It was a morning that felt like slow motion, as if it took so much longer to get ready for calling hours than needed. It's amazing the memories and details we remember. I turned on the hot shower ...
It was in 2000, we had just began working together when I met Dawn. She became blond Dawn and I of course was dark-haired Dawn. That's how our kids would refer to us. Brooke wasn't even 1 years old yet. The first thing we ever did together was planning a play date at the park, having kids the same age. I vividly remember her asking me, "How do you do it as a single mom?" I knew what she was hinting at, but being new colleagues and friends I didn't ask questions.
She went through an awful divorce to an angry, controlling and jealous much older husband who would make life difficult for her to present date. It was a tough journey, but our friendship grew. Stephanie just moved to the area and the three of us became a strong support system as best of friends with little ones the same ages we learned to be single moms together and had play dates, sleep over parties, working out at the gym, going out still being very much young and alive. We were three single moms doing our very best. Our kids were: 1, 2, 3 4, 5, 6 years old. McLaren, Brooke, Micaela, Austin, Mia and Mariah.
Outlasting each dating relationship and marriage was our friendship.
[Today] I slip on a black dress and put on pearl earrings getting ready for calling hours and feel a strong need to see her, even though she has the absolute best husband ever whom I think is happy, healthy, stable, fun-loving, adores her and has made her life so much better being in it. I know he's with her. They've been married for almost 2 years. He knows her now in the role of her husband, I've known her for decades and I am Switzerland when it comes to secrets, matters of the heart, and this is where having best friends is so critical in life.
The church was out in the country and already had a long line of guests paying their respects. She looks worn out, but she is well put together and composed greeting guests. I expected nothing less.
I'm watching guests and I'm observing where her family is positioned standing greeting guests. Dawn is one of five sisters. Their respective spouses and kids all together and Dawn by her mom at the casket. She's strong enough to be front and center and a rock of support for her mom and she is.
Finally, it took a while to get to her and I just hugged her. She said, "I was going to call you last night, I needed to get out of the house, but I didn't have it in me to talk." I had been thinking of calling her, but didn't knowing how busy she must be in all the preparation. I told her we can walk, watch movies, we don't have to talk at all. In fact, let's get out of town and go away for a night or several nights. That's the beauty of this season in life. Buy a plane ticket and just go. Note to self: tomorrow I will get her out of the house.
Hugging her husband, Tom, and thank God for Tom! He whispers, please call her and I tell him I will. He stood behind her doing motions for me to call her, several times which leads me to believe, he's tapping into a needed support system for her. I heard and I saw his desperate attempt to relay the message, believe me I caught on immediately. I got this.
I didn't stay for the service. There were so many people and her family needs one another, so I slipped out the church door.
I knew she was in a bad place before I spoke to her, saw her and was tipped off. I've been around for decades. I know she will pull through, we've certainly been in the trenches before, but this is going to take a long time. It was her dad passing away, not a dysfunction guy who broke her heart.
The heavy cloud coverage is making for another dark and dreary day, it's perfect for my heavy heart.
A text came through from Mariah and I am going to watch her play alumni basketball tonight with the girls she graduated with. This will be a fun distraction and I can't wait to see my grandbabies.
