The universe is going crazy. Well, at least the men are.
I go through phases, I always have. My spirit is unsettled and I go a bit buck wild, then I settle down. That's where I am right now, calm and settled.
There must be a hormone that is put off when a female is comfortable not wanting a relationship, men smell it a mile away. All of a sudden they start talking relationships.
I have had two separate marriage discussions this week and it's almost annoying. Me, a female says,"I'm not interested in being in a relationship at all right now." A guy hears, a challenge.
I'm back up to four men. I don't collect men, I enjoy them when I have windows of spare time, then keep them at arms length.
Honestly, I'm exhausted.
I'm giving 110% in my new career, which calls for overtime hours. I am in my final course to graduation, which takes my academic attention at least four nights a week. I have a home to maintain and teen daughters to be with. I'm too tired for a relationship.
It's winter anyway, the perfect blah time of year to focus on a new career with six weeks left until I graduate. Mariah's dad, Eric, is in the back of my mind, too. We have a major tragedy we are about to face again dead on.
The way I see it, I'm hibernating and focusing until spring gets here, then outdoor fun begins, hello summer!
While I enjoy the men in my life and appreciate their charming qualities, their constant attention, and dashingly over the top good looks, nothing clicks in my mind that I want anything called a relationship. Anxiety over the subject in general goes quickly from sweet to annoying.
I think tonight I am just exhausted and aggravated. One pours out his heart tonight saying "I love you" and very confidant he will have a ring on my finger in three months. It's not even close to happening. It bothers me that I wish my heart swooned over those promises.
When I was young and desperately wanted to be married, I must have put off a desperate vibe and men sensed it.
I guess the trick is to just not care and an invisible radar goes out to every hunter in the wild that there is an challenge on the loose. A gazelle that has no intention of being trapped.
Tomorrow is another day, I could change my mind completely.
