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*Smile*  Life feels like the movie Groundhog Day when the years roll by like the days in the movie and we figure out how to do it better and better.

Today my body feels like it's 85 years old only because every muscle hurts from playing too hard. Riding a jet ski hard, opened up and skimming on top of the water takes muscle power and I am feeling every one of those muscles today. David and I are both sore all over. 

The best weather of the summer has been my vacation time off work, thank you, Jesus!

Each day filled with fun activities strategically coordinated to allow fun and quality time with family, girlfriends and David. My five days off work became so much more than I hoped for and the weather, perfect. 

What did I do? The question is, what didn't I do. That's how we play.

Work hard, play harder.

Classic Tulip

Weeks ago one of my favorite photo's titled Classic Tulip fell off my wall and the frame fell apart.

I'm not sure why I haven't put the effort into putting it back together, because when it fell I absolutely questioned in my mind if there was a parallel.

Perhaps there was.

It's time to put my frame back together.

Life Balance

Sometimes there are no words ... and it feels as if it has been forever since I have blogged. 

I miss it. I miss my routine that keeps me re-energized and at my best. 

Life happens.

Some things are too personal, too private, too much to share. Only a close few are sought out for understanding, wisdom, guidance and a voice of reason when reason escapes me.

This whole summer has been weird. It is mid-July and due to a 6-day week work schedule and constant rain I have not done even a 1/4 of the outdoor activities that makes summer feel like a well-cherished summer. 

I am not competing in Warrior Dash less than one month away. How could I when my endurance is not up to par as when I entered spring and felt as strong as ever. 

Blindsided. Blindsided. 

    I still feel as if I am finding my equilibrium.

 

          Will I have endless days to play in the sun still?

                 I was so steadfast and on track going 100 mph to be derailed.

             Out of balance.

          Questioning everything ...

     ... but God.

Today, it's raining and I am relieved. Windows open, the sun not shining, no place to go. Hair in a sloppy-knot, dressed comfy, no need to impress.

It's weird for me to feel indifferent. 

Sometimes the process of getting back to myself is doing the little things that bring balance that bring me back to my center. 

I'm figuring out what's in balance and what is out of balance to be well-balanced.

 

                 

       

         

Father's Day 2015

Mariah looked angry when I lightly knocked on her bedroom door asking if she was okay. She told me she was angry and pissed off and when I walked over to her and pulled her in my arms she cried.

"Today is so much harder than I ever expected," she sobbed. I stood and hugged her to let her get it all out.  

It is her 1st Father's Day without her dad. I believe she cried out her anger because her mood changed for the day. Sometimes, anger and hurt come out in different ways. In tears and words releasing from your body like a poison because it simply has to. 

Brooke did okay. Okay means she went to Granny & Papa's house for a family get-together without bucking me and she ate. She wasn't shriveling in depression, even though she slept a lot. During lunch she wouldn't eat and I let her know she could leave the table, world war 3 did not happen.

Baby steps.

We celebrated Papa, my dad.

We celebrated David in our life. 

I am grateful myself and my girls have both men. They fill a role I am not equipped nor was ever intended to fill. 

Country Fest 2015 - Miranda Lambert

For months I kept a secret. A surprise for David with Country Fest tickets, pit passes and as my sometimes really good luck has it, I won a lottery Meet & Greet with Miranda Lambert, his celebrity crush.

I was more excited than he was that I pulled off something he doesn't already have or have experienced. To smile, speak, shake hands, pay compliments and get his photo taken with the very girl he has been googly-eyed over that I've had to hear about for 2 years. Miranda Lambert.

We didn't think to bring something for her to sign, so he put his badge over his heart and she signed it. Well played, David. He had only moments with her and I asked what he said? He introduced himself to her and told her she looked nice.

I bought a couple cute tops from Buckle to wear something new and country for our special date.

Country Fest was much bigger than I ever imagined. Thousands of people everywhere, band after band after band. Easton Corbin put on a really fun performance, Miranda's stage props were impressive and I liked Trace Adkins deep voice.

It was an experience.

He doesn't like surprises.

I'm glad I was able to pull off something special and that it is over.

Life to the Fullest

I saw her from afar
   enjoying life to the fullest
     moving confidently
       through her dreams
         weaving new dreams
             arms open
           as if expecting
         more blessings than she could hold
       and I wanted her ...
     I wanted to drink from her life
    to taste
  what she thought was so sweet
    I wanted to fall asleep
      hearing her laughter
        and wake up in her arms
          so strong
            so warm
          so able to love at the same time ...
       I wanted to wander through
     the maze of her mind
   and discover each fascinating thought
       each unspoken question
          I wanted to know
             who she was ...
                every facet
                  every flaw
                     every strength
                  every weakness ...
              I wanted her to 
            need me
         to not need me
      to want me
  to not want me 
      like an elusive butterfly
         drawn to the color
             of my love 
                 already drunk
                    from the honey of the Son
                  while she decides
               whether to alight
             and partake or not 
          I have already decided.
     I want her ...

                                  - Michelle McKinney Hammond

"I Cannot Imagine ... "

He sat down in my office and I didn't say a word to give him the opportunity to tell me what was on his mind. His eyes were looking down and I asked, "Want to tell me what is bothering you?"

"Can you tell?" he asked. "I am a mom" I said knowingly. He laughs that great laugh I adore about him.

We became friends months ago at the shelter and I will never forget the day he walked into my office. Very guarded, waiting to be judged and walked out friends.

He took a deep breath, looked up at me, placed a little box on my desk and opened it.

*BLING* a beautiful diamond ring sparkled.

I smiled at him and he quickly said, "I will buy her a better ring when I can."

Surprised and impressed, I know the ring cost him way more than he could afford, he worked hard and bought her the the best he had. "Well done, Michael. It is stunning and she will love it!" I genuinely mean that.

I am a safe place for him and he opens his heart and shares he is going to propose this Friday. That he would like to plan something really special for her, but he wants to ask her to marry him so much he doesn't want one more day to pass.

We have had many conversations about dating, healthy relationships, love and respect, and I know he is in love with his girl. I ask him the one question that is my go-to, "Is she the one you cannot imagine your life without?"

He looked me honestly in the eyes and said, "I cannot imagine a day without her."

I love his answer and I love his heart!

He shared that he is good with his words, but that he hasn't figured out how he wants to ask her. As his sounding board I told him how I loved exactly what he just said. Tell her you cannot imagine a day without her.

He was teetering on getting down on one knee, I encouraged him, absolutely yes! I shared what getting on one knee means and he seemed to find it honorable.

He is over the moon nervous, yet excited. I am over the moon proud of him.

How pure his love is for her that he worked so hard to buy the very best he could. How wonderful that he cannot wait beyond Friday because he simply cannot wait for one more day to pass to ask her. He cannot wait to marry her and he cannot wait to share his life with her.

It is refreshing for me to see. I cannot honestly remember the last time I saw a boy so desire to marry a girl.

I hope she knows his worth.