My whole life I have wanted to be married. There was never a question in my mind it was not only the right thing to do, but it is what I desperately wanted forever.
Being single is a lifestyle trap. I understand how a person abuses drugs (For the record, I have NEVER done drugs in my life!) for a temporary high. Dating is filled with endless moments of temporary highs. What happens when you are stuck in the confines of a marriage that becomes stale and gone is the hope of euphoric moments? It all sounds extremely suffocating to me.
My whole life I wanted to be married. They were dreams and hopes; they're shifting.
I'm not really certain anymore that I believe there is one man out there that I could love so desperately that I would want to make a covenant in front of a holy God to love and cherish as long as I live. There has been only one that I would, but fate doesn't allow.
Singlehood is a selfish trap. I am just at the point where my own daughters are at a good age, raised without the help of a man, and my freedom is back to just give it up for one person. He would have to be one heck of a guy with a bzillion qualities ... that changes with time, too. It's the change that hits and everything you believe in unravels, again.
At breakfast this morning with a girlfriend, she was saying how she loves married life. I don't think about it anymore. It is no longer a dream or a goal. It's more like the opposite.
The shifting for me happened within the last 6 months. I like the thrill of hope. I like options. I like not feeling suffocated in status quo.
Sometimes I feel badly gone are my childish dreams.
I live in a modern day world.
Sometimes I hope I am not too far gone.
