My Blog into a Book ... For My Girls

When Brooke's dad died six years ago, I worried if anything happened to me, they may forget the little details of our lives, so I began this blog.

I laugh when I remember so vividly wondering, will I have enough to say and write about?

Life provides countless memories and endless stories. It captures funny moments, falling in love, broken hearts, friendship, family, tragedy and triumph.

After six years, I've often feared, what if something happened to this blog site? What if it goes down and I lose all these memories? So for Christmas, I turned this blog into a book ... for my girls.

It took days. I'm guessing about seven hours of cleaning up spacing and reducing photo sizes condensing their books into the final 762 pages!!

I learned that Mariah follows my blog almost daily. I had no idea.

I learned Brooke was curious about my blog, but never knew the website.

Brooke shared with me yesterday there were so many things she didn't remember. So many things that she didn't know. I knew that. She was a little girl, just turning 11 when her dad passed. That is why I captured her memories. So one day, now she is older, she knows I did everything in my mommy powers to cover and protect her.

This blog is for my girls. It is our lives raw and real. It is me as a mom, but me as a woman as well.

I don't want them ever to forget and to always knows I love them and did my very best.

Glam-ma!

I am going to be a grandma, thank you God!

These words are so wonderful to say and it was a terribly hard secret to keep until Christmas Day.

My Mariah is 8-weeks pregnant. My grandbaby (so surreal) is developing and it has been a joy going to their first doctors appointment, seeing her nauseous (only because it is such a symptom of being pregnant), her being exhausted, and eating like crazy because she never feels full.

Oh, the joys of pregnancy!

I loved being pregnant. Watching my daughter experience this new season in life is a whole new season in life for me, too. And, I am so ready.

Some grandmas are wrinkled and clad in polyester, I still have no wrinkles or crows feet and still live for adventure.

This Grandma is a Glam-ma and I fully intend to take what can seem as a being a grandma as ordinary to extraordinary!

Due Date:  August 7, 2017

A Time of Reflection

It's Christmas Eve and I get to do devotions to everyone who walks through our doors hungry. I get to tell them about Jesus birth, the very reason the world is about to celebrate Christmas Day. This is a moment that lasts between 5-10 minutes and I send prayers up to God I convey what He wants these hearts to hear.

It all goes by so fast. Hopes and dreams and preparation and voila it's Christmas Eve morning.

Excitement is in the air and all the final touches are about to unfold in family, food, and celebration.

Ahhhhh ... the end of 2016. Goodbye, farewell, so glad you are almost completely over.

Keeping my eyes on my blessings, I think of my daughter's beautiful wedding and the gift of seeing her life happy and so in love with her husband and me, blessed with a son-in-law.

I look across my home and I see a beautiful new living room set that I waited far too many years to get. New carpet that refresh's my home and the gift of a new bathroom that complements the rest of my house.

In the beginning of winter and snow, I am so grateful for my Jeep Grand Cherokee that makes it like a champ up my driveway. And, for that automatic start button that warms is a most wonderful touch.

Mariah's marriage opened more space in my home and I am loving my new office/prayer room that has afforded me space to work from home one day a week.

This home was bought as a temporary transition over 13 years ago. Every year I have believed it wouldn't be much longer. Transformed, room by room, and much labor in my yard that blooms so beautifully each summer, this home has transformed into a perfect reflection of me. Comfortable and perfect, I decided to stay and refinance.

Saving a small fortune each month, I am excited to begin a remodel of my kitchen and dining room.

Sweet little Maximus, the new furry little addition to our family and home. Happy, playful, with the sweetest little disposition, Max is an absolute purr box!

Finn has a whole new purpose now, to watch over Max. It took a bit of adjusting, but he has taken a paternal role with him and he isn't as lonely throughout the day. He has definitely stayed off of Piggy, his stuff animal he used to spend all day on!

This next year Brooke also turns 18, I am on the homestretch.

New favorite places, a new hobby that occupies my time and my eyes set on goals I have let go of far too long. I am welcoming 2017 with open arms, hopes and dreams.

A grand production is about to begin, Merry Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

New Bathroom Reveal

My new fixtures in and put up, my mom and dad home for Christmas, all my family came over for the reveal of my beautiful new Christmas bathroom!

Ohhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh!

I call it my Christmas bathroom because it is my gift from Jeremy & Mariah and my mom and dad.

So beautiful and so perfect, I find myself standing in the doorway several times a day in awe at the pieces parts, colors and themes that pulled together far better than I originally imagined.

6 Years Post Suicide

Six years later I am still dealing with the aftermath of my daughters dad's suicide before Christmas.

I say that because the aftermath does indeed linger for those who were directly affected by such a selfish act during a bad season of life for him that has become lifelong hurt for everyone else.

Truly, I am grateful it is six years later on this awful suicide anniversary date.

This is the first year I am fine and grief doesn't wear on me like a heavy blanket. I acknowledge this date and am on stand-by for Brooke should she need me, it's been on the back of my mind keeping an eye on her as this date is filled with tragic memories.

Keith actually died on December 17th, but his body was found on the 19th so the Health Department has his death date the 19th. I recognize it the 17th.

Brooke and I went for a delicious dinner at a new restaurant we have never been to, then as the Christmas music filled the car, we drove looking at Christmas lights. I always do little things in celebration without saying why, so if/when they ask, I can say this is how we did something special that day.

I look back over the last six years filled with pain for our daughter and every little detail I've had to endure because of him and all I see is a scar. The wound is healed, the pain has passed, but I see a scar that said a deep wound happened, but it doesn't hurt anymore.

Time heals.

Alex took today off work to spend the day with Brooke to make it special. She is excited for today. A day with him because the thoughtful act does make her feel special.

We've made it through another December 19th.

Time with my Son-in-Law

I have truly been blessed with the most amazing son-in-law. His faith, character and integrity as a man and as a husband to my daughter far surpasses them all.

For my Christmas gift, Jeremy completely remodeled my bathroom. I've had the awesome gift of time spent with him over the last couple of weeks as he made every detail perfect and we spend evenings having dinners together and visiting with them both.

Calm and patient, Jeremy is steadfast and secure with a rock solid foundation. Truly, God first, his faith defines him. It is all the difference.

As a husband to my daughter, he is everything he is supposed to be sprinkled with unbelievable patience and love. I admire his character and love and respect our relationship as son-in-law and mother-in-law.

My daughter is truly blessed beyond measure.

A Daughters Admiration

"I was talking about you today," Brooke shared.

She told me her co-worker was telling her how she wished her mom felt beautiful, when Brooke said, "I think my mom knows she is beautiful, but I don't think she realizes how beautiful everyone else thinks she is."

How thoughtful, I thanked her.

Then she thanked me for taking care of myself and always putting myself together. She appreciates that I am not a fat and frumpy mom like the other kids moms in high school.

It is nice to hear.

Total Transformations

There are a few total transformations happening I am so excited about!

The first is the main bathroom in my house which was dated when I bought my home 13 years ago and the only room that hasn't been gutted, until now.

It started off as a Christmas gift request. I asked my son-in-law, Jeremy, if he would put in a new floor in my bathroom as my Christmas gift. He happily agreed and when he came to look at the project, he recommended we rip out the dated vanity and tile off the walls.

Yes, tile on the wall. It is awful and I've hated it all these years.

Jeremy's recommendation with the nice floor I am putting in is to do it right. The walls came down, everything ripped out and thus begins the total transformation.

The ceiling refinished, the walls made beautifully smooth, the flooring absolutely perfect, a new vanity, and then he asks a question I didn't know how to answer ... "Do you want the old woodwork put up or use the off white baseboards your dad gave me to use?

I was caught between I don't like the old woodwork, but it matches the rest of the house. Not sure if the off white will look okay. I defer to my talented son-in-love. He picked up new woodwork and brought over several choices of stain color. We changed it all together.

The new woodwork he chose, the color I chose, and the different way he put it up is absolutely PERFECT! Who knew woodwork could change the entire look and complete a room so well!

It's time. Those old miscellaneous mismatch towels used all these years, will be trashed. Fluffy, new towels that match will finish off and complement the new look.

The second is something entirely new to me as of days ago I've been entertaining for a while, a new interest for me I am shifting my focus on. More to come of that!

A Break in the Clouds

Finally, a break in the clouds.

A deer was hit by an oncoming truck and literally flew in the air and into my Jeep. Some things in life are extra strange and I do call a buck air born flying at me strange! Five weeks later ... I just picked up my Jeep yesterday. So grateful to have it back.

Holidays in a rescue mission is pure madness. Everything falls into my office, from all of Ohio wanting to volunteer feeding the homeless during the holidays, the missions gala which is the largest fundraiser of the year adding another production between Thanksgiving and Christmas, massive food donations, increased clothing donations, working holidays and making these special, and weather turning into winter brings its own laundry list of needs for the population I work with. Cold weather brings in rodents and the mission became infested (30 mice caught in just one day unraveled me) with mice, we always battle bed begs and theft. Fed up I asked for tons of mouse traps and I went to the Humane Society and found the perfect cat for the mission, The Great Catsby. He is a mouser and friendly. Holidays also add high emotions in the mission and bad attitudes which is all day wear and tear. Add pulling off Thanksgiving at home and Christmas shopping, I find myself tapping into little things to bring me a sense of Christmas spirit and balance.

Max is adjusting to his new home with us, Finn isn't attacking him as much and I have lot of photo frames knocked over due to eight little paws that now race through my home. Having two cats is far different than the calmness of one. 

Balancing finances for Christmas is always a stretch, I closed on refinancing my home yesterday at a lower interest rate brings much relief. 

A break in the clouds.

I find myself regaining balance in little things from turning on the Hallmark channel for Christmas movies, Christmas music in the car, having special treats in the house, cleaning my house, reading my books and lots of conversations with God.

I go non-stop multi-tasking all day, every day working endlessly to make everyone's world easy at the cost of excessive weight of responsibility on my shoulders from other peoples issues with no end in sight.

What is unnecessary stress in my life and what life stresses do I need to push through? 

I am reassessing and shifting and I see bright blue skies!

The New Addition to Our Family, Maximus

Finneaus has a brother. Meet the new addition to our family, Maximus! 

For every kitten we have brought into our home, weeks and months of research took place with breeders statewide as well as states away.

Not this little guy, it was serendipity. 

Having only a couple conversations on getting another kitten so Finneaus wouldn't be lonely we were simply out one evening when we walked into a wonderful store with pets and saw him.

He looks so much like our beloved Sammy Blue who passed away two years ago and the moment we picked him up he laid content in our arms as passive as can be purring.

When David put him in my arms, he reached his little paw up at me. The was the very last thing Sammy Blue did seconds before he passed, putting his paw in my hand.

We all fell in love.

Not so much Finneaus ...

... he was pissed.

It's been an adjustment, but Finn is adjusting well now, too.

Max is a perfect addition to our family.

Brooke put up the first $300 and David covered the rest and said, "Merry Christmas." Some times life presents unexpected blessings and you have to make a quick decision. I'm so glad we did. 

Finn 💙 Max

Focus

What is your biggest focus today?

       What you focus on  e  x  p  a  n  d  s. 

Is that going to be good or bad?

What you pour into your mind will pour out into your heart and life.

Choose wisely.

Your thoughts, mind, day, life and relationships depend on what you choose. 

   

Moping Over 2016

Sometimes I cannot even put my finger on all the things that don't feel right in my life. This year has not been a good one [Although I can say the highlight was my daughters wedding, my wonderful new son-in-law, and their new life together].

I pray.

       I pray.

             And, I pray.

                   Show me the way.

This morning this daily devotion God was talking directly to me.

November 16, 2016
When It’s Time to Stop Moping by Sharon Jaynes

God addressed Samuel: “So, how long are you going to mope over Saul...Fill your flask with anointing oil and get going (1 Samuel 16:1 The Message).

Have you ever been so discouraged that you just wanted to stay in bed and pull the covers up over your head? Maybe that’s where you are right now.

I’ve hidden under the covers a time or two myself. OK, well maybe more than two. So how do we venture out? How do we get over the discouragement and get going again?

There’s a story in the Bible that helps me when I feel mopey. 

A few years after the Israelites made it to the Promised Land, they grew tired of being ruled by God through the prophets. They wanted to have a king like all the other nations.

Samuel was the ruling prophet at the time, and he told the people all the reasons having a king was a bad idea. They persisted in their demands, and eventually God allowed them to choose a king. “They are not rejecting you,” God assured Samuel. “They are rejecting Me.”

The people picked a man named Saul because he was tall, dark, and handsome. I’m not kidding. It’s right there in black and white. Saul reluctantly accepted the kingship, was anointed by the Holy Spirit, and totally depended on God for his new position.

But after a while, Saul decided being a king wasn’t so hard after all. He disobeyed and dishonored God by taking matters into his own hands. (Never a good idea, I might add). As a result, God snatched away Saul’s kingship and removed his anointing.

Samuel was so discouraged over Saul’s failure; he went to bed and pulled the covers up over his head. He was disappointed in Saul, and felt sorry for himself.

Now this is important. If I were sitting right there with you, I’d stand up in a chair and read this out loud. Here we go. One day God said, “How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel” (1 Samuel 16:1 NIV). I love Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase: “So, how long are you going to mope over Saul?” (MSG)

Mope? Yep. That’s a good word.

God asks you and me the same question: How long will you mope because life hasn’t turned out like you thought it would. How long?

I don’t mean to make little of any of the painful or discouraging situations in your life. 

But here’s what I know today: No matter how painful or discouraging the circumstances of life may be, God never intends for you to get stuck there. You should never put a period where God puts a comma.

There’s always more of your story to be written. When you loosen the string holding the binding of your book tightly shut, and give God a free hand to continue the narrative of your life, things which the eye has not seen and the ear have not heard and have not entered the mind of man will be yours.

God goes on to say to Samuel: “Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king” (1 Samuel 16:1, emphasis added).

At some point in our moping about, God comes to us and says, “Enough already. Get up. Get going. Be on your way. I’ve got something for you to do. Your life is not over. The story has more chapters to be written. Let go of your discouragement and take hold of the next adventure I have planned for you.”

Samuel was terrified, but God assured him: I will show you what to do. You are to anoint for me the one I indicate” (1 Samuel 16:2–3, emphasis added).

I will show you what to do. And that’s all God expects of me and of you--take the first step of obedience. Get up and get going. He will take care of the rest.

I love the next sentence in the story: “Samuel did what God told him” (1 Samuel 16:4).

Ah, the key to experiencing the adventurous life of a thriving faith . . . the faith you always longed for.

How is that for a heavenly kick in the butt?! 

My faithful Magical Highlighter meets me right where I am and I get chastised, but I heard. 

Touche'!

No Time for Passive Prayer

What a week.

      Time change.

           Brooke's birthday.

               The Presidential Election.

I couldn't stop watching the television Tuesday night as America state-by-state was lighting up red. Evangelicals voting for their beliefs and I just couldn't stay awake any longer due to being up at 4:45 a.m. that morning and needing to be up at 5:00 a.m. again.

For days devotions were shared that regardless of the election, God is still in control. That is what I had to cling to as I was convinced Crooked Hillary could potentially win. Not able to stay awake any longer I went to bed with hope. Hope the final states would push Trump to President of the United States.

Then I prayed.

Not the "God, I know you are still in control regardless" passive prayer, it was time for fervent prayer.

God, we need your help.        We are a country founded on Christian beliefs and look at Christians across this country voting/fighting to keep this country safe.      Give us time.       Allow America to heal.        For my girls and my future grandchildren.       I'm not ready for this to be the beginning of the end.      Give Donald Trump an opportunity to protect our country, protect millions of unborn lives from being murdered in and coming out of the womb.        Give him a chance to revive all the ground we have lost.      She is a murderer.         Hear the prayers of millions of Christians uniting together.       Please give us time. A few more years of hope and healing.         Forgive our country for all its foolishness and entitlements.         Protect us from ignorance and division.        Republicans and Evangelicals are lighting America up red. Hear our prayers.      Please put an end to her.     You are in control.      For the millions of unborn babies, please protect our country. 

I woke up shortly after 3:00 a.m. unable to stay asleep worried about the election and I saw it. Donald Trump was elected President of the United States.

Thank you, God.

Hope.

Pride in America.

We did it!

Coffee, Advil and the excitement of adrenaline, I wanted to stay glued to the television all day to watch the highlights. See the rejoicing. See her defeat. I want to watch every step of the way.

All day prayers of thanks and hope has gone to a holy God. Thank you, Lord. 

Election Day

I woke up at 4:45 a.m. this morning filled with anxiety of today, election day.

What an embarrassment this election has been and so many wonder, where is a qualified candidate? One that can conduct themselves fitting to be President of the United States. I vote on election day because it is the all-American thing to do and quite honestly there is no way I trust my vote to an absentee ballot.

America teetering on major and significant issues and we are only hours away from which path is our country going in.

Yesterday I shared a devotion titled, Why I'm Not Worried About the Election written by Sharon Jaynes, Girlfriends in God. Quite honestly, this is what I am going to need to cling to if the one is voted into office ...

The LORD has made the heavens His throne; from there He rules over everything  -Psalm 103:9 

Friend to Friend

I don’t know about you, but my emotions have been all over the board about this upcoming Presidential election. It is so easy to fall into the ravine of worry, anxiety, and outright fear. So let’s just talk about it a minute.

During one of my “less than trusting” days, God reminded me that He is still in control. Yes, God does give us the risky gift of choice, but He is still sovereign and sitting on His throne.

God reminded me of King Cyrus. Jeremiah prophesied that the Babylonians would take the rebellious Israelites captive for seventy years. Years later, that’s exactly what happened. Jerusalem was destroyed and the Israelites were taken captive for seventy years.

Jeremiah also prophesied that God would raise up a Persian King named Cyrus who would conquer the Babylonians and set the Israelites free. One hundred and fifty years later, that’s exactly what happened. The prophet even called him by name ... Cyrus. Amazing! In 539 B.C. King Cyrus decreed that the Israelites could return to their homeland and rebuild the temple.

Stay with me.

Here’s the prophesy: “This is what the Lord says to his anointed, to Cyrus, whose right hand I take hold of to subdue nations before him . . . ‘I summon you by name and bestow on you a title of honor, though you do not acknowledge me’” (Isaiah 45:1, 4; see also 41:2-25; 42:6). About His sovereignty over all nations, God says of Cyrus, “He is my shepherd and will accomplish all that I please” (Isaiah 44:28).

Stay with me. Here comes the good part!

Now one might think that Cyrus must have been a “mighty man of God,” but he was not. Far from it. He worshipped a whole host of gods. However, God chose him to play a major role in the history and life of His chosen people.

The prophets referred to the heathen King Cyrus as the Lord’s “shepherd,” and His “anointed.” Even though King Cyrus was not a Yahweh, God-fearing king, God still used him to bring about His purposes. “All that I please.”

And God can still do that today. God will do what God will do. He can and will work through godly and ungodly leaders alike. Cyrus is not who you or I would have chosen to be “president.” But he was exactly who God used for His purposes at that time in history.

So that’s why I’m not worried about this presidential election. Paul reminds us, “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God (Romans 13:1 NIV).

Daniel reminds us, “It is He who changes the times and the epochs; He removes kings and establishes kings; He gives wisdom to wise men and knowledge to men of understanding (Daniel 2:21).

Jesus reminds us in His words to Pilate before His crucifixion, “You would have no authority over Me unless it were given to you from above (John 19:11).

So that’s why I’m not worried.

We pray.

We vote.

God is on His throne and His purposes will not fail, no matter who sits in the oval office.

7 and 11

Some days I stop and wonder how on earth I ever raised two little girls on my own for 20 years.

During times of flowing income and when I chose not to work everything always worked out and I never lost a thing.

You see, I have just enough. Just enough money for a good life and just enough for my occasional wants. I have the willingness to do the work and I absolutely agree God meets my needs and wants while giving me a grateful heart for every little thing.

When my girls were little, babies actually, I would dream of the day when they would be 7 and 11 years old. Oh, to have them at an easy age to relieve the all-consuming daily routine of being a single working, full-time mom with little ones.

Tomorrow Brooke turns 17. My girls will be 17 and 21.

I think of the ages 7 and 11 that seemed to be freedoms number, but now I look back and they were still babies.

17. That means the countdown begins to 18.

Freedoms homestretch. Light at the end of the single mom tunnel.

I feel like a butterfly wiggling in my cocoon, in a wonderful metamorphosis, emerging my way out to freedom.

I know the places I want to go, the things I want to see and experience and I am just about to do that!

Let the countdown begin ...

Making the Most of Every Day

I miss days spent wondering what outdoor activity I want to partake of making the most of sunshine before work, after work and on a day off.

I miss holding on to the hope of a stress relief knowing when I get off work, my bike, the sunshine and 8 miles was waiting for me. A favorite cardio that increases my heart rate and removes the days tension.

It's getting dark early now, my windows are staying closed with heat on to take the chill out of the air. The holidays and winter is coming and life is slowing down on the intense activity level.

I'm sad to see summer and autumn come to an end, but certainly not this year.

It's November 2nd. In preparation for winter hibernation and holidays, today will be in the 70's and I am taking a vacation day.

My Answer

Choices and decisions, every day we make thousands without thinking about it.

I present fervent prayers to God and wait for an answer from Him. That doesn't mean a magical answer comes right away.

That doesn't mean I get to formulate an answer I like in my own mind and call it "from God." It's just not how it works.

I wait. I pray. I seek.

Sometimes I cannot even think beyond a day, because life on its own brings unexpected twists and turns. So, I keep my eyes on just the day ahead of me and wait.

Days and weeks pass. I watch how life plays out on its own without my intervention to control it. I wait for direction one way or the other and for peace with either way.

Last night I was invited to present our rescue mission to an elite group of successful, Christian leaders and youth. It was there sitting in the midst of people united in God that my answer came.

I'm sitting in the middle of a beautiful mansion of a home with approximately 50 people called together for a higher purpose when a couple stood up to speak. Their ministry was horses. Horse therapy. A topic that I am intrigued with, but their presence was simply one of peace.

They had my full attention when there was a voice in my head that spoke while I was listening, "This is your answer."

The husband standing up there with his wife talking about families falling apart, relationships falling apart, homes falling apart, that there is a science to what horses can teach us.

"This is your answer." [Listen]

I find myself almost holding my breath uncertain which direction this is going to go in, but I knew, I was excited that in my waiting there was a clear answer about to quickly be revealed.

"Dr. Petry, when you came to our stables that first day, you asked how you did. I told you that you made a lot of mistakes with Sadie (the horse), but that it was okay, Sadie didn't hold anything against you, she forgave you. The next time you came in you did great, but Sadie made a lot of mistakes while you were working with her, but you forgave Sadie. There will be days when you make mistakes and days when Sadie makes mistakes, but you cannot hold it against one another. Jesus Christ came ..."

My awareness was heightened. I was listening to the voice of God. Not my own reasoning, thoughts, choices or directions.

He didn't come to me in a burning bush or a bright light, but he audibly caught my attention when I was in the midst of a lot going on around me and my attention was focused on my surroundings.

It is the neatest thing in the whole world to pray, wait, and listen to God and then, hear Him when He does answer. It's like trying to explain love, you simply can't.

Just this week doing devotions in the meal ministry before 110 dinner guests as I was about to read the next section in Habakkuk, I asked my listeners, "Can you imagine if when praying and asking God questions what it would be like if He answered? God did answer Habakkuk's questioning and we are about to hear what He said."

God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He didn't just speak to those in the bible thousands of years ago.

If God spoke to people throughout the bible and we know in heaven we will know Him and talk with Him, why on earth do we think he is silent in between? That in between, He doesn't speak to our generation? I believe we are a generation the reads about God of the bible (past), knows He is the God of eternity in heaven (future), but He is silent with us. He isn't. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

When God speaks pay attention.

Pay attention to hear God speak.

"I said."

There is a recurring theme in the last couple books of the bible we've been going through during devotions in the books of Nahum and Habakkuk. 

At first, I was pretty put off. Growing up most of us learned the story of Jonah, the one who was told by God to go to Nineveh and tell the people to repent. Jonah ran, hid and ended up in the belly of a whale for three days. Given another chance, Jonah follows God's command, Nineveh repents, God spares. 

Then. Then, came the prophet Nahum 100 years after Jonah. Nineveh, then the most powerful nation on earth, seemingly invincible, is back to their old behaviors. Arrogant and rebelling against God. Nahum pronounced judgment on the nation and this powerful nation was in the end utterly destroyed.

The book of Nahum is only three chapters. Short. Powerful. Why was this book never shared? God spared, then came back and said, "I said." 

God sees all. 

Then comes the prophet Habakkuk, another three chapter book. Habakkuk boldly bringing questions and complaints to God on difficult topics on evil in the world and the wicked seem to be winning.

God begins to speak and tells Habakkuk to write it all down plainly so all will see and understand. Then, God. He does what he said He was going to do and He uses whatever He chooses to show that He is in control and will triumph. World powers crushed. He says, "I said."

This election is scary. Life uncertainties, injustices, wrongdoings leave me reeling out of balance. But, God. God doesn't miss a thing. He knows all, sees all, and has the final say. 

These two books of the bible says and emphasizes again and again what God said and judgment. Timing is everything and my soul is aware how what I am teaching applies directly to my own life. The theme in these two books, said once, then emphasized again has my undivided attention. My eyes open and my heart listening. Not at me; rather, as a comfort. 

Listening to the Voice of God

I'm reading a new book Discerning the Voice of God from one of my new favorite authors Priscilla Shirer.

In busyness, a very full schedule, the noise of life, television, social media, favorite quotes, mantras and respected opinions I find myself searching for answers and direction.

Not crumbs of I believe this and I believe that from my worldly perspective that gets lost and jumbled inside of feelings and emotions, but truths.

About a decade ago when I really became interested in searching for God, He spoke to me through books and words and devotions, because that's where I searched for Him.

I called this blog The Magical Highlighter because when I was seeking Him, words would jump off the page as answers as if they were highlighted. Where you seek Him, you will find Him. Truly, He can and will use any path He chooses to reach you.

When He does it through the most unlikely of people, my awareness is heightened and I find myself in moments of impressed respect. Which sounds ridiculous evening typing because our minds cannot even grasp all who He is. I guess it's just an avenue that speaks better to me personally.

Sitting still is my go to in storms. I sit still, connect more strongly with God, heal, get strong, and enjoy my place of covering and protection.

Sometimes its days, sometimes its weeks, and a few times it has been months.

At the end of sitting still, which is like a gentle nudging, I go from loving the warmth and protection to ready to ready to throw the gates open and race again.

Sitting still is not a time out. It's not a punishment. It's a yearning to quiet the noise and connect with God in a deeper way.

This book Discerning the Voice of God is how to recognize God's voice when He is speaking.

Priscilla shares in If Your Listening ...

My prayer time used to be a one-way conversation - all talk, all the time. Once I'm finished bringing my prepackaged matters to God's attention, instead of ending things right there - as though I've dutifully delivered my report to Him and can now go about my business as usual - I don't. I resist the urge to jump to my feet just because "I'm done." Sure, I might be done, but ... what if God's not? I've gotten a chance to talk - to share with Him what's on my mind. Why should I not at least allow Him the same courtesy?

Rather than telling God things I already know, I invite Him to tell me things only He knows, things He wants to share with me by His Spirit. 

The thoughts of God know ones knows except the Spirit of God. 
- 1 Corinthians 2:11

I've done a lifetime of talking in prayer, we are supposed to present all things big and little to Him. My new journey is now learning how to listen, perhaps not forcing Him to be a show off and speak through the craziest of avenues simply because He can. Although, it does dazzle and impress me. 

How on earth am I supposed to know answers to specific matters I pray about if I don't give Him the opportunity to speak after my lengthy list of prayer requests and an Amen?

I'm learning to turn my one-way conversation/requests/pleas/and everything I fervently present and perhaps give Him the opportunity to speak and me listen. 

A two-way conversation. 

Listening to the voice of God. 

Niagara on the Lake

David asked, what was your favorite part of the weekend? My answer was the unexpected *WOW* moments that happened throughout the entire weekend that dazzled and impressed me. 

It felt exhilarating crossing the border into Canada. Not only were we out of town and out of state, but we were out of the country! We went to the most perfect bed & breakfast at Niagara on the Lake.

The whole weekend far exceeded any expectation that I had. The weather sunny and warm, Niagara on the Lake was breathtaking and beautiful! Vineyards and wineries that made me feel as if I was in Italy peppered this quaint town still in full bloom of flowers.

We learned that Niagara on the Lake is a micro-climate. It will look as if its still summer there for approximately three more weeks, winter doesn't happen until January and it only lasts five weeks then it is warm again.

No wonder vineyards thrive, I am ready to move! 

We went away for the weekend for his birthday & Sweetest Day. 

Only a bed & breakfast would do for this weekend and I found The Woodbourne Inn. Their attention to detail made our experience extraordinary and this B&B far surpassed my every experience and expectation. It was their attention to detail that we appreciated and applauded again and again and again.

We walk in and was greeted by the owner, John, and the sweetest West Highland Terrier, George.

Warm, friendly and so incredibly informative, he set us up with the where to go, what to see, what to do, what to eat. The guy has class and knows his stuff! 

He provided us a map of the town highlighting must-do's. He gave us free passes for wine samples at several wineries and vineyards that allowed us to sample 3-4 wines including ice wines (our favorites) at each location, which means we sipped a variety of wines all day and never had to buy a glass! :D

Our room was beautiful. That fireplace a wonderful touch ...

That tub, amazing! This came with four different bath salts to relax and enjoy. We did.

The shower had a rainfall shower head on the ceiling of the shower. Down to the fixtures, this bathroom was laid out with extraordinary. The soaps were handmade. 

John asked what time we would like our wake up morning coffee tray to arrive an hour before breakfast. I said 7:00 a.m. As a routine creature of habit, I am always up at 6:00 a.m. and I was most certain I would want this early. Turns out we went out, came back late, and a later wake up knock at the door would have been a better choice. 

The muffins were fresh out of the oven, warm and made with fresh fruit. They were heaven to bite into!

Breakfast was at 8:00 a.m. (Yes, I chose that too early of an hour.) I had just got out of the shower, still in a towel and wet when David said, "It's 8:03 a.m." My punishment was I had to go to breakfast with wet hair and no make-up. It was funny and I deserved it. It would have been so rude to show up more than a few minutes late. 

This cinnamon roll, heaven! It was huge, hot, crunchy with cinnamon and was the best cinnamon roll I have ever eaten. Made fresh from scratch, of course.

Pumpkin waffles with real maple syrup and of course Canadian bacon. Delish!

We tried so many wines, frozen ice wines, ate a French baguette sandwich made with Brie cheese, pear slices, mixed greens and a vinaigrette sandwich. 

The shops on Queen Street where something out of a movie. So beautiful, so quaint.

That evening we went to Niagara Falls ...

Then to the casino where we spent four hours having fun playing on the machines on only $5.00! We won up to $38 and played until we had nothing. It was hours of fun.

Walking through the casino, a gentleman handed me two FREE tickets to the Le Grand Cirque show. They were $92 each and in the front section by the stage!

Heading home, we stopped in Buffalo, NY and toured three ships. A battleship, a submarine, and another battleship ...

The whole weekend was far better than I ever imagined. We found a gem less than four hours from home.  

I'd rather have a weekend of extraordinary than a week of ordinary. 

Happy birthday, David Franklin and Happy Sweetest Day to us!

New Carpet and Change

This morning I woke up to new carpet in my home. While that sounds so ordinary, it is actually quite extraordinary for several reasons.

I am a creature of habit, almost to a fault at times. I don't like change and as change has it, berber carpet is out of style. Who knew?

History continues to prove that I hold onto things until they are nearly discontinued, such as my favorite color of lipstick that I held onto for 10 years until one day it just wasn't made anymore. And berber [while not discontinued, nobody buys it anymore].

There I was in a carpet warehouse on a mission to find the same berber carpet in the same bone color. When I was forced into change, I went into the other direction. Flipping through so many choices that I was confused, my eyes came across one.

It was a pattern.

Do I like it or don't I like it? A bold risk. I am not a pattern girl; however, for change sake I bought it.

Suddenly, that bone color berber carpet I always thought I loved, I couldn't get it out of my house fast enough!

How do you go from loving your choice for so many years, to the wear and tear and footprints that slowly stain, to complete disgust?

Then the sweetest surprise happened ... I was at work when someone said there was a guy there for me. It was my dad. He walked in, hugged me, kissed me, and handed me the payoff to my carpet. He found out I was getting new carpet and paid my debt.

My carpet is perfect. Brand new, plush, clean, the color and pattern exactly what my home needed.

A Modern Day Ruth Post

I love this, from A Modern Day Ruth ...

She likes intelligence...Toilet humor just won't impress her.

She is very aware of a heart that's in tune with the Holy Spirit.

She is attracted to genuine kindness, and a hand of gentleness more than your bank account...and how you steward and handle your money does matter. What do you do with it? What do you invest in? Where does your treasure mainly go?

She's been humbled many times in all that she's had to walk through. She needs you to understand this and to treat her better than her temporary circumstances.

She's intelligent and needs to have inspiring and warm conversation. Talk of what level you made on a video game isn't going to cut it.

She needs you to know she may be kind, gentle and have a child like faith but that don't mean she's not a woman. She is real. She's passionate and sensual too. She just keeps it in check for the one who is worth the wait.

She takes things a bit seriously. She's analytical and could use your humor. Dry, realistic humor makes her laugh. She loves to laugh, she just doesn't know how to get herself there sometimes.

She notices how you treat others: children, the elderly, those in authority, those who serve...She notices.

You take her breath away when you completely and totally abandon pride and worship with all your heart.

She is old fashioned. She's an old soul. She likes to be pursued first. She isn't going to chase you down. She will let you know she likes you, though.

She is a lady and always will be and she won't be treated like anything less.

She cries because the Holy Spirit makes her heart so tender. Her tears don't mean she's weak.

Your age doesn't matter as much as your maturity.

She is a follower by nature. She wants you to lead spiritually. She's wants to follow, not lead.

Her children are her great treasure and blessing...If you can't see or appreciate that too, you are not the one.

She has been misunderstood, labeled, abandoned, broken and used. It took her a long time to find her worth. She won't lower her self worth again for anybody. Be a reminder of who she is in Christ every day. She will honor you for that.

She has a heart for the kingdom, and it's her hobby to serve in His kingdom always. She loves ministry and investing in others for God. It's her favorite. She eats, breathes, and lives to encourage others. She might not see the point of joining a bowling league...Just saying She wants a man who she can serve with...who has a heart for people.

Her heart isn't easily won. The right one will know how to not give up.

She can't follow a man who has no vision, dreams or aspirations. She can't follow you if you don't follow and listen to the Holy Spirit.

She admires a man who tries and who is sincere. She knows you're human and that you're not perfect. She isn't looking for perfection...She's longing for humbled sincerity.

She longs for your strength, your manhood, your availability to be leaned on. You can be her earthly hero if God is yours.

She wants to hear the music of your heart. It's not how you sing, but why you do that matters. A king David, kind of heart is attractive.

She is a girly girl by nature. She loves to wear dresses and heels and have her nails and toes done. She likes sparkly things. Don't let that make you think she is materialistic, because she's not. She loves people, God, and animals more than things, but she does enjoy a new handbag and shoes once in a while.

She loves taking bubble baths and she hopes to someday have a man who will either join her or read the Bible to her while she takes one.

She doesn't own the key of her heart...Poppa God does. So if you want in, you must know the doorman and get His permission.
Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2014

My Responsibility

God knows all. He hasn't missed a thing. 

He is my First Love, my Provider, my Protector, my Vindicator.

God breathes life and love.

God breathes hope and words of affirmations.

God breathes gentle reminders.

God opens doors. 

God breathes attention, affection and everything we need exactly when we need it.

He knows and He uses any vessel He chooses.

My responsibility is to find that woman in me and set that woman free.

Don't Water the Weeds

The grass is greener on the other side, is an overused cliche meaning many believe they would be happier in a different set of circumstances.

Then came the cliche the grass is greener where you water it, meaning if you want greener grass, take care of it.

We get it. We get the logic behind tending to your own grass.

I used to be a freak about my grass. I treated it myself with Scotts in the spring, summer and fall so my yard was thick, rich, and weedless. I remember pacing my yard with a bottle of weed killer to spray an individual weed that may have popped up. I may have only had to spray seven total.

Truly, I had the nicest lawn on the street and it was a competition in my mind.

Neighbors on one side used an expensive lawn serve that came out regularly and sprayed, but my lawn always looked much better.

The neighbors on the other side of me do nothing. This is the first year in 10 years they have mowed it regularly at least. It's full of weeds, bare spots, and often 12" high.

I understand the analogy of tending to your own grass if you want it to look good. I know what happens when you stop treating the weeds, they take over the grass.

I confess, my yard is mowed regularly and always a nice height, but I stopped passionately treating those weeds and my yard does not look the same.

It's a common sense analogy, but for most it is just more effort than what we are truly willing to do.

Then, I heard another, don't water the weeds!

This is baby steps. If you don't want to make the effort to do the work to make your lawn beautiful, at least stop watering the weeds.

The weeds of sarcasm, hurtful comments, questionable behavior and anything you don't want growing is a weed. The seeds of one weed will take over quietly and quickly.

Don't water (feed) the weeds. That makes complete sense.

Love Letters to My Future Husband

Daily Love Notes was a small book date-stamped with me capturing and writing down daily little things that meant everything to me, far more than money could buy. It was 40 pages, 25,452 words of love intended to be given on a wedding day. 

I enjoyed capturing thoughts, romance and happy memories. It was a way to say, I didn't miss a heartbeat. It all counted.

It all mattered to me. 

Then, life changed.

I simply have to have an outlet for my thoughts and my heart and I am SO excited I have found one that hits me at the core of who I am, and dances on the waters of my three fave's: faith, hope, and love.

There is a way to become a wife before a wedding day [This idea is borrowed through a new study I am doing.]

I am writing love letters to my future husband.

This is journal of my devotion to him, prayers to cover him now, the life I've dreamed of, my faithfulness to both him and God through my season of singleness as a gift on my wedding night. 

When a Small Voice is Enough

In nature, the noise from the world quiets and you can hear your thoughts. 

Spend a lot of time quiet and you meet God who is already there ready to whisper in a voice that can only be heard when your eyes and ears are ready to listen. 

That wasn't always the case.

I used to run around with my hair on fire, master of my own universe until I was exhausted and deaf by the noise of the world. 

There is peace and calm in the quiet.

Just God and me.

It is a time of conversation, covering, protection, healing, and slowly life is breathed back into me.

God is my protector and my provider.

There have been times in my life when I have looked to heaven and said, "You need to handle this" and He did. Not testing, but I recently said, "Okay, can you make this happen?" It was an odd request. Two days later, walking through a room, in a smooth segue, I hear this topic of my request present itself and time slowed down in my mind ... my God.

I remember thinking, touche. Then a part of my mind was OMGosh that is so God and look at him respond so quickly showing off! God is my Provider, He always has been.

Right now, it's me and God.

It is a magical place of walking together and talking with the noise of the outside world quiet. He is the true place of rest and rejuvenation.

I am covered and quiet as He whispers and my heart is open.