The Summer of Mariah

Summer is here for my girls and I now have a Senior and an 8th grader.

This will be the summer of Mariah.

This is her first summer of freedom as an experienced driver as she runs endlessly from one fun social event to another.

This is the summer she turns 18, for her it is is bittersweet.

This is her last summer as a high school student/kid.

This is the summer her dad will pass.

For my little girl who is excited to be an adult, yet knows the changes that will bring, Mommy is right here on the sidelines cheering you on.

I will tie my hair back at times and jump in the race to run along side of you to share your world. I will knock over obstacles to prevent you from getting hurt and I will be there to hug you, kiss your cheeks and tell you, "Shhhhh, it's okay, mommy's here" when you fall down.

I trust you completely as a young woman of faith, but will define those safe boundaries for you when you embrace your flair for fun and your highly adventurous side.

I will help open every door of opportunity you feel is your destiny and will gently remind you that your plans A, B, and C in life very well may change.

When your heart is breaking, I will teach you how to sit still. I will remind you to "Make time for the quiet moments as God whispers and the world is loud."

We celebrate life!  I will encourage you and remind you often the value of girlfriends, what a gift they are, and to always make time with them.

As you go on your first road trip adventure, I will pray for 10,000 angels to guide your way.

My job has been to raise you, love you, and protect you. As you enter the Summer of Mariah, know how proud I am of the young woman you are, that I give you your freedom to fly, but not without a million prayers of protection, and for me it is bittersweet, too.

1970's ... Sunshine

About a month ago, Bill, a colleague of mine who lived in Dayton and I spent the afternoon working together for the first time. It was actually our very first time working directly together and I found his approach on a sales call we did together warm, open, talkative, and friendly.

Two days later I received a phone call that he had a massive heart-attack and was found dead in his yard.

He was 56 years old and left behind a wife and four children that were truly the center of his world.

Last night I had a dream.

I dreamed that Bill and I were working together for the day and at the beginning of the dream he specifically told me his favorite song was from the 1970's. After he said the name of the song, the only word I caught in the title was the word "sunshine." Later last night, actually early morning I'm guessing, I dreamed about Bill again.

This time I was at his funeral. Those planning the funeral wanted to play his favorite songs, but didn't know what to play. I spoke up and said his favorite song was from the 1970's and had the word "sunshine" in it.

I woke up.

The dream seemed more than a dream. Actually, it was very specific almost like a message.  When I woke up I thought I had to run my dream by Terry, my other colleague, who was Bill's best friend.  They were close like brothers and had worked together across the country in different careers for decades.

I felt like I was supposed to say something to Terry, as if he would know.

Terry came into the office at lunchtime today and while everyone was hanging out talking, I piped up and told him I had a dream about Bill.  He smiled. Almost knowingly.

I told him about my dream and that Bill was very specific in letting me know what his favorite song was.

Terry smiled and said "Sunshine on My Shoulders" was his favorite song that was from the 1970's, it was Bill and his wife Julie's favorite song and the song they had played on their wedding day.

I'm not certain why I received that message.

I did ask Terry to be sure to tell Julie.

Undeniable Phenomenon

A few times in my life the sun shone brighter, the flowers smelled more fragrant, and all of my senses came alive! I reflect on those moments, months, and years and smile at the memories.

I'm so lucky to have truly experienced the undeniable phenomenon of raw chemistry a couple of times in my life and questioned if it could ever happen again. How many opportunities does one actually get?

Just when life about sucked everything out of me, the universe lined up perfectly.

Chemistry that started 20 years ago that went untouched, reconnected. Was it due to youth, circumstance, or both all those years ago?

Twenty years later, the magical first kiss that confirms more than ever imagined.

My whole life I have embraced and loved passion. I've embraced it, sometimes paid the consequences for it, but looking back would I have done it differently, no. It has been my personal journey.

"Take away my capacity for pain and you rob me of the possibility for joy."

There are no guarantees in life, but I am back in the game of life again and it feels so good to have all of my senses fully alive!

Words of Advice from her Daddy

Mariah posts on April 29th:

So earlier today my dad and I are watching a movie, and for some reason he tells me to pause it so I do. He then says " I just wanted to tell you, never date/marry a man that won't open up doors for you." I seriously love him so much♥

Mother's Day

To the mothers who live selflessly, give endlessly and love beyond measure. To motherhood, grandmotherhood, and maternal bonds, Happy Mother's Day.

From Mariah to me ...

From Brooke to me, because I love all thing's in 3 ...

Brooke gave me this, a fern to hang under my tree outside, and a rose in a vase that opens when you push a button.  I was looking at the rose and my thoughts were "my gosh you are your dad's child." He would have bought this very same gift for someone because he loved red roses.

My thoughts were lingering on this when music started blaring from the other end of the house! Brooke and I looked at each other wide-eyed, both of us looked in that direction and we carefully made our way to the music, unsure of what we were going to find.

What made her iPod sitting in the charger suddenly turn on?  Brooke says, "I think my dad is saying Happy Mother's Day to you." I said out loud, "Thank you, Keith. Okay, no more of this stuff." 

Brooke and I just look at each other.  

Mother's Days is a day of much reflection for me and my heart is so grateful for my daughters ...

[Facebook post to my girls]

If I was given a choice of one wish in life: A man to love endlessly, incredible wealth, or baby of my own ... every day I would have chosen you both. Mariah and Brooke you are my unconditional love, my greatest career, my greatest joys and significance in life. I still love you more than the stars in the sky, the grass on the earth, the leaves on the trees, and the sand on the beach. xoxo Mommy

And to the other mothers in their lives ...

A *special thank you* to the other mothers that play such a significant role in my daughters lives ... my mom my daughters *GRAND*mother, Kirsten for my Mariah, and Deb for my Brooke. Thank you for being women of character, incredible strength, and faith in God. Thank you for protecting, providing, loving, and guiding my daughters. Thank you for your role in their lives being an example of extended love in motherhood. My daughters have been raised with amazing examples of women of strength and I am thankful for each of you.

Mother's Day holds such significance of unconditional, indescribable, grateful love for me. My heart goes out to the young and the old who grieve on this day for mom's who have passed, wives who have passed, mothers with children who have passed, and the women across the world who long for a child of their own.

To all the mother's that have been called to Heaven, may your wings of love embrace hurting hearts today.

Beautifully Wild

Beautifully wild.

I heard this term today and I embraced these words as a new favorite description.

Much like my favorite word fervently which means intensely passionate, beautifully wild enwraps what I find to have beauty or great pleasure in something that was never meant to be contained.

wild
1. living in a state of nature; not tamed or domesticated
2. growing without cultivation or the care of humans, as plants, flowers, fruit, or honey

3. uncultivated, uninhabited: wild country

4. of unrestrained fury or intensity; a wild storm

5. dishevelled, untidy; wild hair

6. unconventional, fantastically crazy; wild friends

7. intensely enthusiastic

 

To be beautifully wild. To find beauty in nature or beauty and respect in the unrestrained.

 

I've always been drawn to intensely passionate, it has always made me feel most alive.

 

I've always had great respect for the beautifully wild, I just never thought of the two words together before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Direct Communication

If you think God is millions of miles away, you pray endlessly and cannot find Him, trust me He is closer than you think.

Life is busy. Work is unsatisfying. Though the storm calms in our life I still deal with daily battles and endless appointments for Brooke. This weeks topic was bullying that has been going on at school once certain kids realized she is an easy emotional target right now. Momma Bear strength and power re-energizes and drives me.

From one evening to the next morning by 11 a.m. the school counselor had talked to all parties, moved classes, and I handled one bully's dad. Brooke has been given instructions and I have assured her that together we will take down one bully at a time, because I have a LOT of fight in me!

Work. Bullies. Endless appointments.

I have always said and will always say my most intimate and in direct communication moments with God are not in prayer; rather, when I talk to Him like a friend sitting right next to me. Not in the intensely spiritual moments, but the day to day casual conversations. This is my personal relationship with God, because this is the way He responds immediately and I know it's Him. He is my friend.

"There has to be something more than all this?  I ask this morning in a very honest and raw moment.

He showed me.

I forgot necessary work at home this morning and decided to come home and finish everything I was going to do in the office, but from my patio in the sunshine. My phone rings and it is a gentlemen from church calling to explain a program I was interested in learning more about. He explains that people get to a point after they have their careers, their homes and families, is there really something more to all this in life ... and search for significance.

"Yes, I am there!" I say. I can't participate in the program until September, so he made immediate arrangements to have a book given to me this weekend at church to learn more now.

The warmth of the sunshine on a Friday afternoon going into a weekend completely open to do whatever it is that I want to do rejuvenated my mind today. It feels like vacation.

Here I sit swinging on my patio when a website I haven't visited in a very long time popped in my head like a voice and I immediate went to JoelOsteen.com and found this blog Joel just posted today.

Before you read it, know that I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that my question to God this morning was heard by a holy God and He answered in through an unexpected day in the sunshine, two new potential job leads, a phone call from a man who explained a program I was interested in that spoke to my desire, a voice that directed me to only one website (I wasn't searching) while I was lost in thought, to finding this blog on the home page of that website speaking of finding significance in life.

I asked and He put me on the path.

Change is coming, I can feel it in the wind.

Find Yourself by Losing Yourself

Posted by Joel Osteen on 5/3/2013

So many people today are on a journey of self-discovery. They want to "find themselves" or find their significance in this life. They want to feel fulfilled and know their place in this world. If we turn to scripture, we see that in God's kingdom, things operate opposite our natural thinking. Scripture says to give in order to receive, to bless those who curse you, and if you want to find your life, you first have to lose it.

My friend, Richard Stearns is the President of World Vision. In his new book, Unfinished, he tells the story of how he "found" his life.

"Rarely is the invitation to join God's rescue mission as direct and overt as it was for me in 1998. At the time, I was living my version of the American dream as the CEO of Lenox, the venerated American china company. I had one of those jobs that most people just dream of, leading a prestigious company with four thousand people working for me, a huge salary, and all the perks. It had taken me twenty-five years and a whole lot of long hours and hard work to get there. And on the day that I received this dramatic invitation from God, I certainly wasn't thinking about changing the world or building His kingdom. I was mostly concerned with my own success: my family, my career, my reputation, and my lifestyle. Oh sure, I was a Christian. I was one of those deciders who made the decision to accept Christ as my Savior while in graduate school. But I can't say I had truly become a disciple. I hadn't yet laid down my most precious possessions at Jesus' feet. I looked the part—went to church every Sunday, attended a weekly Bible study group, sat on the board of a Christian school, and had a big Bible sitting on my big CEO's desk for everyone to see. I had some glistening spiritual muscles. I had my fire insurance policy, and now I was just enjoying the good life. I hadn't really understood that Jesus had called me to enlist, to replace my agenda with His agenda, to repent, and follow him—until the phone rang.

The call was from an executive recruiter retained by the huge Christian relief and development organization, World Vision, to find their new president. On that morning, through that phone call, Jesus was inviting me once again to follow Him, to become His disciple. He was giving me an opportunity to partner with Him in changing the world by proclaiming the good news to the poor that "the kingdom of God has come near." World Vision, with its forty-five thousand staff members in almost one hundred countries, represents one of the great battalions in God's kingdom advance. I was being offered the astounding privilege of a command post at the front lines of the battle. There was only one problem: I didn't want to join the battle. I was enjoying civilian life far too much, and I didn't want to drop what I was doing, quit my job, cut my pay, sell my house, move my family, and go to the front lines. Jesus seemed to be asking me for the most valuable things I possessed.

Do you remember a similar 'phone call' about two thousand years ago that came to Simon Peter and Andrew as they were fishing on the Sea of Galilee? I try to imagine Peter and Andrew saying something like this to Jesus: 'We'd love to come, Jesus, but you need to understand that the fishing business is just starting to take off. We've found some new investors, and we're about to expand our fleet to four boats. We've rented some retail space and are planning to expand into ten new markets. Besides, Andrew has just broken ground on a brand new house and is carrying two mortgages. We'd love to join you, Jesus, but now is just not a good time. You understand.' That pretty much sums up what I wanted to say to that recruiter. In fact, I did say something similar—that I wasn't interested or available. But that's not what Peter and Andrew said. They immediately dropped their nets and followed Him. No hesitation and no questions asked. 'Jesus, we're all in. Just show us what you want us to do.'

Although I lacked the immediate enthusiasm of Peter and Andrew, I ultimately did make the difficult choice to surrender all to Jesus. I reluctantly quit my job. We sold our house, pulled our kids out of school, moved across the country, and began what would become the greatest adventure of our lives. After saying yes to God, I experienced the privilege of serving on the front lines of the kingdom, the satisfaction of joining God's great mission, the wonder of discovering gifts and talents I had never before used, and the joy of feeling for the first time in my life that I was doing what I was created to do. While it is trite to say I had 'found myself,' I had found myself by losing myself in God's service."

Today, if you've been holding on to your life's agenda, be willing to surrender it all to God. Trust that His best is far greater than anything you could ever imagine. Believe that He is good and desires the best for you. Surrender all to Him and watch Him use you and multiply you in ways you've never dreamed!

"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it." (Luke 9:24, NKJV)

The Place of God

Mariah came home from school and told me about her day and something unusual.

She has lunch everyday with her friends, but earlier this week a new friend they did not know was added to their lunch table. She is an autistic girl who usually paces during lunch and several days ago Mariah and her friends invited her to join them at their table, she is their new friend.

The girl has a hard time remembering names so she calls them by what she see's physically.She calls Haley "bows"because she always wears headbands with a bow on it. She calls the other "hipster" because she is a model for Hollister; however she never calls Mariah anything.

Today they ask her what Mariah's name is. The girl gets up and paces a while and comes back and says a foreign word the girls didn't recognize and they ask, "what does that mean?"

She said, "the place of God."

Stunned and a bit rattled as it is no secret Mariah is very strong in her faith among her friends, they ask her why if they have names that are physical reminders, why did Mariah get such a name?

The girl simply walked away.

How unusual.

I can only wonder what it is the girl sees or feels to give my daughter such a grand name.