She was asked, "What was your best Valentine's Day ever?" Although she has been married 25 years, she didn't have a single story to share. Sipping my Holiday Chai I asked, "What did you say?"
She confessed she made up a story. She didn't want her daughter to know that at 52 years old she didn't have a single Valentine moment to share. So she made up a light and sweet story about her dad that was completely untrue.
It made me reflect ... what was my best Valentine's Day ever? Certainly not last weekend.
We couldn't be more at odds. Arsenals of weaponry built with precision to unravel the other with pretty deadly aim.
I am doing devotions in the Meal Ministry about love in honor of Valentine's Day. I was so looking forward to this sweethearts holiday that I actually paid to get my nails done. Red.
Teach about love when a perfect storm is happening in my own personal love life. I shared a funny Valentine's Day joke that always pulls their attention and brings chuckles of laughter, then I slid into 1 Corinthians 13. A wealth of information of love.
How could I have been so wrong? Why didn't I ever believe we could work? I wasn't feeling anything hearts and butterflies, but digging deep in my mind focusing on all that I felt was wrong while adding blasting talking points to my next fire squad conversation with him.
Shopping for Valentine's Day treats for Brooke and I was feeling pretty pissed off.
Everything I believe in, my every mantra, "Love is a choice" and a perfect storm was circling overhead that was testing my resolve.
"Teach about love ... they don't know the truth," became a dark voice in my mind. Everything was unraveling, just as I had reached a new season in my life with David.
"You proclaim you are the storm, I am the storm," taunted by an unseen battle.
I felt like Job. No, not to the extreme, but my hot buttons were being pressed hard. Instead of being angry, a strange calm was over me. As if I was out of my body watching so much happen and so much falling apart.
Valentine's Day was the opposite of loving. I felt defeated.
I remember I profess that I am a run to the battle line girl, but my gosh, I am being taken out in my weakest places.
Where did I go wrong? I remember the words what God said love was in 1 Corinthians 13. Each word was like a concrete boot and I could barely lift my feet.
At this point, I don't like him and he doesn't like me.
What if this isn't about David. What if this is an invisible battle that is raging around me with the direct target of ME and the most important thing in my life, love?
I am a self professed prayer warrior. I am a run to the battle line girl for a million causes. Every arrow aimed at me really does have me at my worst moment mocking me, "You are the storm."
And I remember who I am. It became a War Room scene in my house. The battle is raging and I remember, I am a child of the Most High God, beautifully and wonderfully made. I am empowered by the Holy Spirit with the power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in me. I am not defeated, I am the storm.
[Realization just now came to me, my daughter's name is Mariah Storm. Names are powerful and that name came from me.]
With my dying breath [I know what drama, but it was!], if this is a test to unravel me and take me out I need to refocus and fight back, "My God, protect love!"
Protect love while I am being unravel. I choose love even in a perfect storm. Protect it when I don't know how to protect it.
It was if I remembered.
Nice try invisible realm. My equilibrium is coming back and I am pulling myself up off the ground. Perhaps it wasn't me. Perhaps it wasn't him. Perhaps perfect storms come straight from the bowels of hell to seek, kill and destroy.
Sometimes we don't see it for what it is when it starts off so small. It's when it builds and builds into a magnificent crescendo that everything falls apart ... until you remember that you absolutely can fight back.
You have to recognize what it is first and it's hard to do while it is taking you out. Tornado like winds has everything going crazy and chaos has you running for cover. Emotions will pass, actions have lasting consequences.
Know what you are fighting and FIGHT BACK!
The moment I told, "Come home, I am your home" and he walked through the door and my lips were against his, love prevailed.
What didn't feel like the best Valentine's Day ever, was.
It isn't about hearts and butterflies, but about love.
Love is a choice and we chose love. [I fought hell for it.]
