Two weeks ago I was completely in love, happy thanking God for blessing my life, finally a ring on my finger that meant everything, to being blindsided in ways I couldn't even wrap my head around, then the breakup.
Blindsided to overwhelming loss, complete confusion and taking med's to just get through the night. In a numb blur, dizzy from the confusion and pain, I cried out to God all day and all night long.
Pain consumed me and everything I knew to be real and loved is gone.
In the midst of feeling raw, bleeding and dead inside, my path crossed so unexpectedly with another.
A stranger that sings to me the song in my heart that I have forgotten. It feels unreal and too soon.
What has happened in my life? I barely recognize anything anymore.
A normal day that turned into a date, that turned into me being kissed over and over by lips that have become a drug to me that I crave. He is smitten with me and I admire his qualities.
Once upon a time I was working at Akron General for 12 years and was curious to see if the hospital close to me had jobs available for a much shorter commute. I faxed my resume on a whim and was interviewed and hired within 24 hours. A life-changing blur that left me dizzy from the unexpected speed of how quickly everything can change.
A couple years later, happily living in a beautiful townhouse, my dad asked to show me a house he felt I should consider buying. I wasn't interested, but entertained his thought to be nice. Within days, I was signing papers to my home. A completely unexpected life-changer that I was caught up in leaving me dizzy from change that happened so quickly, I felt was out of my control, because it was not a plan.
Here I am now.
The one I loved, the life I loved, the future I was in love with, gone.
It all happened so fast it was like it didn't even happen, because it was so cruel.
Me on the other side of my life standing with my heart in my hands bleeding and someone is tapping me on the shoulder whispering terms of endearments and normalcy.
His kindness like a soft flower than I want to reach out and touch to see if it is really as soft as it appears. Affirmations that fall like a soft rain.
Who's life am I in? I barely recognize my life, it was carried away as swiftly as a tsunami, yet it wasn't.
Another filling a gaping hole in my life during a time when I need it like the air I breathe. A stranger that sings to me the words in my heart that I have forgotten.
Me holding on to my heart, looking back, yet letting go. Drawn to blessings that are falling on me like a soft rain.
A song being sung to me that is both beautiful and healing, yet so uncertain. My face lifted up to God asking if this is from Him. A gift. One that I don't have to do anything for, but simply receive and enjoy.
I slowly open my hands and let go.
