A Date

I've always gone on dates with my daughters and still do; now, I have dates with Sofia, too.

Excited to say bye to her momma and ready with basic necessities, a backpack (2 band-aids inside) and a box of Frozen band-aids, we are off for an afternoon of fun. When you're two years old, the car wash, picking lunch up at Chick a Fila then to Gamma's house is the BEST!! We sang, "We're going to grandma's house, we're going to grandma's house..." She loves to sing.

When we arrived, I let her take the lead to give her the time to do what she wants to do and when she wants to do it. When your two, here's how the date goes:

Set out lunch, she likes us to sit down together and takes a bite or two.

Run off to my bedroom to get into the jewelry box and spend time trying things on.

Drag out doll houses and sit down and play house.

Runs back into the kitchen, "wOw! sIt gAmMa!" Take a few bites of food.

Go downstairs and pick out today's favorite pairs of Gamma's shoes. Go through the storage room, just looking at everything.

It's time for her dolls to take a bath in the bathtub. I drop in a couple glow sticks in the water, complements of Papa, hair conditioner is so soft on hands and by the 40th time she said,"mOrE pEaSe" the tub was soapy with the fragrant scent of hair conditioner. She swam in the tub, played with the bubbles and glow sticks, washed her dolls hair, and when it was time to get out, I bundled her up warm in the chair under a blanket and gave her mac & cheese to fill her belly. 

She watches her videos on my iPhone in the car going home and I hug her and kiss her, tell her I had so much fun with her and she's my best friend. That I love her and next week we will have another date.

She ran over for another hug and said, "A dAtE!" She knows her mommy & daddy goes on dates and Gamma & Sofia have dates, too.

I Would Do Anything For Love

Watching my sweet grandbabies last night, Sofia pulled the kitchen chair to the stove and wanted to eat mac & cheese out of the pan. Mac & cheese shells fit perfectly over fingertips when your 2, and it makes them super fun to eat.

Eat them, not share them. "wAnNa bItE gAmMa?" 

I am crazy, madly, wildly in love with my grandbabies and I would do anything for love, but I won't eat mac & cheese shells off little fingers that are constantly in her nose. No, I won't do that!

We did share a 1st magical moment last night. As we were standing at the stove, her on the chair dining eating mac & cheese, we stood face to face laughing and talking when a song from Frozen came on.

"Let it snow, let it snow ..." 

Neither of us knows the other lyrics, but we nailed these three words every time it came on. Looking at each other in the eyes and singing face to face with her was an awesome moment.

"No, I really don't want a bite."

BLINK

One minute they are a toddler for what feels like forever, BLINK. Then, a teenager that feels like forever, BLINK. Suddenly, they are married and inviting me over for dinner. 

It does feel that surreal. 

It was a pleasant surprise to get an invitation to come over for dinner. Brooke made a pot roast with potatoes and carrots and a delicious gravy, I brought over dessert. 

It's been a while since I've had a pot roast and I forgot how good it is and the beef gravy was the perfect touch. Cooked to perfection, Brooke is an excellent host. I knew upon invitation, she'd have every detail covered and she'd slip easily into the role of a graceful host. 

Pulling out her prettiest crystal stemware, everything was prepared for my arrival. 

Fun conversation with my daughter and son-in-law, delicious food, Alex cleared the table and served dessert, a cinnamon coffee cake with coconut milk chocolate ice cream and a dollop of whip cream.

It was a lovely evening, thank you Brooke & Alex. xoxo

Strangers on a Plane

I hoped for the best as I boarded the plane and walked down the long narrow aisle to my seat, hoping the strangers I'd be sitting pretty close to for the next couple hours were decent. 

Thankfully, I got really lucky on both my flights and sat next to really nice people who were pleasant and I was able to strike light conversations with.

Well, there was one. Bubbly and chatty by nature, I just hoped she'd make the time go by quicker with her constant chatter. We covered the basics, "Are you going home or on vacation?" "Personal or pleasure?" "Oh, what part of Florida?"  

I learned a lot quickly. When, how, and why she lives in Florida. Why she doesn't like it, her kids and grand kids and on and on. I know what she does for a living, that her husband sitting across the aisle from us can't stay off his phone and it's a problem for her. He looks at it first thing in the morning and he slips it into his pocket as soon as he gets out of bed. I can tell he's mastered tuning her out and she laughs it off. 

When she came up for breath, she asked if I had kids and where's my husband? "I don't have a husband, I've been single for over two decades." She sighed and gave me a look of pity. "Oh, you're divorced" and there's that look of pity, again.  

Actually, I consider myself single not divorced. I may have gotten a divorce almost 23 years ago, but I'm a professional single. That was decades ago.

"Does their dad help?" Here we go... "Their dads are deceased" I shared. This comment scares people. One is a tragedy, but two is sketchy and I can see the emotions of confusion cross her face, she probably watches Dateline. There's her sad pity face, again. I answered her because she's asked a question, the answers do not define me. 

Her expression is annoying me and her pity is ignorance. I should take a photo of her expression and show her, her judgment of me is causing me to assess her situation... 

[In my mind I'm thinking] "Sharon (I don't remember her name, but she could be a Sharon), what I've learned is that you hate Florida. You were laid off and your husband had a dream to live where it's warm and you are not happy you left your children and grandchildren to live where you haven't liked it for six years. You want to move back, but he doesn't want to. You miss your kids and your grand kids and you had to threaten to go see them when he decided to go with you. He clearly calls the shots. Your husband who cannot stay off his phone and acts like he doesn't know you, slipped to the back of the plane to stretch his legs out in the empty seats the whole flight and hasn't really acknowledged you. While you're sweet and kind of ditsy, he is totally shady and you should probably check his phone. You may have a husband, but looks as if you've settled and you aren't really happy. You can laugh and chuckle at your husband's phone interest, but you must worry and that has to hurt every day. You have a husband, live in Florida, and life is settled and predictable. Your life is decided, isn't what you want and I feel sorry for you.

You see, Sharon, being single is a blank canvas. I live on my own terms and can color inside and outside the lines of my life and boldly embrace not knowing what comes next. I do what I want, when I want, and how I want. Being single is an unpredictable and wildly beautiful adventure." 

Bye Bye Winter Doldrums

The beach, sunshine, my favorite seafood on the entire east coast, riding bikes, quaint shops, Key Lime Pie, sitting in the sun reading a book, new clubhouse & pool, Port Canaveral, Cocoa Beach Historical District, movie night, and a two-day road trip to Mount Dora and the The Villages. 

Nothing helps the winter doldrums like sunshine at the ocean and winter is much more pleasant with vacations sprinkled throughout ugly months: January, February, March and April.  Plan wisely.

Papa writing love letters in the sand ... 

My favorite restaurant in the whole east coast is Coastal Crab. This understated little shack by the ocean is a hidden treasure. I knew the food was sensational, but I had forgotten how absolutely, unequivocally incredible it is.

Close to their place, a little Mango Tea or three ...

My parents newly renovated pool and property where they live ...

My mom & dad are excellent hosts and I'm grateful they are both healthy and active.

Thanks, Mom & Dad, for a wonderful trip!

 

Happy. Bossy. A Tornado.

Sofia was excited saying "bYe!" to her momma to come over and spend the evening with me. She knows where everything is at and is right at home here.

We were about to make chocolate chip cookies, when she said, "i  hUnGy, gAmMa." The sun can stop shining, the world stop spinning and the earth can shake, nothing is going to happen until my granddaughter eats.

Within minutes I had a smorgasbord of food in front of her.

We played for hours before I took her home and her momma text, "How's Sofia?" I replied,

"Happy. Bossy. A tornado." 

We played make-up, where she was the artist as she put make-up on me. We made cookies, played hide-n-seeky, swam in the tub, and Aunt Brooke came over and played puzzles. Several hours later I bundled her up and took her home. She was lights out in only minutes.

I'm so glad she is loves our dates and she's so happy here. It's a good break for both her and her momma.

Happy 50th Birthday Destination

Some people celebrate birthdays for a week, some celebrate for a month, I may just celebrate the whole year.

We were having coffee last week when we decided with both of us turning 50 years old this year, it's the perfect excuse for a dream destination vacation. I chose Sedona, Arizona, because it is a destination I've wanted to go to for decades. 

Researching spa resorts, VRBO's, day trips & excursions, luxury & special occasions, tours & sightseeing, walking & biking tours, outdoor activities, waterfalls & canyons, and so on and so on ... I'm thinking I will need to stay longer than my routine 4-days.

After all these years, I'm finally going to go.

Happy 50th birthday year to me!

Sleepover

My son-in-law, Jeremy, was in Mexico doing renovations at an orphanage with a group of guys this week and I spent the week with my daughter and grandbabies.

This photo was cute and reminds me of Sofia's excitement to have me sleepover, specifically in her room with her. Bedtime was exciting and she liked going to bed early and would announce when it was time to go to bed, which was one-on-one time, just her and I.

Beds pushed together, we'd say our bedtime prayers. Who do you want to pray for? Sofia would say, "aUnT bRoOke, gRiNnY pApA, aNnA eLsA oLaf." Then, she'd get comfy and gradually end up nestled next to me. I loved her happiness. 

The happy and sweet moments during the week and the quiet time rocking my sweet babies to sleep. Multi-symptoming or not and just like my own girls, I still lavishly hug and kiss them. She made me smile when she ran into my arms and said, "mY gAmMa!" 

Sleeping was rough. I had a hand flop across my face, a finger shoved in my nose, and last night her hand flopped straight on my eyeball and I saw a flash of light (from pain) and I wasn't sure for a moment if there was going to be damage.

Between midnight and 5:30 a.m. this morning my Fitbit had me at 3,200 steps. That was with Rowan. Both kids are multi-symptoming and he isn't sleeping well, so I took turns with Mariah getting up with him.

It's hard having little ones and it's extra hard when they aren't feeling well. At 2-1/2 years and 7 months old, my daughter has her hands full. 

Jeremy comes home tonight. It's a good thing because I am living on caffeine and meds to function. I'm not sure if I'm sick or just worn out and multi-symptoming. I will know tomorrow after I sleep tonight.

The weather forecast has high winds and rain tonight, perfect sleeping weather. It was a busy week with clubhouse renovation projects where I scraped wallpaper off for two days straight, still working a crazy busy season with brides from holiday engagements, hosted a couple events, and when I wasn't working I was at my daughter's with my grandbabies. 

My butt is officially kicked, my whole body hurts and I'm exhausted. 

I hope the thunderstorms begin soon, this girl is ready for bed!

Zen

"Is that why you're still single, Dawn?" I was asked at work today while working with a handful of colleagues on a renovation project. 

Their phones kept tinging from spouses/partners texts, nagging conversations and those who complained openly after the calls, and those who don't complain but never say anything good and you just know it isn't a good relationship. It went on and on and on. I wanted to say say,"Good grief, why do you choose to live like this??"

I hear it all the time. People needing more out of their partners than what they are getting, the real life day in and day out stuff with another person that has some advantages, but mostly disappointments and shortcomings. 

This is the tip of the iceberg surface stuff. What about all the thoughts that junk up their mind and the frustrations, conversations, and arguments where everyone is wanting the other to fill a void they are not capable of filling. 

I've become so anti-drama in my single life that I find I protect it at all costs. It would take a miracle from God to find a partner I would want and I'm not even looking.  

Peace is underrated. Freedom from disturbance. Tranquility, stillness, calm and quiet, it's very zen. It's a season of clarity. 

So, when I was asked today, "Is that why you're still single, Dawn?" My answer was, "I will be single until I find someone sweeter than my solitude." 

Calling Hours

It was a morning that felt like slow motion, as if it took so much longer to get ready for calling hours than needed. It's amazing the memories and details we remember. I turned on the hot shower ...

It was in 2000, we had just began working together when I met Dawn. She became blond Dawn and I of course was dark-haired Dawn. That's how our kids would refer to us. Brooke wasn't even 1 years old yet. The first thing we ever did together was planning a play date at the park, having kids the same age. I vividly remember her asking me, "How do you do it as a single mom?" I knew what she was hinting at, but being new colleagues and friends I didn't ask questions.

She went through an awful divorce to an angry, controlling and jealous much older husband who would make life difficult for her to present date. It was a tough journey, but our friendship grew. Stephanie just moved to the area and the three of us became a strong support system as best of friends with little ones the same ages we learned to be single moms together and had play dates, sleep over parties, working out at the gym, going out still being very much young and alive. We were three single moms doing our very best. Our kids were: 1, 2, 3 4, 5, 6 years old. McLaren, Brooke, Micaela, Austin, Mia and Mariah. 

Outlasting each dating relationship and marriage was our friendship.

[Today] I slip on a black dress and put on pearl earrings getting ready for calling hours and feel a strong need to see her, even though she has the absolute best husband ever whom I think is happy, healthy, stable, fun-loving, adores her and has made her life so much better being in it. I know he's with her. They've been married for almost 2 years. He knows her now in the role of her husband, I've known her for decades and I am Switzerland when it comes to secrets, matters of the heart, and this is where having best friends is so critical in life. 

The church was out in the country and already had a long line of guests paying their respects. She looks worn out, but she is well put together and composed greeting guests. I expected nothing less. 

I'm watching guests and I'm observing where her family is positioned standing greeting guests. Dawn is one of five sisters. Their respective spouses and kids all together and Dawn by her mom at the casket. She's strong enough to be front and center and a rock of support for her mom and she is.

Finally, it took a while to get to her and I just hugged her. She said, "I was going to call you last night, I needed to get out of the house, but I didn't have it in me to talk." I had been thinking of calling her, but didn't knowing how busy she must be in all the preparation. I told her we can walk, watch movies, we don't have to talk at all. In fact, let's get out of town and go away for a night or several nights. That's the beauty of this season in life. Buy a plane ticket and just go. Note to self: tomorrow I will get her out of the house.

Hugging her husband, Tom, and thank God for Tom! He whispers, please call her and I tell him I will. He stood behind her doing motions for me to call her, several times which leads me to believe, he's tapping into a needed support system for her. I heard and I saw his desperate attempt to relay the message, believe me I caught on immediately. I got this. 

I didn't stay for the service. There were so many people and her family needs one another, so I slipped out the church door.

I knew she was in a bad place before I spoke to her, saw her and was tipped off. I've been around for decades. I know she will pull through, we've certainly been in the trenches before, but this is going to take a long time. It was her dad passing away, not a dysfunction guy who broke her heart. 

The heavy cloud coverage is making for another dark and dreary day, it's perfect for my heavy heart. 

A text came through from Mariah and I am going to watch her play alumni basketball tonight with the girls she graduated with. This will be a fun distraction and I can't wait to see my grandbabies.

"hOnEy sUcKeR?"

The other day I was watching my Sofia at her house when she asked, "hOnEy sUcKeR?" I smiled. Oh my sweet granddaughter, I love honey suckers, too. So I told her when she comes over I will give her a honey sucker. Her eyes lit up and she shook her head, "YES!" 

When we were in Gatlinburg for our holiday vacation, my daughter and I stopped at the Savannah Bee Co. and I simply fell in love with the store. It was one of those moments where I didn't know which direction to start in. Do I walk straight ahead to the honey bar and start sampling, start to the right where the honey skin care products were, or to the left with bottles in every shape and size and flavor of honey. I was in heaven. 

Making a few purchases, we both grabbed a honey sucker for our drive back to the cabin. That's when my love affair with honey suckers began. So, I ordered several bags of honey suckers for Christmas when I got home. 

Two people know of my stash of these delightful treats, Sofia and Brooke.

Brooke stopped over one day and walking through the door in a very faint voice asked if I had a spoon full of honey she could have to help her throat. Okay, this momma knows her little girl and I asked if she would like a honey sucker, to which she woefully replied that she didn't have one.

That's when I lost my composure and called her out. She smiled. Miss Brooke & little Miss Sofia know I have a hidden stash. 

It's a special sweet treat and if it makes my sweet granddaughter happy in her heart knowing there are honey suckers for her at Gamma's house, I will clearly have to keep a constant supply or learn how to make these. 

You

The weather is perfect outside. It's the January blend of a thick blanket of gray cloud coverage, constant drizzle and a chill in the air. Perfect to stay in. 

I just got home from work and have an entire evening ahead of me. For dinner, I'm doing a BBQ pork with sweet corn and corn bread is in the oven baking. Slipping into a favorite comfy outfit, a pot of coffee is freshly made, and I'm about to binge-watch You on Netflix. I'm addicted!!

A couple good books and at some point I will take a break between episodes, tie up my hair, and soak in a tub with a delicious smelling bath bomb. 

Quite honestly, it's a perfect evening ahead of me and I would rather be alone and enjoy the wordless routine of a glorious winter hibernation, then run around in crappy weather trying to find something to do to have fun. Or, worse yet, shop for happiness. I hate shopping and I have everything I need and want. 

Cheers to know what makes you happy and doing it!

Loss

In the midst of getting ready for work today, my phone rang. When I saw her name on my phone, I could feel my heart break for her and I was a mess before I even answered and said, "How are you?"

She apologized for not calling sooner, but with her father's blindsiding heart attack that killed him days early, one of my very dearest girlfriends, has been in the blur of the unexpected death of her father, who was a really, really great dad. 

She shared the details and the raw panic of that day and if you've ever lost someone significant in your life, those visions are often permanently etched in your memory. For respect of her privacy, I will keep those details private. 

There is a place with best friends, when you can safely break and bare your soul. I knew when I didn't hear back for days, it's because she didn't have the strength outside of making arrangements for him to call. So, I would send her daily texts letting her know she was in my continued thoughts and prayers and that I loved her. 

There are no magical words. Flashbacks to deaths and loss I've experienced, and while I don't remember any of the words that were shared, I remember my girlfriends coming over, and just being present. You remember the ones who stepped in and filled the gap to just listen and let me cry as long as I needed. 

Unexpected deaths bring a panic, a sense of confusion, and chaos of their very own. 

She was blessed with a wonderful father and a great man who loved life and his family. His passing will take a toll on her. 

They say time heals the heart. I believe, time lessens the rawness of the pain. When the world is back to normal for everyone else, and the months and year's have passed, others think your heart has healed and is fine, sometimes it isn't. 

When you deeply love, you learn how to live with the loss. 

I know Saturday morning I will see her at calling hours and I can't wait to hug her. Decades of best friendship will turn into tears and unspoken words I know she has broken. 

Standing in the store looking at sympathy cards with words like: sympathy, your loved one, peace ... all sounded so generic, cold and impersonal. I found only one card that read of the right now, when your loss is so fresh, because I wanted a card that speaks to the right now when the world feels like it's collapsing for her to know, I'm here, for every time she needs to talk, cry, or just be present, and I'm praying. Not the emoji of praying hands everyone overly uses on social media for show and you know the half-hearted intention is lost the moment the next post appears, but really praying. 

Until then, 

please remember

there's a circle of friends

surrounding you

who are embracing you

and lifting you up in prayer.

New Years Eve

New Year's Eve day started off watching my grandbabies. Rowan is 6 months old and I am in love with my sweet grandson who is always happy and has the greatest fuzzy, duckling hair!! He's so sweet and happy and love this Gamma's snuggles, playing, and kisses. 

My Great Gatsby New Year's Eve Celebration was total success! Stunned that 98% of the guests came totally dressed for the Roaring 20's, as guests arrived happy and ready to celebrate.

I created these frosted boxes and it's hard to see in the photo there are lights inside of them and they are actually glowing. I thought it was a very fun presentation to walk into.

Music filled the air as guests walked through the door, sounding as if they were walking into a speakeasy. Setting the tone and giving the feel that you wanted to run to the dance floor and do the Charleston.

The room lit up and draping in pearls and ostrich feather plumes, great music, the scent of delicious food in the air and the open bar, my guests were ready to party. Believe me, they partied! 

Brooke & Alex had fun dressed as a flapper and I believe my daughter was happiest on the dance floor. It was fun watching her dance, she's always had amazing rhythm.

Even after the party was over, guests didn't want to leave. 

Most of the ladies were flappers, but here are some of my personal favorite 20's outfits. This guys was a riot and came with a party of 18. 

This couple was so cute in classic 20's attire and were fabulous on the dance floor.

People watching was entertaining, they partied like crazy! A countdown clock to midnight, champagne toasts and pork and sauerkraut at midnight and I finally pushed them out the doors by 2:15 a.m. 

I guess when it's a good party, nobody is in a hurry to leave. I'm also guessing there are a lot of worn out people today. 

Me, it's New Years Day and Christmas is officially down and all is clean. 

Welcome 2020.