I am reading along in my book when a description WHACKS! my attention.
The gist of it is, I insist on an egalitarian relationship where we both have equal authority, yet I contradict egalitarianism by expecting him to lead our relationship.
It's all very confusing, but it makes perfect sense.
My reality is, I am both mom and dad. I have both full responsibility as the provider and the caretaker in my home. I don't get half of life's responsibility, nor do I have the financial safety net of a partner to pick up the pieces should I not do well. I get full-fledged both responsibilities without a break or a crutch. Times that by 18+ years.
Honestly, I would love to watch a movie with certain people playing both my roles in life endlessly and see how they would truly do. Making it work isn't an option, but it changes a person.
By rights, I have full authority.
By my beliefs, I have old-fashioned values.
I often tease David and let him know he is the boss because I let him be the boss, to which he says he isn't the boss if I allow him to be.
I recognize he has a natural male desire to lead our relationship. And sometimes I patiently wait a 1/2 a second then take the lead in areas that are important to me.
It's confusing because I live in a world where I believe one way, but I live another because it isn't an option.
Time fine-tunes well-honed skills.
Insight and discernment recognizes the invisible battle.
