Oh, Saturday! What a blessing you are!
It was a very good week. A very busy week. A too busy week. But, it's Saturday.
Saturday is when one wakes up in their own pace. For me, it's a pot of coffee on and in my favorite coffee mug, the Today Show (volume low to mute) so I can glance at the television, Brooke still asleep, and an unrushed nine hours in front of me before date night with Sofia.
It's date night because I don't babysit my granddaughter. Our time together is not work, it's always special.
Nine beautiful hours.
I have put up walls of protection that no one can penetrate. Today is my relax and rejuvenate day.
A sweet morning phone call, I hit on my topics of brief conversation, I am not the lingering chatty cathy on the phone like he is when he says, "I can sense you are jumping off the phone." [Smile] "My coffee is ready ..." I offer as a justifiable excuse. He knows I don't linger and it's Saturday.
Oh, Saturday!
After confessions of his heart and intentions with me this week, asking me about vacation, and wanting me to come to his home, I am holding on for dear life to my plan. You know, the one where Brooke graduates, I sell my home and get a totally new place cat-free with a spare bedroom for just Sofia?! That plan.
I haven't been to his home, because it is brand-new and I don't want to see it. I don't want to like it and add another layer of goodness to him. I am in the 11th hour with only 2 minutes left until another milestone change with graduation and a move.
I never play with healthy and available men, they are emotionally open and want a real relationship. It feels very consuming as if I will lose the life I know so well. This is where I pull back and try to find what I don't like about him, I know I do this (he has no idea).
My inner gazelle is sensing danger and I promise you, it is very real.
Looking down the road what is going to suffocate me? He is consuming me, I can see it and feel it. Heart and soul he is all in and this is where I pull back so I don't hurt him or I must free-fall into something that will be bigger than me.
See? I need Saturday.
Oh, sweet Saturday. xo
