Loss upon loss, we learned to live through trauma then faced another trauma which became the suffering journey of ALS that took Mariah's daddy's life yesterday.
Eric held on for Mariah and slipped away 20 minutes after she arrived at Hospice yesterday. I was at work waiting for her phone call to see if she wanted me to spend the day with her there, when I answered the phone and she was sobbing saying he passed.
I felt like I was swimming through muck and could not get to her fast enough knowing she needed me immediately.
In all reality, I left the rescue mission within 5 minutes, but in the 5 minutes was getting coverage of the meal ministry for the night, notifying my team, handling Brooke who was working with me for the day as she was grieving, rescheduling my 1:00 p.m. appointment and try to get the heck out the door.
One of my staff called my cell phone to call off and I remember as she continued to blabber on about her sick kid and all her doctors excuses for not being at work, I shut her down. Good grief, I told her I was racing to my daughter and my ears were bleeding listening to her sub par excuses as to why she cannot work.
Like I said, I was swimming through muck to get to my daughter who was facing the hardest moment of her life and I couldn't shake off responsibility fast enough.
After the tears and talking through all the details, the three of us, Mariah, Brooke and me slipped into the comfort of routine by being home, our refuge. I stayed at home to be present, cleaned my house and mowed my yard, because that keeps me busy and brings balance. Brooke played XBOX and Mariah laid on the couch to watch television and napped. She was exhausted.
My brother, mom and dad came over to see Mariah and we visited on our patio. Mariah felt covered in love by family and friends with a million messages.
David came and we had dinner together as a family, laughed and enjoyed conversation. David being able to tell Mariah little things about herself when she was little and fill-in the blanks of her memory to the stories when he was her Sunday school teacher and they (Mariah her dad and David) went to the same church once upon a time.
I love that I knew David in my youth. I love that David and Eric were friends and he remembers Mariah from her birth to when she was approximately 8 years old ... until last year when our paths crossed again. How comforting it must be for her to hear stories as she is my nostalgic one.
Two and a half years of ALS was a long journey knowing her dad was dying. His passing has brought her peace that she feels guilty over, relief his suffering is over.
Raw moments are a part of death and once the funeral is behind us, my little girls life will be much different.
Two and a half years seemed like such a long time, now it feels as if it was a blink.
Mariah touched her daddy's hair because his skin was growing cold and told him it was okay to go. He waited for her. She said "Good night" to her daddy because goodbye means forever and she knows she will seem him again.
3.11.69 - 6.30.14
