Being 13 is going to be the death of me or perhaps her.
Unlikeable is the term that jumps to my mind quite often. I always say, "I love you" because I always will, no matter what. Loving is easy, liking someone is a totally different game.
I've struggled with this a lot.
It was a weird situation that ended me up in the library with the most perfect book in my hands and perfect timing, God On a Harley. I lost myself in this book one evening and the message hit home in many ways that I needed.
Wanting, needing that same experience again, I asked a librarian if they had any other books from the same author and they did, Heaven in High Gear. I liked the way she wrote in her book with her words and I wanted more.
Much to my surprise, this second book was actually the sequel to God On a Harley even though it didn't say so. *happy sigh*
Heather is with God when she heard a baby cry and found the little bundle in a bed of twigs and leaves. Her instincts and emotions in the words written pulled me into her scene as she picked up this baby with unmistakable femininity knowing the little bundle was a girl. Pulling her in her arms, breathing in her sweet baby scent and holding her close, she kissed her soft blond peach fuzz little head nestled in her arms close to her body feeling her breathe. Aware of her toothless smile and her little pink mouth. Her tiny fingers tangled in her hair. Helpless and perfect.
The scene was a flashback for me as if I could almost feel Brooke in my arms as a baby. Easier days when she was sweet, innocent, lovable and cuddly.
Abandoned, I needed that reminder. I needed reminded that everyone needs the physical touch of hugs, kisses, affection and love.
I am the one in her world who displays loving affection towards her. If I don't provide it to her, she doesn't get it.
Life happens. Trauma happens. Unlikeable happens.
She is still my baby girl who has just lost her way.
