It had rained all day and I did what I never do, called it a day, and put on my pajamas for the entire evening.
Turning on Couples Retreat to watch a cute comedy as it was getting dark, I was surprised when David pulled in the driveway. Knowing the next couple of days were going to be round the clock work for him, I didn't expect to see him.
He said he missed me today.
He held my hand.
As he was leaving he pulled me in his arms and really kissed me in the sweetest way. I said a soft, "I love you" and I heard the those magical words echoed back against my lips. It was when he looked at me and said, "You are getting really skinny. Sexy momma." Some words put together make a perfect moment.
"I love you" is magical ... "You are getting really skinny" is magical on crack!
My guy is magnificently and significantly the smartest boy I know.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Sunday, April 27, 2014
"Road Trip Today?"
“Hi
sweetie xo Road trip today?” A text came through my phone when I was at work yesterday morning.
My heart leaped with joy, “ABSOLUTELY!” I replied.
Perfect.
It was sunny and 65 degrees when we hopped in the car and drove to Columbus to a motorcycle shop, stopped for dinner and came back home.
I love his spontaneity, his love for road trips, and his initiation.
My perfect knows how to make the most of a sunny Saturday!
My heart leaped with joy, “ABSOLUTELY!” I replied.
Perfect.
It was sunny and 65 degrees when we hopped in the car and drove to Columbus to a motorcycle shop, stopped for dinner and came back home.
I love his spontaneity, his love for road trips, and his initiation.
My perfect knows how to make the most of a sunny Saturday!
Friday, April 25, 2014
Revelation
Every evening, before dinner is served, it is my position to handle the devotion and prayer for the shelter men and community dinner guests.
Reading through the Bible then that portion's life application, I picked up in John from the New Testament when I took the position and quickly came to Revelation. The staff was split decision whether to skip over the book of Revelation, because it is really a hard read full of color, imagery, tragedy and triumph.
One of the shelter men said, "I don't believe we should read it and I don't mean to put you on the spot, but what side of the decision do you fall on? Don't feel uncomfortable answering me if you don't want to."
The world stopped. For a moment.
First, foremost, and for the record ... never will I deny where I stand in life on any issue, in my actions, or my beliefs.
Never will I state something that I believe in as not true.
Never will I refuse to recognize, acknowledge, or disown my beliefs or actions. And I don't care if it is against the grain of another's opinion.
I am steadfast, not wishy washy.
I absolutely believe that the book of Revelation be shared.
How do you read through the Bible and not share what is to come? God told John to write what he saw for us to know what is coming. Season finales in television series are typically action-packed and leaves you reeling. Revelation is truly the grand season finale!
Reading Revelation has become a controversial subject, but guess who doesn't hesitate in the face of controversy? This girl.
Reading through the Bible then that portion's life application, I picked up in John from the New Testament when I took the position and quickly came to Revelation. The staff was split decision whether to skip over the book of Revelation, because it is really a hard read full of color, imagery, tragedy and triumph.
One of the shelter men said, "I don't believe we should read it and I don't mean to put you on the spot, but what side of the decision do you fall on? Don't feel uncomfortable answering me if you don't want to."
The world stopped. For a moment.
First, foremost, and for the record ... never will I deny where I stand in life on any issue, in my actions, or my beliefs.
Never will I state something that I believe in as not true.
Never will I refuse to recognize, acknowledge, or disown my beliefs or actions. And I don't care if it is against the grain of another's opinion.
I am steadfast, not wishy washy.
I absolutely believe that the book of Revelation be shared.
How do you read through the Bible and not share what is to come? God told John to write what he saw for us to know what is coming. Season finales in television series are typically action-packed and leaves you reeling. Revelation is truly the grand season finale!
Reading Revelation has become a controversial subject, but guess who doesn't hesitate in the face of controversy? This girl.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Fresh Waters
No one ever steps in the same river twice,
for fresh water is always flowing around you.
Most relationships begin in the "honeymoon" phase when everything is exciting and new, wildly romantic, and you have found quite possibly the most perfect person on earth.
Months pass, stress and pressure slips in, so does snotty comments and agitation. Real life happens and so begins the test of the strength of a real relationship.
Is there a magical reset button that takes us back to that wonderful honeymoon phase in life? The answer is absolutely YES!
YES if both partners make the commitment to hear the heart of their partner and desire to meet their needs.
YES if both partners chose love and are willing to give 100% to each other every day, even the days where everything goes wrong. Your relationship is your safe and happy place.
YES when both 'do the work' to meet the others needs and speak their partners love language.
He is my very best friend and I love that we are in this place in our life that while the honeymoon phase is over, it isn't. We made the choice to step in the fresh waters of the honeymoon phase again, while life continues to flow around us.
Love is a verb.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
A Graduation Party
Where did the years go?
My little girl has blossomed into an amazing young woman through the vapor of life and I need to begin working on her graduation party that takes place in one month, but I can't seem to wrap my head around it.
Have you ever driven down the road lost in thought and 10 minutes later you don't remember driving the last 10 minutes? It's like auto-pilot has taken over and realization zaps me back to driving in the present. That's kinda how I feel about this graduation party, I'm uncertain where the years went.
As an event planner I know to think through ever single detail to make everything perfect, but I don't have the heart to even begin.
There are two things in life Eric didn't want to miss dying young, Mariah turning 18 years old and her graduation. He is barely holding on and we are having her graduation party sooner rather than later.
So much is about to happen for my little girl and I am not sure I am ready.
My little girl has blossomed into an amazing young woman through the vapor of life and I need to begin working on her graduation party that takes place in one month, but I can't seem to wrap my head around it.
Have you ever driven down the road lost in thought and 10 minutes later you don't remember driving the last 10 minutes? It's like auto-pilot has taken over and realization zaps me back to driving in the present. That's kinda how I feel about this graduation party, I'm uncertain where the years went.
As an event planner I know to think through ever single detail to make everything perfect, but I don't have the heart to even begin.
There are two things in life Eric didn't want to miss dying young, Mariah turning 18 years old and her graduation. He is barely holding on and we are having her graduation party sooner rather than later.
So much is about to happen for my little girl and I am not sure I am ready.
A Different Easter
This is an Easter like no other. After a week speaking to hundreds every day about Holy Week, my home prepared with with Easter decor, chocolates made, baskets (for Mariah and David) prepared, it is my hope that this year goes down in Brooke's memory as the Easter she will never forget. The Easter she was a complete brat!
In all of her difficultness, we will be laying low at home together as to not cause havoc in anyone else's day.
In all of her difficultness, she has made it clear that she will not be celebrating Easter or any other holiday going forward (not sure how long that will last) and I have been strictly informed to not make her an Easter basket or get her any gifts
Okay!
I will go to church by myself and go on with the rest of the day as if nothing is different.
The house is full of chocolates, sweets, and cake she refuses to touch as a result of Easter. That should add to her hateful and sour mood. No special meal to prepare. Today will be me and nature.
I love her, but I know God loves her more ... He can deal with her.
At least today is warm & sunny.
In all of her difficultness, we will be laying low at home together as to not cause havoc in anyone else's day.
In all of her difficultness, she has made it clear that she will not be celebrating Easter or any other holiday going forward (not sure how long that will last) and I have been strictly informed to not make her an Easter basket or get her any gifts
Okay!
I will go to church by myself and go on with the rest of the day as if nothing is different.
The house is full of chocolates, sweets, and cake she refuses to touch as a result of Easter. That should add to her hateful and sour mood. No special meal to prepare. Today will be me and nature.
I love her, but I know God loves her more ... He can deal with her.
At least today is warm & sunny.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Holy Week
This is Holy Week and in preparation for Easter in my home, which will pretty much look like countless past Easter Sunday's, all-inclusive with hand-made chocolates, colorful baskets, Easter home decor, a special breakfast and dinner, the grand finale of an Easter service at church.
As a mom, it is a production that creates the expected familiar for my girls. Easter comes once per year and I turn it into the special event that it is.
This year is very different.
This week I have the awesome responsibility to read, teach, and convey the message of Easter to hundreds of guests that come in for a meal throughout this week.
Tonight's message: Holy Week and the Cross
Thursday: The Last Supper & Communion
Friday: The Crucifixion
Saturday: The Resurrection
*Because meals are not served on Sunday
I have four services to make the basis of our faith, Jesus death, burial, and resurrection, and salvation as clear as I can.
I am not a trained and equipped preacher of the gospel, but I am a willing vessel, and God equips.
So many prayers are going up that I do this right and for power from heaven that it isn't my words they hear, but God sending the message through me.
Some moments in life hold so much responsibility and I really want to get this right. Never would I have guessed public ministry would be a role in my life.
I am learning very fast.
As a mom, it is a production that creates the expected familiar for my girls. Easter comes once per year and I turn it into the special event that it is.
This year is very different.
This week I have the awesome responsibility to read, teach, and convey the message of Easter to hundreds of guests that come in for a meal throughout this week.
Tonight's message: Holy Week and the Cross
Thursday: The Last Supper & Communion
Friday: The Crucifixion
Saturday: The Resurrection
*Because meals are not served on Sunday
I have four services to make the basis of our faith, Jesus death, burial, and resurrection, and salvation as clear as I can.
I am not a trained and equipped preacher of the gospel, but I am a willing vessel, and God equips.
So many prayers are going up that I do this right and for power from heaven that it isn't my words they hear, but God sending the message through me.
Some moments in life hold so much responsibility and I really want to get this right. Never would I have guessed public ministry would be a role in my life.
I am learning very fast.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Let It Go, Baby Girl
Dear Brooke,
Some day, when I am no longer here and you dwell on the things you have said to me, I want you to know ... let it go.
Last night we had an EXPLOSIVE session in trauma therapy and I want you to know that every horrible accusation and insult you hurled my way, pushing the boundaries trying to break me, consume me, and destroy me as your mom, I didn't buy any of it.
I flat-line because it's ridiculous and truly any reaction would mean that I believed a portion of it.
You seek reaction to cast your pain. I know you feel alone in your internal pain and you feel it's your only power or control over something, anything.
I also know, that I am your very favorite person in life and I always have been.
I am your provider, your protector, your advocate. I am your hugs, your kisses, your prayers & happy thoughts. I knock down obstacles and run to the battle lines for you and I'm the one that meets your wants and needs in life.
I know your biggest fear in life is that something will happen to me even though you're playing hard ball in a game and you can't even comprehend the consequences. You will someday. You can't possibly understand now because you are a child and you have a mom that has protected you with mom-power your whole life.
Every rotten thing you say, it doesn't stick.
My identity is not based on your behavior just as my identity is not based on your success in life. They are your choices and it is your life. I've made my choices and established my life. What you girls chose to do and be someday is up to you.
So some day, when you are missing me and remembering the words that came out of your mouth that were hurled at me as a direct target, let it go, baby girl. I am like a teflon pan sprayed with Pam, nothing sticks.
I love you,
Mommy xo
Some day, when I am no longer here and you dwell on the things you have said to me, I want you to know ... let it go.
Last night we had an EXPLOSIVE session in trauma therapy and I want you to know that every horrible accusation and insult you hurled my way, pushing the boundaries trying to break me, consume me, and destroy me as your mom, I didn't buy any of it.
I flat-line because it's ridiculous and truly any reaction would mean that I believed a portion of it.
You seek reaction to cast your pain. I know you feel alone in your internal pain and you feel it's your only power or control over something, anything.
I also know, that I am your very favorite person in life and I always have been.
I am your provider, your protector, your advocate. I am your hugs, your kisses, your prayers & happy thoughts. I knock down obstacles and run to the battle lines for you and I'm the one that meets your wants and needs in life.
I know your biggest fear in life is that something will happen to me even though you're playing hard ball in a game and you can't even comprehend the consequences. You will someday. You can't possibly understand now because you are a child and you have a mom that has protected you with mom-power your whole life.
Every rotten thing you say, it doesn't stick.
My identity is not based on your behavior just as my identity is not based on your success in life. They are your choices and it is your life. I've made my choices and established my life. What you girls chose to do and be someday is up to you.
So some day, when you are missing me and remembering the words that came out of your mouth that were hurled at me as a direct target, let it go, baby girl. I am like a teflon pan sprayed with Pam, nothing sticks.
I love you,
Mommy xo
Monday, April 14, 2014
A Crush
I have a confession to make ... I have such a crush on my boyfriend!
He is the most handsome boy in the whole world, so incredibly sexy, and when we play together, have fun, laugh together (often at each other), when he pulls me in his arms and kisses me, and when I see that ornery flirting look in his eyes ... he takes my breath away and I confess I feel momentarily shy and bursting with happiness inside!
He is the most handsome boy in the whole world, so incredibly sexy, and when we play together, have fun, laugh together (often at each other), when he pulls me in his arms and kisses me, and when I see that ornery flirting look in his eyes ... he takes my breath away and I confess I feel momentarily shy and bursting with happiness inside!
Love Is A Verb
Sometimes, one of the hardest things in a relationship to do when frustrations set in and life happens is to come out of retreated corners, present what you need from the other person, hear what is needed from you, and make a choice.
Love is a verb. It is an action word.
After action, reaction, reaction, reaction, reaction, reaction, reaction, and reaction, hurt people hurt people.
The second I hear something I don't like, my brain and mouth work as a team to defend and explain. I confess that I can battle until the ship is at the bottom of the ocean and I will hit a direct target with my words.
The best thing I can do is to be still, keep quiet, and listen.
Love is a choice.
Life always presents opportunities for a relationship, a best friendship, love, and a future to be threatened if two hearts do not make the choice to love.
When I say, "I need this from you ..." and he immediately from that moment forward makes the choice to hear my words, my heart, and takes action to chose love and give me what I am asking for ... love heals.
When he says, "This is what I need from you ..." I have a choice to make and I chose love.
Love says it takes both giving 100% every day (Even the days when it is hard, and the other isn't your favorite person). Love says I will provide and meet your needs because ...
Love is a verb. An action word. Love is a choice.
When he hears what I say I need from him and every one of his actions respond to it, I can no longer remember what it was that was bothering me.
It's like falling in love all over again, but better.
Life happens.
Love is a choice.
Love is a verb. It is an action word.
After action, reaction, reaction, reaction, reaction, reaction, reaction, and reaction, hurt people hurt people.
The second I hear something I don't like, my brain and mouth work as a team to defend and explain. I confess that I can battle until the ship is at the bottom of the ocean and I will hit a direct target with my words.
The best thing I can do is to be still, keep quiet, and listen.
Love is a choice.
Life always presents opportunities for a relationship, a best friendship, love, and a future to be threatened if two hearts do not make the choice to love.
When I say, "I need this from you ..." and he immediately from that moment forward makes the choice to hear my words, my heart, and takes action to chose love and give me what I am asking for ... love heals.
When he says, "This is what I need from you ..." I have a choice to make and I chose love.
Love says it takes both giving 100% every day (Even the days when it is hard, and the other isn't your favorite person). Love says I will provide and meet your needs because ...
Love is a verb. An action word. Love is a choice.
When he hears what I say I need from him and every one of his actions respond to it, I can no longer remember what it was that was bothering me.
It's like falling in love all over again, but better.
Life happens.
Love is a choice.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Staycation, But Not
This morning I woke up to the next four days off, sunny and mid to upper 70's today and tomorrow.
I'm bursting with excitement and ready to get outdoors to run the Monument, walk the parks, bike the trails, hike in nature, and make the most out of two warm days!
It feels like a staycation, but it isn't. It is the beginning of spring that leads to a playful summer.
I'm bursting with excitement and ready to get outdoors to run the Monument, walk the parks, bike the trails, hike in nature, and make the most out of two warm days!
It feels like a staycation, but it isn't. It is the beginning of spring that leads to a playful summer.
A Few Bites On The Run
I woke up this morning to it being official, I have lost 10 lbs in 1-1/2 months.
Here is the weird thing, in all my former efforts and trying, I wasn't trying.
At first, the meal ministry said that staff/shelter guys gain 15-20 pounds in a month and I wasn't about to let that happen, so ... it was just making healthier eating choices every day that became habit, wanting to be outside enjoying warmer weather, and every couple days that goes by I am seeing changes in my body and out of curiosity when I step on the scales a few more pounds are missing.
Healthier choices + moving more = continual weight loss.
I believe our portion sizes become habit. When I prepare a dinner for my family, I place standard portion sizes on their plates for fullness sake. At the Refuge, I will grab a small bowl, in the hustle-n-bustle of activity in the kitchen, stealing a moment, and grabbing a few bites to eat standing, then continue working.
It's true that your brain registers fullness after 20 minutes, because that few bites actually does the trick on the run. I am no longer hungry versus that plate of food I would have normally sat down to eat.
My eating portions have naturally been reduced and I am just as full now as a normal sit down dinner, without the lethargic aftereffects.
Do I deprive myself of sweets? No way! I just take a couple of bites to enjoy the taste.
No tricks. No fad diets. No self deprivation.
Without any effort I continue to lose and I can't wait to see where I go with this.
Here is the weird thing, in all my former efforts and trying, I wasn't trying.
At first, the meal ministry said that staff/shelter guys gain 15-20 pounds in a month and I wasn't about to let that happen, so ... it was just making healthier eating choices every day that became habit, wanting to be outside enjoying warmer weather, and every couple days that goes by I am seeing changes in my body and out of curiosity when I step on the scales a few more pounds are missing.
Healthier choices + moving more = continual weight loss.
I believe our portion sizes become habit. When I prepare a dinner for my family, I place standard portion sizes on their plates for fullness sake. At the Refuge, I will grab a small bowl, in the hustle-n-bustle of activity in the kitchen, stealing a moment, and grabbing a few bites to eat standing, then continue working.
It's true that your brain registers fullness after 20 minutes, because that few bites actually does the trick on the run. I am no longer hungry versus that plate of food I would have normally sat down to eat.
My eating portions have naturally been reduced and I am just as full now as a normal sit down dinner, without the lethargic aftereffects.
Do I deprive myself of sweets? No way! I just take a couple of bites to enjoy the taste.
No tricks. No fad diets. No self deprivation.
Without any effort I continue to lose and I can't wait to see where I go with this.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
My Team
I am off Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays. When I walk through the door at the shelter Wednesday mornings I have countless people needing my attention and talking over top of one another getting me up-to-speed, sharing what I have missed, telling on others, and praising me for being me and being there.
All this to say, it is a very warm welcome. Nothing gets put on my schedule before my team in the mornings.
Coincidentally, we have meals being provided from outside groups this Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday which frees up nothing but days to get projects done that there is never time for.
My team.
I walk in the door to have two of my shelter guys say, "We want to show you something!" I go into the basement to our lower-level pantry to see that they have completely stocked and organized the shelves by product AND have the labels facing the correct direction (Ginormous in my book!).
I was generous and not rushed with my words of praise and two shelter guys felt like a million dollars.
My kitchen team lead couldn't wait to show me he had already cleared out, separated products by meat, and organized two gigantic coolers. It was a big and very chilly project.
I lavishly praised his hard work and initiative.
I couldn't believe what they accomplished to impress me.
The turkeys were cooked down and the meet taken off for upcoming meals and the kitchen was alive in hustle-n-bustle.
Do you know what I hear basically the first 1/2 hour of every day? How amazing I am and how beyond grateful they are that I am there. That they are there now, because I am there.
Letting them know I was going to the store, I simply said I needed to run to Sam's Club to get more groceries for the meal ministry, that I needed to go around and check our food closets and freezers. Two jumped in and said, "Miss Dawn, we will take inventory for you." The truth is, they do it better than me, because they've done it longer. I told them to have lunch first, then we could do it together. Both wanted to accomplish the task before they ate ... for me.
They have accomplished projects way ahead of schedule to show me. They want to help and go the extra mile without my even needing to ask.
I come back from the store to three of my shelter guys with a chocolate candy bar, an Easter Reeses Cup, and a the new Dum-Dum's with the jelly beans inside to share with me and I graciously accept their gifts letting them know they are the perfect treat to complement my cup of coffee.
I am good to my team. I work right beside them and jump in doing whatever task is needed. I intervene and run to the battle line without hesitation when conflict breaks out. I appreciate them, praise them, joke with them, and genuinely like them.
They like me, too.
All this to say, it is a very warm welcome. Nothing gets put on my schedule before my team in the mornings.
Coincidentally, we have meals being provided from outside groups this Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday which frees up nothing but days to get projects done that there is never time for.
My team.
I walk in the door to have two of my shelter guys say, "We want to show you something!" I go into the basement to our lower-level pantry to see that they have completely stocked and organized the shelves by product AND have the labels facing the correct direction (Ginormous in my book!).
I was generous and not rushed with my words of praise and two shelter guys felt like a million dollars.
My kitchen team lead couldn't wait to show me he had already cleared out, separated products by meat, and organized two gigantic coolers. It was a big and very chilly project.
I lavishly praised his hard work and initiative.
I couldn't believe what they accomplished to impress me.
The turkeys were cooked down and the meet taken off for upcoming meals and the kitchen was alive in hustle-n-bustle.
Do you know what I hear basically the first 1/2 hour of every day? How amazing I am and how beyond grateful they are that I am there. That they are there now, because I am there.
Letting them know I was going to the store, I simply said I needed to run to Sam's Club to get more groceries for the meal ministry, that I needed to go around and check our food closets and freezers. Two jumped in and said, "Miss Dawn, we will take inventory for you." The truth is, they do it better than me, because they've done it longer. I told them to have lunch first, then we could do it together. Both wanted to accomplish the task before they ate ... for me.
They have accomplished projects way ahead of schedule to show me. They want to help and go the extra mile without my even needing to ask.
I come back from the store to three of my shelter guys with a chocolate candy bar, an Easter Reeses Cup, and a the new Dum-Dum's with the jelly beans inside to share with me and I graciously accept their gifts letting them know they are the perfect treat to complement my cup of coffee.
I am good to my team. I work right beside them and jump in doing whatever task is needed. I intervene and run to the battle line without hesitation when conflict breaks out. I appreciate them, praise them, joke with them, and genuinely like them.
They like me, too.
Sunshine & Wind Chimes
My tulips are growing from the ground and so calming is the only sound in my home but silence and the birds heard in the fresh air of open windows.
Even when there is a chill in the air I will sit on my patio, put my face to the sunshine, close my eyes, and listen to the music of the wind chimes and the birds.
Slow down ... close your eyes today ... and listen to the sounds you can hear when you cannot see.
Even when there is a chill in the air I will sit on my patio, put my face to the sunshine, close my eyes, and listen to the music of the wind chimes and the birds.
Slow down ... close your eyes today ... and listen to the sounds you can hear when you cannot see.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Whac-A-Mole
Whac-A-Mole is a popular arcade redemption game.
A typical Whac-A-Mole machine consists of five holes on its top and a large, black mallet. Each hole contains a single mole. Once the game starts, the moles will begin to pop up from their holes at random. The object of the game is to force the individual moles back into their holes by hitting them directly on the head with the mallet, thereby adding to the player's score. The quicker this is done the higher the final score will be.
This is supposed to be a game, not real life.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Before ... After
Before ...
... after she said, "F--- you!" to me.
... after she said, "F--- you!" to me.
You have the right to have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food in your stomach.
I have the right to leave you nothing but a mattress on the floor if you choose to continue.
Oh! By the way, you have the right to earn back your belongings with chores and good behavior.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
ONE Free Pass
I always think things through, weigh the odds and will have a solid case to debate/justify my own actions in life. Any self-induced consequences I will face being okay knowing I had it coming. I can live in that.
Yesterday I was put into a bad situation to cover for a friend and ended up being raging, beside myself, yelling mad!
I was the cover for her long-term affair. Even though every detail pointed to my friend, in panic she threw me under the bus saying it was really me. Fine. I will take the fall to save your marriage.
What wasn't fine was my life put in a whoa-is-me predicament where I was at the end of the rifle at the firing squad apologizing for the hellish few days brought on her home. Her husband wanted to "talk" at me that it was me caught in this affair, not his wife, let me know how disrupting it was on their children, their home, and their marriage. That he understands how hard my life must be.
Really?
"Poor Dawn. Her life is such a mess. All she wants to be is married. Her daughter is a mess. She has no money. No wonder she had an old, short, fat, bald, rich man pay her a bit of attention, so she slept with him after a night of drinking." This was the gist of the conversation, repeated over and over. The worst part is, I had to play along with this façade!
Are you frigging kidding me?! There are so many things wrong about these allegations that are against everything that I am. Not to mention, have you seen my boyfriend?!
What I wanted to say was ... "Poor rich man, your kids don't like you, your wife doesn't like you. In the face of every fact known, you choose ignorance because the truth would be devastating. You don't believe in God and you claim out loud that your wife is happy and would never have an affair. Put your head back in the ground."
The ONE free-pass has been cashed.
Yesterday I was put into a bad situation to cover for a friend and ended up being raging, beside myself, yelling mad!
I was the cover for her long-term affair. Even though every detail pointed to my friend, in panic she threw me under the bus saying it was really me. Fine. I will take the fall to save your marriage.
What wasn't fine was my life put in a whoa-is-me predicament where I was at the end of the rifle at the firing squad apologizing for the hellish few days brought on her home. Her husband wanted to "talk" at me that it was me caught in this affair, not his wife, let me know how disrupting it was on their children, their home, and their marriage. That he understands how hard my life must be.
Really?
"Poor Dawn. Her life is such a mess. All she wants to be is married. Her daughter is a mess. She has no money. No wonder she had an old, short, fat, bald, rich man pay her a bit of attention, so she slept with him after a night of drinking." This was the gist of the conversation, repeated over and over. The worst part is, I had to play along with this façade!
Are you frigging kidding me?! There are so many things wrong about these allegations that are against everything that I am. Not to mention, have you seen my boyfriend?!
What I wanted to say was ... "Poor rich man, your kids don't like you, your wife doesn't like you. In the face of every fact known, you choose ignorance because the truth would be devastating. You don't believe in God and you claim out loud that your wife is happy and would never have an affair. Put your head back in the ground."
The ONE free-pass has been cashed.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
"THANK YOU, GOD, YOU CAME BACK!"
"Oh my gosh, you came back!" [Insert hands thrown in the hair]
Another's face lights up and I get a giant hug, "Good to see you again."
"Where have you been? We thought you weren't coming back."
"Is Dawn coming back? Did we scare her away?" I was told one of my shelter guys asked.
"THANK YOU, GOD, YOU CAME BACK! I was so angry when I thought you had left, but then I saw your face today and THANK YOU, GOD! You light up this place and it isn't the same here without you!" This same speech was repeated at the end of the day in the parking lot going to my car.
[Side note] I remember the first time I pulled into the shelters parking lot filled with guys to walk into work my first day, I admit wasn't completely comfortable. Now, every day I pull in with the guys outside and it makes me feel safe. The shelter isn't in the best area of town. I leave every night to 5-15 guys hanging out outside and I feel safer having them out there. They are warm, friendly, caring, and will do anything for me. They are my friends, my good mornings and my good nights.
All day the shelter guys were in my office one-by-one. My dinner guests said their, "Welcome back" comments after dinner.
It was a warm welcome home, but I'm pretty sure I told everyone I was going out of town for a week and would be back.
What surprised me was only one asked where I was or if I was coming back when I was gone. Sadly, they just formed a conclusion without asking as if that is what they expected.
Next time I will make it a formal announcement from the podium.
Another's face lights up and I get a giant hug, "Good to see you again."
"Where have you been? We thought you weren't coming back."
"Is Dawn coming back? Did we scare her away?" I was told one of my shelter guys asked.
"THANK YOU, GOD, YOU CAME BACK! I was so angry when I thought you had left, but then I saw your face today and THANK YOU, GOD! You light up this place and it isn't the same here without you!" This same speech was repeated at the end of the day in the parking lot going to my car.
[Side note] I remember the first time I pulled into the shelters parking lot filled with guys to walk into work my first day, I admit wasn't completely comfortable. Now, every day I pull in with the guys outside and it makes me feel safe. The shelter isn't in the best area of town. I leave every night to 5-15 guys hanging out outside and I feel safer having them out there. They are warm, friendly, caring, and will do anything for me. They are my friends, my good mornings and my good nights.
All day the shelter guys were in my office one-by-one. My dinner guests said their, "Welcome back" comments after dinner.
It was a warm welcome home, but I'm pretty sure I told everyone I was going out of town for a week and would be back.
What surprised me was only one asked where I was or if I was coming back when I was gone. Sadly, they just formed a conclusion without asking as if that is what they expected.
Next time I will make it a formal announcement from the podium.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Sunshine, Open Windows, and Watermelon
My days off work this week thankfully happened to be the first two days I was back home and the only two days this week sunny and warm.
Two days to catch up being at home with sunshine, open windows, and our first-of-the-summer watermelon bowl.
Pitbull blares in my little, sporty car as the music reaches a special place inside me that re-energizes. Sunshine, girlfriend time, and those mighty Monument steps. My lungs want to explode, yet I feel very much alive.
Two days in the sunshine, fresh air with the windows open, and my white tulips growing up from the dirt.
Dawn laughingly informs me that while we are signed up for Warrior Dash this summer, she isn't sure how she managed to accidentally pick the competitive heat for us to compete in. After my initial, "Oh crap!" moment, I like that the bar is set higher. It pushes my competitive nature to step it up a notch or ten.
Shaking off winter and re-energizing with the new life of spring.
Two days to catch up being at home with sunshine, open windows, and our first-of-the-summer watermelon bowl.
Pitbull blares in my little, sporty car as the music reaches a special place inside me that re-energizes. Sunshine, girlfriend time, and those mighty Monument steps. My lungs want to explode, yet I feel very much alive.
Two days in the sunshine, fresh air with the windows open, and my white tulips growing up from the dirt.
Dawn laughingly informs me that while we are signed up for Warrior Dash this summer, she isn't sure how she managed to accidentally pick the competitive heat for us to compete in. After my initial, "Oh crap!" moment, I like that the bar is set higher. It pushes my competitive nature to step it up a notch or ten.
Shaking off winter and re-energizing with the new life of spring.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Peaceful
It was the final night of the medical conference and I was sitting outside in the sunshine on a breathtaking terrace overlooking a golf course, rolling hills of flora and the setting sun to the live music of a beautiful black woman singing Sade.
I've spent four full days working a medical conference with my girlfriend Kimberly, Executive Director, and found myself at home among the highly educated, Chiefs of Staff, from hospitals across the country.
Nine years later, I was in my comfort zone with this group of professionals. I easily slipped back into the dialogue that used to be my world and I enjoyed not only listening but adding to table conversations. You see, once upon a time, Kimberly and I were Physician Relations together. That is where our friendship began.
The sunshine, the music, the ambiance ... several seats away a petite physician with an accent who attended the conference all week said across the table, "You are so peaceful. Every time I have looked at you through this whole conference you have an aura of peace about you."
My eyes flew open! "Really?! Thank you." I was stunned by her statement.
Here's the thing ... hell was breaking lose at home. This moment instantly reminded me of going through the drive-thru at McDonalds when the girl shouted that I was "Fabulous!"
Peaceful.
My life is anything but peaceful right now, but I seem to get a strange calm that comes over me when life crumbles out of my control. It seems to be a coping mechanism that kicks in stronger than any drug I could take.
In the face of hell I seem to put off a fabulous and peaceful aura. To me it's creepy and it's me this happens to. As the heat in life is turned up, I slip into calm.
My calm is me directly plugged into God.
I've spent four full days working a medical conference with my girlfriend Kimberly, Executive Director, and found myself at home among the highly educated, Chiefs of Staff, from hospitals across the country.
Nine years later, I was in my comfort zone with this group of professionals. I easily slipped back into the dialogue that used to be my world and I enjoyed not only listening but adding to table conversations. You see, once upon a time, Kimberly and I were Physician Relations together. That is where our friendship began.
The sunshine, the music, the ambiance ... several seats away a petite physician with an accent who attended the conference all week said across the table, "You are so peaceful. Every time I have looked at you through this whole conference you have an aura of peace about you."
My eyes flew open! "Really?! Thank you." I was stunned by her statement.
Here's the thing ... hell was breaking lose at home. This moment instantly reminded me of going through the drive-thru at McDonalds when the girl shouted that I was "Fabulous!"
Peaceful.
My life is anything but peaceful right now, but I seem to get a strange calm that comes over me when life crumbles out of my control. It seems to be a coping mechanism that kicks in stronger than any drug I could take.
In the face of hell I seem to put off a fabulous and peaceful aura. To me it's creepy and it's me this happens to. As the heat in life is turned up, I slip into calm.
My calm is me directly plugged into God.
First Class
The Walking Dead may be a hit television show, but the live version can be observed at the airport at 4:30 a.m. for a 5:20 a.m. flight. I, however, did not fall into this category by being bright and alert.
The plane was full thanks to spring break and I was California bound. Sitting in the back of the plane, the airline stewardesses were securing making final checks that all carry-ons were under the seat in front of you and seat belts were fastened. A *hush* was over the sleepy plane.
A rather large, stoic-faced stewardess walked to the back of the plane straight to me and asked, "Are you flying alone?" Yes. "Bring your things and follow me, you are not in trouble."
Honestly, I didn't know what was going on.
We walk to the front of the plane to three open rows of First Class seats with only one person sitting there. "You may sit here." "Look, she has Kim Kardashian hair!" she shouts to the other stewardess.
Wide comfy seats, leg room, nobody sitting next to me. Wow, thank you!
Within seconds, the she comes by with a snack basket and asks if I would like a beverage? I admit I was a bit embarrassed at the plane full of "commoners" (sorry, I love saying that!) behind me who haven't been offered a single thing other than a command to buckle their seat belts and keep their seat upright.
"Yes, coffee with cream, please." This is quite possible the perfect way to begin my trip.
Eight out of nine first class seats open and I was the only one chosen and pulled to sit up front. Feeling blessed and highly favored, both stoic looking airline stewardesses are warm, friendly, talking to me constantly, and treating me like a celebrity.
The plane is slowly backing up to head to the runway when the one who pulled me from the back said, "We were asked to pull someone up to first class and I told her that I know who ... you were the only person that spoke to me when you boarded the plane."
Note to self: Always. Always. Greet airline staff with a warm and friendly hello when boarding a plane.
The plane was full thanks to spring break and I was California bound. Sitting in the back of the plane, the airline stewardesses were securing making final checks that all carry-ons were under the seat in front of you and seat belts were fastened. A *hush* was over the sleepy plane.
A rather large, stoic-faced stewardess walked to the back of the plane straight to me and asked, "Are you flying alone?" Yes. "Bring your things and follow me, you are not in trouble."
Honestly, I didn't know what was going on.
We walk to the front of the plane to three open rows of First Class seats with only one person sitting there. "You may sit here." "Look, she has Kim Kardashian hair!" she shouts to the other stewardess.
Wide comfy seats, leg room, nobody sitting next to me. Wow, thank you!
Within seconds, the she comes by with a snack basket and asks if I would like a beverage? I admit I was a bit embarrassed at the plane full of "commoners" (sorry, I love saying that!) behind me who haven't been offered a single thing other than a command to buckle their seat belts and keep their seat upright.
"Yes, coffee with cream, please." This is quite possible the perfect way to begin my trip.
Eight out of nine first class seats open and I was the only one chosen and pulled to sit up front. Feeling blessed and highly favored, both stoic looking airline stewardesses are warm, friendly, talking to me constantly, and treating me like a celebrity.
The plane is slowly backing up to head to the runway when the one who pulled me from the back said, "We were asked to pull someone up to first class and I told her that I know who ... you were the only person that spoke to me when you boarded the plane."
Note to self: Always. Always. Greet airline staff with a warm and friendly hello when boarding a plane.
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