Feng Shui

My last service at the spa was a pedicure to welcome spring and sandal season.

I confess, I don't readily bond with salon chatty personalities. I don't care for idle conversation, I prefer to enjoy a service in polite silence; however, the woman that performed my pedicure and I bonded on a mutual level quickly.

Casual conversation put it out there, I have two teenage daughters 13 and 17 and I know that she has a boyfriend of one year and he has a 14 year old daughter. We agreed that the early teen years are rough.

We also spoke about feng shui and colors. I shared the colors of my home, that my walls are chocolate brown, my fireplace accent wall is red and my decor accent color is bone.

Honestly, I don't remember how it happened, but she was looking down in the pedicure process, lifted her head up and said, "I know this is going to seem weird and I don't know why I feel like I have to say this, but you need to change the color of your red wall in your living room."

Okay, that was odd and random.

She explained that red can be felt as restless and anger. That I need to change the color of the wall for Brooke's feng shui and that I should let Brooke help me in this project.

I have little to no knowledge of feng shui so I did a little research. What I learned was there are five elements of feng shui:  Fire, earth, metal, water, and wood. 

I am the fire element, red. Red color is the strongest feng shui color representation of the fire feng shui element. The fire element is passion and high energy.

To those who are not of the fire element, it can bring restlessness, bursts of anger and over stimulation.

The look on her face and the lack of her own understanding as the woman said "I don't know why I feel like I have to say this ..." was intervention by someone and I have a deep level of respect for genuine and authentic intervention that makes no sense.

The message was communicated and I understand.

The red color of my fireplace accent wall will be changed this weekend to a calmer, happier feng shui color.

Brooke is excited to help me in this project.

80 Minute Four Hand Massage

I haven't had any time off from my girls since before Christmas.

Beg. Borrow. Steal.

Time.

My only escape was to take a day off work, unpaid, and slip away while my girls were at school  As soon as they left, I jumped in my car and drove 2 hours away to a beautiful day spa I had already done a walk-thru on. I'm willing to pay, but it has to be top of the line.

I love being in the best of the best resort spa and day spa's. I am eternally grateful for customer service excellence, I appreciate every well thought out detail to make their spa a heavenly retreat, and I applaud stellar, competent, and unique technique from each individual that provides a service.

"I will take a Mimosa, please." My spa day begins slipping into this tranquil tub.

The are magical feminine healing powers in tying up my hair, letting the most plush robe I have ever had on slip off as I eased into a liquid cocoon.
After soaking in bath oils with a Mimosa in hand I lost myself in an 80-minute Four-Handed Massage (that's right, 2 people/4 hands massaging for 80 minutes. Absolutely the BEST massage in my life!). Sara, the female had amazing technique. Pure success in my mind as I love new experiences. Michael, the male was early 20's and the size of a bear with bear-size, strong hands. The two together for 80 minutes was a dynamic duo.  My bows & congrats. Well done!

Last but not least, a pedicure to welcome spring/sandal season.

Ahhhh ... Spa-la-la a much needed day away.

The March From H---

This month as been nothing short of an absolute nightmare.

I have dealt with two trips to ER for suicide ideation, wrestled a knife out of my child's hand, learned adult friends have been made on XBOX live and kept secret from me, worked with the police, sat through an FBI interview, endless therapist appointments, learned of severe separation anxiety, dealt with theft, anger, depression, a presence, my child in a 7-day intensive therapy program, the flu twice, safety proofed my home, insomnia, and last but not least, because that couldn't be enough, let's add head lice.

Head lice. My 1st experience ever with this. Yes, on the outside I was calm, soft spoken, and reassuring through the washing/combing process of my child's hair. On the inside, I was running around with my hair on fire in panic begging God to calm my spirit because I was about to freak out and climb out of my skin!

That is the high level, tip of the iceberg overview.

Many details fall beneath this ugly surface in addition to senseless other situations from a car breaking down, torn contacts, to the pieces of a treasured relationship smashed to hell even further, my girls struggling in their relationship and so on.

All this in one month.

No help. At all. While maintaining a new job. The hours I don't work, I don't get paid. No health insurance and the medical costs are adding up so fast, I no longer cared.

Goodbye March. This perfect storm tried to consume me ... it didn't work.

Headaches. Chest pain. Eye twitching. The results of my stress.

In the midst of life in turmoil, blessings came.

I knew the storm would pass, but each day brought it's own new element and their weight combined together was beyond uncomfortable.

The storm has died down after 30 days and 30 nights.

The storm was big, but my God is bigger.

Spring is ready to break through this extra long winter and sunshine always follows a storm.

Sunshine, I welcome you and your much needed vitamin D!





 

A Presence

Brooke woke up this morning and asked, "Did you check on me last night" in a worried tone.

I hadn't.

She said she felt her comforter being pulled slightly off of her, saw a dark shadow, and heard, "I love you."  But, she didn't hear my usual footsteps walking away.

She questioned if it was me, but something in her knew it wasn't because she couldn't fall back to sleep.

Once in a very great while I will wake up in the middle of the night in a very matter of fact way that someone is watching me. I did that twice last night.

I open my eyes expecting someone to be standing there. I wasn't afraid, but I was in a sound sleep both times when I woke up thinking someone is beside me, looking at me.

I won't share this detail with Brooke now as to not confirm her fear.

Brooke has sensed her daddy's presence in her room on a few occasions. She like me, agrees that sensing is one thing, seeing a presence takes it to a too real level that neither her or I are comfortable with.

I always pray safety over our home. Last night I specifically prayed this for some reason. Even in prayer I sensed I wasn't alone.  I pray for safety and that nothing in my home is not of God.

I'm not afraid because of my faith, but I do wonder who.

My guess is her daddy, all this began the week he died.

Silver Linings

One of my most treasured relationships is horribly broken. Lines have been invisibly drawn as hurting hearts wage war against one another and hope lies trampled underneath hurled insults and accusations.

Then, something significant happens and it is that very relationship that doesn't miss a beat and he assumes his role as a rock in my life when my own strength and logic escapes me.

Love is ... him stepping up and jumping in when I need help. Walking in the door of my home a bit nervous, knowing that everything should feel significantly different, but nothing has changed.

I've desperately missed him.

He is wearing my favorite sweater that we picked out together years ago. Cleaned up and looking the very way I imagine him in my mind when I am missing him most.

Love is ... knowing everything is and should feel different, but it isn't.

Love is ... seeing a beautiful silver lining painted on the canvas of the sky this evening and knowing Whom to thank.

Silver linings are often felt in unseen blessings during a storm.

Tonight the silver lining painted in the sky belonged to me.

He knew I needed it.

It was a visibile gift from a holy God.

I saw it and thank you.

A Perfect Storm

A "perfect storm" is an expression where a rare combination of circumstances of unusual magnitude impact at the very same time. While one element alone would knock the wind out of you and feel devastating, the impact of each significant multiple elements one on top of the other is something much bigger than bad luck, it is the universe in a full out war attack against me.

Blindsided. Day after day.

I will not list the series of significant events that hit my home over the last 2 weeks, but I will say that I am in direct connection to God because there is no relief.

Emotionally, mentally, and physically worn out my rock asked me "What can I do for you?"  Sometimes all you can do is ride out the storm, lay low, take cover, stay in constant contact with God and know that the storm will pass, eventually. While I am worn out, I refuse to let these circumstances consume my daughters. He says, "Stay vigilant."  I am.

The storm hasn't passed yet, but I see glimpses of silver linings outlining the powerful and dark storm clouds.

I am a believer that everything happens for a purpose and what is meant to hurt us will make us stronger. I see blessings in this storm that wouldn't have happened if it were not for the storm.

My patience is thin. I have no tolerance for the self-consumed people in my life who offer a few crumbs of advice with little to no support. I have no sympathy for those who have a single self-induced storm in their life as the result of their own doings yet crumble underneath the weight of it.

I'm beyond thankful to a very small few who have walked into this perfect storm by being there, just listening, and sometimes praying.

Storms in life happen. Far and few between though does a perfect storm rear it's ugly head that tries with all its power to be consuming.

I am staying alert and on watch over my daughters. I am setting still and in direct connection with a holy God who has shown I am not alone with glimpses of silver linings that I know are the works of His hands.

This perfect storm will pass, but I do believe I am changing because of it.

 

Baptized, Again

Today Brooke was baptized, again.

Four years ago, when she was 9 years old, my brother baptized her at her request in his church.

Four years later, from a child to a teenager, and with a life-changing tragedy behind her she is in a much deeper and spiritual relationship with God. She loves our church and wanted to be baptized there.

One of our pastors, Alex, one of Brooke's favorites with his thick English accent and funny humor, prayed with her prior to being baptized.

Her youth director, who has been a God-send, baptized her today.

 

 

She was emotional and teary walking up to the baptismal. She has wanted to do this for months.

Brooke said the past is behind her and she feels spiritually clean.

Congratulations, sweetheart!  I'm so proud of you that in the face of tragedy and it's aftermath, you have chosen to cling to a holy God.

I love you,
Mommy