Dear Brooke,
Some day, when I am no longer here and you dwell on the things you have said to me, I want you to know ... let it go.
Last night we had an EXPLOSIVE session in trauma therapy and I want you to know that every horrible accusation and insult you hurled my way, pushing the boundaries trying to break me, consume me, and destroy me as your mom, I didn't buy any of it.
I flat-line because it's ridiculous and truly any reaction would mean that I believed a portion of it.
You seek reaction to cast your pain. I know you feel alone in your internal pain and you feel it's your only power or control over something, anything.
I also know, that I am your very favorite person in life and I always have been.
I am your provider, your protector, your advocate. I am your hugs, your kisses, your prayers & happy thoughts. I knock down obstacles and run to the battle lines for you and I'm the one that meets your wants and needs in life.
I know your biggest fear in life is that something will happen to me even though you're playing hard ball in a game and you can't even comprehend the consequences. You will someday. You can't possibly understand now because you are a child and you have a mom that has protected you with mom-power your whole life.
Every rotten thing you say, it doesn't stick.
My identity is not based on your behavior just as my identity is not based on your success in life. They are your choices and it is your life. I've made my choices and established my life. What you girls chose to do and be someday is up to you.
So some day, when you are missing me and remembering the words that came out of your mouth that were hurled at me as a direct target, let it go, baby girl. I am like a teflon pan sprayed with Pam, nothing sticks.
I love you,
Mommy xo
