Safe Topics

safe

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adjective 

1. secure from liability to harm, injury, danger, or risk. 

2. free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk. 

3. involving little or no risk of mishap, error, etc. 

4. dependable or trustworthy: a safe guide. 

5. careful to avoid danger or controversy: a safe player; a safe play.

 

Synonyms:

buttoned up, cherished, free from danger, home-free, impregnable, in safety, intact, inviolable, invulnerable, maintained, okay, out of danger, out of harm's way, preserved, protected, safe and sound, safeguarded, secure, sheltered, shielded, sitting pretty, snug, tended, unassailable, undamaged, under lock and key, under one's wing, unharmed, unhurt, uninjured, unmolested, unscathed, unthreatened, vindicated, watched

 

Thank you dictionary.com for the description of safe. I couldn't wrap my mind around how I would describe you.

 

My blog is pretty transparent. Transparent on my thoughts, my life, my heart, snapshots of moments with my daughters, etc.

 

Sometimes I question my own topics, but being a very open and sharing person I do stay within my own safe boundaries and give them a mental stamp of approval as a safe topic.

Real moments happen. Life is sprinkled with moments that are only shared in a circle of trust.

I am a resilient person, pretty much always positive and can see a silver lining behind each storm, steadfast, and willingly energized to conquer any mountain and obstacle in front of me.

 

Sometimes I am pulled back down onto the couch.

Stories are so much bigger when I can't write about them.

 

 

 

 

 

Under Construction

I am jumping up and down inside!!

My new site for my women of the bible blog is now "under construction" with the template chosen, the limited colors I could choose from selected, and my profile written. *happy dance*

It will take me a couple of weeks to get a few posts underway, then I will be most happy to share my new link with you.

I'm hoping my girlfriends from the bible are all dressed up at this moment in their heavenly best, clinking glasses and making toasts to one another in celebration of their stories that are about to be shared on the world wide web.

May I do them justice!
 

A Sunshine Friday Birthday at the Beach





My sunshine Friday birthday began with a phone call saying he would be stopping by in just moments. A quick assessment [Whew!] had me thankful for an early morning shower and being semi put together. Pajamas will suffice.

 

Flowers, chocolates, and happy birthday wishes & kisses ...

 

 

The sweetest start to my day.

 

Before noon we were on our way to my favorite Headlands Beach for an afternoon away in the sunshine. The sand was hot, the sound of the waves splashing, seagulls flying, and boats gliding in the water in relaxing sailboats, power speed boats, and those who wanted to play harder on jet ski's.

 

Thank you for gracing the waters and embracing this beautiful summer day. I enjoyed watching each unique boating personality and share your happiness in this tranquil setting.

 

It really is a most perfect day.

 

 

It was being with him though, alone and away that made this sunshine Friday birthday at the beach perfect.

 

Happy.

 

A perfect summer day drifted into evening and my family came over for a celebration on my patio.

 

  

Loud. Funny. Laughter.

 

I ran in the house gagging when my brother ate a cricket at a $10 dare. Caught on video on my iPhone, I still cannot watch it.

 

I wanted this red ice bucket as the perfect "splash of red" in all patio parties, grill outs and bonfires. Visions of this filled with ice and easy to grab ice cold beverages ready to be consumed.

 

 





Just when turning 43 seems to be a most happy memory in my mind, after a month long of working out and playing hard every day in the sunshine, it is finally realized by my body ... I've crossed this stubborn plateau threshold and lost my first couple pounds.

 

Oh 43, I do welcome you.

 

43

Bleh! 43 is not my favorite birthday number, but here I am today 43 years old.

Good grief it is getting close to 50! More so than I have ever experienced (obviously) and I have had to change my own thought gears and formulate a new plan for 43 to remain as young as possible.

Serious game plan challenges for myself.

Enough of the negative, I can only dwell in this for a short period of time.

Today is a beautiful and sunny mid-summer birthday. Sunny& 80's and I am heading to spend the day at my favorite beach with the one who makes my heart sing.

Friday birthdays are extra fun, too! They welcome the weekend as if your one day becomes a free 3-day birthday party and I have birthday plans for every single day.

I woke up smiling this morning and said my bzillion "thank you's" for every healthy year and every perfect gift in my life. I reflect how blessed I am:

• For my God who is close
• Health and happiness 
• The blessings of my girls and families good health and happiness
• Our favorite place of stability, refuge, and a reflection of us ... our home
• My freshly mowed yard, my patio, and my flowers
• A community that I love to live in
• True best/friendships that have lasted years to decades that always loves and protects
• Time in summer to find my own balance in life
• Walking in the park last night with Mariah talking about her dads approaching passing, she shares what an exciting time it is in her life. She just got her 1st job ever at one of her favorite stores she has shopped at for years, she is entering her Senior year, she will be 18 years old in less than a month, her heart is in love, and her life is in such a good place. She said it would be perfect if her dad wasn't dying, yet she is still so incredibly happy
• And just when everything is all happy summertime, sunshine, flowers, and bliss, my heart sings every single day and I can only think of one of my favorite quotes:

"Once in a while, in the middle of an ordinary life,

love gives us a fairy tale."

 

43 you are only a number.

 

May my life be an example of 43 years of blessings and a life well-lived.

 

I have many plans that say this will be a good year!

 



 

 





The Monument

Meet my Monument ...

The hardest, shortest distance workout in my life!

It is a love/endurance relationship and its mighty steps win every time.

I keep coming back because I like feeling as if my lungs are going to explode at the top, feeling alive as I gasp for air. Feeling accomplished when I make it up a couple more times than the last, these steps have no mercy.

It is a summer hobby that will annihilate anyone in the beginning, but it draws you in and challenges the very core of what you are made of and my conquering spirit takes over.

Who Needs Make-up?

When Mariah asked if I wanted to run the Monument early this morning, I looked out the window and thought, who cares what I look like I won't see anyone I know.

You know where this is going, right? 

Why shower before running. Who needs make-up? A sloppy-knot pony tail will suffice.

Dear God in heaven, if that wasn't enough ... add 1-1/2 hours of sweating running those monstrous monument stairs over and over and over, then walking the park.

As Mariah and I are walking to run our last few times up, I see a familiar car parked along side of mine and a very pleased with himself hot guy smiling getting out of the car.

Yep, prince charming wanted to see what hot-mess looked like!

My Dear Mariah,

My girls know in their minds that I blog, but they haven't the foggiest idea what I blog about.

A letter for someday ...

~~~

My Dear Mariah,

Your whole life has been filled with endless moments of pride for me. Your character, integrity, and steadfast faith has been consistent since you were a little girl. Unchanging in the face of your peers in middle school and high school. Never waivering.

Beautiful. Popular. Athletic. A rare Christian.

Watching you as a young woman walking into the baptismal yesterday was yet another moment of pure joy and pride for me as your mom. Your public act of faith boldly stating that you are a woman of God, your testimony announcing your calling into full-time service in ministry, and your passion for missions.

You are my child on earth, God entrusted to me.

You are God's perfect creation for a specific purpose.

Re-baptized yesterday because as a teen deep diving into the Bible you question the validity of your choice as a child when you were young. Securing your name in heaven.

My sweet Mariah, in your childlike faith you certainly knew what salvation was about back then. We were certain you understood and it was a very personal choice you made.

It was child-like faith when you accepted the Lord as your Savior when you were much younger and it is an older, much wiser decision you made now. Your dad and I are blessed to have witnessed our greatest role in life, raising you, baptized in faith.

Your entire life you will continue to learn more about God. You will know unconditional love when your own baby is placed in your arms. You will understand the power of faith when life and trials happen. You will experience God's power when you step down and allow him to be in control.

May you never stop learning and seeking to know God and may He always be your hearts desire.

I've had the joy of raising you for 18 years now and although I will be here for you as long as I live, I know you are entering another chapter in your life. A chapter that God is preparing your heart for.

You are an amazing young woman, Stormie, I couldn't be prouder and I couldn't love you more. While the word missions instills fear in me, that you may be farther away from me than I ever dreamt of, you are God's, and I will respect and support your calling and purpose. Of course, covering you in prayer every single day.

I love you,
Mommy

What Would It Have Been Like?

We sat on the couch just looking at each other.

The house was quiet and I was lost in the moment like I am so often with him. Sometimes words are not enough and words don't need to be said.

Internally, I was having a girl-moment. Once in a blue moon unfamiliar emotions trickle in my mind that threaten my sure confidence I have in us. I thinks it's totally normal. Health to a point, but aggravating because it throws everything I already know a bit off balance.

Today I couldn't want him more.

If the world would slip away and if time would just slow down, I would be eternally grateful.

I am really looking at him. Lost in my own thoughts looking at this absolutely perfect man in my life when he sincerely says softly, "You are really gorgeous."

Sometimes I just blink.

My unsettled emotions dissolve and my heart sighs.

He acts shocked at my "thank you for saying that" and defends that he always tells me I'm beautiful. He does, but I need to put my finger occasionally on the pulse of our relationship to check its beat.

He reminds me that he thinks I am as beautiful as I was 20 years ago. I smile and my heart is so happy he believes so. We took our walk down memory lane ... our relationship piqued that night on the dance floor 20 years ago and I said I wish we would have left that night together.

It would have altered our future.

He said if we would have left together, we would still be together.

After he left I entertained how my own life would have been so different and honestly, it felt as if I was hit in the stomach, I wanted to cry. The unfairness of it all.

We would have made it.

Though we were young, I would have still been me and not given up on us back then until there was nothing left. Him being who he was then and is today, we would have been fine. No, amazing.

I confess I questioned if there was a mistake in the universe, but I am an everything happens on purpose girl, and I have to accept that.

My whole life I have embraced and enjoyed my most colorful life being an amazing rainbow of every shade and color under the sky, glistening and vibrant.

Today is the first time in my life where I wish I knew what my life would have been like different.

I am thankful for now and I am thankful for tomorrow.

I am thankful for everything I have learned in life so far to perfect our tomorrows.

We are off on an awesome start!

Picnic At the Beach

The sun was hot, he is smokin' hot, and his feet were on fire in the sand!

We had just arrived at the beach for a picnic & ambiance when he realized he forgot his sandals. Hopping from shady spot to shady spot to get to the picnic table, he feet were burning on the fire-hot sand. All I could do was laugh.

I'm certain the sand was hotter than walking on coals. I'm positive its was the hottest surface he had ever walked on but with each emphasis on hot he tried to explain, I could only laugh harder.

It was a perfect day. A perfect setting.

Our 1st picnic with my new prized picnic basket all-inclusive with fried chicken, sushi, watermelon & pineapple, and a chocolate truffle for dessert.

A sandy beach with sand dunes, a short getaway from home to a tranquil oceanesque setting with this most amazing guy.  I couldn't wait to introduce to him my last summers greatest find and he acknowledged its beauty.

For a brief few hours it felt like a beach vacation.

The seagulls played in the air and we strolled along the beach walking in the water holding hands.

A perfect afternoon.

How To Make An American Quilt

My relationship with my daughter is transitioning from raising her from birth to the amazing young woman she has become at almost 18 years old. It is changing from a mommy/daughter relationship to that of true friendship, an unbreakable bond of love, respect, and womanhood.

Welcome to girlfriendhood, sisterhood, and womanhood, my sweet girl.

I value our unique perspectives in life, our different strengths, yet DNA that makes us one in the same.

She is a young woman now and her world is changing. Decisions in life she makes are hers to choose, yet it is me she trusts in total confidence for direction. I gently guide, but I am slowly letting her go.

Tonight I shared with her an old movie, a treasured favorite I've had for years, How To Make An American Quilt.

After receiving a marriage proposal, Finn leaves to spend the summer with her grandmother and great aunt to finish her thesis and think over the proposal. At her grandmother's house, a quilting group congregates, and she's shocked and surprised to discover that the current quilt that they're working on is a wedding gift for when she gets married. The theme of the quilt is "where love resides". As Finn is unsure whether she's ready for marriage or whether he's the right one for her life,  the stories of the women in the quilting group open her eyes to the different kinds of love that exist.

Mariah thoroughly enjoyed the movie and thanked me for sharing it with her.

I've watched this movie many times since it came out in 1995 and it was yet again another opportunity for me to share with my daughter how much women need other women in their lives. How much I value and learn about myself the time I spend with my own grandmother.

After the movie, I called my grandmother. She is in the hospital waiting to having a double bypass heart surgery on Tuesday. It is late and she said she is tired, but wanted to share something with me first.

She said, "I am 88 years old, I've lived a long life, and I don't want to live forever. I've decided to not go under the knife and have open heart surgery. I've had a good life, but I am going to die on God's timeline. Will you please come see me very soon we have details to go over."

I can't even talk. Tears are spilling down my cheeks, but I understand. She is just ready.

Somehow I knew this would be her decision of choice and I am not surprised.

She could very well change her mind in the next couple of days, but I'm betting she doesn't.

I respect her decision and I let her know.

I love her and I am going to miss her deeply. Her time is short and I need to get back down to those mountains of Virginia to be with my grandmother before she leaves this life of old age and enters a heaven we believe in and is embraced by God.

Summertime

It is mid-summertime and I love it.  It is smokin' hot outside and I mean HOT!

Almost too hot to do any activity outside, but I say do it and sweat anyway. Take a shower.

Hot days, warm nights. It is pure summer romance being on the back of a bike on a warm summer night in a sundress feeling the warm breeze, riding by the water, and feeling someone so special against you.

Parks filled with those who brave the heat to embrace their fun. I'm glad your there.

The Monument steps alive with runners and walkers conquering its massive stairs regardless of the heat. My applause to each of you.

Girlfriend time and lots of it. Lunch out with a girlfriend is just a staple in female friendships. Outdoor patios at Starbucks for a beverage and conversation is the perfect ambiance to share secrets of our lives and our hearts. To walk in the park with a girlfriend in the sunshine is a much healthier alternative to senseless shopping or sitting in a bar.

Walking in the parks and running the Monument steps with my Mariah is our sharing time. I hear her heart, her dreams, and every details of her life. It is a healthy hobby we share together and a perfect setting for mommy & daughter conversations.

Ahhhhh ... gardens. To be in a setting where everywhere you look there is beauty. This years family membership theme is botanical gardens. My favorite. To walk in gardens holding hands with the guy I adore surrounded by flowers. Perfect.

It's summertime. Get outside. It's okay, start sweating. Just get moving.

Laughing

I was down stairs when I heard Brooke upstairs laughing at the television.

It was a defining moment where I realized I hadn't heard her laugh in a while. A welcome sigh of relief.

Laughter is a good sign.

Thoughtfulness

Imagine life where your likes and hearts desires were paid attention to and showered on you daily in thoughtful gestures from the one you adore.

One who pays attention to details. To favorites. And remembers when the time is right.

Welcome to my world of thoughtful gestures ... it is a happy and well-taken care of place to live.

Yesterday I was out and about and I knew he was working close by. I stopped to grab his favorite cold drink and took it to where he was working because I was thinking about him and wanted to see him if for only 60 seconds.

What surprised me was how thoughtful he was expressing throughout the day how much he appreciated my surprise to him.

It wasn't glamorous or sensational, but it got me thinking.

Thinking about how much he does for me with all the details he pays attention to. Making my likes and desires important to him.

If I spent forever reciprocating, what a happy life it would be.

Intimacy

"The opposite of loneliness, it's not

togetherness. It is intimacy." 

                                       - Richard Bach

 

A warm glance. A familiar smile. Laughter.

 

To talk. To share. Communicate.

 

Faith. Mutual values. 

 

Holding hands. A kiss.

 

Depth. Compassion. Understanding.

 

To share your completion.

 

Intellectual intimacy. Emotionally connected.

 

Passion. Companions.

 

An authentic bond.

 

To be individual, yet together.

To know and be known.

 

Belonging together.

 

Friends.

 

Intimacy.

 

“They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which

they never recovered.”  

                                                     - F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

 

 

 



 

 



Hoarder!

Yesterday afternoon I spent 4-1/2 hours of constantly moving, constantly climbing steps to the upper level of his two-story garage and carrying large concrete blocks from the lake up a steep hill in sunny & 80 degree weather with 7 other people loading dirty garage stuff filling a large Uhaul.

Eric sat in his chair in the shade micro-managing saying "keep" or "go" to almost every item.

The filled Uhaul is the "keep" items.

"Eric, you are a hoarder and I am going to get you help!" I tell him and he laughs.

Seriously.

He is so lucky we are not married. I would have left him at the new house and gone through this two-story garage and picked out what I wanted or needed and moved only that.  The rest would be free game to an publicized garage sale then trashed!

What on earth is Kirsten going to do with all this crap?!  The poor girl has enough on her plate without figuring out how to unload her new garage now stuffed with junk she will have to deal with after he passes.

That girl has already earned her treasures in heaven and working on all her jewel covered accessories!

Bonds That Defy Mere Coincidence

Last night I woke up all night long. I woke up feeling very unsettled, looked at the clock countless times, and even said a prayer of safety.

Today I received a phone call my grandmother had a heart attack.

Yesterday, I was sitting on my patio talking on the phone with her and shared that I am going to start my website on women of the Bible. She was so pleased, proud, and said, "You had a calling."  She said she loves reading the Bible and can't wait to focus on the women of the Bible and think of me when she reads it.

We had a good conversation and when I went to get off the phone she asked that I please call her within a couple of days. I promised I would call her this weekend.

That was an odd request she has never asked before, she knows I call her every week.

"Please call me in a couple of days."

When I was saying goodbye in Virginia last week, she asked me to come back within two months.

Short timeframes.

I called her at the hospital today and she shared her story of her heart attack. She said she couldn't sleep at all last night. She woke up all night long.

This morning she had a headache that wouldn't go away, arm numbness and her back hurt so bad that she called for an ambulance.

I don't understand the dynamics of when my girls have tragedies in their lives that my grandmother will call and say she can't stop thinking about my girls, are they okay?

I don't understand why out of the blue I was very unsettled and continued to wake up all night long, so did my grandmother.

There are so many stories I can share to describe what some would call a coincidence. I believe in coincidence, but I believe more strongly in bonds that defy mere coincidence.

I believe in the power of bonds and love so closely connected that you can sense something before you know something is wrong.

I would almost bet that when my grandmother's time comes and she passes, that I will sense something has changed in the universe before I get a phone call.

Women of the Bible Website

I have said it before, women of the Bible have been my own personal passion for years. I remember when a former colleague of mine, Ruth, gave me my first Women of the Bible book back in my early twenties.

We worked night shift at a large medical facility and I was doing the nightly system back-ups for the hospital. She had just met a much older man and was about to marry and move to Australia. Immediately the women of the Bible captured my attention.

Through the years I have found random women of the Bible books and always walk away amazed at their role in history, these imperfect women God used throughout the entire Bible. Why hadn't the churches I attended shared their stories instead of just the men as the leading roles in sermons?

The more I read about these woman from all walks of life, the more I learned about my God. His compassion. His love. His ability to teach the future through one holy book that His will be done.

For years my passions have grown stronger to share with the world my girlfriends in God, the women of the Bible. To share with a world these amazing women God used who haven't gotten their due credit.

I like to think of the women of the Bible in heaven waiting for someone to share their stories. Not just in books that mostly Christian women would pick up for a safe and healthy read, but through modern technologies world wide web, where any woman may run across their story without cost and get to know them.

Doing my own website has been a growing thought in my mind. A passion stirred.

Recently I had a friend ask me, "If you could do any one thing what would it be?"  I shared doing a website for women of the Bible.  He pressed further, "What is stopping you?

Me.

Have you ever felt like there was something you were supposed to be doing, yet you wouldn't budge? This is one area in my life where I have been afraid to move forward. For fear I am not adequate and can best represent these women.

Too many nudges from God in many directions reminds me He is waiting.

Last night I am reading in bed the book Heaven Is For Real.  I confess I have read it many times before. What I love so much about it is Colton who is only 4 years old shares his memories of his 3 minutes in heaven. Three earthly minutes, but in heaven enough time to see and learn countless stories he was able to share with his parents about God, heaven, and all those he met. A must read if you want a glimpse of heaven from the mouth of a baby. One day Colton told his dad, a pastor, that he saw the power God shot down from heaven when he was preaching. The dad/pastor pressed to know more, yet remembers every Sunday morning praying that God speaks through him.

Today, reading my Girlfriends in God devotional God met me where I am:

The Old Testament book of Exodus shows, over and over again, that nothing is impossible with God. Nothing! Moses was an ordinary man who was chosen by God to do an extraordinary task. On the far side of the desert in Midian, high on the mountain of God, Moses met the LORD face to flame. God appeared to Moses “in flames of fire from within a bush.”          

I would imagine that Moses was probably dirty, sweaty, and stinky from shepherding as he stood on holy ground before the LORD. I’m sure he was keenly aware of his filth and stench, both physically and spiritually. As he slipped off his shoes, he hid his face in fear. Moses did not feel adequate for the assignment that he had been given. He wasn’t confident in his abilities to get the job done. In fact, he even pleaded with God to send someone else! Moses said to God in Exodus 4:10, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

Moses is a significant man in the Bible. Not my comparison, but my point is I don't feel adequate. I am not confident in my ability to get the job done.

Okay, okay, okay ... I will do it. 

I will build a website and share with anyone who wants to read it my girlfriends, the women of the Bible, but I am going to need lightning rods of power from heaven to best represent these women from thousands of years ago, that I can't wait to meet someday.

Stay tuned ...

"I'm Not Taking No For an Answer"

After a week of being apart due to a vacation, this afternoon was reserved for our perfectly coordinated quality alone time together.

I had just dropped Brooke off at my parents and felt like a girl at Christmas beyond excited to spend  alone time with him.

You see, I felt off-balance this whole week away from him as if a part of me was missing. I was crabby, irritated, and my patience was wearing thin. I needed today.

Of course things didn't go well right away for Brooke at my parents, she was home before we finished having lunch together. Brooke was in tears and went downstairs to relax on XBOX.

He says, "Let's take Brooke and get out of here for the afternoon." How thoughtful. I let him know she won't agree to go though.

He jumps up from the table, goes downstairs and let's her know we are leaving for the afternoon and she is going with us. I'm listening for her to say, "No thanks!" when he walks up the stairs and says, "And I won't take no for an answer." Okay, that was hot and I am watching and waiting to see what happens next.

Brooke shuts off her XBOX and gets her things.

Stunned. 

His confidence in handling this situation was magical, his take charge to redeem the afternoon so impressive.

We drove an hour away to a landscaping nursery he once told me about where we walked through endless flowers in the sunshine. Being a garden girl, I loved the place and appreciated their unique selections as I marveled at flowers I had never seen before in my life . My bows and congrats, sweet boy. Well done!

We stopped for ice cream before we were on our way home. The laughter and banter in the car was fun and I can tell my little girl has a crush on my guy.

She says he's a sexy man with a great body, a pretty smile, and pretty eyes. She thinks he is nice, funny, and likes that he likes Sponge Bob. She doesn't care for Sponge Bob, but her daddy loved Sponge Bob, so it is kind of a "test" for others to pass. She doesn't have to like the show, they do. He passed.

I'm thankful we had this time together, the three of us. It was only weeks ago, I told her she had to smile and say "hello" when she saw him.  In attitude, she said she doesn't care to have anything to do with him or talk to him, he won't stick around anyway.

Today she let her guard down with this amazing guy in my life and she really likes him.

I still need our quality alone time together, but today turned out to be a much needed day for completely different reasons.

To Feel the Stir of Passion

Have you ever had one of those amazing thoughts of something you want to do? Your heart beats wildly for a few minutes—or even a few days or months—and you think to yourself, I'm going to do this!

 

But then the reasons you can't start coming. They suit up, start marching, and aim their weapons of discouragement right at your heart. In the end, that amazing thought becomes a fleeting thought.

 

And you think to yourself, yeah, it was a dumb idea. Then, as quickly as the stir of passion started, it fades. Too many of us live in the depressing, washed-out shades of a thousand faded passions that might have been.

 

Because we're afraid.

 

We'd rather stay safe and under the radar than go big and possibly flop.

 

But every now and then someone rare comes along. They would rather die than say, "I wish I would have ..."  - Encouragement for Today

 

I needed this today and in my frustrations my Magical Highlighter met me where I am.

 

I am a keep the flame ignited, because without its warmth and bright light, the air around me is cold and dark.

 

God says, "So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth. (NIV) Revelation 3:16.  I get it, Lord!

 

Lukewarm is less than living. Give me passion and a vision and I am at my best. To have a passion fade feels as if it is a certain death.

 

A flame, like dreams, need oxygen to keep it ignited for light and heat. When a jar is put over a flame the light goes out and it goes cold. That jar comes in many forms in life. Frustrations. Broken promises. Fear. Excuses. Stagnant. Negativity. Lukewarm. People in life less than living that simply wear you down.

 

I play by a lot of rules in life and sometimes I make the rules up as I go, but I am not one to live with a jar put on my flame.

 

I want my heart to beat wildly. I want to feel the stir of passion in every area of my life.  

 

Know how to re-light your own wick. There are more than enough jars in life to snuff out your flame.

 

Don't choose to live in the shades of a thousand faded passions that might have been. Be the rare, "I would rather die than say, "I wish I would have ..." 

 

 

 

They Are Sisters [Period].

At the orthodontist today we were told Brooke's braces are coming off in three months. Yayyy!

A lot of years and a lot of money later I can see light at the end of the tunnel and both my daughters will be completely done with braces.

The staff at the orthodontist office remembers Mariah and often asks about her dad, today was no different. The dental assistant asked, then asked how everyone was related again.

I explain Eric is my ex-husband, Mariah is ours together. Sierra, who also had braces there, is Mariah's step-sister, Eric's wife's daughter, and Mariah and Brooke are sisters.

"Ohhhhh, so Mariah and Sierra are step-sisters and Mariah and Brooke are 1/2 sisters," she says out loud as she tries to get it straight in her head.

Brooke looks at me and I can see her processing this comment. I can only hope the assistant feels how thick the air has gotten and the daggers I am shooting at her.

"No, Mariah and Brooke are sisters [Period]. I gave birth to them both. They were raised by me and were raised together. They are sisters [Period]." I cautiously warn. She says nothing and it was in her best interest that she didn't.

Nothing makes me madder than morons making comments trying to comprehend and share how they see a situation. 

It's the same stupid look someone gets on their face when I say I have been divorced for 16 years and they quickly try to do the math in their head. Brooke is 13 years old, I had her out of wedlock, genius.

Since my girls were little ignorant family members and strangers have commented my girls are 1/2 sisters. Since they were little, I have explained to both my daughters that I don't care in the least if they have different fathers, they both came out of me, I raised them, and they grew up together. They are 100% sisters, there are no halves with anything here, and they feel the same.

I have NO problem correcting others personal assessment as being rude and setting them straight.

So, to the dental assistant today who talked endlessly and felt obligated to make an assessment about my daughters and say it out loud in front of Brooke, may bleeding hemorrhoids fall out of your ass!

My girls are sisters [Period].

"Thank You for Bringing Me Here, Mom"

Brooke had a bad night and when I realized on a phone call with my grandmother that she was being released from the hospital after 11 days to go home alone, I called a last minute road trip. Waking Brooke up, I told her to pack what she needs for a couple of days.

Sometimes life calls for an escape and I was about to introduce my daughter to the trip I have taken by myself for 20 years, a road trip to the mountains of Virginia to grandma's house. Her great-grandmother's house.

Our little sporty car with the windows down in the sunshine, we sang and danced through the massive mountains leaving everything behind. Her disposition changed completely. It was working.

She genuinely loved grandma's house and said she like its feng shui. My grandma hadn't seen Brooke since she was a toddler and said, "My god you are your daddy!"  Brooke smiles at me and says, "but I have my moms personality!" That she does.

It is a very different culture being in the mountains, much slower, and goodbye modern conveniences. I cooked with spring water , made all meals in a cast iron skillet, and showered in pure, untreated well water. No television. No internet. Welcome to country living.

We celebrated my grandmother's 88th birthday with a cake and presents then Brooke performed for her singing song after song on the front porch. Grandma clapped her hands and with tears in her eyes, praised her talent.

This was the first time ever Grandma wasn't up to it, so Brooke and I went for a country ride through the mountains to Rich Patch where my grandmother grew up on the farm and my father lived his early years. I showed Brooke where her papa lived, their church, and the countryside. She was in awe.

This trip was everything I wanted it to be. The sun shining, the temperatures in the low 80's, the mountains majestic, the rivers pure and untouched, the countryside unchanged.

Brooke said she could drive through the mountains for hours and as I drove she took in all the scenery. She said, "Mom, I know this sounds bratty, spoiled, and ungrateful, but I am happier right now than I have been in a long time. I love it here and I can't imagine never seeing this again."

I love my trips (escapes) to grandma's house. I smiled understanding her completely, "This is exactly why I love coming here so much." 

My grandmother thanked me for bringing Brooke. Told Brooke how thankful she is to have had the chance to get to know her and how proud she is of her. With tears in her eyes she lavishly shared how much she loves me and what I have meant to her in her life. I let her know how much I love her, too.

I love my grandmother and with every trip I take, I learn more about her, and understand myself a bit more.

As we were leaving, the scent of the paper mill reached her home. I rolled down the windows of my car to breathe in its sweet scent that triggered memories of my childhood.

"Thank you for bringing me here, mom."

Sometimes life calls for spontaneous trips to the mountains for a needed break from everyday life. The mountains are magical, the rivers fresh and pure, and life is unrushed.

I'm glad my little girl enjoyed the trip, she felt whole again.

I knew she would.






 

APEST

My church is doing a teaching series called APEST:

Apostle
Prophet
Evangelist
Shepherd
Teacher

A personality assessment where each of us falls into a category of natural strengths and abilities how God has shaped each of us individually. I encourage you to take the free online assessment at fivefoldsurvey.com.

After a brief description of each category while sitting in church, I truly had no idea whatsoever which category I fell into, but let's just say while I didn't recognize my own positive personality traits easily, the negative traits of one of these hit home HARD. The negatives traits I was all to familiar with and decided I would take the online assessment myself to see which category I fall strongest in.

Know, I am also a personality assessment junkie. I have lengthy reports on my personality personally and professionally that make me laugh out loud. What I like about it is that I know my personality can be too strong for some people, it is a constant reminder to me that not everyone thinks like I do and professionally I have to handle people differently.

Fivefoldsurvey results ranks me #1 being an Apostle. Not the category I would have ever guessed until I began to look into it.  The negative traits of an Apostle is my all too familiar territory.

APOSTLES ENJOY

• Dreaming dreams and making them happen
• Strategizing
• Causing breakthroughs
• Change!
• Challenging the status quo
• The 'quarterback' role = seeing possibilities in others

WORDS THAT DESCRIBE AN APOSTLE

• Imagines
• Initiates
• Excites
• Envisions
• Challenges
• Stretches
• Change!

Change is a common theme here. While most people see change as the foundation under their feet is shaking, I thrive on change and embrace the thrill of what comes next. In my mind, it is being unstuck, free. It is experiencing all life has to offer, stretching myself as a person constantly learning more and experiencing more.

POTENTIAL PITFALLS FACING AN APOSTLE [Lists pitfalls of an immature apostle and characteristics to be aware of and my own personal excuses]

• Seeing people as a means to an end [How can I leverage them professionally to accomplish a goal?]
• Using and abusing others [Others feel run over in my 'keep up or get out of my way' mission]
• Low boredom threshold [Just get it done and let's move on to the next project, please!]
• Terrible at completing-finishing [Details ... blehhhh! I prefer the high-level overview]
• Can leave a trail of devastation in wake [I don't see devastation; rather, moving on from the unchangeable]
• Arrogance and pride [Confidence]
• Not appreciating those who settle and build [I can't relate to those who are stuck , stagnant, yet complain with no vision]

DISCIPLINE FOR GROWTH

• Patience!  [God grant me patience ... HURRY UP!]

THE APOSTLE IN EVERYDAY LIFE

• Entrepreneurs
• Explorers
• Innovative business people
• Those who start things
• People to transform a stuck situation
• Those who spot hidden talent

"Being an Apostle, God's power is made perfect when an Apostle is weak, when an Apostle steps down from their own power, creativity, and control. If you are an Apostle, don't settle for a lesser story or calling in your life." - Alex

In my personal journey for what comes next in my life and as I search my quest from success to significance, I need to think like an Apostle as I stay open to what comes next professionally and wait for God to open the windows of opportunity to the next season of purpose in my life.

I encourage you to figure out your own APEST calling to identify your God given strengths, natural talents, and abilities to discover your purpose and get on the path in life that you have been well-prepared for.

Provisions

I am not a knee-jerk reaction girl; rather, a logically thinking, well-thought out before moving forward in every decision choice maker.

Saying that, I am constantly putting my finger on my own pulse to make sure I am in the right place, at the right time, ensuring I made the right decision.

Unexpected provisions in different directions continue to bless and amaze me. Here are a few random examples. Hey, I'm a signs girl and pay very close attention to the heartbeats, blinks, and transactions in my life.

The total of my groceries at the store, extra surprisingly low.

For his birthday, I bought my dad several pieces to a grilling set, stuff I would love to have, because he is a master griller. My parents typically return/exchange every gift my brother and I buy and this birthday was no different. 

They return the grilling pieces to World Market and cannot find anything they like, but a bottle of olive oil. I get the credit of the gift card back, minus the olive oil with a "thanks, but we don't need it and don't see anything we like." 

The other day I go to World Market and pick up the very same pieces for me. At check out, I have $12.00 left on credit thanks to 30% off on summer items.

In the mail I get a 10% off coupon, plus a $10 off anything Happy Birthday coupon, because my birthday is this month. Well, I really want a picnic basket so I go in yesterday and find a perfect insulated picnic basket all-inclusive with a picnic blanket (plastic on the bottom side) marked 25% off on the stores summer sale, plus my 10% off, plus my $10 off, and my prized picnic basket is only $7.00. 

Now I have the grilling set I wanted, plus my picnic basket, and still $5.00 on a gift card I can't seem get rid of. 

I know that sounds silly.

Stick with me here ... then, I face paying my bills with my last paycheck and I should have nothing left. Check. Double check. I have enough to get me through the end of summer without tapping into savings.

When I need supply to meet means, provisions fall on me like a gentle rain.

My senses are heightened and I am aware when I am being provided for. Not by my own natural ability, but by letting God take over and trusting that He will provide.

I hand it over up front and smile at His creativity.

When I step down from control in my own life, I give God the opportunity to be everything He is.

The author of creativity. Witty. Thoughtful. Warm. Loving. Fun. In full control and power.

I believe many think of God has distant and questionably found in prayer. Rules and laws challenging to live by. The wrath of God.

I know my God to wait patiently for me to let Him show His love and power in my life. One who understands and loves beyond measure this girl already knowing my motives are pure, but my methods are often questionable ways.

He is my Provider. He is my provisions.

Today Is Your Yesterday's Tomorrow

What will you do today to pursue a passion or dream?

Do one little thing.

What haven't you done yet you promised yourself you wanted to do this summer? 

     Make time.

 

Too busy ...

 

Learn to say no.

 

Remember those thoughts you have hidden in your heart that keep getting forgotten and pushed aside?

    

Today is your yesterdays tomorrow. 

 

 



In the Midst of Turmoil

I woke up to an amber alert at 6:00 a.m. today. Breaking news shares of fires out west, 19 firefighters killed battling the blaze. Fatal house fires on local news and more. As I read my three daily devotionals, I can feel the heavy hearts of all three writers talking about topics of stress.

I made the executive decision to leave my job last week with no job lined up or unemployment as an option.

I am on standby for a best friend who is struggling through initiating a divorce.

My phone rings and I wonder where my Mariah is to know how to get to her quickly if it is "the" call that her dad has past.

In the midst of the world around me in turmoil, I am happy.

I thank God for financial provisions set aside that I can afford to be home during this time with my girls.

I thank God for a logical mind and strength to not be afraid to walk away from a job with no future and dysfunctional leadership.

I thank God it is an early Monday morning with 70% chance of rain, I need to get some things done today and sunshine only says "get outside and play" in my mind.

I thank God for peace, happiness, and my heart that is happy in love.

Last night I received a phone call from one of my best friends who laughingly said how lucky I am to have a best friend that just accepted a job from the newspaper who's new position it is to meet with every businesses Human Resource person to post job ads in the paper and on Monster. I now have my own inside personal headhunter who has my best interest in mind.

Yesterday I reengaged in a passion of mine, I picked up another book on my favorite topic, women of the Bible series, Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible.  My favorite book is Really Bad Girls of the Bible, only because I can fondly relate.

I'm close and it is only me that is in my way with what do I do next with this passion of mine. Do I start a website sharing women of the Bible across the world? Do I start my own GoCommunity introducing the women of the Bible to a younger generation locally to open their minds to not just women in history, but the women from every walk in life God used on purpose in a holy Bible to get His will accomplished. "MEET MY GIRLFRIENDS!" Shouted to the tone of Patti Stanger's, "MEET MY MILLIONAIRES!"

When I think of my purpose in life, I think of my areas of strength plus my passions and how to blend those worlds. When I think of my interest, the women of the Bible is the first topic in my mind. It has been for years now. It's this still small voice that is the first to come to mind. What started as an interest, became a passion. What was a seed planted in my mind years ago has become 'you are ready.'

Every day we are afforded opportunities, choices, and different directions to become unstuck and change our lives for the better. In the midst of turmoil and frustrations all around me, I am covered in peace and my heart is happy in love.

The same God that has covered me with protection, blessings, grace, and favor through a lifetime of  storms and a few perfect storms is the same One who gives me peace, happiness, and provisions during this season of my life.

I'm thankful for this week. I'm thankful for time. A Monday morning with unlimited options for my future and a God who continues to bless a very imperfect me.