Farewell 2013, I am so glad to see you go.
Going into this year, the number 13 alone felt jinxed. It was definitely the year of worst employment ever for me, an emotional year for my Mariah that we were told so many times "the end was here" for her dad who is still alive, and my Brooke. The ongoing saga of the path of destruction from her dads suicide and my keeping her safe from herself.
In the midst of turmoil a *miracle* happened ... I fell in love.
Love is such a powerful emotion that it became my balance when storms continued to hit hard. Love became my foundation of hope for when calm eventually restores in my life.
I want to shake off 2013 and will be relieved when the ball is dropping this New Years Eve.
Watching Times Square in all it's glory as the clock strikes the magic hour of midnight, the world kisses one another, and bids farewell to 2013 in hope for 2014.
Godspeed.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Husband To the Husbandless
A couple of months ago, the day I ended my True North study was the very same day I began my new job at a group home foundation for girls, that had no girls. I was absolutely certain that was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I quit December 22nd.
The foundation was illegitimate.
As much as I knew that was exactly where I was supposed to be with every sign under heaven, I still believe it.
It was a test of character, integrity, and values for me and along the way I made a wonderful new friend, Lauri. I believe I needed her as much as maybe she needed me.
There I was two days before Christmas unemployed, which means no money coming in whatsoever.
I felt refreshed and saved getting out of there as if it were my own special Christmas gift; yet, there is a certain blend of uncertainty, fear, and faith.
God is often referred to as the husband to the husbandless. Many times in my life when I knew I had nothing left of myself and lost my passion to move mountains I have handed situations over to God and said as plain and clearly as He was standing in front of me in my home, "This is yours, please handle it."
Let me share with you two things that have happened that makes me smile and look to heaven ... taking the stuff out of my old purse to put into my new Brighton purse on Christmas day, I found a 1-week paycheck I had forgotten to cash. I'm not sure how I forgot that, but it buys me a month without worry.
The day after Christmas, there was one piece of mail in my mailbox. It was a letter from a doctors office that initially looked as if I owed $35.00 on an appointment from over two years ago. I was instantly aggravated, because I never leave bills unpaid. Re-reading it, it was a letter stating I had unclaimed funds of $35.00 they owe me.
This is not me "testing" God and I don't recommend it. This is me in a very honest place that I cannot do alone and handing to Him.
I don't undertand why certain things happen along the way in life.
Brooke continues to push boundaries farther than ever dreamed and I can only become more open as a mom to what is tough love when chaos fills my home and I cannot trust her out of my sight.
I am thankful for Christmas. So many times I was at my wits end between my job and Brooke that I imagined God doing the peace symbol with His hands pointing to His eyes saying, "Keep your eyes on Me. Focus on Me." And I did.
I made Christmas everything that it was with my eyes on Jesus. Knowing that while life isn't perfect on earth, I will have my happily ever after only because of Him. No matter what happens with Brooke by her choices in life, she will have happily ever after because of her faith in God. She will face unlimited consequences, but her name/salvation cannot be erased in God's holy book.
So much needs to happen right now and I don't know how things will work out, but I know my God, and I know they always do.
I quit December 22nd.
The foundation was illegitimate.
As much as I knew that was exactly where I was supposed to be with every sign under heaven, I still believe it.
It was a test of character, integrity, and values for me and along the way I made a wonderful new friend, Lauri. I believe I needed her as much as maybe she needed me.
There I was two days before Christmas unemployed, which means no money coming in whatsoever.
I felt refreshed and saved getting out of there as if it were my own special Christmas gift; yet, there is a certain blend of uncertainty, fear, and faith.
God is often referred to as the husband to the husbandless. Many times in my life when I knew I had nothing left of myself and lost my passion to move mountains I have handed situations over to God and said as plain and clearly as He was standing in front of me in my home, "This is yours, please handle it."
Let me share with you two things that have happened that makes me smile and look to heaven ... taking the stuff out of my old purse to put into my new Brighton purse on Christmas day, I found a 1-week paycheck I had forgotten to cash. I'm not sure how I forgot that, but it buys me a month without worry.
The day after Christmas, there was one piece of mail in my mailbox. It was a letter from a doctors office that initially looked as if I owed $35.00 on an appointment from over two years ago. I was instantly aggravated, because I never leave bills unpaid. Re-reading it, it was a letter stating I had unclaimed funds of $35.00 they owe me.
This is not me "testing" God and I don't recommend it. This is me in a very honest place that I cannot do alone and handing to Him.
I don't undertand why certain things happen along the way in life.
Brooke continues to push boundaries farther than ever dreamed and I can only become more open as a mom to what is tough love when chaos fills my home and I cannot trust her out of my sight.
I am thankful for Christmas. So many times I was at my wits end between my job and Brooke that I imagined God doing the peace symbol with His hands pointing to His eyes saying, "Keep your eyes on Me. Focus on Me." And I did.
I made Christmas everything that it was with my eyes on Jesus. Knowing that while life isn't perfect on earth, I will have my happily ever after only because of Him. No matter what happens with Brooke by her choices in life, she will have happily ever after because of her faith in God. She will face unlimited consequences, but her name/salvation cannot be erased in God's holy book.
So much needs to happen right now and I don't know how things will work out, but I know my God, and I know they always do.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Christmas Balance Restored
In the midst of the blur of Christmas hustle-n-bustle I knew I needed to find my balance.
Days on end of my teenagers excited to be off of school for a 2-week winter break wanting to run and have fun like human tornadoes in my home and eating everything in site, the finishing touches of baking and wrapping, Christmas Eve preparation and services, little sleep, Christmas morning excitement of gifts being opened, this years new annual tradition of The Great Christmas Scavenger Hunt racing all over town for clues and calling Grammy & Papa in Florida including them, family time together, a family movie, and Christmas dinner in my home is Christmas accomplished and exhausting.
Months of preparation and planning, two whirlwind days, and I needed to slow down after Christmas.
My rejuvenation and balance is when my home is clean and I get needed quiet time. First things first, get my home clean and in order so the rest of my life falls in place.
December 26th - organize and put away Christmas presents, wash floors, clean out the frig, clean my home.
How many more days will be girls be home on winter break? :)
Mariah at her dads. I made arrangements with Debbie to take Brooke for a few hours. Calm is being restored.
My home is back together, the planets in alignment, I'm ready.
In swoops David ... we get in the car and head north. We are not sure to where, no destination in mind, but someplace out of town and end up in Cleveland for lunch.
Knowing we have hours alone, we drive back home to finish watching the last several episodes of season one of Boardwalk Empire.
Snuggled on the couch for hours on end, cuddle time with Sammy Blue, a fire in the fireplace, the Christmas lights glowing, and stopping in between for a quiet dinner with just the two of us.
Balance restored.
Days on end of my teenagers excited to be off of school for a 2-week winter break wanting to run and have fun like human tornadoes in my home and eating everything in site, the finishing touches of baking and wrapping, Christmas Eve preparation and services, little sleep, Christmas morning excitement of gifts being opened, this years new annual tradition of The Great Christmas Scavenger Hunt racing all over town for clues and calling Grammy & Papa in Florida including them, family time together, a family movie, and Christmas dinner in my home is Christmas accomplished and exhausting.
Months of preparation and planning, two whirlwind days, and I needed to slow down after Christmas.
My rejuvenation and balance is when my home is clean and I get needed quiet time. First things first, get my home clean and in order so the rest of my life falls in place.
December 26th - organize and put away Christmas presents, wash floors, clean out the frig, clean my home.
How many more days will be girls be home on winter break? :)
Mariah at her dads. I made arrangements with Debbie to take Brooke for a few hours. Calm is being restored.
My home is back together, the planets in alignment, I'm ready.
In swoops David ... we get in the car and head north. We are not sure to where, no destination in mind, but someplace out of town and end up in Cleveland for lunch.
Knowing we have hours alone, we drive back home to finish watching the last several episodes of season one of Boardwalk Empire.
Snuggled on the couch for hours on end, cuddle time with Sammy Blue, a fire in the fireplace, the Christmas lights glowing, and stopping in between for a quiet dinner with just the two of us.
Balance restored.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
In Full Celebration!
I woke up this morning to snow-covered everything, hooray for a white Christmas!
Christmas Eve is here which puts Christmas in full celebration. There is *magic* and *fairy dust* in my heart. I'm ready.
Ready to pull off a Christmas Eve and Christmas day production in our home with memories I hope my daughters look back, remember fondly, and recreate for their families one day.
Everything looks the same year after year. Our decorations I've often thought I should change for change-sake, but continue to use because they are ours and a warm, familiar memory.
Yet nothing is the same. This is our 1st Christmas with David, the perfect addition to our family. Sammy Blue as the sweetest littlest addition to our family. Our 1st Christmas without Grammy & Papa, snowbirds, who headed south early. My brother and I will be changing Christmas day tradition for our kids this year.
Life continues to change, yet our Christmas traditions remain the same.
Today will consist of running to the store early to pick up country-style ribs for a different kind of Christmas dinner tomorrow, all-inclusive with cheddar parmesan biscuits, mashed potatoes, and sweet corn. Making chocolates and a birthday cake. Going to my church for an early Christmas Eve service this afternoon by myself, then my brothers church for their evening Christmas Eve service with family.
I want to bask in praise and worship today being amongst Christians celebrating the birth of Jesus.
Merry Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve is here which puts Christmas in full celebration. There is *magic* and *fairy dust* in my heart. I'm ready.
Ready to pull off a Christmas Eve and Christmas day production in our home with memories I hope my daughters look back, remember fondly, and recreate for their families one day.
Everything looks the same year after year. Our decorations I've often thought I should change for change-sake, but continue to use because they are ours and a warm, familiar memory.
Yet nothing is the same. This is our 1st Christmas with David, the perfect addition to our family. Sammy Blue as the sweetest littlest addition to our family. Our 1st Christmas without Grammy & Papa, snowbirds, who headed south early. My brother and I will be changing Christmas day tradition for our kids this year.
Life continues to change, yet our Christmas traditions remain the same.
Today will consist of running to the store early to pick up country-style ribs for a different kind of Christmas dinner tomorrow, all-inclusive with cheddar parmesan biscuits, mashed potatoes, and sweet corn. Making chocolates and a birthday cake. Going to my church for an early Christmas Eve service this afternoon by myself, then my brothers church for their evening Christmas Eve service with family.
I want to bask in praise and worship today being amongst Christians celebrating the birth of Jesus.
Merry Christmas Eve
Monday, December 23, 2013
The Romance of Christmas
It is two days before Christmas and I feel the crescendo of the romance of Christmas building.
The presents are wrapped. Three gifts each.
David and I made Christmas cookies for the 1st time together. Sugar cookies with two cups of hot cocoa stirred with candy canes and Christmas music filling the air to set the baking mood. We made a mess and I laughed when he asked to smell the cookie dough then his surprise when he presented me the perfect opportunity into shoving it in his face. Bet he doesn't ask that again!
Christmas Sunday just yesterday. Traditional Christmas hymns sung in church.
The Christmas tree is often the only light in the room with its soft glow projecting celebration in warm ambiance.
The final touches complete and we are expecting snow for Christmas.
Planning. Much thought. Careful preparation.
Our "Sparkle Box" sits beside the glowing tree with our acts of kindness as our gift to Jesus on his birthday.
No matter what is happening ... the romance of Christmas takes my focus off of all the less than perfects in my life and projects it on the birth of Jesus and my God guaranteeing me my happily ever after.
I am keeping my eyes on Him and celebrating His birthday the best way I can by keeping the birth of Jesus the focus of Christmas in our home.
The presents are wrapped. Three gifts each.
David and I made Christmas cookies for the 1st time together. Sugar cookies with two cups of hot cocoa stirred with candy canes and Christmas music filling the air to set the baking mood. We made a mess and I laughed when he asked to smell the cookie dough then his surprise when he presented me the perfect opportunity into shoving it in his face. Bet he doesn't ask that again!
Christmas Sunday just yesterday. Traditional Christmas hymns sung in church.
The Christmas tree is often the only light in the room with its soft glow projecting celebration in warm ambiance.
The final touches complete and we are expecting snow for Christmas.
Planning. Much thought. Careful preparation.
Our "Sparkle Box" sits beside the glowing tree with our acts of kindness as our gift to Jesus on his birthday.
No matter what is happening ... the romance of Christmas takes my focus off of all the less than perfects in my life and projects it on the birth of Jesus and my God guaranteeing me my happily ever after.
I am keeping my eyes on Him and celebrating His birthday the best way I can by keeping the birth of Jesus the focus of Christmas in our home.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Then ...
Today I was full of patience and kind to all.
I was soft spoken, kind-hearted, chose my words carefully, granting mercy and grace to everyone who crossed my path.
I forgave.
Was full of peace.
And love.
Then ... I got out of bed.
I was soft spoken, kind-hearted, chose my words carefully, granting mercy and grace to everyone who crossed my path.
I forgave.
Was full of peace.
And love.
Then ... I got out of bed.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Pork Chop
Maybe it's the way he counts calories, maximizing caloric intake eating healthy options versus wasting calories on junk food or the fact that he hasn't eaten at a fast food restaurant in over two years. Or the way he prefers to go to bed hungry versus eating too late.
He claims he hasn't gained a 1/2 a pound in four years; yet, he has gained six pounds since he met me.
Military length hair cut, groomed to perfection.
Six-pack abs. Ripped-tone body.
My favorite is when he wears a t-shirt and the soft cotton material stretches across his back muscles, but hangs loosely down the middle of his back and loose around his trim waist. His arms ripped and strong with a tattoo circling his upper arm, a splash of edginess, outlining his muscles that go all the way down to his strong, muscular hands. *sigh*
I'm not kidding at all when I say he looks like a Calvin Klein model, splashed with a few tattoos.
At 41, his body looks 21.
In all things ridiculous, I call him pork chop.
I think how it happened was ... he was probably making remarks about the portion-sizes I put on his plate for dinner stating that he has gained three pounds, but that he would lose it in two days by watching what he eats. That comment in itself is annoying!
Quite possibly I was probably touching him with my hand over his six-pack abs and he was saying something preposterous like he was getting fat, and I referred to him as, "Pork Chop." To match his absurd comment.
Oh my gosh, I think that caught him off guard, but the name stuck and he now refers to himself in third-person for example, "No, Pork Chop does not need any more cookies", etc.
I love this handsome boy. I love his heart, our friendship, the bzillion ways he makes my life richer and more fulfilled every single day, and this relationship that we have both put everything into.
I love laughing with him over the silly things and in all things ridiculous, I love the utterly foolish nickname Pork Chop that teasingly and loving really means you are magnificently and beautifully made.
He claims he hasn't gained a 1/2 a pound in four years; yet, he has gained six pounds since he met me.
Military length hair cut, groomed to perfection.
Six-pack abs. Ripped-tone body.
My favorite is when he wears a t-shirt and the soft cotton material stretches across his back muscles, but hangs loosely down the middle of his back and loose around his trim waist. His arms ripped and strong with a tattoo circling his upper arm, a splash of edginess, outlining his muscles that go all the way down to his strong, muscular hands. *sigh*
I'm not kidding at all when I say he looks like a Calvin Klein model, splashed with a few tattoos.
At 41, his body looks 21.
In all things ridiculous, I call him pork chop.
I think how it happened was ... he was probably making remarks about the portion-sizes I put on his plate for dinner stating that he has gained three pounds, but that he would lose it in two days by watching what he eats. That comment in itself is annoying!
Quite possibly I was probably touching him with my hand over his six-pack abs and he was saying something preposterous like he was getting fat, and I referred to him as, "Pork Chop." To match his absurd comment.
Oh my gosh, I think that caught him off guard, but the name stuck and he now refers to himself in third-person for example, "No, Pork Chop does not need any more cookies", etc.
I love this handsome boy. I love his heart, our friendship, the bzillion ways he makes my life richer and more fulfilled every single day, and this relationship that we have both put everything into.
I love laughing with him over the silly things and in all things ridiculous, I love the utterly foolish nickname Pork Chop that teasingly and loving really means you are magnificently and beautifully made.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
A Picturesque Christmasy Day
It's a winter wonderland outside and the snow is coming down in giant soft snowflakes. The roads are covered in snow [not really safe for driving], I'm certain the stores are packed with Christmas shoppers, and I am nestled in my house on a picturesque Christmasy day.
Thank you Lifetime Channel for hosting one Christmas movie after another. My tree is lit, my home decorated, and plenty of holiday sweets to complement a hot pot of coffee.
Mariah is off having fun with girlfriends, Brooke is playing out in the snow, David is shopping, and Sammy Blue is sleeping peacefully. I'm cherishing all things quiet.
I am rich.
I have everything that money cannot buy ... my family, good health, a heart so full of love, a comfortable and warm home, and food we enjoy. Our needs are always met, our wants always attainable. I have peace, laughter, and want for nothing. I'm a very blessed girl.
My life isn't perfect, but I have learned to be more than content in most all circumstances.
Love is a choice I make and a quest that has been my driving factor in life. Happiness and gratefulness is the outlook that I focus on. Hope are my dreams tucked away safely in the compass of my heart leading me in this journey through life, and faith is my foundation for all things.
To every one who reads my blog, locally and in countries all around this world, I wish you a very Merry Christmas.
May your heart be filled with peace no matter what is going on in your life. Contentedness and a grateful heart for all you do have. Happiness and laughter. Faith in our very present God, hope in your heart, and love.
May you quiet your heart in the busyness of holiday hustle-n-bustle, keep Christmas in perspective, and remember exactly what the world is celebrating in less than two weeks, the birth of Jesus Christ.
Tuck this away in your heart ... there is one thing this Christmas you can cling to, it is the guarantee of happily ever after as long as you believe in Him.
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6 NIV
Who is this God that sent his Son to us two thousand years ago? Who is this Jesus you must know to get to God in heaven? Meet my God in 2014.
Merry Christmas
Thank you Lifetime Channel for hosting one Christmas movie after another. My tree is lit, my home decorated, and plenty of holiday sweets to complement a hot pot of coffee.
Mariah is off having fun with girlfriends, Brooke is playing out in the snow, David is shopping, and Sammy Blue is sleeping peacefully. I'm cherishing all things quiet.
I am rich.
I have everything that money cannot buy ... my family, good health, a heart so full of love, a comfortable and warm home, and food we enjoy. Our needs are always met, our wants always attainable. I have peace, laughter, and want for nothing. I'm a very blessed girl.
My life isn't perfect, but I have learned to be more than content in most all circumstances.
Love is a choice I make and a quest that has been my driving factor in life. Happiness and gratefulness is the outlook that I focus on. Hope are my dreams tucked away safely in the compass of my heart leading me in this journey through life, and faith is my foundation for all things.
To every one who reads my blog, locally and in countries all around this world, I wish you a very Merry Christmas.
May your heart be filled with peace no matter what is going on in your life. Contentedness and a grateful heart for all you do have. Happiness and laughter. Faith in our very present God, hope in your heart, and love.
May you quiet your heart in the busyness of holiday hustle-n-bustle, keep Christmas in perspective, and remember exactly what the world is celebrating in less than two weeks, the birth of Jesus Christ.
Tuck this away in your heart ... there is one thing this Christmas you can cling to, it is the guarantee of happily ever after as long as you believe in Him.
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6 NIV
Who is this God that sent his Son to us two thousand years ago? Who is this Jesus you must know to get to God in heaven? Meet my God in 2014.
Merry Christmas
Date Night
Did you know I have the most handsome, sexy boyfriend? I do.
So intelligent, a gentleman, charming, and fun, he looks like a Calvin Klein model dressed in Buckle. I watch him in awe, listen to him talk, and am beyond thankful he is in my life. This amazingly awesome man that I touch, kiss, and love as much as I want.
Friday night, date night, and our plans to go out and come home to "no kids" fell through.
Of course, Friday the 13th.
My sugar was dropping by 4:00 p.m., I was so hungry. Somehow, he seemed hungrier and was ready to eat his shoe. We finally make it to a restaurant to eat around 8:00 p.m. The waitress apologized several times for the delay in our dinner being brought out because of a holiday party and our food didn't arrive until much later.
In the midst of plans falling through, hunger, and eating much later than we are used to ... I looked at him and thought how lucky I am!
Last night he walked in the door, showered, starving, and looking like a model out of a Buckle magazine. So handsome! We went to a fun atmosphere for dinner surrounded by the hustle-n-bustle of others having a good time with good music. Later we arrived at our romantic winery, lit by candlelight, and our table by the fireplace was open.
Relax. A glass of wine in hand. Ambiance. Christmastime. Laughing and talking with the most handsome and sexy man, hopelessly in love.
Plans many not always come together perfectly, but I have my perfect.
So intelligent, a gentleman, charming, and fun, he looks like a Calvin Klein model dressed in Buckle. I watch him in awe, listen to him talk, and am beyond thankful he is in my life. This amazingly awesome man that I touch, kiss, and love as much as I want.
Friday night, date night, and our plans to go out and come home to "no kids" fell through.
Of course, Friday the 13th.
My sugar was dropping by 4:00 p.m., I was so hungry. Somehow, he seemed hungrier and was ready to eat his shoe. We finally make it to a restaurant to eat around 8:00 p.m. The waitress apologized several times for the delay in our dinner being brought out because of a holiday party and our food didn't arrive until much later.
In the midst of plans falling through, hunger, and eating much later than we are used to ... I looked at him and thought how lucky I am!
Last night he walked in the door, showered, starving, and looking like a model out of a Buckle magazine. So handsome! We went to a fun atmosphere for dinner surrounded by the hustle-n-bustle of others having a good time with good music. Later we arrived at our romantic winery, lit by candlelight, and our table by the fireplace was open.
Relax. A glass of wine in hand. Ambiance. Christmastime. Laughing and talking with the most handsome and sexy man, hopelessly in love.
Plans many not always come together perfectly, but I have my perfect.
Finding the Good
In my office my colleague, Lauri, and I were talking about who knows what, pick a topic.
This week she was trying to tell me a story and before she could get it out, she was bent over rocking in her chair wiping the tears from her eyes, and I was laughing so hard at her, I was wiping my own tears. I didn't even know what she was about to say!
We have eight hours to talk about any subject. I've learned that anything can come out of her mouth and I no longer brace myself, but value and appreciate her candid honesty, transparency, her huge heart, and our new friendship.
One day we were discussing a frustrating topic and frustration was getting the best of me when she said, "You need to find the good. You have a way about you that can find the good in anything."
That was like a reset button.
I can choose to focus on things I cannot change or I can find the good in every situation. Start listing the good things and dwell in those thoughts.
There is a purpose for everything.
This week she was trying to tell me a story and before she could get it out, she was bent over rocking in her chair wiping the tears from her eyes, and I was laughing so hard at her, I was wiping my own tears. I didn't even know what she was about to say!
We have eight hours to talk about any subject. I've learned that anything can come out of her mouth and I no longer brace myself, but value and appreciate her candid honesty, transparency, her huge heart, and our new friendship.
One day we were discussing a frustrating topic and frustration was getting the best of me when she said, "You need to find the good. You have a way about you that can find the good in anything."
That was like a reset button.
I can choose to focus on things I cannot change or I can find the good in every situation. Start listing the good things and dwell in those thoughts.
There is a purpose for everything.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Mary Did You Know
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.
In the midst of Christmas preparation, decorating, buying presents to make everyone happy Christmas morning, and enduring the holiday hustle-n-bustle, I am thinking of Mary.
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?
How unprepared Mary must have felt when Gabriel appeared to her announcing God's perfect plan. The Son of God born to a virgin. So many questions she must have needed answered. So many preparations that she wished to have and needed to bring the Ultimate Gift into this world on what would become the true Christmas. Celebrated by a world for thousands of years.
The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.
Her ordinary life turned most extraordinary.
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.
The Perfect Plan was born on Christmas morning.
In the chaos and planning of Christmas, calm your heart and remember what Christmas morning truly was and is and make that your focus this Christmas.
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.
In the midst of Christmas preparation, decorating, buying presents to make everyone happy Christmas morning, and enduring the holiday hustle-n-bustle, I am thinking of Mary.
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?
How unprepared Mary must have felt when Gabriel appeared to her announcing God's perfect plan. The Son of God born to a virgin. So many questions she must have needed answered. So many preparations that she wished to have and needed to bring the Ultimate Gift into this world on what would become the true Christmas. Celebrated by a world for thousands of years.
The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.
Her ordinary life turned most extraordinary.
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.
The Perfect Plan was born on Christmas morning.
In the chaos and planning of Christmas, calm your heart and remember what Christmas morning truly was and is and make that your focus this Christmas.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Sammy Blue
Meet the newest member of our family, our new Ragdoll kitten, Sammy Blue.
A tad spoiled and bit of a cry baby when not the constant center of attention.
';;;;;;;6t/h500000000plt5l,, [Sammy's 1st post]
He likes to walk on my laptop, drink from our cups, smell and taste everything we eat, and stays under my feet when I cook. He especially loves mommy's kisses. Daddy's ear rubbing, cuddling, toys, treats and playtime. Sleeping with Brooke and Mariah's snuggles.
We love him!
He is the sweetest, most gentle, passive, little guy you could meet.
A tad spoiled and bit of a cry baby when not the constant center of attention.
';;;;;;;6t/h500000000plt5l,, [Sammy's 1st post]
He likes to walk on my laptop, drink from our cups, smell and taste everything we eat, and stays under my feet when I cook. He especially loves mommy's kisses. Daddy's ear rubbing, cuddling, toys, treats and playtime. Sleeping with Brooke and Mariah's snuggles.
We love him!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Tiffany & Co.
Ohhhhh, that blue box. You know the one ...
The turquoise/teal blue with that perfect white ribbon that shouts standard of excellence.
A large Tiffany & Co. box was delivered to where I work today and when it was opened, I was breathless with anticipation.
It was the same excitement I felt when I walked around the corner and saw the Biltmore Estate for the first time.
Every Christmas I buy myself a gift. This year, it is going to come out of this very same box that will sit under my Christmas tree until Christmas morning.
A little something for me that will make me *sigh* every day that I see it.
The turquoise/teal blue with that perfect white ribbon that shouts standard of excellence.
A large Tiffany & Co. box was delivered to where I work today and when it was opened, I was breathless with anticipation.
It was the same excitement I felt when I walked around the corner and saw the Biltmore Estate for the first time.
Every Christmas I buy myself a gift. This year, it is going to come out of this very same box that will sit under my Christmas tree until Christmas morning.
A little something for me that will make me *sigh* every day that I see it.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Smoke and Mirrors
Smoke and mirrors is an expression when someone distorts and blurs the facts with artful deception to fool another. They resort to tricky inventiveness to make something look attractive and appealing to deceive you from the truth.
Much like a magician, they believe their cleverness creates an illusion to have what they want to you to believe exists, when in fact it doesn't at all.
What angers me more about the ignorance of smoke and mirrors is that it puts me in a position of playing along as if I am a moron they think they are fooling or calling them out on their charade, exposing them as a liar, and their illusion as a fraud.
In the end, I will simply remove myself from the situation. Confrontation or cleaver exposure never ends on a good note.
For me it is a matter of time and making myself absent.
Much like a magician, they believe their cleverness creates an illusion to have what they want to you to believe exists, when in fact it doesn't at all.
What angers me more about the ignorance of smoke and mirrors is that it puts me in a position of playing along as if I am a moron they think they are fooling or calling them out on their charade, exposing them as a liar, and their illusion as a fraud.
In the end, I will simply remove myself from the situation. Confrontation or cleaver exposure never ends on a good note.
For me it is a matter of time and making myself absent.
Friday, November 29, 2013
True CHRISTmas
I woke up at 5:00 a.m., opened my eyes, and remembered something was different ...
Yesterday I woke up to Thanksgiving. Today I woke up to Christmas in my home.
The soft glow of the Christmas tree lights, the fireplace promising cozy movie nights by a warm fire. Endless holiday music. The wonderful 25 Days Till Christmas on television every night for those of us who have only one favorite reality show airing right now. Christmas tree festivals and lights. Sugar cookies and fudge. Dressing up in your Christmas-best celebrating Christ's birth at church. The anticipation and growing excitement in every childs heart.
Christmastime is magical.
Careful planning and preparing to not participate in holiday madness. Taking a stand against all things commercialized and keeping the glory on true CHRISTmas.
Black Friday, you are as gross as American's at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Yesterday I woke up to Thanksgiving. Today I woke up to Christmas in my home.
The soft glow of the Christmas tree lights, the fireplace promising cozy movie nights by a warm fire. Endless holiday music. The wonderful 25 Days Till Christmas on television every night for those of us who have only one favorite reality show airing right now. Christmas tree festivals and lights. Sugar cookies and fudge. Dressing up in your Christmas-best celebrating Christ's birth at church. The anticipation and growing excitement in every childs heart.
Christmastime is magical.
Careful planning and preparing to not participate in holiday madness. Taking a stand against all things commercialized and keeping the glory on true CHRISTmas.
Black Friday, you are as gross as American's at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Know What to Embrace
I saw this picture under one of the Believe In the Magic of Christmas posts on Facebook, which has been a wonderful addition to things I enjoy this holiday season.
I read this and re-read it. As a person who believes everything happens for a purpose and what is meant to be will be, I ponder the thought that while I do believe in those things we have free-will and choices to make that ultimately direct our path.
Thinking back, there are a couple times where I wish I would have embraced a relationship or a moment I really wanted to have, but I thought I had time. I didn't.
Sometimes our windows of time are very small and in an ever-changing world life doesn't afford a HOLD button while we take time to make a decision.
For example ... your dream job presents itself. If you don't respond within the timeframe the position is open, it will be filled by another who won't let the opportunity pass them by.
Endless windows of opportunities present themselves throughout our lifetime with limited timeframes where we are given a choice. Regretfully, are those choices I knew I wanted, thought I had "time" to only have another day happen, the winds shift, and the opportunity slip away forever.
There is a fine line between faith that says what is meant to be will be versus free-will and choice.
Know what to embrace and act on it as if the winds may shift and your window of opportunity closes.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Two Special Aunts
When Brooke's dad died, several relationships shifted in the universe at his funeral.
Roann and I became good friends who started going out together, Debbie took on a role in Brooke's life as a step-mom and stayed on as an important person in her life (even through she was not married to Keith), and Brooke and I met Aunt Kim for the first time.
For the last three years, Aunt Kim from Tuscon, AZ has called, Facebook messaged, written letters, sent cards, and countless gifts to Brooke for every holiday. She has made it her mission to fill in the gap and God love her, she hasn't given up on her mission even when Brooke wasn't able to be appropriately responsive.
December 19th will be the 3rd anniversary of her daddy's suicide.
It has been three years since she has been back to her dad and Debbie's condo.
Two special aunts, Aunt Kim and Aunt Debbie (not to be confused with step-mom Debbie), came to town last weekend to see Brooke and celebrated her belated 14th birthday.
Aunt Debbie, from Indiana, who we didn't know very well due to her relationship with her dad, would like a relationship with Brooke, too.
They came to town last weekend with gifts, laughter, love, and endless conversation.
The first stop was our house so Brooke could feel comfortable in her surroundings seeing them for the first time in three years. With (step-mom) Debbie present, the three of them whisked in our home in true fashion of mighty women on a mission of love and protection.
Have you ever been dizzy from so many conversations happening at once? It was perfect.
Brooke was covered in love.
After lunch and dessert in our home, Brooke was ready and wanted to go to the condo for the first time. It became the perfect time for her grand entrance back into her dad's former life surrounded by Debbie, Aunt Debbie, Aunt Kim, and me.
It was the perfect dose of excitement and chaos from her aunts visit that became the buffer as she walked through the condo back to her dad's bedroom.
Everything looked different.
Her dad's bedroom is now taken by Debbie's roommate. Buddy's presence, the new paint job, and an XBOX changed the look and feel of his former bedroom into a much more open and engaging room, much different from her dads.
Brooke begged to stay the night and I was on standby for damage control to pick up the emotional pieces from that first visit throughout this last week.
There was no shrapnel.
Two aunts whisked into town in all their love and glory and became exactly what Brooke needed.
Roann and I became good friends who started going out together, Debbie took on a role in Brooke's life as a step-mom and stayed on as an important person in her life (even through she was not married to Keith), and Brooke and I met Aunt Kim for the first time.
For the last three years, Aunt Kim from Tuscon, AZ has called, Facebook messaged, written letters, sent cards, and countless gifts to Brooke for every holiday. She has made it her mission to fill in the gap and God love her, she hasn't given up on her mission even when Brooke wasn't able to be appropriately responsive.
December 19th will be the 3rd anniversary of her daddy's suicide.
It has been three years since she has been back to her dad and Debbie's condo.
Two special aunts, Aunt Kim and Aunt Debbie (not to be confused with step-mom Debbie), came to town last weekend to see Brooke and celebrated her belated 14th birthday.
Aunt Debbie, from Indiana, who we didn't know very well due to her relationship with her dad, would like a relationship with Brooke, too.
They came to town last weekend with gifts, laughter, love, and endless conversation.
The first stop was our house so Brooke could feel comfortable in her surroundings seeing them for the first time in three years. With (step-mom) Debbie present, the three of them whisked in our home in true fashion of mighty women on a mission of love and protection.
Have you ever been dizzy from so many conversations happening at once? It was perfect.
Brooke was covered in love.
After lunch and dessert in our home, Brooke was ready and wanted to go to the condo for the first time. It became the perfect time for her grand entrance back into her dad's former life surrounded by Debbie, Aunt Debbie, Aunt Kim, and me.
It was the perfect dose of excitement and chaos from her aunts visit that became the buffer as she walked through the condo back to her dad's bedroom.
Everything looked different.
Her dad's bedroom is now taken by Debbie's roommate. Buddy's presence, the new paint job, and an XBOX changed the look and feel of his former bedroom into a much more open and engaging room, much different from her dads.
Brooke begged to stay the night and I was on standby for damage control to pick up the emotional pieces from that first visit throughout this last week.
There was no shrapnel.
Two aunts whisked into town in all their love and glory and became exactly what Brooke needed.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
A/Our Senior Picture
I graduated from college last summer, my Mariah graduates from high school this coming May.
In the middle of her senior pictures photo shoot, we took a/our senior picture together.
In the middle of her senior pictures photo shoot, we took a/our senior picture together.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Ebb and Flow
To move forward then backward. To be in the position of decline to renewed advancement.
Life is ebb and flow.
I get this at 43 after decades of my life being in different positions. At 18 the forward movement and renewed advancement is invigorating; however, the movement backward and decline is frightening and panic will set in.
I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, a soft whisper, then my 18 year old crawling in bed with me at 5 a.m. this morning in tears.
She cries. I gently explain.
Pulling her close, she is a little girl again wanting to snuggle against me. So many teachable moments this life offers us, but how do you pour decades of experience into a fresh and young heart? You simply can't.
Thus begins the experience of ebb and flow in her life.
What I have learned in this position is that every season changes. Time helps, love heals. And when the days seem their darkest and pain is in its most raw moment, I remember that better days are ahead where I will again laugh until I cry, my heart will feel happy and carefree, and I will continue to experience moments that take my breath away.
Life is ebb and flow.
I get this at 43 after decades of my life being in different positions. At 18 the forward movement and renewed advancement is invigorating; however, the movement backward and decline is frightening and panic will set in.
I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, a soft whisper, then my 18 year old crawling in bed with me at 5 a.m. this morning in tears.
She cries. I gently explain.
Pulling her close, she is a little girl again wanting to snuggle against me. So many teachable moments this life offers us, but how do you pour decades of experience into a fresh and young heart? You simply can't.
Thus begins the experience of ebb and flow in her life.
What I have learned in this position is that every season changes. Time helps, love heals. And when the days seem their darkest and pain is in its most raw moment, I remember that better days are ahead where I will again laugh until I cry, my heart will feel happy and carefree, and I will continue to experience moments that take my breath away.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
How Much Do I Love Thee?
Mariah called last night from her dad's that she was having a hard time and she was on her way home to talk, which is usually her walking in the door and the tears flow.
Stress is consuming her. Her dad's health is doing so poorly that she is stressed just being at his house. Senioritis says she was ready to graduate last year and is beyond sick of school. Then, her heart longs for another and she is learning about life and relationships.
[Slide David in the picture.]
Our healthy male perspective and sound counsel. He patiently talks with her and explains relationships from a man's point of view, as a friend and positive male role model in her life.
She cries. She asks him the same uncertain questions over and over again. All the while, he is seeing the inside of a teenage girls mind and heart.
The conversation takes a while, the storm is calmed for the moment, and Mariah heads back to her dad's house.
I snuggle up to David on the couch and put my head on his shoulder as we nestle down to watch a new and quickly favorite reality show. He leans over and kisses me and says, "I couldn't wait to see you all day." *happy sigh*
How much do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
Stress is consuming her. Her dad's health is doing so poorly that she is stressed just being at his house. Senioritis says she was ready to graduate last year and is beyond sick of school. Then, her heart longs for another and she is learning about life and relationships.
[Slide David in the picture.]
Our healthy male perspective and sound counsel. He patiently talks with her and explains relationships from a man's point of view, as a friend and positive male role model in her life.
She cries. She asks him the same uncertain questions over and over again. All the while, he is seeing the inside of a teenage girls mind and heart.
The conversation takes a while, the storm is calmed for the moment, and Mariah heads back to her dad's house.
I snuggle up to David on the couch and put my head on his shoulder as we nestle down to watch a new and quickly favorite reality show. He leans over and kisses me and says, "I couldn't wait to see you all day." *happy sigh*
How much do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Baby's 1st Year Calendar
Last night I tucked Brooke in bed, she was still excited from our family birthday party earlier in the evening and she asked, "Mom, what time was I born at?"
Crap! Was it 11:26 a.m., 12:56 p.m., 11:56 a.m.? Thus my search for documentation began that stated her birth time.
Downstairs in a large box filled with photo albums I found a treasure, her Baby's First Year Calendar.
This is a calendar full of all of her every first moments. The typical 1st laugh, 1st tooth, 1st rolled over, 1st day at the babysitters when Mommy had to go back to work, and the very treasured 1st time she said, "Ma-ma" which was dated and captured four days before the 1st time she said, "Da-da." Success!
Her baby calendar records all her trips to the doctors for check-ups with her current weight and height. Her first trip to Children's Hospital for constant crying. The doctors said that Tylenol Cold makes babies crazy. Hmmmm
I captured many other 1st details, too. Her 1st injury when Mariah put her knee in her face at only 5 weeks old while she was laying on the couch. I can picture it all in my mind's eye ... an excited and rambunctious Mariah only 4-1/2 years old jumping up on the couch to hold or touch the very tiny bundle, Brooke. BAMMMM! Knee in the face.
Her 1st moments with her daddy. The 1st time he changed a poopy diaper. The 1st time he gave her a bath. Her 1st night into her crib her daddy and I put together. The 1st time she went into the shower was with her daddy. We were in a hotel in Indiana so you could meet your sister, Brittany, your grandparents, and your brother and daddy took you in the shower with him.
A clipping of hair from her 1st haircut at 6 months old.
September 11, 2000 (10 months old), you like to let out ear piercing screams.
September 22, 2000 (1st day of autumn), Mariah asks Jesus into her heart.
October 13, 2000 (Friday the 13th and a full moon), Mariah thought she saw you swallow a game piece and shoved her hand down your throat to get it as a 1st reaction, then came running to me shouting to call 911. A trip to ER and an xray could not locate the game piece, now Mommy has to sift through your poopy to see if it ever comes out. Never did. Isn't that just like Mariah. :)
You were 5 days shy of being 1 year old when the 1st person ever said you look like Mommy.
Last night I find this treasure and go into Brooke's room to see if she is still awake by saying her name softly. Barely still awake, I whisper, "You were born at 12:56 p.m., sweetheart" and place her calendar on her dresser for her to see in the morning.
This morning I went into her room to wake her up. She was sitting in bed smiling looking at her calendar. She said, "I know you were crying last night, I can see your tears on the calendar."
I wasn't and I hadn't been. There on the outside cover of her calendar were fresh, wet water droplets. I'm not sure how those got there.
Happy 14th birthday, Brookie. I love you, sweetheart.
Crap! Was it 11:26 a.m., 12:56 p.m., 11:56 a.m.? Thus my search for documentation began that stated her birth time.
Downstairs in a large box filled with photo albums I found a treasure, her Baby's First Year Calendar.
This is a calendar full of all of her every first moments. The typical 1st laugh, 1st tooth, 1st rolled over, 1st day at the babysitters when Mommy had to go back to work, and the very treasured 1st time she said, "Ma-ma" which was dated and captured four days before the 1st time she said, "Da-da." Success!
Her baby calendar records all her trips to the doctors for check-ups with her current weight and height. Her first trip to Children's Hospital for constant crying. The doctors said that Tylenol Cold makes babies crazy. Hmmmm
I captured many other 1st details, too. Her 1st injury when Mariah put her knee in her face at only 5 weeks old while she was laying on the couch. I can picture it all in my mind's eye ... an excited and rambunctious Mariah only 4-1/2 years old jumping up on the couch to hold or touch the very tiny bundle, Brooke. BAMMMM! Knee in the face.
Her 1st moments with her daddy. The 1st time he changed a poopy diaper. The 1st time he gave her a bath. Her 1st night into her crib her daddy and I put together. The 1st time she went into the shower was with her daddy. We were in a hotel in Indiana so you could meet your sister, Brittany, your grandparents, and your brother and daddy took you in the shower with him.
A clipping of hair from her 1st haircut at 6 months old.
September 11, 2000 (10 months old), you like to let out ear piercing screams.
September 22, 2000 (1st day of autumn), Mariah asks Jesus into her heart.
October 13, 2000 (Friday the 13th and a full moon), Mariah thought she saw you swallow a game piece and shoved her hand down your throat to get it as a 1st reaction, then came running to me shouting to call 911. A trip to ER and an xray could not locate the game piece, now Mommy has to sift through your poopy to see if it ever comes out. Never did. Isn't that just like Mariah. :)
You were 5 days shy of being 1 year old when the 1st person ever said you look like Mommy.
Last night I find this treasure and go into Brooke's room to see if she is still awake by saying her name softly. Barely still awake, I whisper, "You were born at 12:56 p.m., sweetheart" and place her calendar on her dresser for her to see in the morning.
This morning I went into her room to wake her up. She was sitting in bed smiling looking at her calendar. She said, "I know you were crying last night, I can see your tears on the calendar."
I wasn't and I hadn't been. There on the outside cover of her calendar were fresh, wet water droplets. I'm not sure how those got there.
Happy 14th birthday, Brookie. I love you, sweetheart.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
My Perfect
I was sharing, most likely something David and I did together with a friend when she asked me, "What don't you like about him?"
Hmmmm.
I thought. I pondered. And I could only come up with ...
"There is nothing I don't like about him. I know he is not perfect, but he is my perfect."
When I was young, I remember being in the senior high department in church when we were asked to write down the top 10 list of wants we wanted in a guy. I don't remember what I put down, but I'm sure it was a list of wants that was hard for any man to fill.
Then my dating years began ... I like this quality of this guy and that quality of another. Add years then decades of this. Eventually it becomes a blur and I am going on 17 years being divorced.
What were all those details that once upon a time I wanted in a man?
Every little detail was heard and wasn't forgotten by my God.
Details I had forgotten about that I recognize in David that I remember I forgot I wanted. God never forgot.
The neatest part is, it was in the senior high department at church that I met him. He was right there, but it took two decades for our paths to cross again.
Twenty years ago, I had such a crush on him. Twenty years later, I have exactly what I've always wanted and being twenty years older, I know the value and true worth of my perfect.
.
Hmmmm.
I thought. I pondered. And I could only come up with ...
"There is nothing I don't like about him. I know he is not perfect, but he is my perfect."
When I was young, I remember being in the senior high department in church when we were asked to write down the top 10 list of wants we wanted in a guy. I don't remember what I put down, but I'm sure it was a list of wants that was hard for any man to fill.
Then my dating years began ... I like this quality of this guy and that quality of another. Add years then decades of this. Eventually it becomes a blur and I am going on 17 years being divorced.
What were all those details that once upon a time I wanted in a man?
Every little detail was heard and wasn't forgotten by my God.
Details I had forgotten about that I recognize in David that I remember I forgot I wanted. God never forgot.
The neatest part is, it was in the senior high department at church that I met him. He was right there, but it took two decades for our paths to cross again.
Twenty years ago, I had such a crush on him. Twenty years later, I have exactly what I've always wanted and being twenty years older, I know the value and true worth of my perfect.
.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Picture Perfectness
I slept in until 6:50 a.m. this morning and thanks to time-change, it is now 5:50 a.m. which means I will be sleeping in all winter. Being one that loves being up before the sun rises, this thrills me!
The weather forecast calls for sunshine and near 50 degrees. A picture perfect day for a walk on the trails (hot beverage in hand) in peak autumn where every tree is bursting in color.
I've planned carefully to have today open for the Sabbath, a day of relaxation.
My schedule has adjusted dramatically being a working full-time mom again, with all the responsibilities that come with running a household and raising teens. I've slipped back into my favorite routine of maintaining all my housework and shopping in the evenings and Saturday to have today completely free as a day of rest and leisure.
Actually, I used to be better and have this all done Monday through Friday so my entire weekend was free; however, I am only into this a few weeks now.
My home is sparkling clean. Laundry done. Bills paid. Errands ran, plus a full tank of gas. The frig is full with a fun and new dinner planned for this evening.
I have an entire day ahead of me to enjoy. Starting my morning off in church, lunch at my mom and dads with my girls, then embracing this picture perfect autumn day with the one I love strolling in picture perfectness (Wow, perfectness is actually a real word!).
God knew best and made His revelation known in the famous Top 10. Work six days then rest and rejuvenate on the seventh.
The weather forecast calls for sunshine and near 50 degrees. A picture perfect day for a walk on the trails (hot beverage in hand) in peak autumn where every tree is bursting in color.
I've planned carefully to have today open for the Sabbath, a day of relaxation.
My schedule has adjusted dramatically being a working full-time mom again, with all the responsibilities that come with running a household and raising teens. I've slipped back into my favorite routine of maintaining all my housework and shopping in the evenings and Saturday to have today completely free as a day of rest and leisure.
Actually, I used to be better and have this all done Monday through Friday so my entire weekend was free; however, I am only into this a few weeks now.
My home is sparkling clean. Laundry done. Bills paid. Errands ran, plus a full tank of gas. The frig is full with a fun and new dinner planned for this evening.
I have an entire day ahead of me to enjoy. Starting my morning off in church, lunch at my mom and dads with my girls, then embracing this picture perfect autumn day with the one I love strolling in picture perfectness (Wow, perfectness is actually a real word!).
God knew best and made His revelation known in the famous Top 10. Work six days then rest and rejuvenate on the seventh.
Friday, November 1, 2013
True Halloween
The wind continued to flip my umbrella inside out, the rain soaked all the kids in their costumes, but it was a great night, October 31st, Halloween.
Hundreds, perhaps it safe to say thousands of kids and parents swarmed the streets, sidewalks, and yards running door to door shouting "TRICK-OR-TREAT!" in a perfect neighborhood where every house participates with no end in sight.
Mariah who is 18 years old now asked the other day if it is appropriate if she trick-or-treats this year? I said it's fine, because you are still in school. Next year would be a bit different. She had so much fun last night that given her small frame, she is confident she will be good for participating next year, too.
Grandma stayed behind passing out candy while my brother, sister-in-law, and I walked with the kids. There was seven of them, family and church friends.
What I didn't expect in the cuteness of it all is my little nephew Nathan (12 years) who passively agreed to dress as a pair of dice with Meghan, the little girl from church, who has called dibs, staked her claim with my nephew and has been aggressively and hopelessly in love with him for years. I can see their future in my minds eye. Tiny, cute, little Meghan is a firecracker, full of personality and a force to be reckoned with. She has been a take-charge girl for a few years now and will not allow any girl to step near her territory, my nephew.
My nephew is as sweet and shy as they come. He passively allows her to be her. He may be too young to date, but that boy has a girlfriend regardless what my brother allows.
Trick-or-treating was pure success! I am thankful my brothers neighborhood recognizes this night on the true night of Halloween.
Hundreds, perhaps it safe to say thousands of kids and parents swarmed the streets, sidewalks, and yards running door to door shouting "TRICK-OR-TREAT!" in a perfect neighborhood where every house participates with no end in sight.
Mariah who is 18 years old now asked the other day if it is appropriate if she trick-or-treats this year? I said it's fine, because you are still in school. Next year would be a bit different. She had so much fun last night that given her small frame, she is confident she will be good for participating next year, too.
Grandma stayed behind passing out candy while my brother, sister-in-law, and I walked with the kids. There was seven of them, family and church friends.
What I didn't expect in the cuteness of it all is my little nephew Nathan (12 years) who passively agreed to dress as a pair of dice with Meghan, the little girl from church, who has called dibs, staked her claim with my nephew and has been aggressively and hopelessly in love with him for years. I can see their future in my minds eye. Tiny, cute, little Meghan is a firecracker, full of personality and a force to be reckoned with. She has been a take-charge girl for a few years now and will not allow any girl to step near her territory, my nephew.
My nephew is as sweet and shy as they come. He passively allows her to be her. He may be too young to date, but that boy has a girlfriend regardless what my brother allows.
Trick-or-treating was pure success! I am thankful my brothers neighborhood recognizes this night on the true night of Halloween.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Aha! Moment
Last night was the final night of my TrueNorth, From Success to Significance study and last week was my Aha! moment.
In my quest for significance in life I wanted a defining moment so significant that it was in black and white, not a general blur of I already know this about myself.
We took four different types of assessments: Personality (DISC), Spiritual Gifts, APEST, and the Your Unique Design (used by NASA). Each assessment produced reports at length reflecting strengths/weaknesses that I was already familiar with as well as insights I really hadn't considered, but was still all too familiar with.
Writing a work study each week from each assessment pulled out insights and profile patterns to help each of us understand how we are wired, our strengths, our natural abilities for our roles in life, what energizes us as individuals, causes we are passionate about, and what excites us.
Each week I took my assessments, agreed and often pondered the results.
Last week we pulled information even further in our final work study. We pulled the information even further from our former work studies to fine-tune it into a personal mission statement in life as we asked ourselves, "How can you make the most significant difference for God in your lifetime?" What is my purpose behind every unique way I have been created.
Going into my fifth week, my answer was still a blur. Specific questions pulled from specific reports, pulling out the "who are you and what makes you tick in life" questions like a funnel into magical answer inspired my personal mission statement:
In my quest for significance in life I wanted a defining moment so significant that it was in black and white, not a general blur of I already know this about myself.
We took four different types of assessments: Personality (DISC), Spiritual Gifts, APEST, and the Your Unique Design (used by NASA). Each assessment produced reports at length reflecting strengths/weaknesses that I was already familiar with as well as insights I really hadn't considered, but was still all too familiar with.
Writing a work study each week from each assessment pulled out insights and profile patterns to help each of us understand how we are wired, our strengths, our natural abilities for our roles in life, what energizes us as individuals, causes we are passionate about, and what excites us.
Each week I took my assessments, agreed and often pondered the results.
Last week we pulled information even further in our final work study. We pulled the information even further from our former work studies to fine-tune it into a personal mission statement in life as we asked ourselves, "How can you make the most significant difference for God in your lifetime?" What is my purpose behind every unique way I have been created.
Going into my fifth week, my answer was still a blur. Specific questions pulled from specific reports, pulling out the "who are you and what makes you tick in life" questions like a funnel into magical answer inspired my personal mission statement:
To lead, inspire, and guide impoverished teen moms
and single moms to tear down barriers that hinder their own
significance and success in life.
My Aha! moment came when pulling this information from many reports, writing it down, the words did show themselves in black and white and I realized that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
You see, I began my first day on my new job the very day I wrote this mission statement. I am a personal assistant to a woman who is starting a new group home for girls. Once this is up and running we will be starting a group home for pregnant teen moms.
I was jumping up and down inside!! I couldn't wait to share my revelation with David, but I told him it needed to be a face-to-face conversation. He came over first thing in the morning.
No story ever goes quickly with me, really. Many details are needed to not only paint a picture, but to color it in completely. I work my way up to the crescendo of my revelation when he looks at me and says, "That's what I just told you last week!"
In fairness, he observed these details and stated his personal assessment (in much more detail than he readily admits to) when I told him about my new job; however, I needed to come to the realization with all these assessments shaken up, pressed down, and poured into one very specific sentence that puts me on the path in life for my purpose.
When I began my quest for significance over six months ago, I meant it. It wasn't a whim. It was an act of faith with no concrete evidence in sight that my quest would have an answer and I would learn more about myself than I already knew.
In my quest for significance, I don't believe for a second that it was coincidence that the evening I had my Aha! moment in life was the very day I began in the very position that aligns with my purpose. It was divine confirmation.
Where I am now may be for a lifetime or for only a season, but I am on my path of purpose and my TrueNorth.
For if you try to reach the geographic
North Pole known as true north,
from anywhere in the world
with only a compass,
you will no doubt fail.
For a compass will only lead
you to magnetic north.
You must continually stop,
assess where you are,
seek wise counsel,
and recalculate TrueNorth.
Just as in life.
- TrueNorth RT
Monday, October 21, 2013
"Hi, Dawn!"
My last day at home is everything typical. The sun is shining, my windows are open on this brisk autumn day and my phone rings ... it's the middle school.
Brooke's new segway into conversation, "Hi mom, it's me. Are you home?" Quickly I assess this is a take-it or leave-it situation. She asks for Tums because her stomach is upset and I agree to deliver her request on the grounds that her stomach was really bothering her yesterday.
The new middle school security process is when you walk up you press the button and an automated reply states for you to state your name and reason for coming to the school.
Listening to the memorized instructions I wait for the prompt to speak ... "Hi, Dawn! Come on in."
That would be the office staff who knows me as well as the clinic.
I smile and ask if there are by chance any other parents that visit as often as I? Chris, the main office secretary smiles, waits a few seconds [I appreciate the careful thought she is about to share] sighs and she says, "Yes, there are some that visit daily." Whew!
Feeling momentarily better I shared today is my last day at home and Chris was openly happy for me as well as the clinic secretary who knows me well now, too.
That was my segway into sharing with both of them that tomorrow I begin a new job and with that there are new rules for Brooke. Please do not call me unless she is having a near-death experience.
They both laugh, but totally get it.
They are both moms and my advocates when it comes to handling my little frequent flyer drama queen.
The clinic secretary says, "Hey, I was looking in your account and see that Mariah is your daughter, I hadn't made the connection until now. I loved Mariah!" Credibility eases into my bones. Yes, I have successfully raised one child who isn't near the maintenance as this one.
What would my last day at home be without a visit to the middle school?
"Hi, Dawn!" The realization that I have crossed over the healthy boundary of school visits.
Brooke's new segway into conversation, "Hi mom, it's me. Are you home?" Quickly I assess this is a take-it or leave-it situation. She asks for Tums because her stomach is upset and I agree to deliver her request on the grounds that her stomach was really bothering her yesterday.
The new middle school security process is when you walk up you press the button and an automated reply states for you to state your name and reason for coming to the school.
Listening to the memorized instructions I wait for the prompt to speak ... "Hi, Dawn! Come on in."
That would be the office staff who knows me as well as the clinic.
I smile and ask if there are by chance any other parents that visit as often as I? Chris, the main office secretary smiles, waits a few seconds [I appreciate the careful thought she is about to share] sighs and she says, "Yes, there are some that visit daily." Whew!
Feeling momentarily better I shared today is my last day at home and Chris was openly happy for me as well as the clinic secretary who knows me well now, too.
That was my segway into sharing with both of them that tomorrow I begin a new job and with that there are new rules for Brooke. Please do not call me unless she is having a near-death experience.
They both laugh, but totally get it.
They are both moms and my advocates when it comes to handling my little frequent flyer drama queen.
The clinic secretary says, "Hey, I was looking in your account and see that Mariah is your daughter, I hadn't made the connection until now. I loved Mariah!" Credibility eases into my bones. Yes, I have successfully raised one child who isn't near the maintenance as this one.
What would my last day at home be without a visit to the middle school?
"Hi, Dawn!" The realization that I have crossed over the healthy boundary of school visits.
Artificial, Man-made Pleasures
A beautiful autumn day, a perfect day for hiking, and we came to two signs in our path. Easy. Difficult.
As a courtesy, he asked which I prefer. Taking the path least taken makes the best adventures and quite honestly, there isn't much about either of our personalities that would choose the path that said Easy.
Twenty minutes or so before, we came to a bridge with water trickling over a slate waterbed. I wanted to see if the rest of the waterbed was as beautiful as our current view, so we get off the path and walk up the slate and rock waterbed to see where it would take us.
Less than a millisecond and I was down and sliding. A giant boulder damp with green moss was like walking on ice going downhill. I slipped, slid, until I stopped ankle deep in the water.
Because the rock was covered in damp moss, I couldn't move to get up off the slippery boulder, and my mind was in a bit of a panic thinking of the water snakes that could potentially be slithering after my ankle.
Snap. Snap. Snap. I look up hearing his laughter to find he is taking pictures of me, capturing this moment.
Laughing, he says, "Didn't I tell you not to walk where it's green?" A short time later he says, "Do you always fall when your hiking or is it only with me?" Quite honestly, I don't ever remember falling when hiking. I do believe I have fallen every single time "we" have gone hiking though.
We get back on the path and came within, I'm guessing 20 feet of two does. Clearly unafraid of us and the approaching hikers, gracefully walking down the steep leaf covered hill, never losing footing, we stood there and watched in fascination.
We saw a giant waterfall, trickling slate waterbeds, crossed bridges, and climbed between boulders on a path of bright red leaves from the almost empty tree beside it.
We chose the Difficult path for most adventure, because that is the nature of our relationship. We choose nature over artificial, man-made pleasures respecting and admiring beauty. And we snap a lot of pictures along the way to document our journey together, laughs, and memories.
Today is my last day of being at home. Tomorrow, I very jokingly say that I am joining the working-class, the mere commoners who work for a living. These last four months off have been a treasure.
I've enjoyed every single day my windows have been open to sunshine and fresh air. I've enjoyed the gift of time. Time with my girls. Time with David. Time for myself. Time at home when my girls needed me.
Reflecting back ... I wouldn't have changed a thing.
As a courtesy, he asked which I prefer. Taking the path least taken makes the best adventures and quite honestly, there isn't much about either of our personalities that would choose the path that said Easy.
Twenty minutes or so before, we came to a bridge with water trickling over a slate waterbed. I wanted to see if the rest of the waterbed was as beautiful as our current view, so we get off the path and walk up the slate and rock waterbed to see where it would take us.
Less than a millisecond and I was down and sliding. A giant boulder damp with green moss was like walking on ice going downhill. I slipped, slid, until I stopped ankle deep in the water.
Because the rock was covered in damp moss, I couldn't move to get up off the slippery boulder, and my mind was in a bit of a panic thinking of the water snakes that could potentially be slithering after my ankle.
Snap. Snap. Snap. I look up hearing his laughter to find he is taking pictures of me, capturing this moment.
Laughing, he says, "Didn't I tell you not to walk where it's green?" A short time later he says, "Do you always fall when your hiking or is it only with me?" Quite honestly, I don't ever remember falling when hiking. I do believe I have fallen every single time "we" have gone hiking though.
We get back on the path and came within, I'm guessing 20 feet of two does. Clearly unafraid of us and the approaching hikers, gracefully walking down the steep leaf covered hill, never losing footing, we stood there and watched in fascination.
We saw a giant waterfall, trickling slate waterbeds, crossed bridges, and climbed between boulders on a path of bright red leaves from the almost empty tree beside it.
We chose the Difficult path for most adventure, because that is the nature of our relationship. We choose nature over artificial, man-made pleasures respecting and admiring beauty. And we snap a lot of pictures along the way to document our journey together, laughs, and memories.
Today is my last day of being at home. Tomorrow, I very jokingly say that I am joining the working-class, the mere commoners who work for a living. These last four months off have been a treasure.
I've enjoyed every single day my windows have been open to sunshine and fresh air. I've enjoyed the gift of time. Time with my girls. Time with David. Time for myself. Time at home when my girls needed me.
Reflecting back ... I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Off to Work I Go
A friend called me over a month ago and said she had just walked out of a business with a job opportunity that I was absolutely perfect for.
It is a personal assistant position for an entrepreneur who is just about to open a new group home for girls. Once this is up and running she wants to open a group home for young mothers as a place to live at during their pregnancy and afterwards to help them and teach them how to care for themselves and their babies.
Passionate about advocating for women and children, this definitely falls under significance to me.
With generous community donations for children, I will seek and find children who don't have and play a role in providing for them through planning, organizing, and managing events, buying gifts, and hosting holidays and celebrations in their honor because that is her passion.
I will play a role in summer camp programs, mentor programs for young girls at-risk to a warm and loving home for girls in need.
Timing is everything and David pointed out to me that all these months that I have searched for job opportunities daily, I was home when I needed to be. And, this job found me.
Off to work I go next week and I am ready!
It is a personal assistant position for an entrepreneur who is just about to open a new group home for girls. Once this is up and running she wants to open a group home for young mothers as a place to live at during their pregnancy and afterwards to help them and teach them how to care for themselves and their babies.
Passionate about advocating for women and children, this definitely falls under significance to me.
With generous community donations for children, I will seek and find children who don't have and play a role in providing for them through planning, organizing, and managing events, buying gifts, and hosting holidays and celebrations in their honor because that is her passion.
I will play a role in summer camp programs, mentor programs for young girls at-risk to a warm and loving home for girls in need.
Timing is everything and David pointed out to me that all these months that I have searched for job opportunities daily, I was home when I needed to be. And, this job found me.
Off to work I go next week and I am ready!
Monday, October 14, 2013
In the Midst of a Rainy Day
Brooke is an event coordinator by nature and comes by it very naturally, it's in her DNA. I have a history of pulling off and hosting extremely successful professional events that I am most proud of.
Yesterday, was a bit different and completely blindsiding ...
In the midst of a rainy, pretty crappy day, Brooke decides she wants to host a bonfire party all-inclusive with homemade party invitations. In preparation she drags the tarp out of the shed and covers the needed wood. This was after she hosted an outdoor picnic yesterday for the neighbor kids to impress them with her lunch preparing skills and our household goodies (ice cream cake, all of our Sam's Club size honey wheat pretzels and Amish country very fluffy & plump sugar cookies and rice krispy treats) I had purchased only 1-1/2 days prior. I was livid!
I like to have fun and different things in the house to snack on for my family. I don't like spending a small fortune and it not lasting a reasonable amount of time.
It was just one of those days from the start of the day nothing went well.
When I realized all the food had been devoured, my anger had piqued, and I did not filter my words.
Then, imagine my surprise, in the midst of a rainy day, with no food left in my house [even the ice tea pitcher was almost empty] a stranger walks up my driveway.
I'm thinking he must be here to pick up one of the neighbor kids. Oh no, he was here for the party. He had received a "Meet the Neighbors" party invitation and he lives on the next street over.
Brooke thought it would be good for me to meet the neighborhood, but didn't bother to tell me she had.
There are no words. Well, there are no nice words that come to mind as my brain is exploding in frustration. I did my best to color in the picture on every level how this was not a good idea. She still didn't get it.
I would like to protest school being closed today for Columbus Day.
Yesterday, was a bit different and completely blindsiding ...
In the midst of a rainy, pretty crappy day, Brooke decides she wants to host a bonfire party all-inclusive with homemade party invitations. In preparation she drags the tarp out of the shed and covers the needed wood. This was after she hosted an outdoor picnic yesterday for the neighbor kids to impress them with her lunch preparing skills and our household goodies (ice cream cake, all of our Sam's Club size honey wheat pretzels and Amish country very fluffy & plump sugar cookies and rice krispy treats) I had purchased only 1-1/2 days prior. I was livid!
I like to have fun and different things in the house to snack on for my family. I don't like spending a small fortune and it not lasting a reasonable amount of time.
It was just one of those days from the start of the day nothing went well.
When I realized all the food had been devoured, my anger had piqued, and I did not filter my words.
Then, imagine my surprise, in the midst of a rainy day, with no food left in my house [even the ice tea pitcher was almost empty] a stranger walks up my driveway.
I'm thinking he must be here to pick up one of the neighbor kids. Oh no, he was here for the party. He had received a "Meet the Neighbors" party invitation and he lives on the next street over.
Brooke thought it would be good for me to meet the neighborhood, but didn't bother to tell me she had.
There are no words. Well, there are no nice words that come to mind as my brain is exploding in frustration. I did my best to color in the picture on every level how this was not a good idea. She still didn't get it.
I would like to protest school being closed today for Columbus Day.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
My Complete True Love
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
- 1 Corinthians 13:13
He walked in the door and took my breath away, "WOW!" My gosh he was handsome in a dressy new shirt I hadn't seen before. We go out to a lively and fun restaurant for dinner when I mention to the waitress that it is his birthday and my 1st time celebrating it with him ... [much to his cringe] yes, please gather the staff for a birthday song.
I had the joy of celebrating my first birthday with David.
Celebrating his life, a growing best friendship, and everything amazing that he is to me. He is my every hearts desire, my every wish upon a star, my every birthday candle wish, my million prayers that have gone up to Heaven for decades, and my every detail in a perfect complete package that God heard. He is my complete true love.
To hear his words as his heart shares he has fallen in love with me in ways he has never known and to hear heartfelt "I love you's" come from his lips as he lets me know what I mean in his life ... let's just say, there were angels singing in Heaven.
Happy birthday, DF, I love you with all my heart.
xoxo
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Gentle Reminders Daily
When I walked away from my job in June, my intention was to enjoy two weeks off then aggressively pursue what comes next. Four months later, I am still absolutely confident in my decision although at times not having an income coming in is stressful.
Being confident in my decision is my comfort, being home during this period when my girls have really needed me is my gentle reminder that everything happens for a purpose and I am where I am supposed to be. It reminds me of the mother turtle dove who patiently sat on her nest during storms watching life happen for everyone else, while keeping watch over her eggs that would soon hatch.
In my frustrations, which is often every single person who asks how the job search is going. If a person is not working, stop asking the obvious. The answer hasn't changed if I am not saying, I'm starting a new job.
As head of the household and the only provider, this is between God and I and I am confident there is a bigger plan and purpose.
There is a common theme that has been presenting itself lately. Well, daily ...
If God made everything happen right away, or whenever we wanted it to happen, it wouldn’t require anything of us. We would miss the opportunity to grow because we grow in the difficult times. We grow when our faith is being stretched, when we have to believe when we don’t see any reason to believe, when we stay in faith when our mind is telling us we’re wasting our time, when we give God praise but we really feel like complaining. That’s passing the test. When you do that every day, your faith is not only increasing, your character is not only being developed, but you are one day closer to seeing the promise come to pass.
Being confident in my decision is my comfort, being home during this period when my girls have really needed me is my gentle reminder that everything happens for a purpose and I am where I am supposed to be. It reminds me of the mother turtle dove who patiently sat on her nest during storms watching life happen for everyone else, while keeping watch over her eggs that would soon hatch.
In my frustrations, which is often every single person who asks how the job search is going. If a person is not working, stop asking the obvious. The answer hasn't changed if I am not saying, I'm starting a new job.
As head of the household and the only provider, this is between God and I and I am confident there is a bigger plan and purpose.
There is a common theme that has been presenting itself lately. Well, daily ...
If God made everything happen right away, or whenever we wanted it to happen, it wouldn’t require anything of us. We would miss the opportunity to grow because we grow in the difficult times. We grow when our faith is being stretched, when we have to believe when we don’t see any reason to believe, when we stay in faith when our mind is telling us we’re wasting our time, when we give God praise but we really feel like complaining. That’s passing the test. When you do that every day, your faith is not only increasing, your character is not only being developed, but you are one day closer to seeing the promise come to pass.
Today, don’t give up on a promise just because you’ve been waiting a long time. Dig your heels in. Put on a new attitude. God is saying, “Every promise I’ve spoken over you, every dream I’ve placed in your spirit, even the secret petitions of your heart, the dreams you haven’t told anyone about, I still have every intention of bringing them to pass.” -Joel Osteen
It is the common theme of things don't happen on our timeline. It's so easy to have faith when life if easy, but how do you react when life gets really uncomfortable? Do you take matters into your own hands and control the situation? Fortunately, I have an overabundance of faith and trust in God and I do believe my season of waiting patiently is going to reaps many rewards. It may not be financial rewards, I am holding out for significance.
My faith has been proven stronger as everyone else seems to be in panic and I am not. I get frustrated, yes.
In my quest for more out of life, I am getting gentle reminders daily to stay calm, there is a much bigger reason for this season. And quite honestly, I'd rather be here than stuck in a safe financial place unhappy.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Especially Flirty
I am always happiest in the groove of an established relationship. I love all things that have become the foundation of our routine and familiar life together.
Even though we stay in close communication with each other throughout the day and see each other every day, today was a bit more fun and flirty and I don't know why.
He often gets this ornery glint of mischief in his eyes to match his very sexy smile. Sitting across the table from me, every time I looked at him his eyes were sparkling in orneriness.
I happen to love that look.
Today was especially flirty and I love these moments where we are fun and playful then he pulls me into his arms.
Even though we stay in close communication with each other throughout the day and see each other every day, today was a bit more fun and flirty and I don't know why.
He often gets this ornery glint of mischief in his eyes to match his very sexy smile. Sitting across the table from me, every time I looked at him his eyes were sparkling in orneriness.
I happen to love that look.
Today was especially flirty and I love these moments where we are fun and playful then he pulls me into his arms.
Friday, October 4, 2013
DISC Classic Assessment
The DISC Classic personality assessment results are in and *ouch* sometimes the truth is interesting to read. As usual, I laugh reading through the positive and negative aspects of my personality.
I am fully aware of my personality that I am beautifully and uniquely made, God says so.
The personality assessment is part of the TrueNorth study From Success to Significance to define our spiritual gifts inventory (#1 - Administration, #2 - Faith), combined with our unique behavior styles (high Dominant, Influencer), and top gifts in impacting people (Apostle) for kingdom effectiveness.
How do I take my answers from these three avenues and make the most significant difference for God in the second half of my lifetime?
This is what I've learned so far after two weeks and I still have four more full-of-information weeks to go.
This is good stuff! If you ever get a chance to take this study, I highly encourage you.
You were made for a very specific reason, for a specific purpose. How do you know if you are on the best path for your life if you don't understand who you are and the gifts God gave you for His purpose?
This study helps identify your unique design and apply it to find the most significance in life after success has happened but where is the significance you really crave?
I am fully aware of my personality that I am beautifully and uniquely made, God says so.
The personality assessment is part of the TrueNorth study From Success to Significance to define our spiritual gifts inventory (#1 - Administration, #2 - Faith), combined with our unique behavior styles (high Dominant, Influencer), and top gifts in impacting people (Apostle) for kingdom effectiveness.
How do I take my answers from these three avenues and make the most significant difference for God in the second half of my lifetime?
This is what I've learned so far after two weeks and I still have four more full-of-information weeks to go.
This is good stuff! If you ever get a chance to take this study, I highly encourage you.
You were made for a very specific reason, for a specific purpose. How do you know if you are on the best path for your life if you don't understand who you are and the gifts God gave you for His purpose?
This study helps identify your unique design and apply it to find the most significance in life after success has happened but where is the significance you really crave?
For if you try to reach the geographic
North Pole known as true north,
from anywhere in the world
with only a compass,
you will no doubt fail.
For a compass will only lead you to magnetic north.
You must continually stop,
assess where you are,
seek wise counsel,
and recalculate TrueNorth.
Just as in life.
- True North, RT
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Tragedies and Triumphs
A hodge-podge of pills last week landed my daughter a week in the hospital. Suicidal.
Her dad's suicide + depression & anxiety + being the awful age of 13 = a dangerous recipe for disaster.
I'm not even certain if a candid post is appropriate, but I do believe that openness and candidness shows that while other areas in my life may be better than I ever dreamed, real life happens.
Last night I was running late to my Success to Significance study when I slipped in to the table closest to the door to not disrupt the others. In group discussion we were covering positive life experiences then came to another question, "What areas of your life do you feel are out of balance?"
I can be honest and transparent or I can give a safe answer. I chose honesty.
"I just picked my daughter up today from the hospital, she tried to overdose last Wednesday morning. The area where my life is out of balance is my little girl who is hurting desperately from her father's suicide and struggling in ways that I alone cannot help her. That makes me feel out of balance."
Being exactly where I was supposed to be ... the gentleman at my table got tears in his eyes and said, "When my daughter was 13 years old, she tried to commit suicide and spent 1/2 of that year in a psychiatric hospital, I understand how scary that is." The woman sitting next to me took a deep breath and said, "When I was young I tried to kill myself." I wasn't alone at all at this fork in the road place in my life. My new friends could relate in ways I had not imagined. It was their openness and sharing with me was a reminder that nobody escapes this life without troubles.
I knew my running late and slipping into this table was God intervention.
There I sat among a group of Christians who absolutely look as if their life is together while they are searching for significance after success in life. To find out in the midst of their successes, I was among peers that understood more than I ever dreamed.
The woman who tried to commit suicide shared her pain then and understood my daughter. With tears in her eyes she hugged me before I left and said she would be praying for my little girl.
Life happens. Some seasons are calm, some seasons storms will rage. Some seasons are mixed with tragedies and triumphs all at once and that is my season.
The most beautiful part of my day beyond sitting down at the table where I was meant to sit was later when I came home and David stopped by to see Brooke.
We were sitting at the dining room table just talking, the three of us. He was talking to Brooke when she became emotional and walked away into her room. He followed her into her room knowing she was upset and crying to comfort her and finish what he needed to say.
I stood in the doorway watching the scene of this beautiful man who has stepped into our lives and into our hearts. Hugging my hurting little girl until she settled down. I didn't say a word.
My daughter desperately misses her own daddy's affections.
He pulls back to softly talk to her letting her know how important she is to everyone and how much she is loved, his arms never unlock in their embrace. Unrushed, he talks and she listens, then puts her cheek against his chest and stands there in his embrace.
In the midst of a lot going on, beautiful moments continue to happen.
Her dad's suicide + depression & anxiety + being the awful age of 13 = a dangerous recipe for disaster.
I'm not even certain if a candid post is appropriate, but I do believe that openness and candidness shows that while other areas in my life may be better than I ever dreamed, real life happens.
Last night I was running late to my Success to Significance study when I slipped in to the table closest to the door to not disrupt the others. In group discussion we were covering positive life experiences then came to another question, "What areas of your life do you feel are out of balance?"
I can be honest and transparent or I can give a safe answer. I chose honesty.
"I just picked my daughter up today from the hospital, she tried to overdose last Wednesday morning. The area where my life is out of balance is my little girl who is hurting desperately from her father's suicide and struggling in ways that I alone cannot help her. That makes me feel out of balance."
Being exactly where I was supposed to be ... the gentleman at my table got tears in his eyes and said, "When my daughter was 13 years old, she tried to commit suicide and spent 1/2 of that year in a psychiatric hospital, I understand how scary that is." The woman sitting next to me took a deep breath and said, "When I was young I tried to kill myself." I wasn't alone at all at this fork in the road place in my life. My new friends could relate in ways I had not imagined. It was their openness and sharing with me was a reminder that nobody escapes this life without troubles.
I knew my running late and slipping into this table was God intervention.
There I sat among a group of Christians who absolutely look as if their life is together while they are searching for significance after success in life. To find out in the midst of their successes, I was among peers that understood more than I ever dreamed.
The woman who tried to commit suicide shared her pain then and understood my daughter. With tears in her eyes she hugged me before I left and said she would be praying for my little girl.
Life happens. Some seasons are calm, some seasons storms will rage. Some seasons are mixed with tragedies and triumphs all at once and that is my season.
The most beautiful part of my day beyond sitting down at the table where I was meant to sit was later when I came home and David stopped by to see Brooke.
We were sitting at the dining room table just talking, the three of us. He was talking to Brooke when she became emotional and walked away into her room. He followed her into her room knowing she was upset and crying to comfort her and finish what he needed to say.
I stood in the doorway watching the scene of this beautiful man who has stepped into our lives and into our hearts. Hugging my hurting little girl until she settled down. I didn't say a word.
My daughter desperately misses her own daddy's affections.
He pulls back to softly talk to her letting her know how important she is to everyone and how much she is loved, his arms never unlock in their embrace. Unrushed, he talks and she listens, then puts her cheek against his chest and stands there in his embrace.
In the midst of a lot going on, beautiful moments continue to happen.
Friday, September 27, 2013
"It's About the Journey"
A couple of weeks ago I planned a fun family evening out at an orchard festival all-inclusive with a band I really wanted to hear. I'm thinking outdoor music under the stars, fun, festive, everyone happy!
The night was a series of disasters.
As a professional event planner/coordinator extraordinaire, I felt badly that my sensational plans flopped miserably, and there was no redeeming the evening.
"I'm sorry," I said head hung in hopelessness [looking quite pitiful I'm betting]. He said, "It's fine. It's not about the destination, it's about the journey." *fairy dust* *hearts* *butterflies*
Another day goes by and another moment happens where he makes my heart so incredibly happy even in not-so-pleasant circumstances.
The night was a series of disasters.
As a professional event planner/coordinator extraordinaire, I felt badly that my sensational plans flopped miserably, and there was no redeeming the evening.
"I'm sorry," I said head hung in hopelessness [looking quite pitiful I'm betting]. He said, "It's fine. It's not about the destination, it's about the journey." *fairy dust* *hearts* *butterflies*
Another day goes by and another moment happens where he makes my heart so incredibly happy even in not-so-pleasant circumstances.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Moments
The Moment
Lysa Terkeust (Encouragement for Today)
"And yet I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." (1 Corinthians 12:31 – 13:1 NIV)
Each morning, I have a routine with my husband. It's simple. Nothing profound. Nothing for which we'd ever stop and snap a picture.
It's just a moment.
He asks me to help him pick a tie. He then goes away to fuss with this fixture of his professional job. Soon, he returns with a flipped up collar and a pressed down, knotted tie. He needs gentle hands to fold the collar over. Actually, he doesn't need. He wants gentle hands to fold the collar over.
And I do.
It's just a moment.
But it's a moment when we follow the "excellent way" of love. In the intersection of this moment, we're once again saying to each other: I love you; I love you too.
Now, please don't get an overly idyllic picture in your head of our marriage. Heavens, no. We have plenty of those "growth opportunity" moments too.
But this moment with the tie, it's like a spot of glue ever tightening the bond between us day by day. It's so simple, and yet something I would miss with the deepest ache imaginable if today were the last of the moments.
If today.
Tears slip as I think about this. Dear God, help me think about this. Let me snap a hundred of these moments with the lens of my heart to be stored and appreciated and thought of as the great treasure they are.
Let my mind park there.
Let my heart relish there.
Let my mouth dare to whisper what a joy this is. I love you. I love us. I love this moment each day.
Our relationship isn't perfect; no relationship is perfect. We're two very strong-willed people with vastly different approaches to life. And, oh, how easy it would be to list all the differences. He likes the towel hanging in the same spot. I am more creative. But I stop the list there.
I stop because great love isn't two people finding the perfect match in one another. Great love is two people making the choice to be a match. A decision. To fold his collar and snap the heart lens and find myself grateful to the point of tears. Tears of relishing today are so much better than tears of what was missed.
It's just a moment.
Or is it?
~~~
My most profound routine moments in the midst of all that is good in my life with him is in the final kiss before we part ways.
It is that simple kiss ... dare I whisper, "I love you. I miss you already. You are so incredibly important in my life. Did I say I love you?"
It is the moment I want time to stop and the world to slip away.
It is our routine. Day by day.
My bows and congrats to Lysa's post today in admiration, heartfelt appreciation, and mutual respect of the simple moments in life that mean everything.
It is that simple kiss ... dare I whisper, "I love you. I miss you already. You are so incredibly important in my life. Did I say I love you?"
It is the moment I want time to stop and the world to slip away.
It is our routine. Day by day.
My bows and congrats to Lysa's post today in admiration, heartfelt appreciation, and mutual respect of the simple moments in life that mean everything.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Not the Sharpest Crayon
Home from school, both my girls were frustrated from their day. We were in the living room with testy conversations bordering on the verge of argument at one more snippy comment.
Then it came out, Brooke brought home her midterm papers. The very reason and purpose behind her negativity.
I was relieved her grades didn't match her attitude.
Mariah is usually pretty simple and transparent to figure out. Given the amount of food she ate when she got home, I venture it is safe to say that hormones are playing on her day of accumulating frustrations.
Mariah walks out of the room.
"It's a good thing Mariah is so pretty and sweet, because she isn't the sharpest crayon in the box," Brooke proudly puts out there. That would be Brooke's safe attack once she left the room because Mariah had made a few snotty comments to her.
"Brooke, let's remove that stereotype from your sister." She is pretty. She is sweet [Just not real pleasant at the moment.] Mariah is bright, with strengths in other areas than academics. She just has to work harder than natural Brooke. She is not pretty and dumb by any means.
Nice tactic, distracting me from her midterm papers.
Then it came out, Brooke brought home her midterm papers. The very reason and purpose behind her negativity.
I was relieved her grades didn't match her attitude.
Mariah is usually pretty simple and transparent to figure out. Given the amount of food she ate when she got home, I venture it is safe to say that hormones are playing on her day of accumulating frustrations.
Mariah walks out of the room.
"It's a good thing Mariah is so pretty and sweet, because she isn't the sharpest crayon in the box," Brooke proudly puts out there. That would be Brooke's safe attack once she left the room because Mariah had made a few snotty comments to her.
"Brooke, let's remove that stereotype from your sister." She is pretty. She is sweet [Just not real pleasant at the moment.] Mariah is bright, with strengths in other areas than academics. She just has to work harder than natural Brooke. She is not pretty and dumb by any means.
Nice tactic, distracting me from her midterm papers.
Monday, September 23, 2013
From Success to Significance
Finally, my study course From Success to Significance, When the Pursuit of Success Isn't Enough begins tomorrow.
This is my own personal journey of wanting to find significance after having a successful career path, establishing a home, and raising my daughters.
What is my personal significance and purpose?
What do I call "significant" in a world where others call success financial gain. Especially when its always been my mantra, "Everything important to me in life, money cannot buy." I still mean that.
My quest has already begun being a desire I have wished to pursue. Tomorrow I begin my deep dive with a group of other like-minded people and I'm really looking forward to it.
"Referred to as the Halftime journey, this is a pause in the middle of life to reflect on our first half - who we have become - and to discover what we want at the end of life and to redirect our time, talent, and treasure toward something significant." - From Success to Significance
To have a taste of success from an established career and financial comfort, to have my soul long for something deeper, more lasting.
My self-assessment, Halftime journey has already begun in my desires. To focus and find my niche in life is one of my important pursuits to significance.
You only get one life so you mind as well live it right.
This is my own personal journey of wanting to find significance after having a successful career path, establishing a home, and raising my daughters.
What is my personal significance and purpose?
What do I call "significant" in a world where others call success financial gain. Especially when its always been my mantra, "Everything important to me in life, money cannot buy." I still mean that.
My quest has already begun being a desire I have wished to pursue. Tomorrow I begin my deep dive with a group of other like-minded people and I'm really looking forward to it.
"Referred to as the Halftime journey, this is a pause in the middle of life to reflect on our first half - who we have become - and to discover what we want at the end of life and to redirect our time, talent, and treasure toward something significant." - From Success to Significance
To have a taste of success from an established career and financial comfort, to have my soul long for something deeper, more lasting.
My self-assessment, Halftime journey has already begun in my desires. To focus and find my niche in life is one of my important pursuits to significance.
You only get one life so you mind as well live it right.
March 23rd An Extraordinary Day
Some mornings become extraordinary and my path is forever changed.
March 23, 2013 I received a friend request on Facebook from a boy I was beyond excited to hear from 20 years ago. The rest ... well, is my 6 month journey and life change later.
It makes me think of countless, ordinary mornings that I woke up to know what my day will presumably look like with basic million choices to make to direct my path.
What about that morning. March 23rd. To wake up to another normal day unaware the universe has lined up in my favor and my life was about to significantly change in all the ways that I've always dreamt about, but had given up on.
A specific day chosen in life that a forever change began.
I don't say forever, because I am guaranteed forever with him, there are no guarantees. I say forever changed because I simply am.
This journey is everything I've always wanted. Every lesson in life I've learned, every what not-to-do has been lavishly poured into this relationship with him. That's the beauty of experience. Wisdom.
I say forever because should I get him forever, what is bound on earth is bound in heaven. That means for eternity. Should I not get him forever ... I've seen, experienced, and believed again on what I had lost hope in. Love.
Today is incredibly important to me and a bzillion thanks go up to God for him.
March 23, 2013 I received a friend request on Facebook from a boy I was beyond excited to hear from 20 years ago. The rest ... well, is my 6 month journey and life change later.
It makes me think of countless, ordinary mornings that I woke up to know what my day will presumably look like with basic million choices to make to direct my path.
What about that morning. March 23rd. To wake up to another normal day unaware the universe has lined up in my favor and my life was about to significantly change in all the ways that I've always dreamt about, but had given up on.
A specific day chosen in life that a forever change began.
I don't say forever, because I am guaranteed forever with him, there are no guarantees. I say forever changed because I simply am.
This journey is everything I've always wanted. Every lesson in life I've learned, every what not-to-do has been lavishly poured into this relationship with him. That's the beauty of experience. Wisdom.
I say forever because should I get him forever, what is bound on earth is bound in heaven. That means for eternity. Should I not get him forever ... I've seen, experienced, and believed again on what I had lost hope in. Love.
Today is incredibly important to me and a bzillion thanks go up to God for him.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Hallelujah
Hal·le·lu·jah
1. Praise to God
2. A shout of joy, praise, or gratitude
3. An exclamation of praise to the Lord
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
It's Hallelujah regardless of your circumstances.
Hand's down my favorite version of this song ...
"Hallelujah"
I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Terms of Endearment
Terms of endearment are the language of love and affection for me.
I have an endless arsenal of terms ready to be lavishly shared on those closest to my heart. For me, it is saying I love you and adore you in other words.
And as much as I love words, I don't use them lightly.
The absence of these terms almost sets the tone that I am not-in-a-good-place. Almost like a temperature gauge when warmth and affection are lacking things feel a bit colder. Formal names are used when my arsenal feels depleted. A chill is in the air.
Love is a verb. It is a choice. I choose to lavishly love those most important to me.
Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Where my words are, my heart is.
Sometimes it flows naturally and sometimes it takes a heart push for myself sometimes, because I don't always feel as if I want to cover others in grace. Sometimes I don't have anything nice to say.
Love says I choose to though.
It is like a magical invisible cord that keeps my heart connected.
I have an endless arsenal of terms ready to be lavishly shared on those closest to my heart. For me, it is saying I love you and adore you in other words.
And as much as I love words, I don't use them lightly.
The absence of these terms almost sets the tone that I am not-in-a-good-place. Almost like a temperature gauge when warmth and affection are lacking things feel a bit colder. Formal names are used when my arsenal feels depleted. A chill is in the air.
Love is a verb. It is a choice. I choose to lavishly love those most important to me.
Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Where my words are, my heart is.
Sometimes it flows naturally and sometimes it takes a heart push for myself sometimes, because I don't always feel as if I want to cover others in grace. Sometimes I don't have anything nice to say.
Love says I choose to though.
It is like a magical invisible cord that keeps my heart connected.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Sweet Baby Scent
Being 13 is going to be the death of me or perhaps her.
Unlikeable is the term that jumps to my mind quite often. I always say, "I love you" because I always will, no matter what. Loving is easy, liking someone is a totally different game.
I've struggled with this a lot.
It was a weird situation that ended me up in the library with the most perfect book in my hands and perfect timing, God On a Harley. I lost myself in this book one evening and the message hit home in many ways that I needed.
Wanting, needing that same experience again, I asked a librarian if they had any other books from the same author and they did, Heaven in High Gear. I liked the way she wrote in her book with her words and I wanted more.
Much to my surprise, this second book was actually the sequel to God On a Harley even though it didn't say so. *happy sigh*
Heather is with God when she heard a baby cry and found the little bundle in a bed of twigs and leaves. Her instincts and emotions in the words written pulled me into her scene as she picked up this baby with unmistakable femininity knowing the little bundle was a girl. Pulling her in her arms, breathing in her sweet baby scent and holding her close, she kissed her soft blond peach fuzz little head nestled in her arms close to her body feeling her breathe. Aware of her toothless smile and her little pink mouth. Her tiny fingers tangled in her hair. Helpless and perfect.
The scene was a flashback for me as if I could almost feel Brooke in my arms as a baby. Easier days when she was sweet, innocent, lovable and cuddly.
Abandoned, I needed that reminder. I needed reminded that everyone needs the physical touch of hugs, kisses, affection and love.
I am the one in her world who displays loving affection towards her. If I don't provide it to her, she doesn't get it.
Life happens. Trauma happens. Unlikeable happens.
She is still my baby girl who has just lost her way.
Unlikeable is the term that jumps to my mind quite often. I always say, "I love you" because I always will, no matter what. Loving is easy, liking someone is a totally different game.
I've struggled with this a lot.
It was a weird situation that ended me up in the library with the most perfect book in my hands and perfect timing, God On a Harley. I lost myself in this book one evening and the message hit home in many ways that I needed.
Wanting, needing that same experience again, I asked a librarian if they had any other books from the same author and they did, Heaven in High Gear. I liked the way she wrote in her book with her words and I wanted more.
Much to my surprise, this second book was actually the sequel to God On a Harley even though it didn't say so. *happy sigh*
Heather is with God when she heard a baby cry and found the little bundle in a bed of twigs and leaves. Her instincts and emotions in the words written pulled me into her scene as she picked up this baby with unmistakable femininity knowing the little bundle was a girl. Pulling her in her arms, breathing in her sweet baby scent and holding her close, she kissed her soft blond peach fuzz little head nestled in her arms close to her body feeling her breathe. Aware of her toothless smile and her little pink mouth. Her tiny fingers tangled in her hair. Helpless and perfect.
The scene was a flashback for me as if I could almost feel Brooke in my arms as a baby. Easier days when she was sweet, innocent, lovable and cuddly.
Abandoned, I needed that reminder. I needed reminded that everyone needs the physical touch of hugs, kisses, affection and love.
I am the one in her world who displays loving affection towards her. If I don't provide it to her, she doesn't get it.
Life happens. Trauma happens. Unlikeable happens.
She is still my baby girl who has just lost her way.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
The Threshold to Freedom
I heard an interesting perspective said on Today when a woman was interviewed because she had escaped from a polygamist community against all odds.
Raised in a situation that she believed what was the "right way" something inside her knew something was very off.
Her internal radar stayed consistent with her that things weren't right. Scared, she had to choose to flee from everything that she knew to escape into a world she knew nothing about while she believed she was compromising her own eternal salvation and eternal damnation. Still that choice was better than where she was.
She touched on being stuck and said, "People look so long at their situation as a dead end, when it is actually the their threshold to freedom."
I couldn't agree more.
Raised in a situation that she believed what was the "right way" something inside her knew something was very off.
Her internal radar stayed consistent with her that things weren't right. Scared, she had to choose to flee from everything that she knew to escape into a world she knew nothing about while she believed she was compromising her own eternal salvation and eternal damnation. Still that choice was better than where she was.
She touched on being stuck and said, "People look so long at their situation as a dead end, when it is actually the their threshold to freedom."
I couldn't agree more.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Karmageddon
When Brooke was a baby, she was super easy. I could put her down, go about chores, and almost forget about her. Not that I did, but she was always so happy and content.
Then she turned two and I questioned myself on how I could have successfully raised one child painlessly through what some call the terrible twos (obviously it was a matter of who had the strongest will, I thought) to have a second child that became the poster child of the terrible twos.
Brooke made life miserable. For one year I couldn't go to a restaurant, because it wasn't fair to other paying customers. For one year, many times my parents asked me to take my girls and go home, that they'd had enough of her. For one year, I remember pulling the car over to yank Brooke out of a car seat for her back arching, piercing screams because her chocolate milk in her bottle ran out during a 10 minute car ride and she didn't appreciate the confines of a car seat.
Oh yes, I went there! Chocolate milk in a bottle to buy me as much quiet in driving time as possible.
One year. It felt like a lifetime.
Now Brooke is 13 and daily I am reminded of her terrible twos.
I'm building an arsenal of consequences.
The middle school called yesterday, which was my 3rd form of contact in the 3 days of this week, saying that Brooke was in the clinic.
Actually, the phone call came more like, "Hi, this is Chris from the clinic ..." It's hard to sound etiquette appropriate on the phone when aggravation sets in. [Insert frustrated sigh]
Chris said Brooke threw up twice, but when she pulled her student file she saw the note from last year stating unless they "see it" I'm not picking Brooke up.
I know, that's gross. Brooke learned last year that throwing up will get a free pass home. Until I caught on to this game of hers. Saying you threw up isn't the same as the real thing. She wasn't fevered yesterday and I refused to come get her yesterday.
My thought is, if you can walk to the clinic and claim you threw up twice in their bathroom, you really didn't throw up. I want proof and sound effects heard in the office.
My sympathies are gone. Welcome to karmageddon.
Then she turned two and I questioned myself on how I could have successfully raised one child painlessly through what some call the terrible twos (obviously it was a matter of who had the strongest will, I thought) to have a second child that became the poster child of the terrible twos.
Brooke made life miserable. For one year I couldn't go to a restaurant, because it wasn't fair to other paying customers. For one year, many times my parents asked me to take my girls and go home, that they'd had enough of her. For one year, I remember pulling the car over to yank Brooke out of a car seat for her back arching, piercing screams because her chocolate milk in her bottle ran out during a 10 minute car ride and she didn't appreciate the confines of a car seat.
Oh yes, I went there! Chocolate milk in a bottle to buy me as much quiet in driving time as possible.
One year. It felt like a lifetime.
Now Brooke is 13 and daily I am reminded of her terrible twos.
I'm building an arsenal of consequences.
The middle school called yesterday, which was my 3rd form of contact in the 3 days of this week, saying that Brooke was in the clinic.
Actually, the phone call came more like, "Hi, this is Chris from the clinic ..." It's hard to sound etiquette appropriate on the phone when aggravation sets in. [Insert frustrated sigh]
Chris said Brooke threw up twice, but when she pulled her student file she saw the note from last year stating unless they "see it" I'm not picking Brooke up.
I know, that's gross. Brooke learned last year that throwing up will get a free pass home. Until I caught on to this game of hers. Saying you threw up isn't the same as the real thing. She wasn't fevered yesterday and I refused to come get her yesterday.
My thought is, if you can walk to the clinic and claim you threw up twice in their bathroom, you really didn't throw up. I want proof and sound effects heard in the office.
My sympathies are gone. Welcome to karmageddon.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Pruning Season
With a high tolerance for a lot of stuff, lately I find myself getting glimpses into others peoples lives that has me racing back to my bubble of a world called home.
Lives everywhere out of control by selfish, narcissistic, control freaks that do daily damage to their families and homes.
I feel like Punxsutawney Phil not wanting to pop my head out of my home until February 2nd, 2014.
Home is a place of refuge and rejuvenation and I feel like I could honestly prune these dead branches out of my life because they simply add nothing and the weight of their branches are so brittle that they could easily break off at the slightest of winds.
Just yesterday, I had a plant that has refused to grow and thrive in my yard and as a girl that doesn't give up on anything with a vein of life in it, I yanked it right out of the ground. I was simply tired of looking at its lifeless branches that refused to look healthy no matter where I planted it, watered it, and tended to it.
So I yanked it out of the ground tossed it in the trash and replaced it with a vibrant autumn mum with pink flowers that are ready to burst open any moment.
My flower bed looks better already.
I feel as if I am brushing the dust off my hands and am ready to face tomorrow. Pruning season.
Lives everywhere out of control by selfish, narcissistic, control freaks that do daily damage to their families and homes.
I feel like Punxsutawney Phil not wanting to pop my head out of my home until February 2nd, 2014.
Home is a place of refuge and rejuvenation and I feel like I could honestly prune these dead branches out of my life because they simply add nothing and the weight of their branches are so brittle that they could easily break off at the slightest of winds.
Just yesterday, I had a plant that has refused to grow and thrive in my yard and as a girl that doesn't give up on anything with a vein of life in it, I yanked it right out of the ground. I was simply tired of looking at its lifeless branches that refused to look healthy no matter where I planted it, watered it, and tended to it.
So I yanked it out of the ground tossed it in the trash and replaced it with a vibrant autumn mum with pink flowers that are ready to burst open any moment.
My flower bed looks better already.
I feel as if I am brushing the dust off my hands and am ready to face tomorrow. Pruning season.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
My Dawn
Since my Mariah was tiny, I have referred to her as "my Mariah." She is mine.
Then Brooke came and I refer to them as "my girls" or that way individually. Always claiming possession of them.
Not many people do this and I always catch it when another does the same.
Today on the phone I couldn't help but notice my grandmother does the very same thing with me. She is forever telling me stories about her conversations with others "my Dawn ... this" and "my Dawn ... that" in so many of her conversations.
Claiming possession intended as a most loving endearment.
Sharing with others who is most important in ones life.
Then Brooke came and I refer to them as "my girls" or that way individually. Always claiming possession of them.
Not many people do this and I always catch it when another does the same.
Today on the phone I couldn't help but notice my grandmother does the very same thing with me. She is forever telling me stories about her conversations with others "my Dawn ... this" and "my Dawn ... that" in so many of her conversations.
Claiming possession intended as a most loving endearment.
Sharing with others who is most important in ones life.
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