We Date, Every Day

In the midst of a wonderful life, relationships are tough.

I've learned that forgiveness, forgiveness, and more forgiveness is necessary for not just the big things in life, but in the daily little things that chip away at our resolve.

David said it best when he text me, "We are both with strong personalities and both are very sensitive ... which sometimes caused issues with hurt feelings for one or the other, sometimes both."

He shared his heart, open and raw and filled with love he reminded me that we date, every day. Our "normal" which isn't mundane but exciting and adventurous.

It's true. We date, every day.

We are so in tune with one another, so much alike, on the same wave length in an invisible realm that not only keeps us together, but my thoughts become his thoughts and vice versa.

David and I can sit down at a restaurant and order the same meal and beverage (of course we argue over who came up with the selection first and call the other a copy cat). Every time.

We were just at a large mall in Cleveland yesterday, walked the entire mall in and out of tons of shops. As we walked into the last store before we left, David walked up to one specific item (out of the whole mall) and made a comment he really like it. Sometimes, I just shake my head. I told him, "That is what I bought Jason & Melissa last year for Christmas."

Before that, driving to the mall I realized I was in need of a cup off coffee. Knowing a McDonald's was a mile up the road, my plan was to get close and ask him to turn in. I wanted a hot cup off coffee and I knew he would like an iced coffee.

Seconds later, he asked if I wanted a coffee. I shared that was my plan, but I was waiting until we got closer. I said a McDonald's was just up the road. It was my idea first, my treat. He argued he said it first, his treat. He was the driver and closest to the drive-up window so he paid.

We are highly sensitive to each others sighs and blinks. We are so in tune with each others heart, desires, shortcomings and tones, you take two strong, like-minded personalities and we often clash like the titans. We love each other endlessly and most days are carefree, fun and over the top adventurous. Some days we don't even like each other and love does become a choice tapping into forgiveness and patience which doesn't come easy.

We do date every day and I love that about our life together.

A Sunday together going to church, home for lunch, shopping in Cleveland, he wants to take me to dinner (because every day is a date). I chose to go home and make dinner so we can watch a movie together, which ended up being a delicious meal and a classic comedy, "What About Bob?"

David knows my hearts desires, hears me when I say, "I need this ... from you" and steps up within moments like a rock star.

When the movie was over he suggested ice cream. My favorite ice cream ever is Dark Chocolate Peppermint w/coconut from Cold Stone Creamery; however, they only serve it during the Christmas season. A quick phone call confirmed they have it and we were off for ice cream.

I can see our life together, two lives blending seamlessly into one life. Two spunky old people who perhaps debate most any topic, lost without the other, becoming one heartbeat. He is my heart.

Dating every day, what a treasure you are.

Forgiveness, what a treasure you are.

Love, what a  treasure you are.

Love is a choice.

A Dream in a Dream

Last night I was dreaming. I was so tired and worn out, but I felt a presence and barely opened my eyes to see a warm and loving familiar face close to mine. I smiled and closed my eyes succumbing to sleep, again.

Was it a dream or was it actually real? I forced my eyes open and saw the same face patiently waiting while I slept and I sleepily touched the soft cheek and said, "I am glad it was you, I thought I was dreaming."

Then I woke up.

I remember what I have forgotten.

Thanksgiving 2015

Some days I wake up and I know the mission in front of me. It takes careful coordinating, exact timing, nonstop work and it requires 100% of staying on task. 

A lot of productions as of late. 

Thanksgiving Day 2015.  

It was quite a production and it did come together beautifully and everything was truly delicious. Garlic & Herb Turkey, homemade Broccoli Cheese soup, Green Bean Casserole, Sweet Shoepeg Corn, Red Skinned Mashed Potatoes, Stuffing and Gravy, Chunky Cinnamon Applesauce, Deviled Eggs, Pineapple, and Dinner rolls w/Sea Salt Butter & Blackberry Pie (complements of Amish Country). 

Mariah said it was perfect. 

Clean as you cook.

Much to clean up. 

When all was done I had 15 minutes to sit down with a cup of coffee and watch a small piece of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade then off to the rescue mission to feed the hungry in Canton. 

As I greeted guests as they came in to eat saying, "Happy Thanksgiving!" one guy said, "I don't get it, why does everyone say Happy Thanksgiving?" I said, "We are going to cover that in devotions." I read the proclamation from President Abraham Lincoln proclaiming we celebrate Thanksgiving the fourth Thursday of the month of November in thanks to God for all things ... in the midst of the Civil War. It was a good read if you have not read it before.  

What a day! The good news is there is so much food left I don't have to cook for a week.

Tiffany & Co.

Wishing I could slip away for days at a luxury resort to bask in sunshine with the sound of the ocean (or a fabulous swimming pool and float with drink in hand) and a warm breeze of salty air for a couple days of rest, relaxation, rejuvenation, and time.

It has been many years (4+) since I have done what brings me great pleasure.

A resort spa getaway. In the midst of tending to everyone's (hundreds) needs, pulling off the Gala, Thanksgiving and Christmas at the mission and in my home I need to be a little more self-focused. Good grief most everyone in my life will allow me to deplete completely and never step up to tend to their own needs.

Day two of rest and relaxation is all I get and was met with road bumps of frustration. Keep in mind, I have only two days to rejuvenate quickly for sanity sake and it included many errands and dreaded Thanksgiving grocery shopping.

Quiet. I need time. Hours of alone, quiet time.

Not a single person needing anything from me.

Brooke wakes me up at 5:30 a.m. to ask if she can sleep in and me drive to her school since she had nightmares all night. I was aggravated instantly for a couple reasons:

  1 - She watched scary movies all day the day before; of course, she would have nightmares.

  2 - She thought nothing of waking me up at 5:30 a.m. on my day off. So my day began.

  3 - I wanted her to to slip out the door at 7:00 a.m. and be gone, which is her regular schedule. Now, I wasn't getting desperately needed alone time until 7:45 a.m. and I had to drive her to school.

I get home and Mariah is in the kitchen. I learned she was off work today, too. Seriously?!

My resolve was slipping and she questioned the look of disappointment on my face, then was instantly offended when I said I took the day off and needed some alone time.

There is not a single thing in the world wrong to knowing when you need quiet time. They should be grateful it isn't alcohol or drugs I turn to. Lesser people with no responsibility in life turn to these things.

I have reached beyond burnout and quite honestly, sick of most everyone. I have embraced I am perfectly fine not budging for the next person who says, "I need ..." A dangerous attitude for the needy, high maintenance, energy-sucking population my role serves.

Truth be told, 95% live off the system and do absolutely nothing for themselves. It is a known very small percentage we actually make a difference for. Learning about our rescue mission (not all rescue missions), we enable the useless to be more useless with no boundaries or expectations. It is a horrible atmosphere for me with a strong work ethic.

My gosh, I need out.

I know God said take care of the poor, feed the needy. He meant that for those who cannot help themselves for a host of real reasons. This is not the population we serve. We serve the already sucking the system, entitled, and will take and continue to ask for more population who absolutely refuses to step up and contribute in their own life. Be responsible? No way.

Geez, what a rant.

In the midst of burnout and desperate attempts to rejuvenate in pitifully low expectations of simple quiet time that clearly offends those I live with ... the heavens opened, angels sangs and suddenly I was filled with awe ...

*GASP!*

A stunning pair of Tiffany & Co. sunglasses.

Merry Christmas to me.

Rest and Rejuvenation - Day 2

My thoughts are turning to Christmas. Thanksgiving dinner first, but Christmas, too.

Brooke said yesterday, "Mom, I want to say something because I love you ... (Uh oh) ... you need to leave the rescue mission. You come home exhausted and unhappy every day dealing with so much drama and it is wearing on you."

I remember the last time I heard those words I was working at WHM. My girls brought it to my attention when I no longer smiled. Brooke is bringing the weight of the stress to my attention, again.

I feel the same way.

It is 7:00 a.m. and I have the whole day open to me.

Thank you, God.

Thank God It's Over!

Months of planning, the last two weeks of all my focus, the last couple days of 12 hour days putting all the finishing touches on the rescue missions Holiday Gala, thank God it's over! And, I mean that.

The venue was beautiful. The triple Christmas trees decorated with a photographer set up for capturing photos of dinner guests.

The tables were beautifully set and I was especially pleased with the centerpiece. The conference center had just bought the glass candle holders, but it was a bit plain with nothing underneath. I ordered some fresh cedar and picked up pine cones and a sprig of silver splash and it came together beautifully.

The cork pull was a lot of fun. Bottles ranging from wine purchased from the George Washington estate, brought in from Napa Valley all the way down to Boone's Farm for a good laugh.

Silent auction tables were filled with a variety of items from a beautiful Kate Spade purse, golfing at country clubs, hotel stays, fine dining, spa-la-la'ing and more.

I was pleased with each auction item description I had to individually create looked beautiful on the table.

Dinner was beautifully presented. I went with an island theme to complement the evenings entertainment. Pictured is a Coconut Lime Salmon, Jerk Chicken and I really don't know what the side dish was.

Dessert a key lime mini pie and a chocolate mousse in an edible chocolate cup. It truly was delish!

I even ensured the OSU vs. Michigan game was available to dinner guests in the lobby. 

Aesthetically I was very pleased, that part I controlled.

I am not going to nitpick the things I could not control completely, such as the registration process which wasn't even completely set up when dinner guests poured through the door 20 minutes before it was supposed to even open. The auctioneer who veered off track with the flow of the evening agenda and didn't live auction the Rescue Mission Christmas Catalog, which left much money on the table. The entertainer from the off-Broadway show STOMP, I felt did more self-promoting than mission-focused. My team who I should have known better was not capable of graciously handling the registration/check-out process in style and class. (Yes, I said it.) Each of them knew what their role was going into the evening. Two claimed they didn't know what their role was. Another two kept disappearing and not staying on task (I hate hunting down people to tell them, man your post!). One who wasn't in her comfort zone stepped back and kept asking, "Do you need help?" I knew limitations, but I still expect others to step up and give 100%.

I can have everything picked up and every detail present and ready, but I cannot do all things once the production is is motion and I am depending on others to fill a role.

As the host of the Gala I tried to oversee everything from keeping the agenda on timeline, assist with the auction process capturing bidder numbers, step up and fill in for the cork pull (during the final call and my set two people sat in their chairs as if that wasn't their responsibility for the evening), be present for registration/checkout, as well graciously meet and speak with guests.

I am glad it is over.

Today begins a couple days off for me of rest, relaxation and rejuvenation. It is needed.

3:30 a.m.

I am unsure if my eyes opened first or my brain was already running through details of the upcoming Holiday Gala I am hosting, but the clock said 3:30 a.m. I am awake and need to vent.

Chest pressure. Racing thoughts. I run through my mental checklist doting my "i's" and crossing my "t's", leaving no leaf un-turned in Gala planning. Have I missed a leaf? A small tiny detail that could make a ripple effect.

I have 1-1/2 weeks until the grand crescendo of my party. Time is still on my side to fine-tune,thank you, God!

At the mission, my freezers and pantries are bursting in donations. Over capacity. Sounds dreamy being donation-based, I know! The behind-the-scenes-not-so-dreamy details is the attitudes of those working under me are overwhelmed and frazzled in this overflow. This is a result of being a tad out of their comfort zone. Oh well.

They are sick of stockpiles of donations coming in. They haven't seen anything yet, wait till it is a week before Thanksgiving.

Every day, all day, emails and phone calls blow my office into a tizzy of requests to serve Thanksgiving Day. My graciousness is slipping and I really want to say, "What about the other 364 days of the year we feed the homeless?" I know that sounds awful.

I work six days a week and pretty much every flipping holiday and for some reason for two months I am flooded daily by people who want to help one day out of the year. Thanksgiving Day.

Oh, the entitlement and theft in this population that works for me at the mission. I know it will never end.

The attitudes, the bickering. Do they realize a 4-hour workday is nothing? Imagine putting in a 4-hour day and walking out the door with zero work responsibility until your next shift. No holidays and weekends off. My patience is nothing with them.

I pressed charges against a kid at the high school this week for taking pictures of Brooke, photo shopping them onto sexual pictures and texting them to other students. Bad move.

I am one pissed off mom. At the battle line ready for war.

Finneaus has fleas.

Brooke's new med's are working well, but I found out will cost over $300 per month and my insurance doesn't cover it.

What else?

The fighting and bad attitudes at the mission. Staff, residents and dinner guests. Every day, all day. I am certain I am not the gentle spirit they believe I should be. Perhaps, everyone needs to tap into personal ownership of life responsibilities.

I work my ass off and give 100% in every area of my life. Unfortunately, this is not a good combination to be surrounded daily by those who do little to zero for their own lives and ultimately effects my life in their constant taking mentalities.

I am tired, stressed and ready for battle.

My plate is full, my resolve slipping and I am in direct communication with God.

This is a bad week, temper tantrum rant in the midst of a very good life.

A winning lottery ticket and a long vacation would help.

Sweet 16

I remember how magical 16 years old sounded to me almost 30 years ago and my youngest turned that magical number today.

The year she can get her drivers license.

The year she can get that job at Hot Topic she has wanted for two years now.

More freedoms.

As she woke up, I started playing "16 Candles" by The Crests and was surprised she had never heard that song before, but quickly loved it.

My mom sent her the song, "Happy Birthday Sweet 16" by Neil Sedaka.

Turning 16 is an age songs were made for.

As we are driving in the car to church to start her special day with David and Alex and I wanted to set a fun tone and played the Neil Sedaka song for her. She asked me to play 16 Candles.

Happy birthday, happy birthday, baby
Oh, I love you so

A wave of emotion hit me (which is the opposite of the tone I wanted in the car for celebration sake).

In the midst of her special day, someone important isn't here and my heart broke for her. Grief can blindside at any given moment.

The song filled the air.

Sixteen candles make a lovely light

But not as bright as your eyes tonight
(As your eyes tonight, oh)
Blow out the candles
Make your wish come true
For I'll be wishing that you love me, too
(That you love me, too)

Breathing and redirecting thoughts became a battle I could not win.

My heart broke for her and tears wouldn't cooperate and stop.

You're only sixteen (sixteen)
But you're my teenage queen
(You're my queen)
You're the prettiest
Loveliest girl I've ever seen
(I've ever seen, oh)

Sixteen candles in my heart will glow
For ever and ever for I love you so
(For I love you so)

Brooke had a wonderful day.

Happy sweet 16.

Ruggedly Handsome

On a beautiful autumn day, we go out and play.

Hiking and skipping stones ...

  

... with a ruggedly handsome man.

Our day ends looking up recipes and cooking dinner together, snuggling on couch and watching our favorite Netflix shows.

A. Very. Good. Life.

Fireball Shots

A week night date night ...

     our most favorite band ever ...

              ... and Fireball shots.

Some nights are off the charts FUN!

Our favorite band Eskimo Brothers from Nashville made it to northeast Ohio for the first time ever and we had a week night, date night.

Honky tonk music filled the air and I had the best looking guy right next to me. Those lips. I look at them, I kiss them and after all this time I still cannot get enough of them. What a set of lips!

We are not drinkers, but some nights call for Fireball shots with my guy.

*To fun date nights with My Perfect ... cheers!*

Autumnesque

Just when you believe summer is as good as it gets ...

Autumn comes along in breathtaking, vibrant color and reminds us that God shows us beauty in all seasons. 

What fun He must have had giving us countless details in splashes of wild colors in leaves, flowers, animals and in us.