Sammy's death + PMS + the approaching anniversary of Brooke's dads suicide next week = Brooke has the uncanny ability to unravel my adult nervous system.
Brooke has a clear idea of how she wants the world to be operated around her, specifically by me and has an intolerance when I disagree and do not bend to her emotional needs and whims.
Channeling these highly emotional impulses (some she can control and some she cannot) is exhausting from my perspective and I find myself daydreaming of the day when both of my girls are out of my home and independent adults.
I fantasize of an always clean home and food that I buy that will be in the refrigerator until I decide consume it (not eaten in mass quantities for sport eating/boredom sake).
I dream of the meals I want to make and enjoy, not the neutral meals to keep all household members happy.
I think of the household and personal hygiene products lasting three times longer than they currently do now.
Laundry drastically reduced.
To have clean towels.
I chuckle to myself inside when I think of the culture shock my girls will go through when they have to buy all their entitled products they currently use unsparingly when they actually have to buy them with their own money.
I'm still a few years away from this, but I smile inside knowing their day is coming and so is mine.
With current emotions raging I find chocolate still brings a smile to the distraught, threats continue hold power over the things they really want I control and I still have the power to say, "Go to bed right now!"
To all those who say, "You will miss them when they are out!" No. I'm a happy independent person and will enjoy seeing them when I want to and coming home to living they way I want to live without two all-consuming tornadoes underfoot.
