My house has been clean and quiet for days. I call this week "vacation" with Brooke gone and Mariah at her dads. My home has stayed clean, I eat what I want when I want, do what I want when I want with no time restrictions.
It doesn't seem real to have a normal life then one specific day happened in early March that released 10 months of unthinkable behavior with no boundaries.
My daughter is hurting in ways I cannot even find logic to. Team Brooke of professionals brainstorm what's the next step to help her. Her life out of control.
She hates me because I did not stay with her dad; in her mind his suicide wouldn't have happened had we been together.
When Brooke was a baby she was the happiest next to me. Happy and content I put her in a front baby carrier where she faced me and I would go about my day doing whatever task. I remember her gut-laughing at the silliest things Mariah would do and we would all laugh just listening to her.
She was always with me. Never left home. Never ventured far. We used to always say, "cut the umbilical cord" because she was happiest by my side. Her plan was to graduate, take online college courses so she could live at home forever and when she gets married, she said I could live with her and her husband [No thanks].
In all her hurting, confusion, and mess that is going on in her head, she doesn't realize that I love her as much as I always have. Because I love her, I am willing to go as far as she needs to get her life back on track.
I miss her in the same way when she was little and would go to her dads house for a day I enjoyed my less than 24 hour break, but was glad when she was back home with me. A mothers maternal instinct is like trying to explain love or chemistry, some things are indescribable.
She is so angry and out of control defiant in ways I don't even recognize anymore, but she is still my child and I love her.
I've always told my girls there is no place that they could go where I wouldn't go to get them back. I meant that and I mean that today.
I will take this as far as Brooke wants to go and I will be like the father of the prodigal son when she is ready to come home.
