White Tulips

I love, love, love white tulips!

They are classic and elegant. They are extra special in that they only last a few weeks a year.

Here are some pics of my white tulips in my yard, before I get to my observation ...

Ohio weather in spring is frost, sunshine, dark clouds, rain, snow, hail, sunshine, dark clouds, snow, hail and the this process repeats itself throughout the day in what seems 1/2 hour cycles.

A single frost can kill beautiful flowers. Several frosts, snow and hail have taken its toll on my white tulips. However, I have two single tulips that are standing proud and have endured the harsh elements. Every day I look to see if they are still alive. Today I took their picture ...

They are alive only because they stand under the protection of a mighty tree that prevents the harsh elements from destroying them.

Seasons change and harsh weather will happen. Be sure you are standing under the Mighty Tree that won't allow the elements to destroy you.

Unfolding

Do you ever feel you are at the threshold of change? Not slight change, but serious change. I do.

I am an "everything has a purpose" kinda girl. That every blessing through every trial had a significant purpose, most often not understood at the time. There have been times in my life that it took over 10 years to understand the purpose of a storm, when all I was trying to do was be a storm survivor. But, everything had a purpose and my life has become a rainbow of bright and beautiful colors.

Sometimes God seems quiet. Then, He meets me where I am and answers my thoughts and prayers in the most unusual ways.

It all sounds so very peaceful, let me assure you it isn't always. When my personal timelines are not met, moments of irrational behavior and frustration overtake me. Sometimes those moments turn into hours and I am not content until I purge my every thought and feeling hitting a direct target. I wave the peace flag of "I am human."

I try, I try and I try. Silence. "God? My frustrations are peaking! You made promises in the Bible and I am doing everything right." Days and weeks go by sometimes and He seems so far away ... then, my Magical Highlighter meets me. He answers my thoughts, my questions about many things that I am worrying about, calms me and assures me.

One of my questions is what direction am I going in next? What has all of my life's experience brought me to, that can be used for something extraordinary to me. I like extraordinary versus ordinary, always have!

I open one of my daily inspirations and read Unfolding:

UNFOLDING
I stared into the frustrated eyes of my friend last week as we talked about her calling to write. She has big, big dreams, and her dreams seem to be coming true far too slowly.

I told her how much I understood. Stepping into my calling was a long time coming, too. My specific calling is to teach, speak and write. Your calling may fall into a myriad of other categories, but every calling is equally high when it's in obedience to the Most High. We're ALL called to ministry of some sort.

My calling didn't materialize in a year. It has unfolded during the last 35 years, and each phase of that unfolding has shaped and re-determined the final product (which I know won't be final until my last breath!).

The unfolding looked kind of like this:
Becoming a passionate teacher of young children.
Marrying my best friend.
Investing years in my little boys' lives.
Teaching adults as they chased dreams that passed them by in their teens.
Volunteering in women's ministry.
Visiting home after home as the "Welcome Wagon Lady" in my new town.
Accepting invitations to speak at my church and others close by.
Joining the Proverbs 31 Ministries' speaker team.
Returning to a frustrating year of elementary school teaching.
Stepping in to my calling of equipping others in their calling.

I've look at my list many times and thought, "Wow. I wasted a lot of years." But I've come to realize it's just not true. Every relationship, every job, every opportunity has prepared me. Psalm 90:17 reminds me that God establishes the work of my hands. With each change, I've had an opportunity to view that next place as stepping into a calling. Sometimes I did. Sometimes I didn't.

Often I was irritated at the seeming meaninglessness of what I was doing, but now I see. Every diaper changed, every knee kissed, every book read, every late night listening, every dying to self, every lesson plan made, every story crafted, every presentation made, every meeting attended, every spreadsheet created, EVERY THING...

It all counted.

Every moment was an unfolding of my eventual calling. God used each stepping stone to establish the work I'm doing now.

He reminds me that it all counted. Life added up was my preparation for what comes next. Maybe in strength, faith, endurance or a new direction in life.

The best part is, He reminded me in a couple of ways that I needed direction and answers on that He is there and has His hand on my everything.
　

A Constant Conversation

There is a new conversation that has become a constant in our lives thanks to Lou Gehrig's disease.

My Mariah calls me from her dads when her heart is heavy and fear tricks her mind. Usually after several days with him watching his quality of life slip, reality reminds her daily that her daddy is going to die.

A tone in her voice over the phone is my prompting to ask her how she is doing ... "Mommy, I'm feeling afraid again."

I have a small arsenal of words to say to convince her she will not get Lou Gehrig's someday. F.E.A.R. is false evidence appearing real. I remind her that she has the DNA of women on both sides of her family that live long, healthy lives. I remind her that her sister was born premature with RSV, the smallest and the sickest in neonatal, she was supposed to die.

Told at Brooke's birth that she was not going to live, to prepare my heart, I was not allowed to hold her until the third day after she was born. I couldn't even smell her from her incubator world with IV's and breathing tubes. My first contact with her was when she was crying, I put my hands through the holes of the incubator and captured her tear on my finger and tasted it.

For nine days I sat beside her incubator with stat teams from Children's Hospital racing over to save her. Down to 4 lbs. 9 oz. and so sick, she was strong. She lived when she wasn't supposed to.

I remind Mariah that she is mine. My DNA.

Convincing her reality is she is young, healthy and strong with a full life ahead of her.

FEAR will trick our minds, but I am ready to battle its every attack on my daughter.

Easter

Oh, celebration morning!

Tradition prevails and Easter baskets are filled with homemade chocolates and gifts for my girls ... off to church we go to celebrate Christ's ressurection.

Beautiful love. Redemption. Grace. Paid in full.

Brooke sat out a chocolate Easter egg on her Bible before going off to church for her daddy.

Mariah is spending the entire day with her dad. No sharing her this year, it may be his last Easter.

God is not dead, He is very much ALIVE! It is that promise that ensures our forever in eternity together.

Happy Easter.

We Are [Not] Rich

It was a sunny day, Brooke and I were driving down the road engaged in conversation when Brooke casually states, "Mom, the kids at school think we are rich because you pack me such good lunches and my friend said she is so glad I am her friend, that I am so down to earth being so rich and all (after seeing our car) and I'm like ... I know!"

Me: "BROOKE!" (Said in the mom-tone of I can't believe you!)

Brooke: "I told her we are not rich, we just have all of our wants and needs." I'm betting that reply was not stated, but it was a good save on her part.

I'm not sure how I have done it as a single mom, but I have managed to have a child that thinks we are rich. She always has assumed it. Let me clarify, we are not. I've never even hinted to such, but I have refrained from letting my girls know when there was no money. Sometimes for years.

Rich in love. Rich in good health. Rich in blessings. Yes.

We are blessed to have our needs and our wants met.

We are blessed to have a happy home.

We are blessed in a million different ways.

We are rich in every way that money cannot buy.

I guess we are rich.

Calm Me

Calm me and renew me, Lord.

I needed to heal from toxic, unhealthy and endless busyness. I needed to refresh and rejuvenate my mind and I have. Actually, more quickly than I anticipated. It doesn't take me long to bounce back, it never has. That's because I am a resilient being.

This period of time in my life is a special gift and I don't take it lightly. Making the most in every area of my life, I am making the most of this time, too.

Finding joy again in the things I like to do, basking in the sunshine, walks in the park, reading new books, enjoying my friendships, being home for my girls, simply having time is a welcome new that single moms just don't get in a busy life.

Energized. Balanced. Vibrant.

Me time, so I will feel better and look better. Exercise in my old favorite high impact step aerobics as well as a new favorite in kickboxing. Eating right by stepping up my own healthy balance of cooking food that is healthy as well as challenging myself by limiting even more treasured favorite junk foods such as cookies and cake with new favorite healthy foods such as fresh blackberries drizzled with honey, fresh berries with sorbet and soybeans. Drinking more water and another new favorite Mint Green Tea.

Stable. Healthy. Active. I am keeping my mind healthy and active with books to stretch and challenge my thinking for the next season in my life. Remaining open to what comes next.

Fine tuning my home and myself. Being an example for my daughters.

Calm me and renew me, Lord.

He has.

3 Gold Mine's

A young man found a vein of gold in a mountain. He tried to get it out himself but kept failing repeatedly. He felt like giving up, but instead he went into town and asked a mining agency to come take a look at it. The mining company surveyed the mountain and the vein of gold and wanted to buy it. They offered the young man a large amount of cash if he would sell it to them.

The young man thought about it and decided that rather than selling it to the mining company, he would keep it and learn all he could about mining. Over the next year he studied practically day and night. He read every book on mining he could lay his hands on, took every course on it he could find and talked to every person who would give him any information about it. He did nothing else for that entire year but learn about mining. He laid aside everything else in his life in order to devote his entire attention to learning how to mine gold.

At the end of that year, he went back to the mountain and began to dig out the gold. It was tremendously hard work, but in the end he had millions and millions of dollars.

Here is the lesson. Many people, perhaps most people, would have taken one look at that mountain and the hard work required to get the gold out of it, and they would have taken the offer of the quick and easy money. They wouldn't have wanted the hassle, the aggravation; they wouldn't have wanted to give up a year of their life to study when they could have been having a good time. Instead they would have taken the "right now" thing. - Joyce Meyer

I have 3 gold mines.

Three unique goals, each life-changing.

They are not just wants, they are wants I've had for years.

Signs continue to present themselves and I know the time is now. I dance on the waters of serious effort and break through.

In my life, when I try the hardest, temptation is the greatest. I am not exaggerating when I say the greatest. I mean temptations that blindside me, distract me and entangle me.

"Right now" things are at my fingertips and it makes me angry. This is how I know I am the closest.

I have three dreams. Three goals. Three gold mines.

I am praying for willpower. I am praying for focus.

I know what I am supposed to do.