Love is easy when everything is new and splendid. The sun feels warmer, the birds chirp louder, love is in the air! It is easy to feel love and give love.
What happens to those special feelings as time passes, life happens, and someone special really messes up?
Life choices, word selections, and love are tested. The dance of time wears on your heart and mind.
We can tally the mistakes, hold them close to our heart, allowing them to determine the path of our future … or patiently wait and pray.
“How can you love me after ... ?” An unfamiliar and searching question is asked. A deep realization of this kind of love is experienced. It has been a very good week, love prevails! A fresh breath of life and the magical restoring powers that only God can provide.
Sharon Jayne’s writes …
She was at it again. Mrs. Barnett was getting out the scorecards and tallying up the points. I sat with an older woman as she began enumerating her family's shortcomings. "Callie never comes to see me," she began to complain about her granddaughter. "And she never calls me either. I saw her sitting on the other side of the church last week and she didn't even come over and give me a hug." "Benjamin is just as bad," she continued, talking about her grandson. "He never comes by unless he wants something. I never hear from him, but if he wants money for a mission trip you better believe I get a letter. He's just like his father," she continued. "He never pays any attention to me unless he wants something."
Throughout our time together, Mrs. Barnett mentioned several family members and friends who had disappointed her, who had not lived up to her expectations, and who had not given her the love she "deserved." The more I listened; the clearer a picture began to take shape in my mind. I envisioned Mrs. Barnett with a big stack of scorecards. At the top of each card was a name: a grandchild, a child, a friend, a pastor, and yes, even one with my name printed across the top. If someone telephoned her, they got 1 point. If they stopped by for a visit, they got 1 point. If they gave her a hug without being asked, they got 1 point. If they told her she looked pretty, they got 1 point. However, if they did not show the proper display of affection, they lost 5 points. If they did not come by for a visit within the expected amount of time, they lost 5 points. If they did not send her a card on the appropriate days, they lost 5 points. Birthday cards, Christmas gifts, phone calls, visits, etc, were all tallied on mental score cards for later retrieval.
She was very busy keeping track of all the plusses and minuses for each person. I shook my head to clear away the movie being played in the theater of my mind and tried to pay attention to our conversation. After all, I didn't want to get a bad mark on my scorecard that day. Friend, let me tell you a great life lesson.
As long as this woman keeps mental scorecards on the people in her life, she is going to be miserable. And if you or I keep scorecards for the people in our lives, we will be miserable as well. First Corinthians 13 says, "Love is patient, love is kind...it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). Love is about giving - not necessarily about giving money or gifts, but giving love.
Love does not keep records of wrongs or perceived wrongs. It does not involve an accounting tally sheet of debits and credits or scorecards of plusses and minuses. It does not keep a running list of kindnesses to reward those who come out on top and shun those who do not. Self-centeredness says, "What has that person done for me lately?" Love says, "What can I do for that person today?" Self-centeredness makes mental lists of how others have disappointed him or her. Love makes mental lists of ways he or she can bless others.
Self-centeredness withholds affection and approval from those who don't deserve it. Love gives affection unconditionally because none of us do deserve it. Self-centeredness says, "Come here and give me a hug." Love says, "Come here and let me hug you." Can you tell the difference? A ten-year-old certainly can. He or she might not be able to verbalize the difference or even recognize it, but they certainly feel the difference in the pit of their stomachs and in the tenderness of their hearts. With genuine love, there are no scorecards. I'm certainly glad God tore up mine long ago. David wrote, "If you, O LORD, kept a record of sin, O Lord, who could stand?" (Psalm 130:3 NIV). Certainly not me! If God doesn't keep a scorecard, making notes of the ways I have offended Him, disappointed Him, or not given Him the attention He deserves, then why do I think I have the right to keep scorecards on the people in my little world? He doesn't give plusses and minuses and then tally up our cards to see whether or not we deserve His love. So why do we do it to others? God gives and gives and gives, and gets very little in return. Why does He do that? Because He loves you and me perfectly, wholly, and unconditionally.
Scorecards. Do you keep them? Do you keep mental lists of what people do and don't do to deserve your love? If so, you will never be content or at peace in your relationships. No one may see the scorecards sitting on your coffee table, but they'll know they are there. They will see them in your eyes, hear them in your tone, and sense them in your touch. And there may be a few brave souls who refuse to play the game and decide to bow out of your life altogether.
Tear up the scorecards. Now, throw them away. Be free. Enjoy life.
