Why am I feeling like this? I continued to dig deep for reason with this nagging feeling.
Oh, the years that rolled by where I lost myself in a career as my identity as it served as a perfect distraction that filled the void of no relationship. My schedule overfloweth, daylight hours allocated to career, priorities, a little fun, and sleep. When I was busy, I didn't have time to think about what was missing in my life, a key relationship that God intended and I longed for.
My priorities this past year have been being absolutely present and 100% with and about my family. Establishing a new life built on quality and best friendship with David, being present for my girls, and running our home which is our private place on this earth where we come together to relax, rejuvenate, and be together away from the world.
I questioned myself what would change getting into a new career that will take a big amount of time and focus into yet another area. How many plates can I have in the air spinning and spinning well?
My fear was ... if I put my eyes on a new career that I could easily lose myself in, what is going to give [lack] when I am not 100% for my family. My fear was I would need David less.
What is this feeling that was nagging at me constantly? Why am I feeling a sense of needing David even more?
Deborah from the Bible popped in my mind. Known for her wisdom and courage, she was a prophetess, the only female judge in Israel, a counselor, a warrior, and the wife of Lapidoth.
In every book and every story that speaks of Deborah and the titles that describe her, the title wife of Lapidoth exists. I believe it is because that role in her life was essential for her to be what she needed to be to others.
She had her partner who filled the most important role in her life under God, therefore she could be everything she needed in other areas of her life because she had a built-in support system that I am betting was her rock and foundation in life.
I am not comparing myself to Deborah by any means. In my asking God why am I feeling that I need David more, when I worried I would need him less, Deborah is who immediately came to my mind.
