In the midst of getting ready for work today, my phone rang. When I saw her name on my phone, I could feel my heart break for her and I was a mess before I even answered and said, "How are you?"
She apologized for not calling sooner, but with her father's blindsiding heart attack that killed him days early, one of my very dearest girlfriends, has been in the blur of the unexpected death of her father, who was a really, really great dad.
She shared the details and the raw panic of that day and if you've ever lost someone significant in your life, those visions are often permanently etched in your memory. For respect of her privacy, I will keep those details private.
There is a place with best friends, when you can safely break and bare your soul. I knew when I didn't hear back for days, it's because she didn't have the strength outside of making arrangements for him to call. So, I would send her daily texts letting her know she was in my continued thoughts and prayers and that I loved her.
There are no magical words. Flashbacks to deaths and loss I've experienced, and while I don't remember any of the words that were shared, I remember my girlfriends coming over, and just being present. You remember the ones who stepped in and filled the gap to just listen and let me cry as long as I needed.
Unexpected deaths bring a panic, a sense of confusion, and chaos of their very own.
She was blessed with a wonderful father and a great man who loved life and his family. His passing will take a toll on her.
They say time heals the heart. I believe, time lessens the rawness of the pain. When the world is back to normal for everyone else, and the months and year's have passed, others think your heart has healed and is fine, sometimes it isn't.
When you deeply love, you learn how to live with the loss.
I know Saturday morning I will see her at calling hours and I can't wait to hug her. Decades of best friendship will turn into tears and unspoken words I know she has broken.
Standing in the store looking at sympathy cards with words like: sympathy, your loved one, peace ... all sounded so generic, cold and impersonal. I found only one card that read of the right now, when your loss is so fresh, because I wanted a card that speaks to the right now when the world feels like it's collapsing for her to know, I'm here, for every time she needs to talk, cry, or just be present, and I'm praying. Not the emoji of praying hands everyone overly uses on social media for show and you know the half-hearted intention is lost the moment the next post appears, but really praying.
Until then,
please remember
there's a circle of friends
surrounding you
who are embracing you
and lifting you up in prayer.
