Turning around in every room I am consciously aware he may be behind me. He isn't.
Walking through room in the dark I keep a close eye out for my little furry bundle who stays close to me. Reality is a painful reminder.
Throwing trash in the trash can my eyes glance to check water/food levels. Nothing is there.
I had a little boy who would follow me everywhere and I was always consciously aware of his presence forming countless habits and routines. That no longer exist.
My knee-jerk reaction to all things for sanity sake is to wildly clean and organize my home, but it already feels empty. To clean to would be to remove traces of his soft fur that says this was his home. It would be erasing what is left of him and suddenly I don't want a sterile home.
I can't take his Christmas stocking down from the fireplace. Not this Christmas.
I want to feel him warm in my arms, smell his kitty scent, feel his warm furry head against my lips and face, hear his happiness purr and him squeak in delight talking to me. I want to feel him press his head back against my face craving more kisses. I even want to feel him push away from me when he has had enough snuggle-time.
I couldn't love him any more than I did and I miss my Sammy Blue.
*Daddy's favorite photo of Sammy Blue ...
