When I think of all that has happened in these last 10 months - the worst year of employment for me in 25 years causing extreme financial drain, Brooke out of control and facing situations with my daughter I would have never dreamed in my lifetime, the emotional drain of being told by physicians and Hospice for the last year that Eric's end was here (he is still alive) and his pending death Mariah has learned to live with as normal, and a life change of my Mariah now 18 and graduating in a few months is learning to spread her wings making choices for herself.
A lot is going on. None of it my call, but it is everything that is involving me and altering my life.
I long to grab hold of one of these situations and take control, but I am powerless.
Each of these feel like a mistake in the universe. Some mistakes mean something and some mistakes are just mistakes. The trick is to figure out which is which.
I have witnessed normal life inconveniences take out others and I wonder if my life storms were baby-step preparations to handle massive storms such as this.
I don't worry about one month from now. Somes days I feel positive and ready for the next battle, some days I just put one foot in front of the other and don't look beyond that day, and once in a blue moon when the weight feels overwhelming I fall apart and spew ugly words and thoughts out loud to safe people.
Faith looks back and remembers so many things that went horribly wrong in my life and it is that same faith that reminds me that while the storm still rage, God is in control.
This season in my life will pass.
