The one that makes me fall in love between my ears ...
He says, "Why don't you move in (1 hour away) and live with me, I will take care of you? Let's start the rest of our lives together? We can be one big, happy family and you can find a job here. We can get married a little down the road, but we have something special, I want to start living now and I do want not risk losing you ... "
I was speechless. Really.
I love my life. I love the unknown. I hear his words and I love what he is saying.
Sudden. Unexpected. I think the word is blindsided!
"But I have to stay here for at least another year ..." I reply as I start tripping over my words. Quite honestly, I don't even know how to answer.
He wants to get together next week with our kids. He is ready to start forever now.
Everything feels a bit out of control. How did this happen and how did it sneak up on me so suddenly?!
Fearless me, says throw caution to the wind and embrace the unknown. [For the record, forever with any man is the unknown!] Sensible, logical, panic-stricken me says that I have time on my side as my most perfect excuse.
I am guilty of saying all the right words that got me into this situation, but that is because I stopped believing in it long ago, but I talk like a champ.
Last night my dear friend, Dawn, says to me, "What about the others?" Exclusivity.
Teetering on the verge of a couple potential relationships, I know that every choice I make can change the path of my life.
Someone who would have serious impact and say in my life, then call it forever? Right now my hair folicles are tingling, I'm experiencing shortness of breath. Is someone sitting on my chest?
The one that makes me fall in love between my ears continues to impress.
I love the thought and adoration that he is ready for forever.
I love the thought that time is on my side.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Life Is But A Vapor
Once upon a time, I came alive and fell in love over and over on a dance floor to the live music of LaFlavour.
The summer I met Brooke's dad was a defining moment in my life. I was 27 years old and he was 36. He was a 36 year old professional bachelor and I was about to learn first-hand what that world meant.
Do you have a defining moment in life where your life totally changed? Not your circumstance, but you.
Life for me had a defining moment, where I changed inside forever. One would think that it would be when I was married and had a baby, but that was a normal progression in life.
My life has two parts, before 27 years old, after 27 years old, after Keith.
Everything changed. I changed.
That summer of '97, our days were spent on the back of a motocycle and poolside, our nights spent on dance floors in clubs. Every one of my senses were alive, my heart and my mind.
Last night we went to hear LaFlavour play at our annual community celebration. But this time the "we" was with our daughter, Brooke.
A warm summer night, outdoors spent listening to the same songs and sounds that triggered my memories and my heart back to 15 years ago.
Last night he filled my mind, very much alive, smiling and dancing. He was there with us.
Life is but a vapor. Memories come to life when when you hear a song, smell a scent or when deja vu, what was already seen, reminds us that we were at that very same moment once upon and lost in the vapors of time.
Brooke asked who I was looking at across the sea of people. It was a couple that used to share the dance floor with her dad and I back then. "Just somebody who looks familiar," I reply.
"It has made me wonder if perhaps there is more to our relationships than mortality portends. If perhaps some things are forever in another realm, where clocks stop and nothing remains but the bonds we have forged through love. That and the lessons we've learned." - A Perfect Day
The summer I met Brooke's dad was a defining moment in my life. I was 27 years old and he was 36. He was a 36 year old professional bachelor and I was about to learn first-hand what that world meant.
Do you have a defining moment in life where your life totally changed? Not your circumstance, but you.
Life for me had a defining moment, where I changed inside forever. One would think that it would be when I was married and had a baby, but that was a normal progression in life.
My life has two parts, before 27 years old, after 27 years old, after Keith.
Everything changed. I changed.
That summer of '97, our days were spent on the back of a motocycle and poolside, our nights spent on dance floors in clubs. Every one of my senses were alive, my heart and my mind.
Last night we went to hear LaFlavour play at our annual community celebration. But this time the "we" was with our daughter, Brooke.
A warm summer night, outdoors spent listening to the same songs and sounds that triggered my memories and my heart back to 15 years ago.
Last night he filled my mind, very much alive, smiling and dancing. He was there with us.
Life is but a vapor. Memories come to life when when you hear a song, smell a scent or when deja vu, what was already seen, reminds us that we were at that very same moment once upon and lost in the vapors of time.
Brooke asked who I was looking at across the sea of people. It was a couple that used to share the dance floor with her dad and I back then. "Just somebody who looks familiar," I reply.
"It has made me wonder if perhaps there is more to our relationships than mortality portends. If perhaps some things are forever in another realm, where clocks stop and nothing remains but the bonds we have forged through love. That and the lessons we've learned." - A Perfect Day
Monday, June 25, 2012
Breathless With Anticipation
I was breathless with anticipation and my heart was racing.
It felt like Christmas morning and finally, the day had come after an 8-hour journey, driving up a 2-mile beautifully landscaped driveway then walking into view of the Biltmore Estate ...
it was more than I imagined and far exceeded my expectations!
Luxury meets history. World-class customer service. Thousands of acres of perfection. Too much to even see in two days.
Dear Biltmore Estate,
If I lived closer to you, I would be a cherished membership holder and lifetime supporter. I would walk in your gardens forever ...
It felt like Christmas morning and finally, the day had come after an 8-hour journey, driving up a 2-mile beautifully landscaped driveway then walking into view of the Biltmore Estate ...
it was more than I imagined and far exceeded my expectations!
Luxury meets history. World-class customer service. Thousands of acres of perfection. Too much to even see in two days.
Dear Biltmore Estate,
If I lived closer to you, I would be a cherished membership holder and lifetime supporter. I would walk in your gardens forever ...
Prattling Escapades
A sunny summer afternoon finds me sitting on beach-style chairs overlooking water in the serene setting of a beautiful, local winery vineyard with a glass of Sangria in hand prattling off my latest escapades.
Ahhhhh, girlfriend time!
Open. Honest. Raw. Laughable and cry able conversations shared in bonds that defy the years and has become our journey through this life.
The setting was our perfect oasis to relax and catch up on life's details.
Being what I am starting to call myself, a professional single, after 15 years, I share my recent updates on dating ...
One makes me fall in love between my ears with his voice and words I love to hear ... One is witty, funny with amazing communication skills that stimulates my mind. One is sweet, young and so handsome. One is a sleeper that pleasantly surprised me being so sweet and funny, like a giant teddy bear that lets me know he thinks of me throughout the day wrapped in my thrill of knowing he is an MMA fighter and trainer of 25 years. One makes all of my senses come alive! One has my heart, but is not available. The others fall into lesser categories.
My heart is an open book to my cherished girlfriends. Dating is a lifestyle that sneaks up on you one relationship at a time that often overlaps through the years. It was never Plan A, but somehow became Plan BBB through the years.
I'm reading a book yesterday when the words jumped off the page at me, "She gave catch and release a whole new meaning. Again and again she would reel in Mr. Right then proceed to bash him over the head, scale him, gut him and throw him back into the lake for not measuring up."
Do I do this? Often times, yes.
Do I look for the first signs of something I don't like to release them? Absolutely yes.
Have I bashed them over the head for not measuring up? Sadly yes.
Have I gutted them and threw them back into the lake? Yes.
Seemingly endless opportunities is what dating is all about, but it does become a trap. Note to self: Be nicer, play nicer.
I must say though that dating, prattling escapades make the best ever girlfriend stories to share! You laugh, you cry and often justify ... that's just what girlfriends do.
Ahhhhh, girlfriend time!
Open. Honest. Raw. Laughable and cry able conversations shared in bonds that defy the years and has become our journey through this life.
The setting was our perfect oasis to relax and catch up on life's details.
Being what I am starting to call myself, a professional single, after 15 years, I share my recent updates on dating ...
One makes me fall in love between my ears with his voice and words I love to hear ... One is witty, funny with amazing communication skills that stimulates my mind. One is sweet, young and so handsome. One is a sleeper that pleasantly surprised me being so sweet and funny, like a giant teddy bear that lets me know he thinks of me throughout the day wrapped in my thrill of knowing he is an MMA fighter and trainer of 25 years. One makes all of my senses come alive! One has my heart, but is not available. The others fall into lesser categories.
My heart is an open book to my cherished girlfriends. Dating is a lifestyle that sneaks up on you one relationship at a time that often overlaps through the years. It was never Plan A, but somehow became Plan BBB through the years.
I'm reading a book yesterday when the words jumped off the page at me, "She gave catch and release a whole new meaning. Again and again she would reel in Mr. Right then proceed to bash him over the head, scale him, gut him and throw him back into the lake for not measuring up."
Do I do this? Often times, yes.
Do I look for the first signs of something I don't like to release them? Absolutely yes.
Have I bashed them over the head for not measuring up? Sadly yes.
Have I gutted them and threw them back into the lake? Yes.
Seemingly endless opportunities is what dating is all about, but it does become a trap. Note to self: Be nicer, play nicer.
I must say though that dating, prattling escapades make the best ever girlfriend stories to share! You laugh, you cry and often justify ... that's just what girlfriends do.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
A Bittersweet Father's Day
Several days ago, Brooke made it very clear, she isn't going to church today to hear a sermon about fathers, she isn't celebrating Father's Day beyond appreciating Papa (my dad) and saying, "Happy Father's Day" to Uncle Jason, my brother.
She stays quiet and to herself today.
This is Father's Day #2 without her daddy, since his death 1-1/2 years ago.
My Mariah is celebrating what could be her dad's last Father's Day, due to Lou Gehrig's Disease.
Mariah didn't know what to get her dad for this special day, because he simply cannot do anything. I remember her dad likes candy so we go running all over town to several candy shops to make a candy bar. Though they will have to feed him his candy, it made a fun presentation of the little things he still enjoys.
A candy bar is all sorts of his favorite candy, put into different shape margarita and champagne glasses displayed on a large tray with party decor!
Our holiday's always include my brother and his family. Yesterday my sister-in-laws father passed after 10 years of struggling with Leukemia. My nephew is 10 years old and this is his 1st significant loss in life. He is quiet today, too.
This Father's Day holds bitter moments for hurting hearts.
Sweeter moments are celebrating my dad, Papa.
A 'Grand'father that is so loved for everything that he is to the three of us. God gave us the best because He knew we would need him.
Papa text us tonight to tell us to look outside at the rainbow across the sky... a message from heaven.
Happy Father's Day with love.
She stays quiet and to herself today.
This is Father's Day #2 without her daddy, since his death 1-1/2 years ago.
My Mariah is celebrating what could be her dad's last Father's Day, due to Lou Gehrig's Disease.
Mariah didn't know what to get her dad for this special day, because he simply cannot do anything. I remember her dad likes candy so we go running all over town to several candy shops to make a candy bar. Though they will have to feed him his candy, it made a fun presentation of the little things he still enjoys.
A candy bar is all sorts of his favorite candy, put into different shape margarita and champagne glasses displayed on a large tray with party decor!
Our holiday's always include my brother and his family. Yesterday my sister-in-laws father passed after 10 years of struggling with Leukemia. My nephew is 10 years old and this is his 1st significant loss in life. He is quiet today, too.
This Father's Day holds bitter moments for hurting hearts.
Sweeter moments are celebrating my dad, Papa.
A 'Grand'father that is so loved for everything that he is to the three of us. God gave us the best because He knew we would need him.
Papa text us tonight to tell us to look outside at the rainbow across the sky... a message from heaven.
Happy Father's Day with love.
Only 30
Once upon a time, many moons ago when I was, I'm guessing 32 years old, I met a much younger boy.
He was so sweet, unjaded by life, and often worried that the difference in our age bothered me. It did. When he spoke. He talked mostly about partying and drinking, but at 20 years old that is where he was at that point in his life.
We dated for a couple of months because he was so good looking! One day he came over and said he quit college, he wanted to be a family! That day, I broke off our relationship. I had my girls, told him he needed to finish college and have his own family.
A few years later, I ran into him out and about, I was dating another at the time. I will never forget his sweet comment, "OMGosh, you look astonishing!"
Astonishing. I love that word and it was the sweetest compliment!
Fast forward many more years to 2012, our paths crossed.
He is a Professor at the university now, which cracks me up. His mom probably doesn't even know what a close call that could have been!
I am almost 42, he just turned 30.
We went for ice cream last night and sat on my favorite dock overlooking the lake. It doesn't get much sweeter than that.
I have seen him several times over the last few months, he calls me constantly, always trying. When he rattled off list of things we could do on a Saturday night, I really didn't want ice cream, but I can't remember the last time I went for ice cream with a boy, than sat on a dock on a warm summer night.
He has his own kids now and is still the same sweet & thoughtful boy he was 10 years ago.
My friend Dawn always says, "They always come back to you!" They never come back better though ... this one did. More mature. Even better looking. Conversationally equal.
I have no expectation or anticipations. I simply enjoy this well-educated, very handsome young man who still seems to think the world of me.
Refreshing. Sweet. Innocent.
It's like being 20'something all over again.
He was so sweet, unjaded by life, and often worried that the difference in our age bothered me. It did. When he spoke. He talked mostly about partying and drinking, but at 20 years old that is where he was at that point in his life.
We dated for a couple of months because he was so good looking! One day he came over and said he quit college, he wanted to be a family! That day, I broke off our relationship. I had my girls, told him he needed to finish college and have his own family.
A few years later, I ran into him out and about, I was dating another at the time. I will never forget his sweet comment, "OMGosh, you look astonishing!"
Astonishing. I love that word and it was the sweetest compliment!
Fast forward many more years to 2012, our paths crossed.
He is a Professor at the university now, which cracks me up. His mom probably doesn't even know what a close call that could have been!
I am almost 42, he just turned 30.
We went for ice cream last night and sat on my favorite dock overlooking the lake. It doesn't get much sweeter than that.
I have seen him several times over the last few months, he calls me constantly, always trying. When he rattled off list of things we could do on a Saturday night, I really didn't want ice cream, but I can't remember the last time I went for ice cream with a boy, than sat on a dock on a warm summer night.
He has his own kids now and is still the same sweet & thoughtful boy he was 10 years ago.
My friend Dawn always says, "They always come back to you!" They never come back better though ... this one did. More mature. Even better looking. Conversationally equal.
I have no expectation or anticipations. I simply enjoy this well-educated, very handsome young man who still seems to think the world of me.
Refreshing. Sweet. Innocent.
It's like being 20'something all over again.
Friday, June 15, 2012
I Ran Today!
It has been one month since I was diagnosed with a tear in my medial meniscus and today I ran!
I am back up to walking 3 miles a day everyday with no knee pain and in my mind I am so ready to have no limitations.
The best part of running today is, I don't run! In fact, the last time I ran was in my late 20's when I was on a baseball team, ran to first base and pulled the muscles on top of both legs. I made my brother carry me into the house, I really could not walk and felt like the muscles were ripped off the bone. That was over 15 years ago. I think that was the first time I ever ran, too!
Knowing I could not run due to an injury, made this girl who doesn't believe in running, want to run.
I also like to constantly try and do new things.
This summer has been filled with parks already. Tennis has been added to daily fun and I just bought a volleyball for the sand volleyball courts at the park.
Fun in the sun!
Beyond thankful my knee healed without surgery!
I am back up to walking 3 miles a day everyday with no knee pain and in my mind I am so ready to have no limitations.
The best part of running today is, I don't run! In fact, the last time I ran was in my late 20's when I was on a baseball team, ran to first base and pulled the muscles on top of both legs. I made my brother carry me into the house, I really could not walk and felt like the muscles were ripped off the bone. That was over 15 years ago. I think that was the first time I ever ran, too!
Knowing I could not run due to an injury, made this girl who doesn't believe in running, want to run.
I also like to constantly try and do new things.
This summer has been filled with parks already. Tennis has been added to daily fun and I just bought a volleyball for the sand volleyball courts at the park.
Fun in the sun!
Beyond thankful my knee healed without surgery!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
A Personality Assessment Test
Browsing through the church library I picked up two more books for the week. One book, Daughters of the King, caught my attention when I read the back and it seemed to be a match-your-personality-style to women of the Bible. Right up my alley!
Women of the Bible is my favorite subject reading. Personality assessments have been enlightening through the decades.
It amazes me how answering random questions believed to fall into a general category will produce a report that hits my personality dead on. The good. The bad. The laughingly accurate!
Put these combinations together and I have lost myself in this book that not only tells me which women of the Bible my personality most resembles, but goes much deeper into describing my thoughts, how I raise my family, my relationships, my home, my working style and career suggestions, down to the way I dress and wear my hair and make-up.
God-given personality styles that makes each of us completely unique.
There is a personality assessment at the beginning of the book to take. My result put me into two strong categories with little left in the others. My highest score was in the category Jaunty Esprit, my second highest and only one point lower is Sensual Exotic.
What excited me beyond belief was the women of the Bible I most resemble as Jaunty Esprit is my very favorite person of the Bible, Deborah and Abigail.
The women of the Bible that I most resemble as Sensual Exotic is Abishag the Shunammite, Bathsheba and Queen Esther.
We truly must be drawn to those that we feel the most connected to. Each of these women, personality style and God-made played significant roles in history.
Abigail, Bathsheba and Abishag share a commonality, King David.
King David.
Just when you think life doesn't make sense, look through the generations of history, it eventually makes sense.
Daughters of the King, utterly enlightening.
Women of the Bible is my favorite subject reading. Personality assessments have been enlightening through the decades.
It amazes me how answering random questions believed to fall into a general category will produce a report that hits my personality dead on. The good. The bad. The laughingly accurate!
Put these combinations together and I have lost myself in this book that not only tells me which women of the Bible my personality most resembles, but goes much deeper into describing my thoughts, how I raise my family, my relationships, my home, my working style and career suggestions, down to the way I dress and wear my hair and make-up.
God-given personality styles that makes each of us completely unique.
There is a personality assessment at the beginning of the book to take. My result put me into two strong categories with little left in the others. My highest score was in the category Jaunty Esprit, my second highest and only one point lower is Sensual Exotic.
What excited me beyond belief was the women of the Bible I most resemble as Jaunty Esprit is my very favorite person of the Bible, Deborah and Abigail.
The women of the Bible that I most resemble as Sensual Exotic is Abishag the Shunammite, Bathsheba and Queen Esther.
We truly must be drawn to those that we feel the most connected to. Each of these women, personality style and God-made played significant roles in history.
Abigail, Bathsheba and Abishag share a commonality, King David.
King David.
Just when you think life doesn't make sense, look through the generations of history, it eventually makes sense.
Daughters of the King, utterly enlightening.
Friday, June 8, 2012
The first official day of summer break and I now have a Junior and a 7th grader.
I wake my girls up the last day of school saying "Goodmorning babies and congrats on the last day of school!" My Mariah replies that next year this time she will be a Senior. Certain moments in life blindside me with reality. My Mariah a Senior? Yesterday she just started 6th grade at the middle school.
Mariah asks early this morning, "Can I go to Cedar Point tomorrow with a friend?" I reply, "No."
We go shopping for Father's Day next weekend, when Mariah finds herself a new shirt and asks if she could have it. I reply, "If you are buying it." I think that is shock on her face and I'm sensing I haven't said "No" enough to my girls lately.
The first day of summer break, its sunny & 81 degrees out, Mariah wants to go see the movie Hunger Games for the 2nd time. "No." Ohioans cherish beautiful weather, one doesn't sit inside a movie theater.
"What are we going to do fun today?" Mariah asks. "This evening we are going to do yard work together" I reply with a knowing smile.
"MOM! That is not funny!" The first day of summer and her world is crumbling.
We are three women in a household. My little princesses are going to learn to be contributing members of the household this summer.
Let me practice ... "No. no. no. No and no."
I'm ready.
I wake my girls up the last day of school saying "Goodmorning babies and congrats on the last day of school!" My Mariah replies that next year this time she will be a Senior. Certain moments in life blindside me with reality. My Mariah a Senior? Yesterday she just started 6th grade at the middle school.
Mariah asks early this morning, "Can I go to Cedar Point tomorrow with a friend?" I reply, "No."
We go shopping for Father's Day next weekend, when Mariah finds herself a new shirt and asks if she could have it. I reply, "If you are buying it." I think that is shock on her face and I'm sensing I haven't said "No" enough to my girls lately.
The first day of summer break, its sunny & 81 degrees out, Mariah wants to go see the movie Hunger Games for the 2nd time. "No." Ohioans cherish beautiful weather, one doesn't sit inside a movie theater.
"What are we going to do fun today?" Mariah asks. "This evening we are going to do yard work together" I reply with a knowing smile.
"MOM! That is not funny!" The first day of summer and her world is crumbling.
We are three women in a household. My little princesses are going to learn to be contributing members of the household this summer.
Let me practice ... "No. no. no. No and no."
I'm ready.
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