It has been many years (4+) since I have done what brings me great pleasure.
A resort spa getaway. In the midst of tending to everyone's (hundreds) needs, pulling off the Gala, Thanksgiving and Christmas at the mission and in my home I need to be a little more self-focused. Good grief most everyone in my life will allow me to deplete completely and never step up to tend to their own needs.
Day two of rest and relaxation is all I get and was met with road bumps of frustration. Keep in mind, I have only two days to rejuvenate quickly for sanity sake and it included many errands and dreaded Thanksgiving grocery shopping.
Quiet. I need time. Hours of alone, quiet time.
Not a single person needing anything from me.
Brooke wakes me up at 5:30 a.m. to ask if she can sleep in and me drive to her school since she had nightmares all night. I was aggravated instantly for a couple reasons:
1 - She watched scary movies all day the day before; of course, she would have nightmares.
2 - She thought nothing of waking me up at 5:30 a.m. on my day off. So my day began.
3 - I wanted her to to slip out the door at 7:00 a.m. and be gone, which is her regular schedule. Now, I wasn't getting desperately needed alone time until 7:45 a.m. and I had to drive her to school.
I get home and Mariah is in the kitchen. I learned she was off work today, too. Seriously?!
My resolve was slipping and she questioned the look of disappointment on my face, then was instantly offended when I said I took the day off and needed some alone time.
There is not a single thing in the world wrong to knowing when you need quiet time. They should be grateful it isn't alcohol or drugs I turn to. Lesser people with no responsibility in life turn to these things.
I have reached beyond burnout and quite honestly, sick of most everyone. I have embraced I am perfectly fine not budging for the next person who says, "I need ..." A dangerous attitude for the needy, high maintenance, energy-sucking population my role serves.
Truth be told, 95% live off the system and do absolutely nothing for themselves. It is a known very small percentage we actually make a difference for. Learning about our rescue mission (not all rescue missions), we enable the useless to be more useless with no boundaries or expectations. It is a horrible atmosphere for me with a strong work ethic.
My gosh, I need out.
I know God said take care of the poor, feed the needy. He meant that for those who cannot help themselves for a host of real reasons. This is not the population we serve. We serve the already sucking the system, entitled, and will take and continue to ask for more population who absolutely refuses to step up and contribute in their own life. Be responsible? No way.
Geez, what a rant.
In the midst of burnout and desperate attempts to rejuvenate in pitifully low expectations of simple quiet time that clearly offends those I live with ... the heavens opened, angels sangs and suddenly I was filled with awe ...
*GASP!*
A stunning pair of Tiffany & Co. sunglasses.
Merry Christmas to me.
