Good, bad or ugly, change can feel very uncertain. Balance is disrupted, predictability out the window and normal is no longer normal.
As I gain my equilibrium, I am finding balance in a new normal. Keeping pieces parts of my routine for normalcy sake showered with words of affirmations and affection from the moment I open my eyes until I fall asleep. In all things good, it felt uncertain.
Can I trust you?
A Modern Day Ruth post jumped off the page at me and my soul cried, "Yes!"
There's that one piece of me that says- "Can I trust you?" I feel like saying to the man of my future, "Will you really be there? Will you stay true to me? Will you hold me when I'm weak ? Will you stay with me through anything? Will you be patient enough to assure me as many times as it takes that you are not going to walk out that door? Will the love I offer be enough for you? Will you value my heart and be careful with it? Will you see me as I really am, or will you just see the scars of my disappointments and broken past? Will you understand the pain and journey I walked and appreciate the strength and beauty I have come into because of it? Please don't walk into my life unless you know you will handle me gently, and that you can be a safe place for me to trust. I want to love. I want to trust you. I want to build dreams with you, make memories, build a life, laugh, play, sing, discover more of the depths of God, go on adventures, touch lives, encourage souls, make a difference, or do the impossible -but can I trust you?" ~ Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2013
My new normal ...
... I feel cherished as if I am a prize and held dear.
... I feel respected as my personal boundaries are what matter most.
... I feel highly valued and handled with gentleness, patience, kindness, adoration, and endless amounts of communication.
I cautiously questioned these qualities as if they aren't real. Seeing these qualities displayed to others consistently I see it is simply his nature.
... I feel admired as he reminds me of who I am and sees me at my best. Qualities he lavishly lists, believes in and reminds me of saying, "What more is there out there? Nothing." To him. He believes there isn't anything better and I feel those words deep into my heart as if he is speaking life back into me.
He wants to know my every thought, raw and candid. It's a safe place and a foundation of transparency that is establishing trust.
As he has openly turned his face to heaven thanking God for me, he has genuinely said he is sorry for anything I have gone through that has hurt me, but he is glad because he gets to be the one to show me true love.
Paths crossed. Serendipity. My new normal.
