Balance

Balance is restoring as I am writing.

For days my schedule has been thrown off while attending two full days of ServSafe restaurant management certification training, being out of the rescue mission while they are experiencing record high numbers of dinner guests, my phone never stops from the mission even though I cannot be there, attending a collaborative event yesterday, and having a house full of teenagers for a 24-hour sleepover and entertainment.

Being routine by nature, I am finding my internal equilibrium and getting back into balance.

This is the very reason why I can be on an exotic vacation in a breathtaking destination and after a couple of days, get me back home.

Brooke is very much a creature of habit like me and at the 28th hour of her sleepover, I felt that invisible umbilical cord reconnect, her pull close and needing quiet time at home with me.

Slipping into routine is an oasis of restoration, comfort and balance.

Healing begins when balance is restored. David and I often do this when we are at odds, we take us back to routine that is the oasis of us.

Intensity

Intensity is the theme I want for this summer.

in·ten·si·ty

  

noun

1.

the quality or condition of being intense.

2.

great energy, strength, concentration, vehemence, etc., as of activity, thought, or 

feeling

3.

a high degree of emotional excitement; depth of feeling

Intense workouts, intense outdoor activities, intense playing.

Turning 44 years old next month simply adds challenge to wanting more, doing more, being more. I choose to be bikini-ready by the end of next month. Because I can and why wouldn't I want a healthy goal. 

I am down 16 lbs. in 3-1/2 months. When I hit a plateau it has always taken intensity to break the barrier and put me on the other side and it took intensity to break that 16th lb. 

Intense summer fun for me will be riding the towpath farther than I imagined, riding jet skis, joining an outdoor workout group, beating my own record of running the Monument steps more than 16 times (I'm up to 10 being early summer), I want to go white-water rafting, kayaking, my list is open.

Give me a goal to strive for or I wilt and suffocate in idleness.

Warrior Dash is in August and I will be competing accidentally in the most competitive heat. Intensity in training initially started for Warrior Dash, but has become my new focus, goal and theme for this summer.

To Flourish

"Love is a blend of affection, devotion and loyalty. It is part emotion and part commitment. Real love — unconditional love — is hope blended into the reality of life."

Let's face it —  reality is life gives us nothing but opportunities to work at this whether it is in a difficult season or the sometimes daily.

Difficult seasons come with difficult situations. When the difficult situation is removed, the oppressive blanket of stress is lifted, calm is restored, healing begins and life flourishes.  

I love the word flourish.

flour·ish

verb

1. to be in a vigorous state; thrive

2. to be in its or in one's prime; be at the height of fame, excellence, influence

3. to be successful; prosper

4. to grow luxuriantly; thrive in growth,

Real love — unconditional love — the hope blended into the reality of life, will be challenged by difficult seasons.

Love is never in doubt. It always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres at end of frustration when others are anything but lovable at times.

The undeniable, unexplainable love steps up and fills in the gap until basking in the land of flourish resumes. 

Two New Favorites

As a person who likes to go new places and try new things, nothing *thrills* me more than finding a new favorite destination ... and sipping a new favorite wine!

Give me summer.  Give me sunshine.  Give me ambiance.

Put me outdoors by the water in a beautiful destination.

Let summer begin!

Father's Day ... Just Ahead

Father's Day is Sunday and the very thought of it is sucking the air out of Brooke's lungs. Her energy is depleting this week while dread is growing to just get the approaching day over with.  

Her dad's suicide has left an ache in her soul. While time heals, special days about dads are a painful reminder of what she doesn't have and my little girl's heart is shattered.

Honestly, I'm tired of overcompensating for his shortcomings. Filling in the role of both mom and dad, taking on twice the load.

There is a place called "beyond caring," located just past "repeated disappointments." It lonely there. The hope and courage to expect something new and positive are lost on the road to getting there.

My 1st Cry

In all the remarkable situations that happen every day at the rescue mission, last night was the first time I couldn't stop the tears.

One of the shelter men, the strong silent type, the very one that doesn't talk but will smile and say, "Okay" to any request I make then work his butt off for me entered my office last night ... 

About one month ago, Paul, my good friend, right-hand man in the kitchen and the very one who makes me so successful in my role in the meal ministry, approached me that there is another shelter guy with a lot of kitchen experience and asked if we could have him help in the kitchen in a main cooking role. I readily agreed and had a conversation with him.

He is the strong silent type. Never talks. I don't know his story (Many readily share details of their lives and continue to shock me while some never say a word and I completely respect their privacy). A super hard worker and I mean the guys sweat cooking in the hot kitchen, and hauling often thousands of pounds of donations.

Every day I lavishly thank them and praise them for their hard work. 

A month has rolled by and he continues to remain quiet and gives me 100% in the kitchen and with projects outside the kitchen doing anything I ask with a positive attitude.

A week ago, he asked if his son could spend the afternoon with him working in the kitchen as he had gone to culinary school. Absolutely! 

His boy came yesterday and in typical kitchen fashion, we had fun working, laughing and made his boy the designated taste-tester with our dishes and desserts.  A great job for a high school graduate. 

Last night before I was leaving to go home, he knocked on my door and asked if I had a minute to talk. 

I wasn't prepared for his cautious honesty as he shared the high-level view of what happened in his life that landed him with us in the rescue mission. Details I would have never guessed or assumed. A story unlike any other that I had heard. A television worthy story.

Then he thanked me.  He told me he hadn't seen his son in a couple of years and yesterday afternoon was their first time together. How much he appreciated my allowing his son to come in, work with us, and welcome him so warmly. That it was the first time he felt like a dad in years. [The realization of what happened in the kitchen unbeknownst to me opened the flood gates.]

He said, "You thank me every single day for working hard for you and it is me who should thank you. You and [a shelter director] have saved my life with your kindness, praise, and by allowing me to work hard and making me want to be a better man." He thanked me for the opportunity of an afternoon with his son.

I am listening silently and respectfully, but the tears are falling.

He has struggled over the years with God, but kindness, love, and appreciation is healing his heart in ways I was not even aware. 

The strong silent type, opened the window in heartfelt appreciation for the opportunity to spend the day with his son who is about to move across the country with his mother. 

So much was happening in the mission yesterday that I don't always fully understand. 

Thanking me for daily kindness and encouragement as a man has made him feel as if I was part of saving his life.

I had no idea the profound impact I was playing. With tears falling in realization of all that was happening I was not even aware of, I hugged him. 

Today begins another day. 

Lives are in transition. Struggles I can't even comprehend walk through the doors by the hundreds. The needs are great and the resources are little. 

As I run a meal ministry feeding the hungry, I pray for wisdom, discernment, gentleness, praise, patience, grace and strength to be open to be used exactly where God needs me most.

My Perfect Career

After four months of being at the rescue mission, now being full time and being 100% in charge, I am falling more and more in love with my new job every day.

As I am getting in my groove, flexing the muscles of change and seeing most positive results, my mind is opening, challenge is being richly fulfilled, and stimulation is at an all-time high as I juggle countless balls in air.

What would stress most people, energizes and strengthens me and I can honestly say that I have found my perfect career.

David and I had the "significance" conversation recently.  I am always wanting to stretch and grow our relationship because complacency has always been a certain death to me.

I always read to learn and stretch my mind. To improve myself and want do something totally new, to experience all life has to offer. I'm always looking on the horizon to see the next goal and pushing hard to it, because that is my personality.

Setting my eyes on a goal, making it happen and willing to clean up the aftermath is how I function.

It is that very mindset that lead me on the journey for significance in a career for my life.  Financial security is comforting and safe, but I was wilting and unfulfilled. So, I took an enormous leap of faith not knowing what would come next, because I didn't even know.

My liberating journey from financial security to significance was two incredible summers off, rejuvenating in countless different ways, enjoying life again, falling in love, staying directly connected to God in search of Him and my purpose in life.  Along the way I swam in deep dark waters of serious financial struggle, being home to help my daughter through a nightmarish year, and the my oldest daughters journey through losing her dad.

If my eyes were always on the goal of significance and purpose in a career in my life, it is beyond a shadow of a doubt that love to me is a million times greater.

Love is my favorite subject. Ever. It always has been.

After 43 years and quite the journey through my quest for love in life, I am more steadfast on getting love right than anything else. Far beyond a career.

My eyes are on the goal. I see exactly where I want to be and as a boundary-stomping, path-clearer with side-blinders on, I push.

I see where I want to be and a life to live.

I bet it's hard sometimes to be in a relationship with me. It has been hard for those in the past who like the comforts of complacency and those who cling to staying stagnant in life.

When I reflect on the journey to finding significance in my career, I see nothing but goodness and blessings. Thankful for my braveness of risk and blind faith to trust my instincts in knowing I wasn't where I was supposed to be and not allowing financial comfort to keep me from a greater life of happiness.

I will always want to take something to the next level because I embrace and thrive in significance, challenge, stimulation, and all things new for a life well lived.

I don't have a bucket list with a limited list of things I want to do. My bucket list looks like a mighty river flowing into a body of water that is constantly flowing, never ending and never runs dry.

Knowing I am exactly where I am supposed to be in a career is absolutely fulfilling. For a season or a lifetime, I don't know that answer. It feels amazing being so fulfilled though.