Low Battery

My laptop has a "Low Battery" window that pops up when it is about to run out of power.  It is my warning that I have a small window of time to plug it into an energy outlet before it shuts down.

How many years has a too busy life juggling work, school, kids, a home, everyone's needs minus my own seem endless and drain everything out of me?  Single-parenthood is a beast of its own.

Life happens and I give every area of my life 110%. 

Give.  Give.  Give. 

 Drained, empty, "low battery" is the result of giving without replenishing. 

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." Psalm 23:1-3

The Lord is my leader, he will take care of my needs.  He makes me slow down and rest at home.  He has me be still.  He restores my soul.

The last three months off have been more than I could have imagined.

Thankful beyond expression.  Rested.  Restored.  Replenished. 

Plugged-in to the ultimate energy outlet, He restores my soul.

She Writes

My Brooke has a way she expresses her feelings to me when she is upset and doesn't want to talk.  She writes.

This week she has had a virus for days that has left her without energy and feeling lousy. Without a fever, I try to push her out the door to school. Thus, the letters begin:

{A large mountains and a little mountain}
Large mountain: "Rise and shine my little baby. Today we have a busy schedule."
Little mountain: "Ok mommy. But to be true I don't feel good."
Large mountain: "Ok then, but remember I love you this much." (Over a giant sun that is rising between the two mountains.)
 
 ~~~

{A mommy & a little girl walking hand-in-hand}
Dear Mommy,

I love you so much. I couldn't ask for a prettier, thin, nice, funny mom because you're the only one. I could never pass a mom like you up.
                                                              Love, Brooke

You give me a big smile!  (A giant smile, includes braces)

~~~

My girl writes to express herself. She also gets bonus points for adding the magical word "thin" into her card to me. It's a word she likes to use with me when she is being super loving.

I was surprised to see nice cards. Usually, she writes down her frustrations of how she is feeling.

Once upon a time, I used to write my thoughts and feelings when I couldn't express myself the way I wanted to. These were usually emotional and touchy letters. Poor Bobby has been the recipient of these through the earlier years.  When I would get angry, I would often hear him say in sarcastic tone, "You should write."  I did.

When I began this blog 1-1/2 years ago, I really didn't think I would have much to say.

Then I wake up to another day.

15 Years

Tuesday morning I had a busy day a head of me and much to accomplish.

I look at the time on my cell phone as I race out the door when my eyes catch the date, May 15th.  I feel like that day means something, but I can't remember?

Racing to the library, then the grocery store before a 10 a.m. appointment, then to the Great Lakes Science Center with my mom for the day, I am driving when it hit me! 

I have been "divorced & single" for 15 years.

Not an anniversary of celebration, but an anniversary of the unexpected and never anticipated.

Wow, 15 years!

Being 27 years old and newly divorced, I gave myself a couple of years max before I would be married again. Never did I dream that years would continue to pass and all of my plans for my life would do an about-face.

I look back and I am thankful.

Thankful for the personal growth. Thankful for my accomplishments. Thankful for the strength, the opportunities and the experiences I would not have had otherwise.

The moment of realization that 15 years had passed was freeing, like a letting go. No more counting the years. Counting is over.

Life has drastically changed, but I have changed the most.

At some point along the way, through the years, divorce dissolves and turns into just single.

Check the box:  __ Married  __ Divorced __ Single   

I say I am single.  If someone asks if I am divorced, I do say yes. 

Divorce was a lifetime ago. Another girl ago.

The person I am today is single.

New(s)

There were a lot of new(s) this week.

A new laptop I finally bought myself after my older one finally gave up a week ago. Glad, I couldn’t wait to have a new & improved model and be done with the dinosaur that I have used for years.  

A friend referred me to a computer guru who diagnosed and provided a wealth of technology information for FREE and is available when I need help.  Invaluable.

Nine years ago, I inherited an already older gas grill that had replacement parts through the years to keep it going.  I had to light it with a lighter from underneath after I turned the gas on. No longer unsafe, I replaced with a brand new stainless steel, multi-burner, electric start model.  

A new walk-behind mower with a deck twice the size and the power to pull me up the hill replaces my small push mower.  

A new favorite lotion.  For a quarter of the cost I would normally buy?  Priceless.

The season premiere of The Bachelorette began this week. Monday nights just got better!

Spring flowers planted to create a warm and inviting retreat on my patio.  Home should be a place of refuge and it is.

A follow-up to the orthopedic surgeon for the results of the MRI test shows surgery is not needed, now.  I have a small medial meniscal tear with sprain and swelling, but it should heal itself in weeks if I don’t further injure it.

A tear.  Sprain.  Swelling.  Why didn’t think to use crutches?  Instead, I bought tennis shoes.  Denial or positive thinking?

New things.

Good news. 

Blessed. 

An Invisibile TAXI Sign

I have an invisible "TAXI" sign on my car. An invisible sign with perfect timing.

Mariah's dad and I have worked opposite shift on purpose since she was born.  Initially, so we didn't have to put her in daycare. Later, because it became convenient.

One of us were always there to provide taxi service to and from sports practice, monthly orthodontist appointments, doctor appointments, if she forgot something at home, etc. 

Eric had the "day shift" because he worked night shift.

Since my time off, Lou Gehrig's has aggressively advanced. No longer can Eric drive. Physical therapists and nurses come into their home daily. Respiratory problems have hit faster than I ever imagined.

In my mind, I assumed it would be a slower process where he would be in a wheelchair for a while before breathing issues began. Not the case.

A 4:20 a.m. text comes through from my Mariah this morning, a text that turned into a phone conversation. Lou Gehrig's is taking its toll on my daughter.

I am beyond thankful for this period in my life where I am home for my girls. 

I now provide all the taxi service and it feels as if there is always someplace that someone needs shuttled to. 
 
Everything happens for a reason. Perfect timing in an imperfect situation. God in control.  

My knee is healing.

All of a sudden, it feels 85% better than it did only days ago. I am hopeful the damage wasn't as extensive as it originally seemed and surgery isn't in the forecast.

I haven't got time for the pain, but I do have the time to provide taxi service.

No Job = More Money?

A year ago, I had a girlfriend tell me months after she lost her job that she actually has more money than when she worked!

I believed her and agreed that cutting out truly not needed expenses would make a difference, but I was comfy in my routine expenses and didn’t change my spending habits.

Imagine in your mind that today is your last day on your job. What extra living expenses do you not really need? What utilities could be reduced by a phone call to the provider? What services could you remove from your lifestyle that isn’t necessary but you pay for every month? How would you adjust your spending habits? What better cost effective choices would you make?

• By changing my cable provider, I am saving $70 per month with the same stations.
• No longer do I make one convenient stop for groceries paying whatever price, Aldi’s has great off-brand products from prices that still make me happy when I walk in the store. I get what I can there, than finish at my favorite place for specialty items, Sam’s Club.
• Do you know it is cheaper to bake cookies? I will bake cookies right before my girls get home so the house smells like fresh baked cookies. The scent of hot & fresh baked cookies walking in the door says, "welcome home!" Hands down better than store-bought packaged cookies.
• Instead of buying pricey sweet tea, I make mint flavored green tea with no sugar. Healthier and for the same price I pay for the sweet tea ($3.00), I can make five pitchers of mint green tea.
• Cutting out commuting gas costs alone save me over $200 per month!
• Entertainment by dining out … whew, that gets really expensive! Cook at home and enjoy a park, go on a picnic, listen to live outdoor music, play tennis, go mountain bike riding. Being outdoors is more fun than being in a busy restaurant eating food that costs 4 times the amount to make to be only subpar.
• Why pay movie rental costs? The library has hundreds of movies to check out for FREE!

I can go on giving example after example and believe me, all the little savings add up as fast as all the little charges on a credit card! I simply don’t spend like I have an endless pool of money anymore. 

In only two months, I have found myself with the same perspective as my friend.

Timelines, Mountains & Weight Training

A trip to the orthopedic physician yesterday confirmed damage to my knee.

A torn medial meniscus and chondroplacia patella. Blah, blah, blah ... what that means to me is my my timeline has just been hit with a sledgehammer!

I say hit with a sledgehammer because my personal timelines are not simply penciled in dates on a calendar. They are concrete stamped goals in my mind that I give 110% trying to move heaven and earth to make happen.

This all means, I don't let go easily.

My new orthopedic physician is great! He came most highly referred and gets tons of bonus points for his fun personality.

He gave me my options after xrays were taken:  Remove fluid by needle (I laughed, that is not even a consideration), steriods for inflammation but will cause weight gain (I think he can tell now by my expressions that isn't happening either!), physical therapy, or an MRI to see if surgery is the final answer.

I feel he must understand, so I explain the last 6 weeks at the gym, my personal timeline, and my need to recover as quickly as he can make it happen. He explains I am not 20'something anymore. Good comeback, I like his honesty!

In the MRI machine I go.  When he returns from vacation, I get my test results and game plan.

On a side note ... the MRI technician read how my injury happened in kickboxing and said she has always wanted to try the class. Here, she also goes to Powerhouse Gym as well and will be joining me for class this Saturday morning. I won't be kicking though!

Now, I am facing a mountain that I must get over.  Ten days until my test results, then of course further delays on what that will bring. My timeline is slowly being destroyed with every day that passes.

I can't kick. I can't bounce. I'm swollen if I walk. I'm swollen if I stand for hours. I have a toothache in my knee. *sigh*

Here is what I do have to work with though:  I have other body parts I can focus on, I'm less swollen in the morning before activity. Ibuprofen helps!

Today I learned how to use the weight training equipment. Not my favorite thing; however, my new focus in keeping my timeline on track.

Timelines. Mountains. Weight training.

Go over, go around, go through, but never give up!

Really Bad Girls Of The Bible

God continues to impress me!

Browsing through the books in my church’s library, my eyes ran across the book, Really Bad Girls of the Bible.

The author, Liz Curtis Higgs writes, “Whether they were bad and proud of it, bad for a good reason, bad but not condemned, their lives demonstrate one thing: God’s sovereignty. Honey, we’re talking “Thy will be done.” Period. The unstoppable power of God to press forth with his mighty plan for mankind, not working around our sinful choices but through them.”

Whew, feeling better? I am! I love when my sinful nature makes a bit more sense. 

This book is part two to Bad Girls of the Bible and the title alone has me smiling and anxious to read their stories!

When I think of women of the Bible, I don’t think of women who are holier than thou, that made it into the holy Bible because they were sin-free.

Our Miss Behavin’ sisters of the Bible wrestled with sin-filled natures, the very same way we do; however, their journey through pain, struggle, wants and desires, to those who ran to the battle line thousands of years before us were a part of God’s plan.

This is not a free pass to indulge in guilty pleasures. It is a reminder that we are simply not without sin.

Grace. Understanding. A beautiful love.

History captured in the Bible, a God-breathed template for our lives. He knew we wouldn’t be perfect. He knew we would need it.

You can find a piece of yourself in many of these women. The Bible is like a letter from God meeting us where we are.

As long as we are alive, God has a plan. We may be the leading diva in His plan or we may play a lesser role, given our choices.

Regardless, “Thy will be done.”