Even as I feel this perfect storm is ending, we still have an occassional shower.
A tough morning happens and in a mommy's promise to make something happen another trip to the ER is needed.
I find comfort in Brooke's behavior is trauma related. Her actions are one of a little girl who has opened pandora's box of her daddy's suicide and two years later is asking questions and believes there has to be more to the reason he chose this way out. She needs to find logic and is learning a very hard lesson that sometimes life doesn't give us answers. Sometimes there is no logic.
She wants closure.
Last night we went online and found a nice hotel. My musts: A quality hotel, white comforters (even though it won't be used, the dark multi-colored ones just feel extra, extra dirty), a convenient breakfast buffet, an indoor pool and jacuzzi.
I also found a room with a jacuzzi. Bonus points.
A trip to Indiana this morning to see her daddy's grave isn't on the best things to do list, so I need to make everything else about this weekend fun.
Tomorrow would have been her dad's 51st birthday. She wants to take roses and we will let off balloons with notes attached. Sending messages to heaven, at least in her heart.
I know my daughters behavior is trauma related, but it is comforting to have the best of every specialist I can find confirm that.
Our counselor stays in constant contact by phone, text, and who doesn't watch the clock during one-hour sessions, shakes her head and repeatedly says that I am an amazing advocate for my daughter.
I continue to pull every team and person imaginable into our situation to get my daughter every ounce of help that is out there.
I push ahead and make others respond and bend to helping her.
I have brainstormed, jumped over every obstacle, and pursued what is our next step.
I am my child's advocate.
My daughters mind and health does not have a cost. I am willing to drown in financial fee's, but God hasn't allowed that to happen.
Another bill came yesterday. One service totalled $8200 and we have no medical insurance. Everything is self pay. What do I owe? Nothing. We were approved for 100% charity.
I work full-time without benefits and bring in too much for assistance. Charity? I didn't know it existed! Who am I to question grace and mercy? Over $12,000 in costs I have initiated in the last 50 days have been wrote off. Completely unexpected. Unbelievably grateful.
I am so thankful for the silver linings in this storm that as I advocate for my daughter the financial burden won't drown me.
You see, it is me that has an amazing advocate. A very loving and protecting God who has shown me time and again during this perfect storm that He is here and this storm will not consume me.
