After Keith's death, I couldn't talk about him or the situation for three months without crying. It was a welcome relief the day I was aware that I spoke about him in a normal manner and was okay.
I am in this very place, again.
Lou Gehrig's (ALS) is consuming Eric (my Mariah's dad). It's been a month since my last phone conversation with him that his wife, Kirsten, had to take over and translate. Now when he speaks, I have to walk to him very close and pay close attention to his words.
Lou Gehrig's is ruthless and brutal. Eric's quality of life is gone.
I've had a lot of opportunities to see and chat with him lately and he always has a smile on his face.
Mariah has said he has become very difficult to everyone but her (I know its because he loves her most in life). The disease does that, but every single time I have been there he smiles and happily chats with me.
I'm the ex-wife.
We met when I was 17 years old, he was 19. We went from being teens out of high school, to married, having Mariah, divorced, to learning how through the years to be really good at team parenting.
Nothing is accident and everything has a purpose. He and I together created Mariah who is an exceptional, beyond all others, amazing young woman. She is the very best of her dad and I.
I see him suffering in pain. I see his diaphragm weakening and he struggles to communicate as well as breathe with respiratory failure consuming him.
He always seems pleasantly pleased when I am there, smiles alot, and talks to me. I do my usual best to stay upbeat and happy in his presence, he struggles with laughing and he seems to enjoy my brief visits.
I pray for his peace. I pray that my daughter leaves no words left unsaid.
I'm not sure now how much time is left for him, he made the decision to not go on respiratory support and I respect that.
I'm thankful Eric and I let bygones be bygones. Though Mariah knows we team parent together better than anyone else I know, in his last days she knows we are friends.
There are certain conversations that bring tears that are no longer controllable.
At the mention of Eric, I see him in my mind struggling to breathe, in pain, and with a smile on his face. I see the heartache of my daughter and I know shortly what the future will bring and how her heart is going to break in an unconceivable way. I see both of my daughters dad's deaths, both tragic. Both of my daughter's future without their dad's they will both desperately miss and need there.
If you ask me about Eric, know that tears come with my reply.
