Friday, October 31, 2014

A Funny God

Yesterday, I had to face a situation that quite honestly unnerved me to my core.

My hands started shaking as if my sugar was crashing, in the car driving my throat started constricting and I am looking to see what I have in case I get sick.

I volleyed in my mind, do I sent out an all-alert, Facebook prayer warrior request and decided not to.

It's you and me God.

Driving, I sent up serious, rapid-fire prayers for mercy, grace and protection. I am walking into an unstable situation that was out of my control.

I questioned again do I send a prayer warrior request to Facebook with some pretty strong faith-based friends.

Good grief, I am running late and this van in front of me is driving under the speed limit.  I have no room to pass and my attention is now on this white van.

Who is this slow driver?!

Guardian Protection Services

A very funny God!

I am a signs girl. As I sat and waited to face what I truly dreaded, my thoughts went back to my sign while driving and it did calm me.

My situation ended in my favor.

Later, out of curiosity I Google'd Guardian Protection Services to see where they were located. The nearest location is two hours away.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Breaking Bad ... Habits



When Brooke's dad was alive and we were together (15 years ago) I had a bad habit of calling him names and often said rude and nasty comments out loud.

Because he couldn't hear me, I would. He couldn't hear out of one ear and I am certain he didn't hear well out of his good ear.

I would call him names in close proximity and he would turn to me and say, "What did you say?" No idea I was blasting him.

I learned to argue tough early on and I am certain being a single mom all these years and working in professional arenas with intelligent physicians and executives, I learned to stand my ground like a rock and argue like a man. Liking words and being as descriptive as possible, I can put my thoughts together and hit a bulls eye target a million miles away with 100% accuracy.

It took me a while after Brooke's dad and I separated to break the bad habit of out-loud, name-calling, because my next relationship wasn't deaf. I often found myself cringing [Oh crap, he heard that!].

Fast forward to 44 years old, being a single mom for 18+ years and what I have is decades of well-honed arguing skills.


Communication is key in a loving relationship and I found this awesome book that love and respect must be unconditional.

God created men and women differently. We are wired differently and communication is the biggest challenge when we are wired to think differently, feel differently, hear differently, look at things differently and speak a different language.

Women tend to be relationship (love)-oriented and men tend to be achievement (respect)-oriented.

He speaks a "respect language" and us girls speak a "love language."

Neither are wrong, just different.

It all funnels down to this ...

WITHOUT LOVE, SHE REACTS WITHOUT RESPECT.
WITHOUT RESPECT, HE REACTS WITHOUT LOVE.

We were made differently on purpose to become whole together.

Love is a choice. I choose to speak his respect language.

I have a lot of work ahead of me to learn to speak his respect language. It is like learning to speak a foreign language when all I have spoken for four decades is English.

This journey is important to me, because he is important to me and so is love.










Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Unlimited Possibilities



It sounds significant, but you would be surprised to know the little things that are significant to me.

Let me explain ... I have always been that mom that secretly loves when school starts. I love the school routine where my girls go to bed early and when they are not eating me out of house and home while being human tornadoes.

I love mornings to myself and I don't get them in the summer.

Guess what I haven't had since Mariah graduated last May? Mornings to myself!

Our new routine is Brooke walks out the door for school and five minutes later, Mariah wakes up.

Mariah has been working a kiosk job at the mall, her work hours are later in the day. It feels the same when she was a baby, the moment my feet would hit the floor, her eyes would fly open. Never a moment to myself. Now, Mariah has a new job. Working days = up and out early right behind Brooke. Thank you, Jesus!

And I have taken a vacation day today.




Monday, October 27, 2014

Rose-colored Glasses


It was an autumn picturesque day.

The sun was shining in grand splendor, the sky as blue as it could be. The leaves on the trees complementing God's creation in vivid color.

The reds deep and rich, the yellow/golden trees vibrant and the orange trees bursting in an I-am-autumn kind of way. It was all so much to take in and every where I looked I was in awe.

Midday, realizing I was wearing sunglasses, I took them off to see their true colors. To see them more magnificent.

While it was still a pretty autumn day, it wasn't nearly as brilliant with the lenses of my sunglasses removed.

Off. On. Off. On. Off. On.

I couldn't get over the difference between pretty and picturesque. The duller version versus the vibrant. I hadn't seen the colors as they truly were because my lenses enhanced so well and it made me feel bad that I what I thought I was seeing and loving, I wasn't.

Truly, it was seeing through the cliche of rose-colored glasses.

My perspective had been enhanced.

My mindset in the way of looking at the scenes in front of me provided me a different attitude and an angle of seeing colors differently. From ordinary to extraordinary.

It was more the shock that it never occurred to me as I was taking everything in in awe, that I wasn't seeing things as they really were.

So, I put my sunglasses back on.

I choose to see colors more brightly. I prefer to see colors through rose-colored glasses for enhancing sake. I want to see life in vibrant colors versus ordinary.

Rose-colored glasses is a perspective much like our perspective and lenses we choose to see things in life.




Sunday, October 26, 2014

Now THAT's a Prayer


Sitting on the couch for a moment, Brooke was watch Bruce Almighty when a scene with Bruce (Jim Carrey) struggling on earth in his relationship with Grace (Jennifer Aniston) ends up in heaven after being hit by a truck. God (Morgan Freeman) appears and asks Bruce what he really wants. After a few feeble attempts with world peace, God calls him out sounding like a beauty pageant winner, then asks Bruce again, what do you really want?  Bruce admits he only wants to make sure that Grace finds a man that would make her happy ...

God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer.

In true Hollywood style, Bruce finds himself miraculously alive in the hospital and his relationship with Grace rekindled and where it should be.

In true faith style, Grace continually sought God in prayer for Bruce and their best love story finally happened when Bruce came to the end of himself facing God and understanding pure love before everything could truly change.


Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Olive Tree

Reading devotions and blogs from my favorite writers early this morning, a daily devotion came through about the olive tree.  My first reaction was "Yuck!" an olive is one of three foods I will not eat.

Even though it is among one of the worst foods, for me, I am impressed with its life process much like the resilience of a palm tree and so I wanted to share ...

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 

"When he had finished praying, Jesus left with his disciples and crossed the Kidron Valley. On the other side there was an olive grove, and he and his disciples went into it. Now Judas, who betrayed him, knew the place, because Jesus had often met there with his disciples" John 18:1-2 

Jesus often met in the shadow and shade of the olive tree.

The olive grove mentioned above is the Garden of Gethsemane.Jesus knew the crushing-heart feeling. He felt it. He wrestled with it. He carried it.

And I don't think it was a coincidence the olive tree was there in this moment of deep sorrow for Jesus.

Garden of Gethsemane


The crushing times are necessary times.

First, in order to be fruitful the olive tree has to have both the east wind and the west wind. The east wind is the dry hot wind from the desert. This is a harsh wind. So harsh that it can blow over green grass and make it completely wither in one day.

The west wind, on the other hand, comes from the Mediterranean. It brings rain and life.
The olive tree needs both of these winds to produce fruit ... and so do we. We need both the winds of hardship and winds of relief to sweep across our lives if we are to be truly fruitful.

The crushing times are processing times.

Another thing to consider about the olive tree is how naturally bitter the olive is and what it must go through to be useful. If you were to pick an olive from the tree and try to eat it this month, its bitterness would make you sick.

For the olive to be edible, it has to go through a lengthy process that includes:
washing,
breaking,
soaking,
sometimes salting,
and waiting some more.

It is a lengthy process to be cured of bitterness.

If we are to escape the natural bitterness of the human heart, we have to go through a long process as well ... the process of being cured.

The crushing times are preservation times.

The final thing I want to consider about the olive is not just how bitter it is, but also how strong and hard it is when picked straight from the tree. If you are harvesting olives for oil, you must pray for a soaking rain to come if you hope to get oil from the olives. It needs a hard rain of at least two to three hours so the water can make it all the way up the roots, through the tree and to the olives.

Then the olives can be picked and preserved.

And the best way to preserve an olive for the long run? Crush it and extract the oil from it.
The same is true for us. The biblical way to be preserved is to be pressed. And being pressed can certainly feel like being crushed.

2 Corinthians 4:8 says we are "pressed ... but not crushed" 

Crushing isn't the olive's end.

Crushing is the way of preservation for the olive. It's also the way to get what's most valuable, the oil, out of the olive. Keeping this perspective is how we can be troubled on every side yet not distressed ... pressed to the point of being crushed but not crushed and destroyed.

When I'm being processed, I forget it's for the sake of ridding me of bitterness.

And when I'm being crushed, I forget it's for the sake of my preservation.

I forget all these things so easily. I wrestle and cry and honestly want to resist every bit of this. Oh, how I forget.

Maybe God knew we all would forget.

And so, He created the olive tree.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Fainthearted

There is a theme that continues to resurrect itself over the last few months and my Magical Highlighter is bombarding me acknowledging where I am with descriptions when I cannot even put thoughts into words.

There comes a point when you give absolutely all you have in every area of your life with enthusiasm and gusto that after too long it slips into a bad place.

Over-extended. Fainthearted.

A fainthearted person cannot take much and gets discouraged quickly. That's me.

Easily aggravated and resentful from of over extending in every area of my life and not getting ahead. At all.

In fact, in all my grand efforts, I am the one depleting as everyone around me is ignorantly blissful and complacent with their needs met.

A soul that isn't well is a soul that will eventually give up.

God has the power to break the fainthearted spirit and I need to recognize what this battle for me is.

Is it the holy spirit nagging at me it's time for change?  Do I need to change?  Is it a storm on my soul that wants to take me out because I am close to break through with something big in my life?

I am familiar with each of these.

Sometimes you have to unplug and do what makes your soul well.

And pray for wisdom and clarity.




Sunday, October 12, 2014

Je ne sais quoi

The best part of turning 42 years old is turning 42 twice!

David gets his age confused because I am two years older. When I asked him how he felt about his approaching birthday I learned he thought he was turning 43, which made turning 42 years old again even sweeter.

Happy birthday, David Franklin!

We kicked off this 3-day birthday weekend with both of us taking a vacation day Friday.

The morning began with a Breaking Bad Walter White breakfast ...


Then we drove an hour south to pick up our 1st vehicle we picked out together, a 2014 Jeep Grand Cherokee. 

I let him know so there was no confusion going forward, he may be making all the payments, but truly this is our 1st vehicle together.  Jeeps are my thing. After we test-drove a couple vehicles, he asked me, as he always does, what colors do I like.  

We agreed together on the dark forest green with the light tan interior.

There. Ours.

The Jeep model, colors and diesel could only be found in New York, so it was truly a surprise when we went to pick it up and see it for the first time. It was perfect!

Luxury meets adventure. A perfect complement of us. 

Stopping for lunch on the way home we found a new winery we have never been to. Stopping for lunch and sampling a few wines in an impressive setting we both admired added an unexpected Je ne sais quoi.

We took turns driving the hour ride home and had only 15 minutes to freshen up, change into dress clothes and head north for his birthday surprise!

For WEEKS I have been jumping up and down in my mind excited for David's birthday and his birthday surprise is about to be pulled off in grand production. 

Dressed up and driving in our new vehicle we put in navigation the address of somewhere we have never been. Risky? Yes.

It was stunning!





The ambiance and the piano music made an excellent setting. 

Our waiter placed unexpected clue cards in front of David throughout our meal:

  Clue #1 -  Our seat numbers

  Clue #2 -  Our row number  *At this point he was convince we were going to a concert after dinner

  Clue #3 - 
Sloopy lives in a very bad part of town
And everybody yeah, tries to put my Sloopy down
Well, Sloopy I don't care what your daddy do
Cause' you know Sloopy girl I'm in love with you


And so I say now

Hang on Sloopy, Sloopy hang on

O  H  I  O


I handed him his gift bag that held our tickets to the OSU vs. Michigan game and he was stunned.

PRICELESS.

I handed him his birthday card that said how much I loved him, then a final clue card ...

   Clue #4 said "Oops, One more ..." and inside said,

We're Invited
to a
TAILGATE PARTY!

The whole day was wonderful!

We came home, got comfy, had birthday cake and watched episodes of a new favorite tv show, Airplane Repo.



For all you are
and for all we are together

<3

Happy Birthday to the best thing
that ever happened to me.










Thursday, October 9, 2014

Life After Graduation

Taking a semester off school was a needed good choice for Mariah.

It has been almost four months since her dad has passed away and she is doing remarkably well. I keep a close eye on her and once in a while she has a day where she grieves.

Her daddy told her to grieve and feel bad when he passes for a few days, then get happy, live a full life. With that permission and getting two years of saying all that need to be said between a dying dad and his daughter provided our daughter with a smooth transition into life without him.

Mariah enjoyed a summer of fun and travel with church camp, being a counselor at vacation bible school and two weeks in Ireland on a missions trip.

Acclimating into adulthood financially has been a significant and unappreciative impact to her. As a contributing member of our household and as an adult, she now pays rent on top of her cell phone bill, car insurance and the biggest of all surprises, she has to buy her own products.

I laughed when my mom told me she told them she was looking for an apartment since she has to pay for everything anyways!

She doesn't part with her money easily.

Frazzled. Stressed. Anxiety.

Young and naive, she doesn't realize she is being eased into adulthood while still have all her needs met for a fraction of the cost.

She needed time. Healing time from being in school her whole life and her dad passing one month out of high school.

She has had time and I am glad to say she accepted her first professional job (outside of mall sales positions) and will begin college in January.

Welcome to adulthood, baby girl!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Googly-eyed

Brooke is thriving as a high school Freshman.

She likes each class, is speaking Chinese and found her niche in Gamer's Club.

She likes to be dropped off as early as I am willing and sips Frappuccino's for lunch to look cool and get a caffeine boost.

She adores boys with black flippy hair and has met some really neat guys that like her unique style.

I call them the "flavor of the month" club because she is like a little girl in a candy store, always a new cute boy to meet.

There is one who she is completely googly-eyed over!  He is a Senior, cute as he can be, impeccable manners, sweet, thoughtful, has a job and drives, which is a whole new world and the next level of a young man for her.

He is a fantastic kid and I am impressed with her choice. She likes nice boys, smart and a bit nerdy. They went to church together and we all adore him.

Though she is too young to date, I will always encourage excellent choices and good decisions, giving her approval for good choices and not frustrating her that pushes her into a dysfunctional direction.

I still have the final say, so I allow her to blossom under healthy watchful eyes.

Brooke was bursting with excitement the other day, over the moon excited about Alex. She was sharing all his attributes when she was trying to say how wonderful he was and she came up with the neatest analogy ...

"He is my David to my mom," she said in grand crescendo trying to explain her excited heart.

Possession. Admiration. The bar set high.

Her grand compliment and it opened my eyes that she admires what she sees that I have, the bar has been set high and an example of a relationship of excellence.

My relationship is her normal after 1-1/2 years. She witnesses love, tons of affection, healthy activity, quality time, hobbies and shared interests, laughter and playfulness.

If her normal is the bar set high, I can only hope she patterns her own future relationships in her familiar normal.