A Wedding in Less Than Two Months

Much preparation, so much anticipation, the wedding is in less than two months.

Countless details that need to come together for the bridal shower, wedding, and a bachelorette party. I've been asked to be the event coordinator over wedding details and decor.

In all my professional event planning experience over the decades, this by far is the most challenging. This is personal.

My feet have felt like they have concrete blocks around them and I have procrastinated horribly. Getting a vision was the first major obstacle. Nothing came to mind for weeks and to take Mariah's ideas, which isn't in-line with my taste and to pull off her total country burlap wedding in a barn into country elegance has me balancing one of the biggest days in her life and making it perfect. Her perfect.

Much excitement for her, her and Jeremy, their new life to start brand new together.

Excited for the change here at home. Brooke taking her sisters room which will include bedroom remodeling and no more arguing over who cleans their bathroom, it will become a one-person job. Mariah's closed-door bedroom disaster, open and less stomping around at midnight every night.

I look forward to the wedding just being here.

Every detail in place and the music starting.

I can't wait to hear her stories and details of her 3-week honeymoon, her new life with her husband. She will be quitting her job before they get married and I look forward to time with her. Our current work and life schedules have our paths crossing only between 7:00 - 8:00 a.m. every day.

Her dreams are about to come true.

Her life is about to change significantly.

A wedding is the tip of the iceberg, but this mom is feeling all of that iceberg.

Rebound Nasal Congestion

My biggest vice next to coffee is nasal spray.

I confess I use it twice a day times times 10 years. The pros to this vice is 100% breathing capacity and zero sinus infections in 10 years. The cons, I didn't know until the other day.

It is an expensive habit and I used to spend about $10 per month on it until I found an off brand that Walgreen's carries for $5, twice the volume, no scent. Imagine that happy day!

For years in the back of my mind I knew "they" said you shouldn't use it every day or you can become addicted.

Who is "they?"

What are the consequences of my addition?

Recently it started with nose bleeds from this new cost-savings find, but is it the product or winters dry heat? A fair question.

Ten years later ...

... addicted.

I found myself in Walgreen's the other day, when I thought I better suck it up and ask the professional, the best pharmacist ever. Confessing what I use and how long I've used it, "My name is Dawn and I am a nasal spray addict ..." I asked what consequences am I looking at.

Braced for worst-case scenario. "You know its addictive," he asks/stated. He enters his database of all things pharmaceutical reading necessary information assuring me whatever it is, it will be in this database.

He asks if I've tried to get off of it and I share I've been off it for one week, but I've been using other lesser potent products because I am slammed shut.

Time ticks slowly when waiting for consequences or a diagnosis. This is the only self-induced infliction I've intentionally brought on myself and I knew the day would come when I have to either come to the consequence or make a decision to quick using the product.

"It seems the only long-term consequence to using nasal spray is rebound nasal congestion. Nasal congestion will be worse for a few days after extended use.

"That's it?" happily dancing [in my mind] I asked.

Did the heavens open and are angels singing?

Relief after ten years of worry and wonder and I happily replied with the happiest smile, "I can live with that and YOU have a lifetime customer!"

Oh happy day!

Best Valentine's Day Ever

Sitting at a coffee shop with a girlfriend on Valentine's Day, she was sharing with me her date she had with her 13 year old daughter hours earlier.

She was asked, "What was your best Valentine's Day ever?" Although she has been married 25 years, she didn't have a single story to share. Sipping my Holiday Chai I asked, "What did you say?"

She confessed she made up a story. She didn't want her daughter to know that at 52 years old she didn't have a single Valentine moment to share. So she made up a light and sweet story about her dad that was completely untrue.

It made me reflect ... what was my best Valentine's Day ever? Certainly not last weekend.

We couldn't be more at odds. Arsenals of weaponry built with precision to unravel the other with pretty deadly aim.

I am doing devotions in the Meal Ministry about love in honor of Valentine's Day. I was so looking forward to this sweethearts holiday that I actually paid to get my nails done. Red.

Teach about love when a perfect storm is happening in my own personal love life. I shared a funny Valentine's Day joke that always pulls their attention and brings chuckles of laughter, then I slid into 1 Corinthians 13. A wealth of information of love.

How could I have been so wrong? Why didn't I ever believe we could work? I wasn't feeling anything hearts and butterflies, but digging deep in my mind focusing on all that I felt was wrong while adding blasting talking points to my next fire squad conversation with him.

Shopping for Valentine's Day treats for Brooke and I was feeling pretty pissed off.

Everything I believe in, my every mantra, "Love is a choice" and a perfect storm was circling overhead that was testing my resolve.

"Teach about love ... they don't know the truth," became a dark voice in my mind. Everything was unraveling, just as I had reached a new season in my life with David.

"You proclaim you are the storm, I am the storm," taunted by an unseen battle.

I felt like Job. No, not to the extreme, but my hot buttons were being pressed hard. Instead of being angry, a strange calm was over me. As if I was out of my body watching so much happen and so much falling apart.

Valentine's Day was the opposite of loving. I felt defeated.

I remember I profess that I am a run to the battle line girl, but my gosh, I am being taken out in my weakest places.

Where did I go wrong? I remember the words what God said love was in 1 Corinthians 13. Each word was like a concrete boot and I could barely lift my feet.

At this point, I don't like him and he doesn't like me.

What if this isn't about David. What if this is an invisible battle that is raging around me with the direct target of ME and the most important thing in my life, love?

I am a self professed prayer warrior. I am a run to the battle line girl for a million causes. Every arrow aimed at me really does have me at my worst moment mocking me, "You are the storm."

And I remember who I am. It became a War Room scene in my house. The battle is raging and I remember, I am a child of the Most High God, beautifully and wonderfully made. I am empowered by the Holy Spirit with the power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in me. I am not defeated, I am the storm.

[Realization just now came to me, my daughter's name is Mariah Storm. Names are powerful and that name came from me.]

With my dying breath [I know what drama, but it was!], if this is a test to unravel me and take me out I need to refocus and fight back, "My God, protect love!"

Protect love while I am being unravel. I choose love even in a perfect storm. Protect it when I don't know how to protect it.

It was if I remembered.

Nice try invisible realm. My equilibrium is coming back and I am pulling myself up off the ground. Perhaps it wasn't me. Perhaps it wasn't him. Perhaps perfect storms come straight from the bowels of hell to seek, kill and destroy.

Sometimes we don't see it for what it is when it starts off so small. It's when it builds and builds into a magnificent crescendo that everything falls apart ... until you remember that you absolutely can fight back.

You have to recognize what it is first and it's hard to do while it is taking you out. Tornado like winds has everything going crazy and chaos has you running for cover. Emotions will pass, actions have lasting consequences.

Know what you are fighting and FIGHT BACK!

The moment I told, "Come home, I am your home" and he walked through the door and my lips were against his, love prevailed.

What didn't feel like the best Valentine's Day ever, was.

It isn't about hearts and butterflies, but about love.

Love is a choice and we chose love. [I fought hell for it.]

To Walk with Fingers Touching

These photos at this distance means nothing to me. Too abstract.

Closer into view ...

... it is a field of flowers with three people photographed walking through its field.

It's when I look even closer ...

... that I see the once abstract becomes beauty, life, majesty, emotions and dreams.

I don't want to just walk through these fields, I want to time to linger in these gardens. I imagine feeling breathless with anticipation approaching them knowing rest, relaxation and time is in front of me to refresh taking in its overwhelming beauty.

To feel the sunshine and warmth.

For life to slow down and linger for hours.

Extending a hand down and touch the velvety soft petals of a flower caress my fingertips in one leisurely step at a time. No hurry ... no rush. Overwhelmed in emotion.

The quietness of being in the middle of a field with flowers as far as the eye can see. Warmth of the sun. The sound of an occasional bird in the air. The music of nature.

Yes, I want to stroll through fields of tulips. To walk with my fingers touching velvety petals.

I want to take in their beauty and my heart to be filled with awe praising God for the beauty of the moment and the feeling of desperately wanting time to slow down to capture it all.

From a distance it is abstract and unappealing.

Walking through the gardens is where the magic is felt.

Knowing He is Here

Brooke had to stay up late working on a homework assignment when she asked if she could sleep in and miss the first two classes of the day.

I had to be at work and David told her it was up to me, that he would take her whatever time she needed to be there.

That next evening when we were watching our show together, Brooke shared a sweet insight.

She said how she like knowing David was here in the house. She was in her bathroom upstairs getting ready with her music and he was downstairs in our bathroom getting ready with his music.

They both love music.

I can see how his presence gives her comfort and how their music together set the ambiance of fun and cool in our home.

I'm glad she shared she felt comfort knowing his is here.

Happily Ever After, Life in the Castle

Once upon a time ...

David and I have been dating for going on three years. The natural progression is for our lives to blend together and for years I have dreamed of what our life would be like 'one day.'

Harmony. The naturalness of every day normalcy. The thrill of knowing he is near and while our lives are busy, knowing every night I slip into bed next to him.

I have felt like an exotic destination he wanted to be at for years, imagine when it is every day.

All this practice, fine-tuned. Two happy hearts reach this new season. 

I'm thinking fairy tales of Cinderella and her prince, after the slipper.

Life in the castle after Belle turns the Beast back in the handsome prince.

The happily ever afters, life in the castle after every princess gets her prince.

We are on week #2 of almost, kind of living together. [He has been here for two weeks, although not moved in.] 

Me sensitive and accommodating to his space, my space, elements of routine normalcy, while keeping all things neat and efficient.

Historically, I've kept my house at 69-70 degrees during winter months. Bundle up. With David who chills easy, this temperature has increased to 73 this winter. Small price for comfort and happiness. 

Suddenly, 73 degrees seems to be arctic temperatures, he is frozen, so I for the first time ever bump the thermostat to 75 degrees. I'm thinking dry heat nose bleeds. 

Happily ever after, life in the castle conversations ...

David:  "I cannot breathe it is so hot in here!"

Me: "What do you mean? You froze at 73 degrees so I gave you 75!" Said stuffy and unable to breathe.

David:  "I didn't ask you to turn it up."

Me:  "I did it days ago to ensure your comfort and so you'd stop complaining. 73 is too cold, 75 is too hot, you regulate the thermostat!"

David:  "How did you sleep last night?"

Me: [This is a trick question and segue to what he really wants to say.] "I slept fine. How did you sleep?"

David: "I didn't sleep at all, you snored all night and I was burning up!" 

Me:  "Probably because I cannot breathe in 75 degrees with the registers now open in the bedroom. You snore, too, but do I say that?!"

I'm not feeling like the goal, the exotic destination he looked forward to getting to every day. Our going on three years routine has shifted and I find I try to be creative to keep the normalcy the foundation that keeps us close.

Both of us being neat-nicks helps.

I smile when I think of my Mariah and Jeremy getting married in 2-1/2 months. He lives simple, neat and efficient. She is a hoarder, a tornado and fine stepping over things to get across a room. Their transition may perhaps be culture shock.

I welcome the shift.

I am willing to be flexible with slightly new routines.

I am ready for happily ever after, life in the castle normalcy.