in today, today is her 13th birthday and I have special plans for her." The morning spent 4-wheeling, a family birthday party with karaoke, and her birthday party with friends over the weekend at Dave & Busters and a mall scavenger hunt made for a 13th birthday that Brooke said, "This is the best birthday ever!"
I like making their wishes and dreams happen.
Make a wish baby girl, I hope all your wishes come true!
Happy 13th birthday ...
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
A Proud And Thankful Heart
Watching the election results all evening with my Mariah, shortly after 11:00 p.m. the results came in and Obama was re-elected as President of the United States.
It was what I expected, warned, and talked about with my daughters beforehand.
As the generations continue to become more entitled and feel their rights are unlimited, I do believe moral decay will continue to get worse. It has been written and slowly it is beginning to happen.
With all of this, I am so proud today with a thankful heart! Sounds surprising, huh?
When I look at the closest people in my life, I am proud of the Christians who spoke up and did not hesitate to state their beliefs in this important cause and stand their moral ground.
I come from a bloodline of strong women who will not be meek or silent.
My mom who openly and publically defends her faith.
My daughters who are steadfast in their faith and will passionately defend their morals against their own generation in school among their teen peers that are morally a hot mess. I am proud of the strong young women of faith that they are.
My girlfriends who are unshaken and publically profess their faith and politcal beliefs. One I am especially proud of for remaining a strong Republican when her husband is running for state Democratic office. Now that is a confident & strong woman! Supporting her husband, while not compromising her own beliefs, nor afraid to share them.
My male friends that voted in this campaign on the basis of their Christian faith. One who went against the very Democratic union he works for.
Men and women who remain unshaken and not silent when put in uncomfortable political conversations.
I am proud and thankful that my family and my closest friends share a core value of morals and Christian faith against a world that wants all their entitlement, rights, and thinks it's all going to get better.
America, a country once built on Christian values, the shifting has already begun, and we are no longer the majority.
It was what I expected, warned, and talked about with my daughters beforehand.
As the generations continue to become more entitled and feel their rights are unlimited, I do believe moral decay will continue to get worse. It has been written and slowly it is beginning to happen.
With all of this, I am so proud today with a thankful heart! Sounds surprising, huh?
When I look at the closest people in my life, I am proud of the Christians who spoke up and did not hesitate to state their beliefs in this important cause and stand their moral ground.
I come from a bloodline of strong women who will not be meek or silent.
My mom who openly and publically defends her faith.
My daughters who are steadfast in their faith and will passionately defend their morals against their own generation in school among their teen peers that are morally a hot mess. I am proud of the strong young women of faith that they are.
My girlfriends who are unshaken and publically profess their faith and politcal beliefs. One I am especially proud of for remaining a strong Republican when her husband is running for state Democratic office. Now that is a confident & strong woman! Supporting her husband, while not compromising her own beliefs, nor afraid to share them.
My male friends that voted in this campaign on the basis of their Christian faith. One who went against the very Democratic union he works for.
Men and women who remain unshaken and not silent when put in uncomfortable political conversations.
I am proud and thankful that my family and my closest friends share a core value of morals and Christian faith against a world that wants all their entitlement, rights, and thinks it's all going to get better.
America, a country once built on Christian values, the shifting has already begun, and we are no longer the majority.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Election Day
Today is Election Day.
Today is America's right to vote on the next President of the United States. It's as patriotic as 4th of July and in spirit and patriotism I do not vote early, rather I prefer to face the chaos at the polls on this special day.
Politics is not my passion, but I did become passionate about this race.
The more I know about the candidates the more passionate I became and the more reflective I became over my country and my beliefs.
Statistically we are a disaster and quite honestly I don't know who I am more aggravated with, Democrats who don't understand statistics and lost their morals or Christian Republicans who have kept their mouths shut as to not offend others.
The two topics they say you shouldn't discuss is religion and politics. They are both HOT buttons. I get that, BUT when it comes to voting on the next President of the United States as leader over our country with one that is for abortion (it is okay to kill unborn babies) and gay marriage and the other says it is not okay, you better start talking! Not to mention a host of other hot debate issues that reflect the candidates that oppose and support them.
Christians better start talking. Christians need to remember what they stand for and be willing to run to the battle line. There are so many political issues being debated with Biblical backing, but everyone wants to remain silent and keep their beliefs to themselves so there is no confrontation as to not upset anyone. Talk about being luke warm.
How do you say nicely, "Thou shalt not kill?" Why are we afraid to say marriage was created by God and He said it is between man and woman. I have gay friends that I care for, but it doesn't mean that what I believe in stops at that friendship. I do believe when God says, "the borrower is slave to the lender" Proverbs 22:7. American is over 16 Trillion dollars in debt. That is beyond scary.
I also believe that in the end of times, things will continue to get worse and worse. Biblically it is written and I believe we are here.
My opinions are hard core and my faith is steadfast. I am thankful for my family that is united in faith & beliefs and not torn politically.
The race is close and this election day many Americans, families and friends are divided.
I pray for my country.
This election is big, but God is bigger and it is in His hands.
Thy will be done.
Today is America's right to vote on the next President of the United States. It's as patriotic as 4th of July and in spirit and patriotism I do not vote early, rather I prefer to face the chaos at the polls on this special day.
Politics is not my passion, but I did become passionate about this race.
The more I know about the candidates the more passionate I became and the more reflective I became over my country and my beliefs.
Statistically we are a disaster and quite honestly I don't know who I am more aggravated with, Democrats who don't understand statistics and lost their morals or Christian Republicans who have kept their mouths shut as to not offend others.
The two topics they say you shouldn't discuss is religion and politics. They are both HOT buttons. I get that, BUT when it comes to voting on the next President of the United States as leader over our country with one that is for abortion (it is okay to kill unborn babies) and gay marriage and the other says it is not okay, you better start talking! Not to mention a host of other hot debate issues that reflect the candidates that oppose and support them.
Christians better start talking. Christians need to remember what they stand for and be willing to run to the battle line. There are so many political issues being debated with Biblical backing, but everyone wants to remain silent and keep their beliefs to themselves so there is no confrontation as to not upset anyone. Talk about being luke warm.
How do you say nicely, "Thou shalt not kill?" Why are we afraid to say marriage was created by God and He said it is between man and woman. I have gay friends that I care for, but it doesn't mean that what I believe in stops at that friendship. I do believe when God says, "the borrower is slave to the lender" Proverbs 22:7. American is over 16 Trillion dollars in debt. That is beyond scary.
I also believe that in the end of times, things will continue to get worse and worse. Biblically it is written and I believe we are here.
My opinions are hard core and my faith is steadfast. I am thankful for my family that is united in faith & beliefs and not torn politically.
The race is close and this election day many Americans, families and friends are divided.
I pray for my country.
This election is big, but God is bigger and it is in His hands.
Thy will be done.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Schools Closed
When I was a kid, during inclement weather conditions, my brother and I would sit in front of the television hoping, well, begging to see our schools name flash across the screen.
Now, I get an automated phone call usually between 5:30 - 6:00 a.m. from the superintendent of our schools stating that school is closed for the day. Less time consuming than watching hundreds of school district names cross the screen by county.
The phone call came yesterday morning at 5:30 a.m. While I appreciate the early notice, does it have to be so early? Now I am awake for the day.
I let Brooke sleep in. She walks out of her room after 7:00 a.m. and looks sleepy, confused, hopeful.
"Do we have school today?" She asked excitedly. "SCHOOLS CLOSED!" I confirm her anticipation.
She throws her arms in the air, looks up and says, "Thank you, Jesus!"
I smile at her display and am happy she knows who first to thank.
Now, I get an automated phone call usually between 5:30 - 6:00 a.m. from the superintendent of our schools stating that school is closed for the day. Less time consuming than watching hundreds of school district names cross the screen by county.
The phone call came yesterday morning at 5:30 a.m. While I appreciate the early notice, does it have to be so early? Now I am awake for the day.
I let Brooke sleep in. She walks out of her room after 7:00 a.m. and looks sleepy, confused, hopeful.
"Do we have school today?" She asked excitedly. "SCHOOLS CLOSED!" I confirm her anticipation.
She throws her arms in the air, looks up and says, "Thank you, Jesus!"
I smile at her display and am happy she knows who first to thank.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Hurricane Sandy Hits the East Coast
The news warned us for days that Hurricane Sandy was on it's way and they call her the "perfect storm."
This storm is a tropical hurricane, that will combine with the first winter storm in decades, all on top of a full moon which will increase ocean activity on it's own.
Her impact is up east coast of the Atlantic Ocean, hitting the mainland in New Jersey last night with storm effects, power outages, school and business closings throughout northeast Ohio already this morning.
I am prepared.
I am ready if we lose power in our home for a couple of days.
My dad came over yesterday and we hauled all my patio furniture and outdoor items into the shed.
I'm stocked with cases of bottled water to drink.
I've filled the tub, my washing machine and two 5 gallon water containers with water to use to flush toilets for days. That's important!
My car has a full tank of gas with back-up gas cans filled in case we would need to drive west for electricity.
Our home is stocked with food that doesn't need cooked. Although my gas grill will provide a hot meal.
Plenty of unscented candles are on hand. I learned years ago during a power outage that having too many scented candles burning will give me a raging sinus headache.
A trip to the library provides me with books for days of reading entertainment.
Laundry is washed.
Showers were taken last night as the storm started to pick up. I feel last minute showers are important too feel clean as long as possible. "Brush your teeth," I tell Brooke.
Our fireplace will provide necessary heat.
All cell phones and necessary electronics are charged.
Schools are closed. Cleveland, Ohio is under a major power outage and power outages are reflected in counties and our county on the news around us.
For now, we still have power, thank you Jesus!
This storm is a tropical hurricane, that will combine with the first winter storm in decades, all on top of a full moon which will increase ocean activity on it's own.
Her impact is up east coast of the Atlantic Ocean, hitting the mainland in New Jersey last night with storm effects, power outages, school and business closings throughout northeast Ohio already this morning.
I am prepared.
I am ready if we lose power in our home for a couple of days.
My dad came over yesterday and we hauled all my patio furniture and outdoor items into the shed.
I'm stocked with cases of bottled water to drink.
I've filled the tub, my washing machine and two 5 gallon water containers with water to use to flush toilets for days. That's important!
My car has a full tank of gas with back-up gas cans filled in case we would need to drive west for electricity.
Our home is stocked with food that doesn't need cooked. Although my gas grill will provide a hot meal.
Plenty of unscented candles are on hand. I learned years ago during a power outage that having too many scented candles burning will give me a raging sinus headache.
A trip to the library provides me with books for days of reading entertainment.
Laundry is washed.
Showers were taken last night as the storm started to pick up. I feel last minute showers are important too feel clean as long as possible. "Brush your teeth," I tell Brooke.
Our fireplace will provide necessary heat.
All cell phones and necessary electronics are charged.
Schools are closed. Cleveland, Ohio is under a major power outage and power outages are reflected in counties and our county on the news around us.
For now, we still have power, thank you Jesus!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Peak Autumn In The Mountains
We waited for peak autumn in the mountains and I hopped in my car and drove to my grandma's in Virginia.
Timing was perfect! The mountains looked as if they were covered in a blanket of rust, reds, orange and yellows. The weather was 76 degrees and sunny. Grandma and I rolled the windows down on this absolute perfect autumn day and went for our ride through the mountains and the countryside.
Humpback Bridge is one of the few remaining humpback bridges left in America and a always a favorite destination of mine.
Timing was perfect! The mountains looked as if they were covered in a blanket of rust, reds, orange and yellows. The weather was 76 degrees and sunny. Grandma and I rolled the windows down on this absolute perfect autumn day and went for our ride through the mountains and the countryside.
Humpback Bridge is one of the few remaining humpback bridges left in America and a always a favorite destination of mine.
In any season, Humpback Bridge is picturesque!
I love my trips to grandma's house. I love the time we spend laughing, talking and hearing endless stories of her life growing up on a farm back when they made their own soap, churned their own butter, and farming was a way of life.
The majestic mountains, the crystal clear rivers, the countryside homestead called Rich Patch where my grandmother grew up and my dad's life began.
My grandmother is 87 years old and I am really seeing age take its toll on her.
Saying goodbye to her was different this time. She isn't feeling well and was in bed all morning when I left. I went into her room to say goodbye when she hugged me, kissed me, and said, "I love you, Dawn. I want you to always remember how much I love you and I want you to know that you have been my favorite (me and the twins, Shey & Josh) and my most compassionate grandchild. You are beautiful. Never forget that. Enjoy your parents. Enjoy your girls. I love you so much. Please come back soon and don't take too long."
I'm always brave and keep my emotions under control, but I understand what she is telling me. She knows her time is limited and I can see it in her, too.
I sat down on her bed, held her hand and cried. It was time for a very honest conversation and I need to tell her how much I love her and how much someday I am going to deeply miss her.
I had my opportunity and we said what we needed to each other. Grandmother to granddaughter. Granddaughter to grandmother. Dear friends.
Someday I will long for my trips to the beautiful mountains of Virginia to grandma's house.
I will miss the beauty of the country, the memories of Humpback Bridge, Rich Patch, the hot springs where my grandmother and I went in together naked.
I will miss the scent of the papermill at Clifton Forge, the olfactory sense that takes me back to the familiar smells of my childhood.
I will miss rides through the country and my grandmothers stories a life so long ago, one that I cannot imagine.
I will miss my grandmothers sharp mind and her ability tell story after story all day long.
I will miss her honesty with me about life and us laughing together over the craziest of topics.
I will miss my grandmother, but for now I still have her, and I do need to get back there sooner rather than later.
How Am I Like My Dad?
Once in a while Brooke will ask, "How am I like my dad?"
Today she wanted to talk about him. She wanted to know the story of how I met her daddy and what parts of her are so much like him.
This blog is for my girls, for someday if and when I cannot remember or be there to tell them ...
It was a warm Saturday night, May 16, 1997, two days after my divorce. I was at Pelican's Cove on Portage Lakes in a dark blue with little white polka dot sundress on (the very dress that is in Brooke's legacy box) when I saw her daddy walk through the door for the first time. He was with a date. He took my breath away looking so Hollywood, muscle bound, and dressed GQ and I was so aware of his presence throughout the night.
At the end of the evening I was near the dance floor when he turned around and asked me, "What is your story? Why are you here alone?" I explained I was very recently divorced. He asked me out for the next afternoon and we met back at the Cove and went riding on his motorcycle. When our afternoon was done, he kissed me on the cheek and asked me out for diner.
I remember very vividly feeling as if I would die if I never had a chance to kiss him again and that is how we met.
Besides this last summer, the summer of '97 was the best in my life.
"How are you like your daddy?"
"Your blond hair, your body shape with the dimples on the small of your back. Your mouth is your daddy's and when you yawn I see him. When you sing I see him. You are so funny just like he was. He had a passion for music and dancing, you definitely got your natural rhythm from him."
Everything else is me.
Today she wanted to talk about him. She wanted to know the story of how I met her daddy and what parts of her are so much like him.
This blog is for my girls, for someday if and when I cannot remember or be there to tell them ...
It was a warm Saturday night, May 16, 1997, two days after my divorce. I was at Pelican's Cove on Portage Lakes in a dark blue with little white polka dot sundress on (the very dress that is in Brooke's legacy box) when I saw her daddy walk through the door for the first time. He was with a date. He took my breath away looking so Hollywood, muscle bound, and dressed GQ and I was so aware of his presence throughout the night.
At the end of the evening I was near the dance floor when he turned around and asked me, "What is your story? Why are you here alone?" I explained I was very recently divorced. He asked me out for the next afternoon and we met back at the Cove and went riding on his motorcycle. When our afternoon was done, he kissed me on the cheek and asked me out for diner.
I remember very vividly feeling as if I would die if I never had a chance to kiss him again and that is how we met.
Besides this last summer, the summer of '97 was the best in my life.
"How are you like your daddy?"
"Your blond hair, your body shape with the dimples on the small of your back. Your mouth is your daddy's and when you yawn I see him. When you sing I see him. You are so funny just like he was. He had a passion for music and dancing, you definitely got your natural rhythm from him."
Everything else is me.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
An Invisible Wall
I am very aware in life when an invisible wall goes up that I cannot penetrate.
Typically, I ram the wall from every approach. Go over, under or through it with all my might. I am an obstacle overcomer.
Now that I am older, I recognize much quicker when something isn't going to happen, no matter what it may be. Instead of being frustrated, I accept it and know it is my Magical Highlighter, and allow the peace of "it's not going to happen" wrap around me comfortably. This has been in many different instances in life.
Today it was much simpler, but I got the message. There were only three things I needed at the store today. An end table for my living room I just saw on clearance that would be *perfect* in my living room, but I passed it up thinking I really don't need it. Well, I changed my mind and it was gone. Second on my list was the perfect lamp shade that was going to go on my new table and decided it was still needed even if the table wasn't going to happen. WalMart has had this lamp shade for years and today they didn't. Then, I needed Uncle Ben's Long Grain Wild Rice that I get at WalMart. Not available.
Are you kidding?!
There was an invisible wall that wasn't in my favor. My natural tendency would have been to allow aggravation to take over, but today I laughed and thought to myself, "okay, I get it."
I walked outside to a breathtaking and beautiful autumn day. The trees are in full autumn color, the sun is shining and the air is warm. Suddenly, my list of three things didn't matter. Look at this perfect autumn day!
I really wanted that table, but I am comfortably confident it wasn't meant to happen. Nothing was in my favor this morning.
When things don't go my way, I'm sensitive to the invisible wall. It means give up and there is a peace with that. It's out of my hands and it's not going to happen, what ever it may be.
When my spiritual side seeks to be in tune, I am much more sensitive to things around me. I am more aware of those walls I am not meant to get through and there is peace and comfort with that.
Typically, I ram the wall from every approach. Go over, under or through it with all my might. I am an obstacle overcomer.
Now that I am older, I recognize much quicker when something isn't going to happen, no matter what it may be. Instead of being frustrated, I accept it and know it is my Magical Highlighter, and allow the peace of "it's not going to happen" wrap around me comfortably. This has been in many different instances in life.
Today it was much simpler, but I got the message. There were only three things I needed at the store today. An end table for my living room I just saw on clearance that would be *perfect* in my living room, but I passed it up thinking I really don't need it. Well, I changed my mind and it was gone. Second on my list was the perfect lamp shade that was going to go on my new table and decided it was still needed even if the table wasn't going to happen. WalMart has had this lamp shade for years and today they didn't. Then, I needed Uncle Ben's Long Grain Wild Rice that I get at WalMart. Not available.
Are you kidding?!
There was an invisible wall that wasn't in my favor. My natural tendency would have been to allow aggravation to take over, but today I laughed and thought to myself, "okay, I get it."
I walked outside to a breathtaking and beautiful autumn day. The trees are in full autumn color, the sun is shining and the air is warm. Suddenly, my list of three things didn't matter. Look at this perfect autumn day!
I really wanted that table, but I am comfortably confident it wasn't meant to happen. Nothing was in my favor this morning.
When things don't go my way, I'm sensitive to the invisible wall. It means give up and there is a peace with that. It's out of my hands and it's not going to happen, what ever it may be.
When my spiritual side seeks to be in tune, I am much more sensitive to things around me. I am more aware of those walls I am not meant to get through and there is peace and comfort with that.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Mitt Romney Victory Rally!
Last night I shook hands with the future President of the United States, Mitt Romney!
As a volunteer at the GOP office in my community, I received a phone call several days ago thanking me for my volunteer work and asked if I would be interested in a VIP pass to the Mitt Romney Victory Rally.
Absolutley!
Okay, here's the funny part ... I wore a professional black dress, pearls and killer high heels. I didn't know this rally was outside and standing up. OUCH!
As an eternal optomist, at least I looked like a VIP when I spoke with Congressman Renacci and shook hands with Mitt Romney after his speech!
As the welcoming music became loud and Mitt walked off the bus onto the stage my heart was racing, my breathing becoming rapid, and I could feel tears in my eyes. Excitement that I was there and history was being made.
After his speech, Mitt Romney walked around greeting the front line of us in VIP. He shook my hand, looked into my eyes, smiled, and said, "Thank you for coming out." I warmly replied, "It's so nice to meet you. Thank you for coming here."
What a night! I will always remember it. Hopeful hearts embracing and celebrating needed change in America ...
Shakin' my Victory Rally pom-pom and my VIP pass ...
Four weeks until Election Day!
As a volunteer at the GOP office in my community, I received a phone call several days ago thanking me for my volunteer work and asked if I would be interested in a VIP pass to the Mitt Romney Victory Rally.
Absolutley!
Okay, here's the funny part ... I wore a professional black dress, pearls and killer high heels. I didn't know this rally was outside and standing up. OUCH!
As an eternal optomist, at least I looked like a VIP when I spoke with Congressman Renacci and shook hands with Mitt Romney after his speech!
As the welcoming music became loud and Mitt walked off the bus onto the stage my heart was racing, my breathing becoming rapid, and I could feel tears in my eyes. Excitement that I was there and history was being made.
After his speech, Mitt Romney walked around greeting the front line of us in VIP. He shook my hand, looked into my eyes, smiled, and said, "Thank you for coming out." I warmly replied, "It's so nice to meet you. Thank you for coming here."
What a night! I will always remember it. Hopeful hearts embracing and celebrating needed change in America ...
Mitt Romney ...
View from where I was standing in VIP ...
Shakin' my Victory Rally pom-pom and my VIP pass ...
Four weeks until Election Day!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
I Said You Are Going!
Somewhere between the movies, "Because I Said So" and "Georgia's Rule" lies my outburst, "I said you are going!"
Not said in a gentle tone; rather, shouting in a tone that translated into this mom means business.
Brooke would never ever leave the house if I didn't make her. All summer I asked her to go on a bike ride, go to the park with me, to go swimming, and in desperate measures I would bribe her with taking her out for ice cream. Brooke simply doesn't care for any of it.
She loves being home. She doesn't want bothered and happily encourages my running around as long as I don't ask her to participate.
The good news is I don't have to worry about her safety out and about.
Mariah has been wanting to go see the movie Pitch Perfect and yesterday they enjoyed Columbus Day off of school.
The movie Pitch Perfect is very musical, right up Brooke's area of interest with singing. Normally, I take these moments to have my one-on-one time with Mariah, but I knew this movie would be fun for the three of us. I was thinking the movie, out for ice cream, then hiking in the Bog. A fun day off of school with my girls.
I gave Brooke a 30 minute heads up that we are leaving for the movies. For 30 minutes she followed me around the house looking miserable and begging to stay home, she volunteered to clean the whole house while we are gone (really, do you loathe leaving home that badly?), she encouraged a "date" day with me and Mariah, and the persuasive arguments went on and on and on.
Never do I have to raise my voice, but I snapped after 25 minutes! "I SAID YOU ARE GOING!"
The three of us sat in the movie theatre laughing through the whole movie. Walking out Brooke said, "That was the best movie I have seen in forever, I would like that dvd for my birthday."
This mom knows a thing or two.
Forget ice cream and the walk in the Bog afterwards, both girls wanted to go straight home.
I wonder if either of them plan on moving out someday.
Not said in a gentle tone; rather, shouting in a tone that translated into this mom means business.
Brooke would never ever leave the house if I didn't make her. All summer I asked her to go on a bike ride, go to the park with me, to go swimming, and in desperate measures I would bribe her with taking her out for ice cream. Brooke simply doesn't care for any of it.
She loves being home. She doesn't want bothered and happily encourages my running around as long as I don't ask her to participate.
The good news is I don't have to worry about her safety out and about.
Mariah has been wanting to go see the movie Pitch Perfect and yesterday they enjoyed Columbus Day off of school.
The movie Pitch Perfect is very musical, right up Brooke's area of interest with singing. Normally, I take these moments to have my one-on-one time with Mariah, but I knew this movie would be fun for the three of us. I was thinking the movie, out for ice cream, then hiking in the Bog. A fun day off of school with my girls.
I gave Brooke a 30 minute heads up that we are leaving for the movies. For 30 minutes she followed me around the house looking miserable and begging to stay home, she volunteered to clean the whole house while we are gone (really, do you loathe leaving home that badly?), she encouraged a "date" day with me and Mariah, and the persuasive arguments went on and on and on.
Never do I have to raise my voice, but I snapped after 25 minutes! "I SAID YOU ARE GOING!"
The three of us sat in the movie theatre laughing through the whole movie. Walking out Brooke said, "That was the best movie I have seen in forever, I would like that dvd for my birthday."
This mom knows a thing or two.
Forget ice cream and the walk in the Bog afterwards, both girls wanted to go straight home.
I wonder if either of them plan on moving out someday.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Is Confirmation Really Needed?
I'm thinking out loud here. Well, blogging out loud as I am in search of my own person quest of knowing versus is confirmation really needed.
Let me back up first. I was watching a talk show one day and three women were on stage laughing when the one mentioned she was dating three men. Scandalous laughter from her friends exploded. It hit me in an odd way.
I dated 13 men at the same time this summer. Is it possible? Yes.
Before judgement falls on me, let me remind you, I am single. At times I too questioned if it was even ethical to have so much going on. Confusing, absolutely. There are no rules though when you are single.
Standing on singledom, I was honest and had no desire for an exclusive relationship. I was honest when asked, "Yes" I am dating others.
Dating in itself was a full-time job and every time I walked out the door going anywhere I would meet another. After a month or so, it was too much and I cut it down to six. Everyone under 38 years old, gone. Emotional clingers, gone. I had to cut back.
I had the time of my life this summer.
All this to say, now there is one.
One.
One who has my undivided attention, my admiration, my respect. One who I enjoy incredibly, is mentally stimulating, funny, silly, sexy, smart, healthy minded, healthy lifestyle, own hobbies/interests (which is a turn on when they can remain an indivdual), a good man, communicates on the level I am comfortable with, confident, full of character & integrity, hard working, tons of healthy male/female friendships (guys who don't have friends or decent friendships are a reflection of themselves, a quality I pay close attention to), and I'm rambling here.
I'm glad there is only one in my life.
All day communications and dating for (my gosh) a couple of months now and I am in a weird and unfamiliar place.
I find I wonder and worry are there others for him? Caution and Patti Stanger says, keep a handful of "others" around for distraction so one doesn't put their head & heart into one person.
I asked a friend yesterday, how did this happen to me? How did a relationship sneak up unexpectedly on me, dissolve everyone else, and make me feel emotionally like a girl. A girl who tries to keep her feathers from being ruffled. A girl who wonders and questions if there are others.
My quest is ... is confirmation really needed? Is it necessary to put into words, "what are we?" If it is friendship, I know what I am dealing with. Safeguards are established and heart-protection knows its boundaries. If it is more ... does drawing a line in the sand in needed confirmation really make the relationship any more that what it already is? Or does it simply establish rules in black & white that are now laws to live by?
Some days, I like the quest of the unknown. The uncertainty of hope for the future and challenge.
Some days, I want to know there are no others but me.
I more than like this one.
Let me back up first. I was watching a talk show one day and three women were on stage laughing when the one mentioned she was dating three men. Scandalous laughter from her friends exploded. It hit me in an odd way.
I dated 13 men at the same time this summer. Is it possible? Yes.
Before judgement falls on me, let me remind you, I am single. At times I too questioned if it was even ethical to have so much going on. Confusing, absolutely. There are no rules though when you are single.
Standing on singledom, I was honest and had no desire for an exclusive relationship. I was honest when asked, "Yes" I am dating others.
Dating in itself was a full-time job and every time I walked out the door going anywhere I would meet another. After a month or so, it was too much and I cut it down to six. Everyone under 38 years old, gone. Emotional clingers, gone. I had to cut back.
I had the time of my life this summer.
All this to say, now there is one.
One.
One who has my undivided attention, my admiration, my respect. One who I enjoy incredibly, is mentally stimulating, funny, silly, sexy, smart, healthy minded, healthy lifestyle, own hobbies/interests (which is a turn on when they can remain an indivdual), a good man, communicates on the level I am comfortable with, confident, full of character & integrity, hard working, tons of healthy male/female friendships (guys who don't have friends or decent friendships are a reflection of themselves, a quality I pay close attention to), and I'm rambling here.
I'm glad there is only one in my life.
All day communications and dating for (my gosh) a couple of months now and I am in a weird and unfamiliar place.
I find I wonder and worry are there others for him? Caution and Patti Stanger says, keep a handful of "others" around for distraction so one doesn't put their head & heart into one person.
I asked a friend yesterday, how did this happen to me? How did a relationship sneak up unexpectedly on me, dissolve everyone else, and make me feel emotionally like a girl. A girl who tries to keep her feathers from being ruffled. A girl who wonders and questions if there are others.
My quest is ... is confirmation really needed? Is it necessary to put into words, "what are we?" If it is friendship, I know what I am dealing with. Safeguards are established and heart-protection knows its boundaries. If it is more ... does drawing a line in the sand in needed confirmation really make the relationship any more that what it already is? Or does it simply establish rules in black & white that are now laws to live by?
Some days, I like the quest of the unknown. The uncertainty of hope for the future and challenge.
Some days, I want to know there are no others but me.
I more than like this one.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Autumn
I am a seasons girl.
I love winter, spring, summer and autumn, embracing each for it's unique beauty, and enjoying them in different activities and ways.
Dawn, one of my best girlfriends, gets a day off during the week. Yesterday we went hiking with our cameras ...
Walking down to the waterfalls ...
Dawn has a passion for photography ...
In the middle of the park where everything is green, brown, and gold, the sun found its way through the trees onto the the only splash of red leaves. From a distance it was stunning ...
Everywhere you look there are picturesque scenes you are missing if you don't slow down and take the time to look ...
The leaves are changing and trees are vivid in color. The cool autumn air, trees that look as if they are on fire, means hiking season.
Autumn to me is hiking, cool days with crisp & fresh air, all beverages hot & spiced cider, art shows, warm clothes, white pumpkins when the world appreciates orange, homemade soup, taking my girls in tradition to a pumpkin patch where we stomp through the dirt to pick our perfect pumpkins.
Autumn welcomes the holiday season of Sweetest Day, Halloween, Brooke's birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
Forget going out to eat or the movies.
Pack a picnic. Strap on your walking shoes. Start hiking!
I love winter, spring, summer and autumn, embracing each for it's unique beauty, and enjoying them in different activities and ways.
Dawn, one of my best girlfriends, gets a day off during the week. Yesterday we went hiking with our cameras ...
Walking down to the waterfalls ...
Dawn has a passion for photography ...
In the middle of the park where everything is green, brown, and gold, the sun found its way through the trees onto the the only splash of red leaves. From a distance it was stunning ...
Everywhere you look there are picturesque scenes you are missing if you don't slow down and take the time to look ...
The leaves are changing and trees are vivid in color. The cool autumn air, trees that look as if they are on fire, means hiking season.
Autumn to me is hiking, cool days with crisp & fresh air, all beverages hot & spiced cider, art shows, warm clothes, white pumpkins when the world appreciates orange, homemade soup, taking my girls in tradition to a pumpkin patch where we stomp through the dirt to pick our perfect pumpkins.
Autumn welcomes the holiday season of Sweetest Day, Halloween, Brooke's birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
Forget going out to eat or the movies.
Pack a picnic. Strap on your walking shoes. Start hiking!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Lesson Of Love
As a mom who loves her daughters, I will presevere and remain strong & steadfast with each and every obstacle that comes our way. May I have grace and purpose in spite of difficulty to turn each situation into a learning lesson of love.
Yes, I was stunned to see the words "love you" received in my 12 year olds text message from her new boyfriend. She was playing XBOX live with the boy when I told her it was time to get off for the night.
Listening from upstairs (something I never ever do!), I want to see if it is said verbally and *voila* there it is, "I love you, too."
WOW. Unprepared. How am I going to deal with this.
Honestly, I didn't see this coming. Statistically, I do know that inappropriate behavior early on leads to really inappropriate behavior in just a few years. She is 12 years old and such a good girl. This boy is crazy about her and is free with his emotions, but this mom is establishing healthy boundaries for them both.
Two weeks off of electronics should cool things off a bit. Lengthy conversations with Brooke regarding appropriate behavior at 12 years old as well as the importance of saving "I love you" for the right time were discussed thoroughly.
So thoroughly that she had to write an essay in her words on:
- What are acceptable communications with a boy at 12 years old?
- Why saying "I love you" is special and not to be thrown around carelessly.
- Healthy boundaries w/electronics (texting/XBOX) and social media (Facebook).
I can prattle off "rules to live by" to her, but I want her to think deeply about appropriate behavior at 12 years old and explain it to me.
Every obstacle is a learning opportunity. As my daughters get older, their risks get bigger.
I have an arsenal of "what's going to happen next" for whatever comes their way and I will not be worn down by each battle.
I love them more than I punish them and what happens with every obstacle that we cross, their hearts are broken and their spirits crushed.
May they find comfort in knowing that this mom means business and I will out last them in every challenge on earth and will wage war against spiritual warfare as an intercessor on their behalf in the heavenly realms.
I am more than capable and ready to run to the battle line any day for them.
I am their personal prayer warrior.
I am their mom.
Yes, I was stunned to see the words "love you" received in my 12 year olds text message from her new boyfriend. She was playing XBOX live with the boy when I told her it was time to get off for the night.
Listening from upstairs (something I never ever do!), I want to see if it is said verbally and *voila* there it is, "I love you, too."
WOW. Unprepared. How am I going to deal with this.
Honestly, I didn't see this coming. Statistically, I do know that inappropriate behavior early on leads to really inappropriate behavior in just a few years. She is 12 years old and such a good girl. This boy is crazy about her and is free with his emotions, but this mom is establishing healthy boundaries for them both.
Two weeks off of electronics should cool things off a bit. Lengthy conversations with Brooke regarding appropriate behavior at 12 years old as well as the importance of saving "I love you" for the right time were discussed thoroughly.
So thoroughly that she had to write an essay in her words on:
- What are acceptable communications with a boy at 12 years old?
- Why saying "I love you" is special and not to be thrown around carelessly.
- Healthy boundaries w/electronics (texting/XBOX) and social media (Facebook).
I can prattle off "rules to live by" to her, but I want her to think deeply about appropriate behavior at 12 years old and explain it to me.
Every obstacle is a learning opportunity. As my daughters get older, their risks get bigger.
I have an arsenal of "what's going to happen next" for whatever comes their way and I will not be worn down by each battle.
I love them more than I punish them and what happens with every obstacle that we cross, their hearts are broken and their spirits crushed.
May they find comfort in knowing that this mom means business and I will out last them in every challenge on earth and will wage war against spiritual warfare as an intercessor on their behalf in the heavenly realms.
I am more than capable and ready to run to the battle line any day for them.
I am their personal prayer warrior.
I am their mom.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Double-stuffed Cookie Cake
"I'll bring cookie cake!" I can just hear Brooke now proudly announcing to her whole class.
Brooke likes the "WOW" effect and she likes class parties. Always readily volunteering to bring the best dessert when other mothers get to bake.
What's wrong with good old fashioned homemade chocolate chip cookies? They make a home smell delicious! What they don't do however is give the wide-eyed "it's a party!" presentation with a sugar explosive taste of double-stuffed chocolate chip cookie cake, all-inclusive with sweet icing filling, and autumn leaf rings for a few lucky students.
Again, Brooke won the unspoken best dessert presentation at the class party.
Presentation is important to Brooke, a quality I fully appreciate and respect. I just wish she would stop volunteering for every class party or event; however, I guiltily admit this mom was thrilled to see a few pieces make it home!
Brooke likes the "WOW" effect and she likes class parties. Always readily volunteering to bring the best dessert when other mothers get to bake.
What's wrong with good old fashioned homemade chocolate chip cookies? They make a home smell delicious! What they don't do however is give the wide-eyed "it's a party!" presentation with a sugar explosive taste of double-stuffed chocolate chip cookie cake, all-inclusive with sweet icing filling, and autumn leaf rings for a few lucky students.
Again, Brooke won the unspoken best dessert presentation at the class party.
Presentation is important to Brooke, a quality I fully appreciate and respect. I just wish she would stop volunteering for every class party or event; however, I guiltily admit this mom was thrilled to see a few pieces make it home!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
The Reality Of It All
After an unsuccessful college tour this afternoon, I picked up the phone to call Mariah's dad and blast him about what an entitled brat we have.
The phone at his house rang and rang and rang ... he never did answer. It was during the phone ringing that reality hit me hard.
The reality of it all is I am calling a dying dad, to purge my frustrations about our daughter. He already feels guilty because he's dying, I can't imagine the day he has probably had already trapped in his own body to have me, the mother of his daughter, coming unglued.
Then, the realization that soon I won't even be able to place team-parenting phone calls to him anymore. Really I shouldn't be so selfish and be doing it now.
But I need to.
I need to be able to be a mom, be frustrated at my teenager daughter and call him to discuss a plan of action, because that's what we always used to do. Even if it was more me yelling and venting (he has the passive personality), he kind of had to listen and he did because we had a daughter together and these conversations were so few and far between.
I don't have that anymore.
Eric needs to be okay dying, knowing I will and can handle all obstacles in life when it comes to Mariah. He has to be able to trust me when he isn't here, yet I know he already does.
I need someone to be there though.
Thank you, God, that I have one that I can place a single phone call to in what I think is a calm and rationale voice, "Hey, can you talk?" A warm and immediate response, "What's wrong?" That familiarity is like a balm on my heart. Unspoken words that say it's okay, cry and tell me.
I cry. I vent. I purge every injustice and frustration without buffering my language or my thoughts until I do my own mental check winding down, did I cover my every detail? Yep. Now breathe.
My emotions uncensored and raw.
The reality of it all is I have a teen and pre-teen, soon both without dads. I can and will handle every obstacle that comes our way, but in between I claim being human and I will have my own moments and days where I need to be able to have team-parenting conversations with another.
The phone at his house rang and rang and rang ... he never did answer. It was during the phone ringing that reality hit me hard.
The reality of it all is I am calling a dying dad, to purge my frustrations about our daughter. He already feels guilty because he's dying, I can't imagine the day he has probably had already trapped in his own body to have me, the mother of his daughter, coming unglued.
Then, the realization that soon I won't even be able to place team-parenting phone calls to him anymore. Really I shouldn't be so selfish and be doing it now.
But I need to.
I need to be able to be a mom, be frustrated at my teenager daughter and call him to discuss a plan of action, because that's what we always used to do. Even if it was more me yelling and venting (he has the passive personality), he kind of had to listen and he did because we had a daughter together and these conversations were so few and far between.
I don't have that anymore.
Eric needs to be okay dying, knowing I will and can handle all obstacles in life when it comes to Mariah. He has to be able to trust me when he isn't here, yet I know he already does.
I need someone to be there though.
Thank you, God, that I have one that I can place a single phone call to in what I think is a calm and rationale voice, "Hey, can you talk?" A warm and immediate response, "What's wrong?" That familiarity is like a balm on my heart. Unspoken words that say it's okay, cry and tell me.
I cry. I vent. I purge every injustice and frustration without buffering my language or my thoughts until I do my own mental check winding down, did I cover my every detail? Yep. Now breathe.
My emotions uncensored and raw.
The reality of it all is I have a teen and pre-teen, soon both without dads. I can and will handle every obstacle that comes our way, but in between I claim being human and I will have my own moments and days where I need to be able to have team-parenting conversations with another.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Thank you, Jesus!
My mornings just got better.
With summer turning to autumn I'm adjusting my outdoor sunshine activities to busy indoor activities, mostly classes my gym membership offers.
This week I have found a new passion.
One of my all-time favorite television series is Will & Grace. Excellent writers, amazing casts. Karen & Jack are my favorites. This week by accident, I found Will & Grace is on television daily at 8:00 a.m. Thank you, Jesus!
I hop on my elliptical in front of the television and thus begin my new morning routine.
At a 30 degree incline and moving at a fast pace after 30 minutes, I was thrilled to see another episode of Will & Grace plays at 8:30 a.m. (Another pleasant surprise and I'm quickly calculating exactly how much time every morning I will have on the elliptical.). I'm also needing a shower! When I remember ... my Nordic elliptical machine has a fan on it. Thank you, Jesus!
Whom ever thought of a built-in fan on an elliptical is genius.
The writer's of Will & Grace, genius.
New morning routine blending favorite comedy with exercise, genius.
When things go well and life brings about pleasant surprises, in our household we often say "thank you, Jesus!"
This morning was one of those days.
With summer turning to autumn I'm adjusting my outdoor sunshine activities to busy indoor activities, mostly classes my gym membership offers.
This week I have found a new passion.
One of my all-time favorite television series is Will & Grace. Excellent writers, amazing casts. Karen & Jack are my favorites. This week by accident, I found Will & Grace is on television daily at 8:00 a.m. Thank you, Jesus!
I hop on my elliptical in front of the television and thus begin my new morning routine.
At a 30 degree incline and moving at a fast pace after 30 minutes, I was thrilled to see another episode of Will & Grace plays at 8:30 a.m. (Another pleasant surprise and I'm quickly calculating exactly how much time every morning I will have on the elliptical.). I'm also needing a shower! When I remember ... my Nordic elliptical machine has a fan on it. Thank you, Jesus!
Whom ever thought of a built-in fan on an elliptical is genius.
The writer's of Will & Grace, genius.
New morning routine blending favorite comedy with exercise, genius.
When things go well and life brings about pleasant surprises, in our household we often say "thank you, Jesus!"
This morning was one of those days.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The School For The Arts
Brooke took her favorite 7th grade teacher examples of her art work she likes to create at home. Her teacher was so impressed, she told Brooke later in the day that she emailed the program director at the high schools School of the Arts, which is an arts program in dance, drama, music, and visual art about Brooke!
I do take the time to appreciate my daughters teachers that make a positive impact in their lives. I find it to be the balance when I have to go up against the difficult ones.
Your email totally made my day! It means so much to me to know Brooke loves how this year is going and that she enjoys having me as a teacher. She lights up my day and I look forward to seeing her face each and every day. Thank you for raising such a kind, creative, thoughtful young lady. She is an asset to our class and to my life! :)
Also, I have encouraged Brooke to consider being part of the School for the Arts in high school. The curriculum focuses on each student's creativity and Brooke would love the smaller classes, the artistic flare, and the incredible teachers. I think it would be a perfect fit for her! If you both decide you are interested in this you can contact ***** *******, Brooke would have to apply in 8th grade then go through an interview process. Should you have more questions you can of course contact me at any time but the director of the program would be the best person to contact. Her email is ... Obviously, this is just something to think about and by no means do you two have to make a decision now. I just wanted you both to give it some thought!
Again, I thank you for your kind words and for allowing me to be a part of Brooke's life. Please let me know if you need anything at all.
Respectfully,
Mrs. *********
The School for the Arts sounds perfect for my musical, artistic and award-winning drama child.
I do take the time to appreciate my daughters teachers that make a positive impact in their lives. I find it to be the balance when I have to go up against the difficult ones.
Your email totally made my day! It means so much to me to know Brooke loves how this year is going and that she enjoys having me as a teacher. She lights up my day and I look forward to seeing her face each and every day. Thank you for raising such a kind, creative, thoughtful young lady. She is an asset to our class and to my life! :)
Also, I have encouraged Brooke to consider being part of the School for the Arts in high school. The curriculum focuses on each student's creativity and Brooke would love the smaller classes, the artistic flare, and the incredible teachers. I think it would be a perfect fit for her! If you both decide you are interested in this you can contact ***** *******, Brooke would have to apply in 8th grade then go through an interview process. Should you have more questions you can of course contact me at any time but the director of the program would be the best person to contact. Her email is ... Obviously, this is just something to think about and by no means do you two have to make a decision now. I just wanted you both to give it some thought!
Again, I thank you for your kind words and for allowing me to be a part of Brooke's life. Please let me know if you need anything at all.
Respectfully,
Mrs. *********
The School for the Arts sounds perfect for my musical, artistic and award-winning drama child.
I Am An Advocate
I am a mom; therefore, I am an advocate.
Ms. ******,
From the very beginning of this school year my daughter, Brooke, was mortified to receive a lunch detention. The principle behind the lunch detention is that she has done something wrong and gotten into trouble. She has never had a detention in life and this year alone you have given her several.
Brooke has explained that she didn't complete a math assignment or failed to show her work, etc. I told her not to worry about it, but detentions are very upsetting to her.
Daily, I hear about lunch detentions that are passed out to students as daily practice. Please feel free to contact me and Brooke can work or complete assignments at home. Lunch detentions have historically been for poor behavior and that is not the case with my daughter. Should she have poor behavior, by all means a lunch detention is fine. I do not want her to receive another lunch detention for an incomplete assignment. She is too good of a girl and a student to have constant reprimands that are not used as such a tool by other teachers.
Please feel free to contact me if you wish to meet in person.
Thank you,
Dawn
After sending this email, I asked Brooke after school the next day if she attended her detention. She said, "Mom, Ms. ****** walked up to the board in front of everyone and erased every students list of detentions and said there will be no more detentions, at the beginning of class. Everyone looked at each other, was a little nervous, and didn't know what to do."
We live in a community where our school system is rated in the Top 20 out of over 600 in the state. Still, in an excellent school system, I advocate for my daughters. I have a voice.
Brooke said, "She abused her control." Brooke was right and in mom-fashion I went straight to the source.
I intended this communication for my daughter only, but I am happy to know she respectfully took it well and extended the courtesy to the rest of the students.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Guilty Pleasures
Finally, someone else gets it! My theory, turned mantra, that guilty pleasures are important in your life.
Today Dr. Oz's show was based on "Guilty Pleasures: To help you live longer." Dr. Oz said that guilty pleasures are critical to your health. That they naturally recharge you in ways that nothing else can.
So many people wear a too busy of a lifestyle and burnout as a badge of honor. Burnout is exactly that, burnout. There is nothing left of you or for anyone else when you don't replenish your own soul with things in life that you enjoy.
You cannot hope someone will come along and etch out time for you to rejuvenate and replenish. Do that for yourself! Besides nobody knows what you are secretly longing for at the moment.
I wanted princess cut diamond earrings, so I bought them. When I want fresh flowers in my kitchen, I buy them. When I want to read a book in the sunshine, enjoy sushi with a girlfriend, indulge in the richest most chocolatey dessert I can find, when I want to twirl on a dance floor listening to live music, laugh having drinks with friends, when I want to buy myself something sexy at Victorias Secret, go on a spontaneous road trip, enjoy nature, take a hot bath with candles, when I need time with my girlfriends, when I need time with a significant other, I find the time and I make it happen.
It's finding balance. Balance between responsibilities and pleasure.
Laugh. Indulge. Refreshen.
Do the little things in life you enjoy that you never make time for anymore. It's true, they will naturally recharge in ways that nothing else can.
Thank you Dr. Oz for reminding everyone that guilty pleasures are a good thing, not bad.
Ahhhh ... guilty pleasures. The very place in my mind where I want to lose myself, breathe in deeply and exhale.
Be heart smart, it's critical to your health, Dr. Oz said so!
Today Dr. Oz's show was based on "Guilty Pleasures: To help you live longer." Dr. Oz said that guilty pleasures are critical to your health. That they naturally recharge you in ways that nothing else can.
So many people wear a too busy of a lifestyle and burnout as a badge of honor. Burnout is exactly that, burnout. There is nothing left of you or for anyone else when you don't replenish your own soul with things in life that you enjoy.
You cannot hope someone will come along and etch out time for you to rejuvenate and replenish. Do that for yourself! Besides nobody knows what you are secretly longing for at the moment.
I wanted princess cut diamond earrings, so I bought them. When I want fresh flowers in my kitchen, I buy them. When I want to read a book in the sunshine, enjoy sushi with a girlfriend, indulge in the richest most chocolatey dessert I can find, when I want to twirl on a dance floor listening to live music, laugh having drinks with friends, when I want to buy myself something sexy at Victorias Secret, go on a spontaneous road trip, enjoy nature, take a hot bath with candles, when I need time with my girlfriends, when I need time with a significant other, I find the time and I make it happen.
It's finding balance. Balance between responsibilities and pleasure.
Laugh. Indulge. Refreshen.
Do the little things in life you enjoy that you never make time for anymore. It's true, they will naturally recharge in ways that nothing else can.
Thank you Dr. Oz for reminding everyone that guilty pleasures are a good thing, not bad.
Ahhhh ... guilty pleasures. The very place in my mind where I want to lose myself, breathe in deeply and exhale.
Be heart smart, it's critical to your health, Dr. Oz said so!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Her Daddy's Cologne
A while back I blogged about my daughter Brooke afraid that she can no longer smell her daddy's scent on his ruby ring, her one cherished possession from him, and she fears she is forgetting him.
Tonight we she received a gift from her dad's girlfriend, Roann, who is now our family friend. She came over to visit with us and catch up on life. Opening the door to greet her, there she stood with a suitcase. I laughingly asked if she was moving in.
The suitcase was Brooke's dads and it was full of the last of the possessions Roann had of him. She is moving on in a new and happy relationship and was ready to let go of them. An unexpected treasure for my little girl.
Brooke was excited and said she wanted to open the suitcase in privacy. After our visit came to an end, I went to see what treasures my daughter found ... pictures of her daddy, clothes, shoes, slippers, hats and a bottle of his cologne.
The olfactory sense that triggers familiarity. Now my little girl will not ever ever forget her daddy's scent.
Thank you, Roann.
Tonight we she received a gift from her dad's girlfriend, Roann, who is now our family friend. She came over to visit with us and catch up on life. Opening the door to greet her, there she stood with a suitcase. I laughingly asked if she was moving in.
The suitcase was Brooke's dads and it was full of the last of the possessions Roann had of him. She is moving on in a new and happy relationship and was ready to let go of them. An unexpected treasure for my little girl.
Brooke was excited and said she wanted to open the suitcase in privacy. After our visit came to an end, I went to see what treasures my daughter found ... pictures of her daddy, clothes, shoes, slippers, hats and a bottle of his cologne.
The olfactory sense that triggers familiarity. Now my little girl will not ever ever forget her daddy's scent.
Thank you, Roann.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
My Best Friends
I want you to meet my core group of best friends.
All of my best friends have a similar qualities that they share. They are men and women of incredible strength. They are polished, professional, ready to laugh and share their hearts openly. They are honest and will not hesitate to challenge my thought process, offer a different perspective, or jump in to intervene when not asked. They are my confidantes and my friends for life, simply because they know too much! *smile*
My friends come from all walks of life, different professions and span from age 28 to 52 years old.
I can't wait for you to meet them!
In alphabetical order because I couldn't put them in order of importance ...
Charlotte - We met when we were 15 years old in high school and grew up together through our young adult years, marriage and babies. Best friends from youth hold such a special bond. She remembers who I was back then, who I am now, and the journey in between those 27 years (the 80's called and they would like their hair back!) ...
Christin - The youngest of my best friends at 28 years old, we met a couple years ago when we worked in corporate America together. Incredibly strong, so similar in personalities, we bonded quickly ...
Jody - Uncle Jody to my girls, we met in corporate America six years ago and even though we are the same age (he is older by 4 months and that counts!) and single, we became platonic best friends. We were given the opportunity to start a technology company from scratch and traveled for business together. Everyone thought we had a secret relationship going, but we didn't. We hug, we kiss, we say "I love you" as dear friends. He lives in San Antonio, TX now, but he is only a phone call away. With an ultra male dominating personality, we butt heads like crazy and at the end of the day he stands his ground as the man and I love that about him. What an amazing guy and total bachelor...
Karen - To know her is to love her, hands-down the funniest of all my friends. Karen is a rock in life, one that has faced countless tragedies her whole life. Unreal stuff that happens, then it all happened to her. Stories you can't even create and say they were put on one person. I was there and I remember many. Most recently, in 2008, I was the maid of honor in her wedding. Last year, her husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and lost the battle 4 months later. The next month she lost her job, she called me and said I am putting everything on Craigslist and moving to the beach and that is exactly what she did! Sold everything, bought an oceanfront condo and healed on the very beautiful Carolina Beach, NC. What a zest for life, incredible strength and a mover-n-shaker! Karen is always ready to run to the battle line in life ...
Kimberly - Don't let her polished, prim & proper looks fool you. I've seen spunky spice here snap, slip into momma bear mode and go after a large shady looking man that was creeping on me when we were on a spa-la-la vacation in sunny Scottsdale, Arizona years ago. We met 10 years ago in the medical field. Class, poise, grace, queen of etiquette, hostess extraordinaire ...
This is them! The elite and core group of rock solid best friends and blessings in my life.
Life happens, thank GOD for best friends!
All of my best friends have a similar qualities that they share. They are men and women of incredible strength. They are polished, professional, ready to laugh and share their hearts openly. They are honest and will not hesitate to challenge my thought process, offer a different perspective, or jump in to intervene when not asked. They are my confidantes and my friends for life, simply because they know too much! *smile*
My friends come from all walks of life, different professions and span from age 28 to 52 years old.
I can't wait for you to meet them!
In alphabetical order because I couldn't put them in order of importance ...
Charlotte - We met when we were 15 years old in high school and grew up together through our young adult years, marriage and babies. Best friends from youth hold such a special bond. She remembers who I was back then, who I am now, and the journey in between those 27 years (the 80's called and they would like their hair back!) ...
Christin - The youngest of my best friends at 28 years old, we met a couple years ago when we worked in corporate America together. Incredibly strong, so similar in personalities, we bonded quickly ...
Dawn - My partner in all athletic outdoor activities and the one I spend the most time with, we met in the medical field 11 years ago when we were young, single, broke and with babies the same ages, we learned to make the most of everything. Today we are both single and always planning upcoming events and nights out on our social calendars ...
Jaime - The biggest 80's rocker you will meet even though she was born in the 80's! I met Jaime in corporate America seven years ago. Incredibly capable, competent and a single mom, we united professionally and became fast friends. She reminds me of myself in so many ways, always up for a fun night out, she keeps me 30 years young ...
Jody - Uncle Jody to my girls, we met in corporate America six years ago and even though we are the same age (he is older by 4 months and that counts!) and single, we became platonic best friends. We were given the opportunity to start a technology company from scratch and traveled for business together. Everyone thought we had a secret relationship going, but we didn't. We hug, we kiss, we say "I love you" as dear friends. He lives in San Antonio, TX now, but he is only a phone call away. With an ultra male dominating personality, we butt heads like crazy and at the end of the day he stands his ground as the man and I love that about him. What an amazing guy and total bachelor...
Karen - To know her is to love her, hands-down the funniest of all my friends. Karen is a rock in life, one that has faced countless tragedies her whole life. Unreal stuff that happens, then it all happened to her. Stories you can't even create and say they were put on one person. I was there and I remember many. Most recently, in 2008, I was the maid of honor in her wedding. Last year, her husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and lost the battle 4 months later. The next month she lost her job, she called me and said I am putting everything on Craigslist and moving to the beach and that is exactly what she did! Sold everything, bought an oceanfront condo and healed on the very beautiful Carolina Beach, NC. What a zest for life, incredible strength and a mover-n-shaker! Karen is always ready to run to the battle line in life ...
Kimberly - Don't let her polished, prim & proper looks fool you. I've seen spunky spice here snap, slip into momma bear mode and go after a large shady looking man that was creeping on me when we were on a spa-la-la vacation in sunny Scottsdale, Arizona years ago. We met 10 years ago in the medical field. Class, poise, grace, queen of etiquette, hostess extraordinaire ...
Rich - Bachelor extraordinaire! We met when I was 17 years old, dated on and off through the years and kept our relationship in the best friend zone ... some relationships are far to valuable to jeopardize. Rich, like Charlotte, has been there through marriage, babies, every relationship, and next to God knows everything. He is my inside look at the male mind and perspective. Totally GQ, funny, incredibly witty, he still strives to be the funniest in our friendship! I guiltily admit, he gives me a run for my money and if I have ever done or said anything stupid, it was in front of him, he has a memory like an elephant and never lets me forget ...
(One of the sweetest things I ever knew ... once upon a time Rich & I really loved each other in a romantic relationship way. He kept a diary back in the day on floppy discs and I need to remember to ask to see those. His thoughts written down about me back when we were young before life happened. My memory isn't the best and it hurts his feelings I don't remember details of the last 25 years of friendship. I am going to need him some day to help me remember ... I hope he doesn't try to say he was the funniest!)
This is them! The elite and core group of rock solid best friends and blessings in my life.
Life happens, thank GOD for best friends!
Monday, September 17, 2012
It's Monday
It's Monday and I LOVE Mondays!
After a busy weekend, life slips back into a very comfortable routine. My girls are off to school and I anticipate the week ahead by checking my social calendar of what this week will hold for me, what the weather will look like to determine what days I will be outdoor active and what days will be dedicated to school work and responsibility.
In honor of Monday, my day off school with no assignments due, the weather forecast calls for cool, crisp, sunny early in the day with a high of 77 degrees.
Today is tennis and running the Monument with my best friend in all outdoor activities, Dawn.
It isn't just playing tennis and running the Monument steps. It's laughing, talking, sharing, enjoying the sunshine because we can and time is running out with winter approaching, all topics on the table conversations, and sorting out thoughts of life's current events with a trusted friend.
Running the steps is pushing myself in the most physically challenging way in the shortest distance. Breathing harder than I have in my entire life where I feel alive and my lungs are alive! It's the sense of accomplishment over and over as I reach the top of those monstrous steps filling my lungs with air and being closer to God under an enormous sky.
A hobby I enjoy with a dear friend and my oldest daughter. The very two that push me the hardest and I love that!
Wake up, get moving.
Life happens around us every day and every day I like to know I enjoyed the day as much as possible.
Ahhhhh ... the familiar comforts of a hot & steamy cup of coffee and a well-enjoyed day ahead with a best friend.
Work hard, play harder and plan wisely.
Happy Monday everyone, carpe diem!
After a busy weekend, life slips back into a very comfortable routine. My girls are off to school and I anticipate the week ahead by checking my social calendar of what this week will hold for me, what the weather will look like to determine what days I will be outdoor active and what days will be dedicated to school work and responsibility.
In honor of Monday, my day off school with no assignments due, the weather forecast calls for cool, crisp, sunny early in the day with a high of 77 degrees.
Today is tennis and running the Monument with my best friend in all outdoor activities, Dawn.
It isn't just playing tennis and running the Monument steps. It's laughing, talking, sharing, enjoying the sunshine because we can and time is running out with winter approaching, all topics on the table conversations, and sorting out thoughts of life's current events with a trusted friend.
Running the steps is pushing myself in the most physically challenging way in the shortest distance. Breathing harder than I have in my entire life where I feel alive and my lungs are alive! It's the sense of accomplishment over and over as I reach the top of those monstrous steps filling my lungs with air and being closer to God under an enormous sky.
A hobby I enjoy with a dear friend and my oldest daughter. The very two that push me the hardest and I love that!
Wake up, get moving.
Life happens around us every day and every day I like to know I enjoyed the day as much as possible.
Ahhhhh ... the familiar comforts of a hot & steamy cup of coffee and a well-enjoyed day ahead with a best friend.
Work hard, play harder and plan wisely.
Happy Monday everyone, carpe diem!
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