How To Plant A Seed

As I reflect over the process of Billy & I planting a seed to grow an oak tree, I can’t help but recognize the many parallels of our relationship.

My making a milestone a memory. Him participating in full admiration and appreciation of my creativity.

The kit comes complete with all the essential items, wrapped in a beautiful box with all the special touches of tissue paper, bows, and presentation.

We are sitting outside in the sun when I present to him my gift. A legacy of love.

He wants to plant it right now. 

Sitting on the front porch in the sunshine, I open the box and set out all our items. Billy states he feels we should plant our tree inside where it is not so windy. I laugh, “It’s just a breeze. Let’s plant it out here, its beautiful outside.”

I pick up the directions and read step-by-step the planting instructions. All the I’s are dotted and the T’s are crossed. He is studying the soil and telling me how moist it is supposed to be and feel as it grows.

He opens the littlest gift box to plant the seed, it has a tiny root!  Carefully planted in the healthy & moist soil we cover it in moss.  It is ready for the first ½ cup of water.

Billy is carefully watching that I measure the exact amount of water the seed is supposed to receive.

The seed is now carefully planted.

I tell him how much water he will need to give it every 3 days.  OH NO, he makes it clear the plant is not coming home with him! He loves it, he appreciates it and does not want something to happen to it left in his care.

He paces my house finding the perfect south-facing window that our plant will thrive in. We agree on the perfect window. He says he likes the fact that it is a window I open often that will allow plenty of fresh air in.

He thanks me. He loves our legacy and praises me for my always coming up with the perfect touch in creativity.

Our relationship is that gift. Ours came complete with all the essential items, wrapped in a beautiful package that took my breath away the first time I met him. All the special touches of his strengths and mine that make us complete.

He wants our relationship to stay safe inside with no wind. I embrace the sunshine and call it a breeze. I would rather bask in the sunshine and risk the wind than to not feel the warmth of the sunshine at all.

I carefully pour over the instructions to not miss a single step ensuring the success of our seed. He reads the details of the soils instructions, the details I am vaguely familiar with and wouldn’t have paid attention to. His active participation. He picks up where stop.

It is my natural tendency to take over. He is watching and wanting to participate, I should have let him pour the soil into the pot. So I let him remove the seed from the box, then I take the seed out of his hand to make sure it is planted correctly. I am not happy with myself during this reflection, I should have shared more in the planting process.

Here I go again, I’m pouring the water. He is carefully observing though to make sure I have it right. He knows I can handle this, but he is still watching.

He finds the perfect setting of the sun for our plant to thrive. We agree on the perfect window and he is happy it will get the right sunshine and fresh air.

What he doesn’t know and I wouldn’t dare tell him, that window gets incredible winds and could potentially blow the pot over. I like the fresh winds and am confident in the risk I place our prized possession in.  If it blows over, I will simply clean up the mess. Our oak tree will survive.  That is the beauty and purpose of an oak tree, to grow strong and weather all seasons.

He has faith in my confirmation it is a great location and would be frustrated with me if he thought I risk it in high winds.

Give me sunshine, give me winds! Take away my capacity for pain and rob me of the possibility of joy.

I bring quality of life into our relationship. He lavishly praises me with love and adoration.

Planting this seed is so very much like us.

I have faith in our oak tree.

Seeds of Life

Our 1 year anniversary and I want to leave a legacy.

Giving it much thought I decide upon a metaphor recognizing our relationship, I want to plant an oak tree and I want to do it from a seed.

Where can I get acorns?  Local nurseries do not carry such things, but where there is a will, there is a way!

Seeds of Life. A website that mailed a beautiful package to my home with an acorn harvested and stored at a farm to ensure successful germination.  

Tonight we planted a seed and made a memory.

An oak tree can live between 200 – 500 years. Better than a grave stone leaving our mark on this earth, an oak tree that provides shelter and shade in the midst of life’s busy storms. A legacy of life and love.

We planted our seed together and I can’t help wonder how many years in my life I will I get to watch our tree grow and remember this day.

Will it grow beautiful and strong?  Will others passing by look up in awe and recognize its beauty?  Will we sit underneath its shade together when we are old? Will my grandchildren tell their children the story of two nuts that grew into a mighty oak?

His gift card read:

Nuts when planted in rich soil, nurtured and properly cared for will turn into a mighty oak. Like us, I cannot wait to watch our roots grow deep and transform into a mighty oak that weathers all seasons.

                                                                        Happy 1^st Anniversary

A Simple Fact

It is a simple fact, men and women are different.

This week is our 1 year anniversary. A milestone. A reflection of a beautiful memory of one year ago and our journey through this past year.

His strengths which have become mine and mine his. Mannerisms of my spirit in him and he in mine.

Billy is like me, yet different.

He has the most interesting way of looking at things!  He is artist and he is detailed. I will look at something as a whole in awe and describe its breathtaking beauty. He will look and point out the details of what captures him. How could I have overlooked such details before?

I watch and listen in silent observance of him. Hearing his passion and interests as he talks for hours. He loves to talks and share, I prefer to listen.

We are opposites that complement.

I am early morning, best before the sun comes up. He comes to life at night when I am in a deep slumber. Our cherished alone times, untouched.

He is such a pessimist, I am an eternal optimist. Balance.

Hockey is his hobby, I have no hobbies. We share his.  He reminds me that “he” is my hobby. He loves that and reminds me that I do have a hobby when he “thinks” I am feeling bad that I don’t have one.  He means it in the best way and I love how sweet & special that makes him feel.

I can be mission-driven, direct and demanding. He is sensitive with fragile feelings. I slow down in his presence. Relax.   

He longs for affirmations. Words of affirmations is my love language. Like the rain in spring, I shower him. As the sunshine and rain in spring bring life after winter, healing and restoration fills his eyes and his heart. He longs for my love and my words of praise.

Somewhere between our pasts and our future, I am lost in an oasis of being me. Matched with the one I love and share my life with, content to let go and just be a woman.

I am a woman on purpose. Our relationship has purpose.

It is a simple fact, men and women are different. 

It is a simple fact, Billy and I are different.

It is our differences that make us our best.

Things

Easter is fast approaching.

Another holiday where Keith would have gone overboard on buying Brooke another new Easter basket along with lots of little extra gifts.

Keith always bought things.

Brooke never came home from a weekend visit where he didn’t take her to the store to buy something to bring home, even if it was the Dollar Store for some sort of token. Brooke loved this!

Brooke has more things than I have room for in her bedroom. I would get frustrated with him and ship bags of toys back to his place as a reminder that I don’t want endless amounts of things and to prevent him from buying more.

He never stopped. Giving gifts was Keith’s love language.

As a kid, he was really spoiled and was given things.  This is how he expresses love to Brooke along with tons of hugs & kisses. 

Gifts are not my love language and fall to the bottom of my love language list. As a clutter-free person, his trait was really annoying to me.  His love language continued to trickle into my home, junking up her room.

How many stuffed animals can a child have?  I have given away trash bags full through the years to charity. Life size stuffed animals that she treasured as a very little girl that she could completely lay on.  Those really took up space!

Brooke treasures little things.  Her daddy did such a good job filling that love language in her life.  I look around her room, things everywhere, her daddy everywhere and I am so thankful for his love language that his love is still all around her.

I look around my office: Three handmade notes on my wall, a hand-cut heart-shaped “Mom you are my sunshine. You are my world.” “Good morning Mommy.  I made you some coffee. Love, Brooke” “Good morning coffee is in the microwave. Love, Brooke”  Homemade projects grace my desk:  a plant in a brightly colored chair, flowers made out of paper, flowers made out of some object. Most recently a barite desert rose she brought home as my souvenir gift from her Spring Break. 

Little things. Brooke expressing her love.

I’m thankful for all these little things now.  I hope her daddy knows in Heaven that I am sorry for being so frustrated with him in the way he best expressed his love to our daughter.

All of these little things now mean everything.

Little things do mean a lot.

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

Yesterday was weigh-in for our corporate Biggest Loser contest.  I talk a lot of smack and my competitors stopped by to see if I was “good” with the weigh-in.  I wasn’t.

My moments are equally balanced from being driven to eat healthy & exercise hard as well as my love & enjoyment of food.  I explain that being 40 years old, I am pretty comfy with myself.

Sure I would like a flawless, perfect by “Cosmopolitan” body. Those girls also have photo shop work done on their pictures. 

What really kills me is my boyfriend has a smokin hot body and the thought of bikini season makes me want to crawl in a hole. There’s honesty!

By 8:00 a.m. this morning, I have already talked to Billy twice and received several loving texts.  He is happy, thinking about our life together and our future.  He is in an “I love you, I love us” moment.  He feels it, has thought a lot about it and shares it with me.

I may cringe in the mirror, but love says “Wow, you are so beautiful” and “You are the BEST ever!”

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Today Sharon Jaynes writes:

In the Song of Solomon, we meet a King who is riding though his kingdom and spies a young maiden working in the fields. Suddenly he is captivated by her beauty and smitten by her form.  Her hands are stained with grape juice of the vineyard, her skin is tanned from the mid-day sun, and her clothes are soiled from the dirt of the field. But the King sees beyond all that. While the King is enthralled with her beauty, she begs him not to stare at her. She does not feel worthy of such attention.

No matter what she thought of herself, the King was mesmerized and wooed her to become his bride. For centuries, commentators have noted a parallel between the Lover and the Beloved and Jesus and His bride.

The Shulammite maiden in the Song of Solomon represents you, and in the words we discover just how much Jesus loves us. You may blush a bit, but listen to a few of the passionate pursuer’s words about the woman of his dreams. Soak in his description of her beauty.

• Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. (1:10)
• How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!  Your eyes are doves. (1:15).
• Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. (2:2)
• Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead. (4:1)
• Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing.  Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. (4:2).
• Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate. (4:3)
• Your neck is like the tower of David built with elegance (4:4)
• Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. (4:5)
• Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue (4:11)
• How beautiful your sandaled feet, (7:1)
• Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman’s hands. (7:1)
• Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. (7:2) [This is my favorite verse.  A mound of wheat, mind you, not a flat plain!]
• All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. (4:7)

This woman’s betrothed adored her rosy cheeks, her long neck, her black flowing hair, and her ruby lips. He adored the fact that she had all of her teeth, shapely legs and small breasts. He even thought her poochy tummy was adorable.

But what did she think of herself? Not very much. “Do not stare at me because I am dark,” she said, “because I am darkened by the sun. My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected” (1:6).

She felt inferior to others because she was darkened by the sun. To be tan in those days was not desirable. Women went to great lengths to shade their skin from the scorching sun. This woman, however, was very dark. Because she was forced to take care of her brothers’ vineyards, she had neglected to take care or herself. But amazingly, in the end, she began to see herself as her bridegroom saw her. Oh, that we would do the same.

Is the Song of Solomon our song? I think so. Jesus, the lover of our soul, looks at us and thinks we are absolutely beautiful. However, we tend to look in the mirror and see our flaws. I read a quote once that said when a man looks in the mirror; he focuses on his best features. When a woman looks in the mirror, she focuses on her worst. I don’t know how men see themselves, but I do know that most women focus on their negative features instead of their positive ones. We need to look into the only mirror that matters, the Word of God, and He thinks we are beautiful. I keep a card in my Bible with the following prayer: “Lord, help me see myself as You see me, no matter how beautiful it is.”

The Shulammite maiden in the Bible and Cinderella in our childhood story book, both had difficulty seeing their beauty. Cinderella mistakenly believed her beauty was dependent on her dress and perfectly arranged hair. The Shulammite maiden mistakenly believed her beatify was dependent on fair skin and a tidy appearance. But in both scenarios, the Prince knew differently. Jesus sees our true beauty and is captivated.

Shut Up!

I was in the middle of a persuasive speech making a point to Billy when I hurled, “Shut up (OMGosh, I just said shut up, keeping talking and pretend that didn’t happen), I’m trying to explain to you …”

He doesn’t miss a beat and says, “Did you just say shut up?” “Yes!” I confirm. I continue my speech when he starts laughing and says how he cannot believe I said shut up!

I’m surprised, too. 

As ridiculous as that sounds, it is a reflection of our relationship over the last year. We simply do not speak disrespectfully to each other. In heated discussions, even when we were separated. We do not name call. We do not take cheap shots to belittle each other.

Truth be told, he will not argue. If I am on a war path, he avoids me until all is calm.

That is a needed quality for me, because I was raised in a family that who ever is louder is right-er!  Yelling is communicating. Family get-togethers are always fun, but loud!

With Billy & I, in general conversation, words are not buffered. But, we carefully chose our words at all times when it comes to conversations directed to one another.

When we were separated, during a heated conversation, he called me Hitler.  The only name he has called me in a year. It was so out of character and such an odd name to be called, I chuckled!

No relationship is flawless, but I am so thankful for the small things that mean so much. Respectful conversations. Respect in our chosen words. His mom’s confirmation, Billy has never once said an ill word or made a disrespectful comment about me.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. and friendship make a solid foundation for a loving relationship.

A 2nd Perfect Evening

Wednesday night was wonderful. I had high expectations for last night as well.

Wanting to ensure another perfect evening, I tap into God for His intervention.  I don’t want a replay of Wednesday with a winter wonderland setting, the snow is melting. I want something different and something special, but I’m not sure what?  It is for me to simply ask.

Billy comes over and I meet him outside like I always do, just beaming and anxious to see him.  He lights up, “Wow! You look beautiful!”  I am in a comfy yoga outfit, but it is working for him.

Two days in a row he doesn’t shave, for me.

Dinner presentation was beautiful, he lavishly compliments throughout our meal by candlelight.

Fireplaces are the perfect touch when all the lights are out. Snuggled on the couch we put in a movie, Due Date.

One scene in the movie takes place at the Grand Canyon when ashes are being tossed in the wind. During the sentimental scene the tune of Amazing Grace is played capturing the moment.

Sitting behind me, Billy begins to sing the words in my ear.

He loves to hum melodies and once in awhile I will catch him singing a quick jingle, but not often. He sings the words to Amazing Grace, more words that I have ever heard him sing before and his voice is so pretty.

I wish time would have stopped. A moment I didn’t want to end.

A window into his heart. Words he hasn’t forgotten.

My special moment.

A 2^nd perfect evening.