Goodbye 2018

I was surprised when The Today Show did a video highlight of all that happened in 2018. Surprised so much has happened in the last year, I stopped to reflect on my own year:

Job change. 

Brooke graduated.

Sold my home of 15 years. 

Settled and loving luxury apartment life, all-inclusive with a pool.

Job change.

Sofia's 1st birthday.

A years worth of 1st's for Sofia.

Mariah & Jeremy moved back into their home in our community.

Mariah losing her 2nd pregnancy, me having a grand baby in heaven.

Mariah pregnant again.

Brooke moved out. 

Me, an empty nester after 21 years of being a single momma. 

My mom having a heart attack.

Brooke planning her wedding for September 2019.

Me, debt to credit ratio = 0%.

My financial goals far surpassed.

Didn't use a credit card once in 2018.

Chopped all my hair off.

It's hard to sit down and remember all the blessings and storms each year brings with countless details not included, but 2018 was one of significant change.

This year is wrapping up beautifully. My place of employment was sold and as I found out this week I was kept on, my position under new management comes with many blessings and perks. It makes me reflect on how I got this job when I wasn't even looking and how God positioned me for blessings.

My life shifted in so many ways. Established and comfortable I look ahead and smile at 2019.

What New Years resolutions do I have and what goals do I want for 2019 for me, beyond my grand baby arriving in June and Brooke & Alex's wedding in September?

I want adventure.

A Bad Day

It is really, really far and few between that I have a genuine bad day.

I can categorize unpleasant days as a far too busy day (15 hour work days) and when I have events back to back for a couple weeks at a time, I categorize as hectic, but I push through with success. It's typically other peoples really bad behavior that drains me, especially when I cannot be candid and honest and have to stay professional.

Yesterday was a really bad day. No details are needed other than I have to deal with Langmores, none as bright as Ruth (Ozark).

The evening was nice with all my family coming over, the guys in the club house at the pool table, the reveal of Brooke's wedding dress to my mom and Mariah in my place.

Climbing into bed I was in search for a book that would lighten my mood when I opened my bedside nightstand drawer to a handful of envelopes.

On Christmas Day, Brooke pulled me aside and handed me a handful of envelopes for me to read at different times such as when I miss her, when I have a bad day, etc. I believe she worries about me being alone.

Honoring her request to hold off for these special days, I got comfy settled in bed and opened the envelope fitting my day.

My sweet and thoughtful Brooke ...

XO

Christmas Day 2018

When Christmas morning arrives, it's so hard to believe its here. Well-planned, preparations, celebrations, and the thrill when you wake up in the morning, it's Christmas day!

This was my first Christmas waking up alone now that Brooke moved out. Still, I was so excited that I haven't slept in two nights. Last night I started waking up at 11:00 p.m., 12:00 a.m, 2:00 a.m., 4:50 a.m., and at 48 years old I still cannot sleep through the night at Christmas.

Inviting my parents over for breakfast before everyone got together and friends over for brunch, I like hosting and I can see it becoming part of a new tradition.

Loading all the presents in my Jeep, Christmas music in the air driving to my mom & dads and I know I am blessed to have everyone together.

Delicious food, presents, music, laughter and conversations, a family that prays and gives thanks for why we are in celebration, Jesus birth. 

Mariah thrilled with Sofia's stocking and a photo of it hung on the fireplace in their home. 

My sweet Sofia in my arms all day. She sure loves her Grandmomma and I am so in love with her. 

It was a wonderful Christmas. 

The Magic of Christmas

I believe in the magic of Christmas. I believe when your heart is set on the true meaning, Jesus, there is peace and blessings you couldn't even imagine.

Well-planned preparation in advance removes the chaos and had the month of December was exactly how I wanted it, full of music, warm holiday movies, baking and chocolates, family and friends, and a full month wrapped in Christmas.

Sofia's stocking took far longer than I ever imagined. I turned down many plans to ensure her stocking would be ready for Christmas. Oh, but the blessings! Turning on Pandora to Christian Christmas music for hours a day while sipping new favorite teas in my quiet home away from the hustle-n-bustle. It was hours a day of music to Immanuel, God is with us. It was a lot of praying over this stocking for my granddaughter.

Spending the month climbing into bed every night with the book Women of Christmas, walked me through the journey of Jesus birth. Unlike a movie, a book provides a deeper connection as if you are there, watching.

Lost in the true meaning of Christmas, there are blessings.

It's Christmas Eve.

My mom and dad flew home last night and I am giving them time to sleep in from their late arrival. Today is family and I am so happy to see them. To have my daughters and their loves, my Sofia, my mom & dad, and my brothers family all together is the best. Wait until Great Grammy & Papa see our little Sofia! She is pure joy!

It's Christmas Eve and I already couldn't sleep last night! ha ha This whole month has been magical focusing on Jesus birth. I can't wait for the musical celebration of the Christmas Eve service tonight! I can't wait to have everyone together in hugs and kisses, laughter, loud conversations, delicious food and love.

The true meaning of Christmas is Jesus birth and one of my many blessings is my families strong faith on exactly what this holiday means.

Find a church this evening and enjoy a Christmas Eve service. Set the tone in celebration of the grand crescendo waking up tomorrow on Christmas day, Jesus birthday.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas.

8 Years Later ...

We've come to realize the weight of the anticipation of December 19th is much more wearing than the actual day when it gets here.

December 19 is the anniversary of Brooke's dads suicide. Thank God it is 8 years later.

We've learned to plan well and to fill the day with activity and yesterday was a fun mix of blessings from heaven. It is just a given, Brooke doesn't work on the 19th. No need to add stress to a day that already hurts. The morning with Alex and I got the evening with her.

We went north and finished her Christmas shopping that gave her a sense of accomplishment. I simply must add for a child and teen who has said "No" to every fun thought and plan I've had for her growing up, she's turned into a young lady who has decided to say "Yes" and willing to do and go where ever I want to go. I'm still adjusting to plays-along-well-agreeable-Brooke. ha ha Seriously.

Dressed in Christmas flair, I would like to say she received a couple compliments last night with how pretty and festive she was.

Off to Cold Stone Creamery for our holiday favorite Dark Chocolate Peppermint Ice Cream, the girls behind the counter over anticipated and when we asked for a Love It, she received a Gotta Have It.

There we were standing in line for ice cream when I asked her when Mary Poppins comes out? Asking Siri, we found out that the movie with Lin Manuel, Brooke's celebrity crush, actually came out that very day and it was playing at our theater in 45 minutes.

Timing is everything and our evening was unrushed, enjoyable and as we pulled into the theater, I told Brooke, "Look, we have VIP parking!" Yep, the very first space was open as if the timing of the movie, the accidental over-sized ice cream (at no extra charge), and front space parking was coordinated from heaven just for her.

Do I believe that? Absolutely! 

It was an enjoyable day of blessings sprinkled from heaven for her. 

When we were shopping and talking, Brooke mentioned she will be glad when Christmas is over, that she feels pressure to be the Christmas spirit in their new home for their 1st Christmas together. Christmas as she knows it will change slightly from the traditions she knows with me in full blown traditions, to creating her own traditions with Alex. I hear her plans rolling out just the way I do it. She's got this. 

Oh sweet girl, the magic of Christmas is already there. Traditions are memory makers that bring nostalgia to the heart. Come home Christmas morning so you have your new Christmas with Alex, your morning with Momma, and in full family celebration with everyone. 

My thoughts and appreciation turn to heaven for the special touches for this day. 

Random Compliments

I'm kidding! I thought it was a funny photo to go with this blog post. 

Tonight as we were getting in the car Brooke said, "See mom, every single time we go out together you always get random compliments!"  

She always says I am noticed when I walk in someplace, that others look at me and yes, I do get my share of compliments.

My first response is to feel bad, because I know it happens and I know she is sensitive to it. Then, giving it thought, confidence and a smile is a quality that attracts others. It just does. 

Brooke can be completely confident and if she isn't feeling it, she can feign confidence with grace. Her preferred response is to be polite and more timid with little interaction. I really believe smiling confidence opens others up and makes them comfortable and often commands attention.

Add to that, the older you get, the less you care what another person thinks. 

In 20 years she will be me, when she chooses to be.

It Smells Like ...?

Imagine my excitement when I see Aldi's carrying a new item, Butternut Squash Noodles. A healthy alternative, one I've never tried.

How on earth do you make these? Looking online for recipes I found one that is similar to how I like making zucchini and squash, with olive oil and garlic. This recipe called to add chicken stock to simmer.

Sounds delish, right?

I do well cooking and appreciate presentation with taste, this dish ... it smelled like butthole and stunk my whole house up! Not only was it not edible, I had to take the trash out and it took hours for my candle to not the stench out of the air.

Thank God I was only cooking for me! ha ha

Act Your Wage

I wish I would have learned this lesson when I was a very young adult. The years I spent paying off debt until near spring to ensure Christmas was a success. 

Christmas is a success. The very nature of Christmas is wrapped in a miracle.

This month has been calm in Christmas preparation, because everything has been done. It's now about taking the magic of the season in with family, friends, twinkling lights, romantic movies, and the journey of the celebration leading to the crescendo of Christmas Day.

To my younger self, I would have said, "Act your wage at Christmas, plan well months in advance and do not enter the New Year with debt." 

As I walked in my office there sat a Christmas card and gift bag. It was a handwritten card in thanks and appreciation from a girl on my staff for how I've worked around her work and school schedule with a homemade gift she made herself. It truly was from the heart and it struck me how much that meant.

I love handwritten notes. They are a lost art and one perhaps I very well may resurrect in 2019. 

With everything done (except Sofia's stocking), my schedule is open for Christmas experiences and adventures and that's exactly how I want to spend the rest of 2018.

Two weeks until Christmas.

To My Future Grands

To my future grand babies, I'm sorry your Christmas stockings are not going to be as elaborate as Sofia's.

I made both my daughters stockings when they were babies, they took me an average of 20 hours each. Picking the most beautiful and elaborate Christmas stocking last year for Sofia, has me this Christmas racing the calendar to get it done.

Let me say this, there are 40 steps to completing this stocking. Step 11 has 6 parts to it and I did 3 parts of said 6 and it took me 3 hours!! Oh good, only 29 more steps to go ... which has me firm in my decision all future homemade stockings will be simple. 

Next to Sofia and the holy bible, this stocking needs to be cherished and protected as an heirloom through the next several generations. 

A blanket across my lap, a cup of hot tea, and stitching my grand daughter a Christmas stocking is such a grandmother moment. I embrace this role in my life and laugh because it's such a gentle and loving role for this girl who's been buck wild far too many years. 

The dynamics of still being young, yet being a grandmother is a beautiful blend of  who you are from your youth more settled a couple generations later. Alive and still racing to the battle line, yet letting go what isn't important. Beautifully wild  to wearing a crowning glory. Running constantly to experience everything life has to offer, to finding a simpler life is far more satisfying. Striving to have, to having everything you want. My logic then, to a whole new perspective now. A free spirit, to seeing life from a different set of eyes. I see youth running buck wild, I smile and know, a chasing of the wind. Still so full of life and laughing at the days to come. 

Being a grandmother is far, far more amazing than I ever fathomed. I am a seasoned, well-honed, and better version of the young me. 

She's a Toddler

I'd heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well, it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

In the twinkle of Christmas lights, my littlest love and I danced, twirled and sang to Christmas music when Hallelujah bellowed out her speaker she loves to carry with her. 

I love the song. "Sofia, hallelujah means "Praise the Lord!" and I was having a hallelujah moment dancing and singing with my arms full of love. Thank you, God. 

It was Grandmomma to the rescue tonight when my daughter said Sofia didn't feel well today, she's teething and hurting. On my way to their home, a quick stop by McD's for soft & salty french fries, Minnie stickers, snuggles and kisses, I arrived in all my glory and I believe her evening got a lot better.

She's a toddler now, which is the cross between a snuggling baby and Miss Independent. Her momma needed a break and a shower, and I said, "Take your time." I missed Sofia desperately and was glad I can be there to help. 

Sofia loves to dance with me, too. Song after song after song, we danced and twirled and sang to Christmas music and my little one seemed to feel a little better. 

 

Well, maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah