For 17 years I have placed my worth and value in my productivity of being a single mom and doing well at it.
I worked full-time in positions that became my self-worth where I was successful. I kept our yard and flower beds in meticulous order often pacing my yard searching out a single weed to individually spray, and maintained a spotless home. I raised two babies that neither slept through the night their first 3-1/2 years where I ran on exhaustion for countless years. Tended to all our bills, kept food in our home, always made wholesome meals, spent four years taking online classes at night after my girls went to bed, and built a stable life for three of us.
Honestly, I never dreamed my life would have gone down this path. I took on everything thrown at me and gave 100% with no help.
The most ignorant comments I've had to endure were from other women with children who "claimed" they were just like a single mom because their husbands didn't do much. Please, do not ever, never, ever say that to a real single mom.
I don't care if your husband is completely useless with the kids, a workaholic and never home, and you feel you take on all of the burden of responsibility. Your livelihood is still ultimately shared. Their homes look as if they were established by two incomes. Everything they own looks as if two incomes acquired it and I doubt they shopped at consignment. They still had a husband to crawl in bed with every night even if he wasn't their favorite person, and another heartbeat was in the house should anything happen.
Lucky are the successful people who had nothing but time to focus on their success and a second income to allow it.
It would be fun to have a snapshot of their lives "if" they had the opportunity to be a true single parent.
I look back over these almost two decades and am thankful for the strength I had, the motivation, and drive to succeed that kept me going when I ran often on empty.
Then, I said yes to every opportunity that came my way. It took 24 hours in a day to accomplish and stay on top of a career, a smooth running household, and raising kids full-time with no help.
The power of "No" is a good thing for me, but not necessarily for others. It means I'm not doing all the work making life easy for everyone who crosses my path.
No, get your chores done.
No, your behavior isn't acceptable any longer.
No, I cannot afford mommy/daughter dates every day when I'm not working.
No, I cannot take that volunteer opportunity.
No, we can't be "friends" because I know there are ulterior motives or you are just not really a good friend.
No, I am simply not interested in going out, drinking, and picking up men.
I've been pruning non-producing vines and a lot of people are not happy and prefer the "yes" me.
"No" is not a negative, it is simply me defining healthy boundaries for my life. I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience to all who used to benefit by the "yes" me, but I have a new word that is actually a lot better for me, "No, nope, nada, sorry, Ohi-no, marco polno, isn't gonna happen, can't, not interested, no thanks."
The power of "No" allows me to say "Yes" to the right things.
