I'm thinking out loud here. Well, blogging out loud as I am in search of my own person quest of knowing versus is confirmation really needed.
Let me back up first. I was watching a talk show one day and three women were on stage laughing when the one mentioned she was dating three men. Scandalous laughter from her friends exploded. It hit me in an odd way.
I dated 13 men at the same time this summer. Is it possible? Yes.
Before judgement falls on me, let me remind you, I am single. At times I too questioned if it was even ethical to have so much going on. Confusing, absolutely. There are no rules though when you are single.
Standing on singledom, I was honest and had no desire for an exclusive relationship. I was honest when asked, "Yes" I am dating others.
Dating in itself was a full-time job and every time I walked out the door going anywhere I would meet another. After a month or so, it was too much and I cut it down to six. Everyone under 38 years old, gone. Emotional clingers, gone. I had to cut back.
I had the time of my life this summer.
All this to say, now there is one.
One.
One who has my undivided attention, my admiration, my respect. One who I enjoy incredibly, is mentally stimulating, funny, silly, sexy, smart, healthy minded, healthy lifestyle, own hobbies/interests (which is a turn on when they can remain an indivdual), a good man, communicates on the level I am comfortable with, confident, full of character & integrity, hard working, tons of healthy male/female friendships (guys who don't have friends or decent friendships are a reflection of themselves, a quality I pay close attention to), and I'm rambling here.
I'm glad there is only one in my life.
All day communications and dating for (my gosh) a couple of months now and I am in a weird and unfamiliar place.
I find I wonder and worry are there others for him? Caution and Patti Stanger says, keep a handful of "others" around for distraction so one doesn't put their head & heart into one person.
I asked a friend yesterday, how did this happen to me? How did a relationship sneak up unexpectedly on me, dissolve everyone else, and make me feel emotionally like a girl. A girl who tries to keep her feathers from being ruffled. A girl who wonders and questions if there are others.
My quest is ... is confirmation really needed? Is it necessary to put into words, "what are we?" If it is friendship, I know what I am dealing with. Safeguards are established and heart-protection knows its boundaries. If it is more ... does drawing a line in the sand in needed confirmation really make the relationship any more that what it already is? Or does it simply establish rules in black & white that are now laws to live by?
Some days, I like the quest of the unknown. The uncertainty of hope for the future and challenge.
Some days, I want to know there are no others but me.
I more than like this one.
