I Barely Recognize My Life

I cannot sort or see my life from just two weeks ago.

Two weeks ago I was completely in love, happy thanking God for blessing my life, finally a ring on my finger that meant everything, to being blindsided in ways I couldn't even wrap my head around, then the breakup.

Blindsided to overwhelming loss, complete confusion and taking med's to just get through the night. In a numb blur, dizzy from the confusion and pain, I cried out to God all day and all night long.

Pain consumed me and everything I knew to be real and loved is gone.

In the midst of feeling raw, bleeding and dead inside, my path crossed so unexpectedly with another.

A stranger that sings to me the song in my heart that I have forgotten. It feels unreal and too soon.

What has happened in my life? I barely recognize anything anymore.

A normal day that turned into a date, that turned into me being kissed over and over by lips that have become a drug to me that I crave. He is smitten with me and I admire his qualities.

Once upon a time I was working at Akron General for 12 years and was curious to see if the hospital close to me had jobs available for a much shorter commute. I faxed my resume on a whim and was interviewed and hired within 24 hours. A life-changing blur that left me dizzy from the unexpected speed of how quickly everything can change.

A couple years later, happily living in a beautiful townhouse, my dad asked to show me a house he felt I should consider buying. I wasn't interested, but entertained his thought to be nice. Within days, I was signing papers to my home. A completely unexpected life-changer that I was caught up in leaving me dizzy from change that happened so quickly, I felt was out of my control, because it was not a plan.

Here I am now.

The one I loved, the life I loved, the future I was in love with, gone.

It all happened so fast it was like it didn't even happen, because it was so cruel.

Me on the other side of my life standing with my heart in my hands bleeding and someone is tapping me on the shoulder whispering terms of endearments and normalcy.

His kindness like a soft flower than I want to reach out and touch to see if it is really as soft as it appears. Affirmations that fall like a soft rain.

Who's life am I in? I barely recognize my life, it was carried away as swiftly as a tsunami, yet it wasn't.

Another filling a gaping hole in my life during a time when I need it like the air I breathe. A stranger that sings to me the words in my heart that I have forgotten.

Me holding on to my heart, looking back, yet letting go. Drawn to blessings that are falling on me like a soft rain.

A song being sung to me that is both beautiful and healing, yet so uncertain. My face lifted up to God asking if this is from Him. A gift. One that I don't have to do anything for, but simply receive and enjoy.

I slowly open my hands and let go.

Finally! Fresh Nails

For well over a decade fake nails and even worse, the 90's french tip manicure, is like finger nails scraping down a chalk board. A pet peeve I am highly aware of, notice and cringe at the sight of.

Thank you, God! Finally, a refreshing article regarding modern natural nails...

"There's something so refreshing and modern about the no-color trend. Instead of shocking shades and elaborate art, this one is all about showing off the health of your nails and the effect is super easy to pull off. Innovative base coats and top coats give you perfectly polished, low-maintenance nails in just a few swipes."

Look at the nails of models and movie stars, for well over a decade they have not worn tacky, false and/or the trailer park fabulous french tip manicures. Their nails are always in a well-manicured natural look. Always. 

Money and time spent in nail salons is shocking. How about invest that money in skin care? Your face is the first thing everyone notices anyway and the skin your in that will last your lifetime is a wiser investment. 

For me, give me natural nails and unlimited car washes. 

Baby Bump

It had only been a week since I saw Mariah and I was surprised to see her baby bump suddenly appear.

It was the first thing I noticed and I was drawn to it and touched the firmness of her pregnant belly.

She is 17 weeks pregnant tomorrow.

This baby is everything pure and perfect in love. This baby is my first grand baby and the fresh beginning of a new beautiful season in my life.

Mariah and Jeremy will be moving in a couple of weeks with my daughters focus on getting the baby's room ready her exciting priority. I remember having her nursery ready when I was 7 months pregnant and spending so much time rocking in a chair in her room with a giant pregnant belly dreaming of her arrival. Now my baby is having a baby.

We are talking baby shower dates and I am beginning to prepare my home for this sweet little ones arrival.

My Feet in the Sand

Sunshine, sandals and my feet in the sand, congratulations to my mom & dad on their purchase in the sunshine state of Florida!

Inexpensive and easy flights, and a year-round beach destination to escape to, there are rejuvenating benefits with vitamin D the "sunshine vitamin" simply by being able to have a healthy outdoors lifestyle.

A grand baby arriving in August, Brooke turning 18 years old in 8 months, a year round beach destination, and single, I am on total freedoms home stretch.

It's time to tweak my job hunt include schedule flexibility.

Best Class Ever!

Brooke is taking a class in high school called Personal Finance. I highly, highly, highly recommend this class and for adults to encourage youth to take it.

Instead of ridiculous and unreasonable Math classes (unless it is a field of study you are going into), Personal Finance teaches youth about budgets, credit, bank accounts, etc.

I was laughing as Brooke was sharing a project for this class they had for an assignment. A budget is broke down into many categories: home, car, insurance, needs and would like to haves such as a cell phone, internet, clothing. These individual categories were broken down further for example home costs:  Electric, water, gas, sewer, home insurance, property tax, television, internet, etc.

The first part of the project was for students to put down how much they think each of these items would cost for general life expenses. Then, a local average of these costs popped up in the box next to what they thought the costs would be.

In Brooke's mind, she thought a gas and electric bill would be about $30 each, wrong. She really had no concept as to how much all of these expenses actually are and what a monthly total cost for basic necessities are.

With basic costs listed, now students had to pick a career. To teach them what their finances would look like if they have no degree working minimum wage versus a degree and career with higher salaries.

Now this is what youth needs taught. They get a snapshot of what their quality of life will look like.

Brooke laughed. I laughed. Then, she hugged me and said the sweetest thing, "Mom, I had NO IDEA how much all this costs and all you do, thank you!"

Me appreciating this moment I tell her, "Now, add a teenager with a daily list of what she needs and wants and simply must have to that budget." We laughed again.

She got my point!

Holding Hands

There is a beauty and intimacy holding hands.

It is the peace of being connected, when words are not needed, and life is shared simply beside one another.

It is the comfort of resting, invisibly plugged into one another recharging in affection and touch.

It means, I am right here and I love you.

Sunshine & Palms Trees

Sunshine, palm trees, the sound and scent of the ocean air, to walk outside and feel the sun warm on my skin made for a perfect long weekend winter escape to my mom and dad's place in Florida.

My mom, dad and David.

I captured a moment of David and my dad in conversation. Perhaps when they crashed the kite on some poor guys head!

My hair is not this big, the wind is blowing me from behind!

A cool shot of the ocean I took in David's sunglasses.

Brooke getting all dolled up to go out for the day in the sun.

A new 1st, an air boat riding adventure finding alligators and we saw many too close for comfort.

Ice cream monsters, Brooke and David, were thrilled to see a Friendly's. All of our local Friendly's closed a while back. They all look the same and it was like walking back in time.

My Grand baby Aug. 2017 <3

Four days didn't feel like enough, but it felt so good to feel rejuvenated outdoors again.