To say it has been a hectic week is an understatement.
Working and learning a new job. Working hours that is taking a schedule adjustment to get used to. Brooke ... drama, drama, drama. Little sleep.
My lifeline is a text or phone call away. It's amazing how a familiar routine when routine is out of balance brings a sense of normalcy to a hectic week.
The universe would feel off balance if I didn't get a "good morning" text. A quick morning call to say hi and run down the days agenda for sharing sake. A phone call when I am heading home. The random phone call in the middle of the afternoon to just chat and share/talk about anything simply because we want to.
Last night I was worn out and crawled in bed with a book when I picked up my phone to text David goodnight, but then put my phone down and thought I had already said good night while hanging up the phone talking to him earlier so I decided not to bother him.
Moments later ... my phone rings. He was thinking about me.
Little things mean everything.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
What a BRAT!!
My whole body hurt. I spent the day working in the kitchen along side of a couple of my new teams (lunch and dinner) to understand the process, flow, and machinery in the kitchen that served over 73K meals last year. Eight hours on my feet moving continuously lifting large trays and boxes, hauling food, serving, cleaning, and melting in the heat of the ovens and the hustle-n-bustle.
My back muscles hurt from lifting so much that I found I was holding my breath when I got home. First stop was the shower, I needed the water as hot as it would go over my tired muscles.
Sweats. No make-up. Glasses. I sit down for the first time at 7:40 p.m. and question if I should just go to bed or force myself to stay awake for The Bachelor.
Brooke looks at me, "Mom, I really hope you don't think you are going to come home every night and do nothing. I've been in the house all day and I would like to leave and do something."
I could only look at her.
Do I wish I had magical powers? No, she would be hurt.
Hmmmm ... I wonder when she will be leaving for a week again?
I daydream of the day she moves out.
What a BRAT!!
My back muscles hurt from lifting so much that I found I was holding my breath when I got home. First stop was the shower, I needed the water as hot as it would go over my tired muscles.
Sweats. No make-up. Glasses. I sit down for the first time at 7:40 p.m. and question if I should just go to bed or force myself to stay awake for The Bachelor.
Brooke looks at me, "Mom, I really hope you don't think you are going to come home every night and do nothing. I've been in the house all day and I would like to leave and do something."
I could only look at her.
Do I wish I had magical powers? No, she would be hurt.
Hmmmm ... I wonder when she will be leaving for a week again?
I daydream of the day she moves out.
What a BRAT!!
Monday, February 24, 2014
Nagging At My Heart
Why am I feeling like this? I continued to dig deep for reason with this nagging feeling.
Oh, the years that rolled by where I lost myself in a career as my identity as it served as a perfect distraction that filled the void of no relationship. My schedule overfloweth, daylight hours allocated to career, priorities, a little fun, and sleep. When I was busy, I didn't have time to think about what was missing in my life, a key relationship that God intended and I longed for.
My priorities this past year have been being absolutely present and 100% with and about my family. Establishing a new life built on quality and best friendship with David, being present for my girls, and running our home which is our private place on this earth where we come together to relax, rejuvenate, and be together away from the world.
I questioned myself what would change getting into a new career that will take a big amount of time and focus into yet another area. How many plates can I have in the air spinning and spinning well?
My fear was ... if I put my eyes on a new career that I could easily lose myself in, what is going to give [lack] when I am not 100% for my family. My fear was I would need David less.
What is this feeling that was nagging at me constantly? Why am I feeling a sense of needing David even more?
Deborah from the Bible popped in my mind. Known for her wisdom and courage, she was a prophetess, the only female judge in Israel, a counselor, a warrior, and the wife of Lapidoth.
In every book and every story that speaks of Deborah and the titles that describe her, the title wife of Lapidoth exists. I believe it is because that role in her life was essential for her to be what she needed to be to others.
She had her partner who filled the most important role in her life under God, therefore she could be everything she needed in other areas of her life because she had a built-in support system that I am betting was her rock and foundation in life.
I am not comparing myself to Deborah by any means. In my asking God why am I feeling that I need David more, when I worried I would need him less, Deborah is who immediately came to my mind.
Oh, the years that rolled by where I lost myself in a career as my identity as it served as a perfect distraction that filled the void of no relationship. My schedule overfloweth, daylight hours allocated to career, priorities, a little fun, and sleep. When I was busy, I didn't have time to think about what was missing in my life, a key relationship that God intended and I longed for.
My priorities this past year have been being absolutely present and 100% with and about my family. Establishing a new life built on quality and best friendship with David, being present for my girls, and running our home which is our private place on this earth where we come together to relax, rejuvenate, and be together away from the world.
I questioned myself what would change getting into a new career that will take a big amount of time and focus into yet another area. How many plates can I have in the air spinning and spinning well?
My fear was ... if I put my eyes on a new career that I could easily lose myself in, what is going to give [lack] when I am not 100% for my family. My fear was I would need David less.
What is this feeling that was nagging at me constantly? Why am I feeling a sense of needing David even more?
Deborah from the Bible popped in my mind. Known for her wisdom and courage, she was a prophetess, the only female judge in Israel, a counselor, a warrior, and the wife of Lapidoth.
In every book and every story that speaks of Deborah and the titles that describe her, the title wife of Lapidoth exists. I believe it is because that role in her life was essential for her to be what she needed to be to others.
She had her partner who filled the most important role in her life under God, therefore she could be everything she needed in other areas of her life because she had a built-in support system that I am betting was her rock and foundation in life.
I am not comparing myself to Deborah by any means. In my asking God why am I feeling that I need David more, when I worried I would need him less, Deborah is who immediately came to my mind.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Self-worth And Contribution
Goodbye corporate America, my mind is having to shift and wrap around this new world of homelessness and hungry.
What stood out the most initially is that while I am not surprised the men are polite and respectful, I am surprised at how polite and respectful they are.
Some want to share their stories, follow me around and help me with things to talk and have conversation. In two days time, I feel as if I have a team of men that are willing to help out in any capacity. Others keep their distance, sit back and watch.
I feel as if I don't have to lift a thing. There is always someone anticipating, willing to jump in and insist they do it. I allow them to be a gentleman and I watch their worth and pride puff their chests. Not to be a helpless damsel in distress, because that is not my nature, I am quickly learning these men need self-worth and contribution. The shelter and meal ministry is very much a community.
Men you would pass in public and never know they live in a homeless shelter and others you can see their hard life on their face.
Each of these men have a skill, a dream, and a purpose in life. Their means have been stripped away by their own self-destruction or by bad circumstance.
Their stories are beginning to be trickle out and their personalities are vast.
It has been an interesting and enlightening couple of days. I step back and look at this opportunity I have accepted as employment (seeking significance) and ultimately see the significance of responsibility this position holds.
I will be training for two months then the meal ministry will fall 100% on me. From securing food and donations, planning meals from the food provided, sometimes cooking, often serving hands-on in the dining services, conducting daily devotionals, overseeing the volunteers, working with a revolving door of volunteers who are there to serve out their community service with us, to the every day details of the meal ministry and as a key player in the growth the ministry wants to grow in.
To lead in a community where the needs are great ... I am asking for strength, guidance, blessings, favor, and power from heaven. Heaven knows I will need it!
What stood out the most initially is that while I am not surprised the men are polite and respectful, I am surprised at how polite and respectful they are.
Some want to share their stories, follow me around and help me with things to talk and have conversation. In two days time, I feel as if I have a team of men that are willing to help out in any capacity. Others keep their distance, sit back and watch.
I feel as if I don't have to lift a thing. There is always someone anticipating, willing to jump in and insist they do it. I allow them to be a gentleman and I watch their worth and pride puff their chests. Not to be a helpless damsel in distress, because that is not my nature, I am quickly learning these men need self-worth and contribution. The shelter and meal ministry is very much a community.
Men you would pass in public and never know they live in a homeless shelter and others you can see their hard life on their face.
Each of these men have a skill, a dream, and a purpose in life. Their means have been stripped away by their own self-destruction or by bad circumstance.
Their stories are beginning to be trickle out and their personalities are vast.
It has been an interesting and enlightening couple of days. I step back and look at this opportunity I have accepted as employment (seeking significance) and ultimately see the significance of responsibility this position holds.
I will be training for two months then the meal ministry will fall 100% on me. From securing food and donations, planning meals from the food provided, sometimes cooking, often serving hands-on in the dining services, conducting daily devotionals, overseeing the volunteers, working with a revolving door of volunteers who are there to serve out their community service with us, to the every day details of the meal ministry and as a key player in the growth the ministry wants to grow in.
To lead in a community where the needs are great ... I am asking for strength, guidance, blessings, favor, and power from heaven. Heaven knows I will need it!
He Asked For A Hot Meal
A couple of years ago I hosted a table at an agency that provided services to many of the at-risk students when I worked for an educational management company. I was working the table alone when a shy, young boy (early 20's) approached me and quietly asked if I knew where he could get a hot meal.
I remember my heart breaking for him and wishing I had brought my colleague with me so I could have left the table and taken him to get a healthy and hot meal. I also remember not having any cash on me that I would have willingly handed over.
A couple of blocks away was a campus full of agencies with a food pantry that I directed him to. The food pantry could provide him with food for several meals and a long-term relationship and the other agencies could meet other needs.
Years later, this boy haunted me. I often thought about him and constantly replayed my response wishing I could do more.
His name is Eric and he lives at the homeless shelter where I am now working.
I recognized him immediately my first day feeling badly that he is still in not a good place, but happy to see my first impression of him was correct; he is a very shy and very nice boy.
A part of me wanted to say, "I remember you ..." but I would never want to embarrass him.
Eric and I worked together all morning yesterday. Clearing out a room for my new office, we had a team of men that stay in the shelter volunteer to haul and carry pantry items to the basement for storage. Eric and I were in charge of organizing the new pantry downstairs.
He is quiet and shy, a willing heart to work and help, and great organizational skills. We kept conversation to a minimum and to the task at hand. He isn't much of a talker and I found I wanted to respect his quietness. What I did do though was thanked him for his help and his organizational skills. Asking him where he thought items would be best placed to give him ownership on this pretty big task.
It was while we were working together that I asked his name. Quiet, shy, remaining on task he politely replied, "Eric, it is nice to meet you."
I don't know his story and I don't need to. I just am glad that after a couple of years of often wondering about him, I am in a place where I hope to make a positive difference for him ... finally.
I remember my heart breaking for him and wishing I had brought my colleague with me so I could have left the table and taken him to get a healthy and hot meal. I also remember not having any cash on me that I would have willingly handed over.
A couple of blocks away was a campus full of agencies with a food pantry that I directed him to. The food pantry could provide him with food for several meals and a long-term relationship and the other agencies could meet other needs.
Years later, this boy haunted me. I often thought about him and constantly replayed my response wishing I could do more.
His name is Eric and he lives at the homeless shelter where I am now working.
I recognized him immediately my first day feeling badly that he is still in not a good place, but happy to see my first impression of him was correct; he is a very shy and very nice boy.
A part of me wanted to say, "I remember you ..." but I would never want to embarrass him.
Eric and I worked together all morning yesterday. Clearing out a room for my new office, we had a team of men that stay in the shelter volunteer to haul and carry pantry items to the basement for storage. Eric and I were in charge of organizing the new pantry downstairs.
He is quiet and shy, a willing heart to work and help, and great organizational skills. We kept conversation to a minimum and to the task at hand. He isn't much of a talker and I found I wanted to respect his quietness. What I did do though was thanked him for his help and his organizational skills. Asking him where he thought items would be best placed to give him ownership on this pretty big task.
It was while we were working together that I asked his name. Quiet, shy, remaining on task he politely replied, "Eric, it is nice to meet you."
I don't know his story and I don't need to. I just am glad that after a couple of years of often wondering about him, I am in a place where I hope to make a positive difference for him ... finally.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
A Message In A Dream
Brooke called to tell me she had a dream about her dad. She was walking up the driveway at his white townhouse when she saw him working in his garage. She said, "Dad, it's me, Brooke." Keith looked at her and said, "It has been so long" he began to cry, hugged her, and told her, "I love you, Brookie. You have to stop this bad behavior."
Brooke woke up from her dream crying.
She cried telling me her dream on the phone and in the car coming home today.
She heard his voice in her dream, it had been so long since she had heard it. She was forgetting it.
She misses being in her daddy's embrace and cuddling on the couch watching cartoons. She misses getting ice cream with him. She is a little girl who misses her dad every single day.
Brooke needed that message from her daddy.
Who is to say it wasn't a message from heaven?
Brooke woke up from her dream crying.
She cried telling me her dream on the phone and in the car coming home today.
She heard his voice in her dream, it had been so long since she had heard it. She was forgetting it.
She misses being in her daddy's embrace and cuddling on the couch watching cartoons. She misses getting ice cream with him. She is a little girl who misses her dad every single day.
Brooke needed that message from her daddy.
Who is to say it wasn't a message from heaven?
All-Expenses Paid
"Yes!"
One of my dear girlfriends called, her assistant quit and she asked if I was {Yes!} available in March {Yes!} to assist her while she hosts a professional conference at this resort in California, in return I would get an all-expenses paid, 5-day trip and stay at this resort & spa hotel.
"Yes!"
Did the heavens just open and did you hear the angels sing? Some answers in life take no thought whatsoever. She laughed and asked if I needed time to think about it ... "No, count me in."
Suddenly winter feels more tolerable. When I slip into warm shoes, I smile and know I will be slipping into strappy sandals in weeks. I will simply arrive, do what I've always done ensuring an event is pulled of smoothly and successfully, then bask in the sunshine.
My only effort going into this trip is what spa treatments shall I enjoy?
Kimberly and I have a favorite quote while vacationing/spa-la-la'ing and it can only be said while floating in the waters at luxury spa resort, "Pool boy, what drink haven't I tried?"
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