Not For the Faint of Heart

In the midst of selling my home, a move in less than one week, I lost my job.

Blessings come in disguises and sometimes they say a door needs to shut before another opens. In my case, I have been looking, but because of the move, I haven't been aggressively looking. My plan was to keep this job until I moved.

I loved my job, the girls I worked with and my schedule. The doctor has a horrible reputation in the community, people snicker at the mention of his name, and he leads his practice in the same way. High staff turnover every 6 months to 1 year, oftentimes entire teams walking out on him the same day.

To have the American dream, yet he acts as if he is a bear with his foot in a trap. A miserable, nasty, snarling, little man.

I refuse to grapple with him. He loves to attack and have staff be combative, he walks away smirking, and the fools who grapple with him wear a badge of honor as if they can keep up. No, you are lowering your standards and falling into his trap, conforming to his dysfunction and trying to make it work by playing his game.

Do not answer a fool according to his folly,

or you yourself will be just like him.

- Proverbs 26:4

A fool remains a fool whether he is answered or not. Those who try to answer them will simply stoop to their level. 

I do not like him, he didn't like me.

Timing perfect.

Now I have the gift of time.

Time to move my household, bask in summer, to enjoy being poolside at my residence for the first time in my life, and time to take the trips I have been wanting to take and do the activities I've wanted to do, but didn't have time for.

Blessings come in disguises and God can use whomever He wants, good or hateful, to accomplish blessings in another's life. He's just that awesome!

My journey in life would cripple the faint of heart. It certainly makes some nervous, but I always end up in a better place.

My life is open.

I am not bound by the chains of stuck, fear, pigeon-holed into one specific field of employment, or the limited mentality of this is how it has to be. Life is limitless.

My life journey has been everything I never anticipated or expected it to be. The twists and turns when I was younger left me dizzy. Now that I am older, I can see God through my whole journey and I open my heart, my eyes, and my life to what He has planned that comes next. He already knows. I simply need to have faith, dance and twirl in the sunshine gift of summertime, refresh and be ready for what comes next.

WARNING: Not for the faint of heart.

Throw Away Often

One of the many beauties of throwing things away often is that beautiful moment of trash day before I move in less than one week.  

Going through cupboards, the refrigerator, closets, under sinks, drawers and junk drawers, the laundry room, cabinets, the garage and every hidden place that "stuff" collects, everything has already been discarded.

My job made easy. 

Casting Far and Wide

I believe I am getting a natural high as I am casting things I am not taking with me far and wide.

The pile of what is not going is getting bigger and bigger. Looking around at empty walls, I wonder if I will be taking much with me. 

Pick up an item, "Do I love this? Does it make me really happy?" No. Gone. 

Making room for only the things I love. 

Softball Sundays at the Ballpark

Every Sunday afternoon Mariah & Jerermy play double-header softball games and I am on Chubbilcious Snugglicious Grandmomma duty.

A soft fluffy blanket, new snacks for my sweet grand daughter to try and her adoring friends came to entertain her. *Note to self: Bring chocolate chip cookies next Sunday for the girls. 

We clapped, we tickled, we played "Boo!" I learned first and middle names, we talked about curly hair and cousins and new babies and loose teeth. 

Little girls are sugar and spice and everything nice. Sofia smiled and was ready to laugh in a moments notice soaking up all the adoration of five sweet, little girls.

Life and Love

This photo is the wallpaper on my iPhone and when I look at this I cannot help but think life and love.

It was only yesterday, I was the young mom and Mariah was a baby. So many times I thought, "I'm sorry, I'm learning, and we will learn life together" because I knew we were both young growing up together and we did. 

Now, my Mariah is a momma. Motherhood is a God-given gift and it is instilled in her. She and Sofia are growing up together, too.

A young mom, figuring out life with the awesome responsibility of raising her baby. It's a beautiful blend of love, sacrifice, butting heads, doing things well, wondering if she is getting things right, baby steps, so many firsts, milestones, laughter, tears, hugs & kisses, hopes, dreams, faith, love and forgiveness. 

Sofia is happy. She is so well-loved. She is blessed to have a momma who is dedicated to protect her, teach her, and guide her as Mariah raises her own very best friend and clearly her little mini version of herself; yet, different in many ways. 

I see this photo as a momma and grandmomma and my heart bursts with love. I am so proud of my beautiful daughter, she is fully dedicated in the role she has been blessed in, and look at my granddaughter, I am so in love with her.

Time is like a vapor. 

Beauty

A Modern Day Ruth did a devotional, beauty emerges from dark places:

Butterflies from cocoons

Gold from the earth

Diamonds from coal mines

Pearls from oysters in deep oceans

Flowers from seeds hidden in the dirt

Sunrises from midnight skies

You may feel like you are hidden and in a dark place, but God ... 

I don't feel like I am in a dark place, but life has certainly provided much transition and I have chosen to slow down, not date, and enjoy being home. 

I've also reached a milestone 1 year sabbatical. 

My New Years goals are not only accomplished, I have propelled much farther ahead than the goal I had given myself. 

Balanced. Focused. Ready. I know life is about to catapult in a new direction and I am refreshed, re-energized and well-prepared to enter this new season beautifully positioned.  

A Letter to the New Home Owners

I met the new home owners by chance. It was sunny and warm as I raced home from work, changed quickly and hopped on my bike to go riding while a tour of my home was about to take place.

Maggie pulled in as I got on my bike and I stopped to introduced myself. She asked if there was good biking around here and I was more than happy to tell her about my 8-mile ride I take around the lake. She seemed excited, so I highlighted the close local conveniences as well as the neighborhood.

They are in their early 40's, newly married within the last couple of years and this would be the first home they've ever bought.

Riding back home from my ride, their real estate agent said she'd be in touch, they are making an offer on the house. When they wanted to take a 2nd serious tour of my home and I wrote them this letter ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Maggie & Kurtis,

Welcome!  I’m thrilled you like this home. It is truly a home that love resides.

It makes me nostalgic thinking of our life here for the last 15 years and I am so grateful. My girls were 7 & 3 years old when I bought this. I needed a home in a community I felt safe with being a single mom and I wanted a home of stability and a yard.

When I walked through the doors in 2003, I walked back out and said, “No way!” It was a disaster! Lol Dark paneling, shag carpet, the lower level was creepy, a bzillion apples on wallpaper, and there were 6 doors in the little hallway between the living room, dining room and bedrooms. My dad said then, it’s cosmetic.

It was a leap of faith on a very limited income and six weeks after I got the keys, I managed to knock down walls, level floors, gut the kitchen, and peeled wallpaper for 2 of those 6 weeks before I could move in. Outside was a jungle monstrosity. I wish now I had photos.

Over the years, I tore down the dilapidated deck and put in a stamped concrete patio, built a shed, started over with the landscaping, and put in all new appliances. Inside several years ago my Dad & I finally tackled the creepy lower level. We knocked everything down to the concrete floor, the walls to the brick and the ceilings to the floor boards. With an electrician and a plumber, the lower level became a new master suite and private oasis.

Last year the upstairs bathroom was redone. My office/prayer room is now my granddaughter, Sofia’s room, and I find it to be a very peaceful place. This home and property has been covered in prayer.

Everything has been maintained well, works perfectly and my utilities are low.

In 2003, I used to mow the yard in high heeled sandals. Lol Today is quite a different story and I am a grandmother. My youngest has graduated and is moving out and this home that love built is ready for a new family. The neighbors have been here as long as I have and you will find this a very quiet street where people are friendly and wave.

I wish you the best and hope you find this home to be exactly what you want.

Warm regards,

Dawn

My Checks Are Ordered!

After perusing through hundreds upon hundreds of colorful check options, I chose the one that POPPED out at me.

Adding my new address, selecting a font, I am thrilled to say my checks are ordered and on their way!

This morning I close on my house.

Time to start purging!

Dad. Papa. Great Papa

He is a Dad, a Papa, and a Great Papa. 

In the photo: my Dad, my not-so-little, little brother and I, our kids, and our sweet little next generation, Sofia. 

Happy Father's Day, Dad. We love you!

Organized Simplicity

There are more benefits to downsizing than I had anticipated. Logically, I knew I would have a project on my hands making decisions of what to keep and what to release that simply is not needed or really even wanted anymore. It becomes stuff that junks up closets, storage rooms, a garage and a shed. I feel as if I will cast far and wide more than I anticipated and it feels amazing!

My dad asked me, "What are you keeping in your shed?" I have no idea what is in my shed? If I don't really know, believe me, it isn't important. There is only one item. My little wooden rocking chair when I was a little girl. I want it painted and freshened up for Sofia. That's it. 

I am only keeping what I really like, spring cleaning and unloading the rest to free myself of the weight of "stuff" that takes up space.

Light. Airy. Simple.

• One of the beauties of downsizing is saving money on frivolous living. Stop wasting money on "stuff" used to fill space, bringing only what you need and really want into your living space.
• Less maintenance and upkeep, freeing up your time for leisure activities, spending time with family and friends and getting more rest and relaxation.
• From clutter to cozy.
• It frees up your lifestyle for travel. A home requires a lot of work when you leave town and eliminates the clean-up when you return.
• It opens a new chapter in life. Mine will be more community being poolside (my poolside family/friends full intentions list is growing by the numbers!), a clubhouse for gatherings with one special friend or a group of friends with drinks by the fireplace, relaxed & laughing in the movie theater or playing pool, a fitness center, and monthly community events for residents. It will be a destination to come to with a variety of activities. Warmly welcomed.
• Splurge on a few key pieces playing up a smaller living space in beautiful home decor.
• Get rid of the clutter and organize only what is essential.
• Financial freedom. Debt is a heavy burden to wear daily and year after year. For most it is a normal way of life. Take off that heavy cloak, erase all debt and live free.
• It's a new beginning. 

Chapter 1

Life offers so many seasons.

These can be remembered in short seasons (years) or they can be large seasons. I am thinking bigger picture: Childhood, the 23 years raising my daughters, and now a new beginning for me.

Established. Still young and healthy. Active. Being there for my family, but looking more self inward with a focus on the many things I like to do and I've wanted to do for me that has been on the back burner.

Summer is here where I will be poolside, hello sunshine!

A variety of vacation destinations on my radar with my first vacation happily accepted.

This transition feels so freeing. Every season has its beauty that becomes a beautiful journey. This season however is like being 20'something again, yet established with life lessons learned and financial freedom and believe me, I am going to stretch my wings and fly!

My new life, chapter 1.

SOLD

When I wasn't sure if it was going to happen or if I even wanted it to happen anymore, things went from so slow moving to my getting a text all things approved and my closing date is in 10 days! 

I'm looking at everything in my home and came to the peace of mind, if the item/decor does not give me pleasure, it's not going in my new open and airy, big windows, and vaulted ceiling apartment. 

New season, new look. Only take what I love most.

After months of looking I found my new set of dishes. My first new set of dishes in 15 years and I knew it the moment I saw it! Why wait? I did a complement of two different sets of dishes, selecting my favorite pieces from each to use as one set of dishes. Both beautiful to bring change and a whole new look to my table. 

Washed and in my cupboards, my old set wrapped and boxed up for when Brooke moves out. 

I stopped by the new community that I am moving to and admired the pool that was put in, finished, and appreciate their lounge chairs and gas grills they have enclosed in stone poolside. I saw the glow of the state of the art fitness center and look forward to its convenience and unlimited access to everything any time of the day or night.

Grabbing a complimentary free, 24/7 Starbucks coffee and grilling my dinner poolside while chatting with neighbors. Monthly community events and unlimited use of the clubhouse, where Brooke's graduation party will take place, I look across my home and am grateful for it being exactly what it is, the home we transformed into us and I raised my daughters in. It was perfect for that season in life and I all the time thank God for it. 

If I had to stay, I would have focused on all those good things, too.

Seasons change. Life changes. And this new season is far different from the last 23 years. This season is not raising babies through teenagers to young adults. That wonderful season in life is right there, directly behind me. I've done that, loved it, and it took everything I had and was to do it alone. 

It's time and I am so ready to look inward at me now. Not a selfish focus; rather, a life built around everything I love, with financial freedom, life experience, passions, interests, and openness and desire to experience knew things. 

Looking in my cupboards at my new dishes makes me very happy! I am ready to purge and the next few weeks are going to be welcomely hectic blur.

A Letter to Herself Arrived in the Mail

A letter arrived in the mail addressed to Brooke. We were in the living room when she walked in opening it and I asked who it was from? Her hand went over her mouth and she began to cry.

It was from her 5th grade teacher that mailed her a letter Brooke wrote to herself in 5th grade for when she graduates! What a wonderful and thought-filled gesture!

Brooke cried and said, "Look how sweet I was then, it must have been before. And I knew myself so well then, will you go out and celebrate or stay home?" Before her dad's suicide.

That was a teacher following through seven years later and I wanted her to know how much it touched our hearts.

I emailed her through the school website and shared with her how much the letter meant to Brooke and me. That graduation was a life milestone reached when many years my daughter didn't choose life. Her thinking-ahead with this project is appreciated and so worth it. I wanted her to know in case she was tired one evening writing out graduation cards, envelopes and stamping them. Wondering if it mattered.

It matters.

Less than 15 minutes later, the teacher replied and said she cried when she received my email. She shared her own son attempted suicide last November and she wants to make a difference. She gave me her cell phone number and asked if Brooke would please call her. She would love to take Brooke out for lunch, a movie, and spend time with her.

Understanding how fresh all her mom-trauma is, I replied back with my cell phone number and told her to call me anytime she needs mom support or a sounding board for her.

This card and letter is in Brooke's keepsake box.

Dark-haired, Brown-eyed Beauty

In the midst of her cousins, the Martin clan (with a few cousins missing), sits my granddaughter, a dark-haired, brown-eyed beauty, the first in seven generations of blue eyes and blond hair.

Sofia's daddy, blond hair, blue eyes. Mariah's dad, blond hair, blue eyes.

Grandmomma & her momma, dark hair, brown eyes.

She adores her cousins and is ready to laugh when a child is near. I love seeing her so happy and think this is the sweetest photo!