Boudoir

 

My boudoir photos are now all in and honestly, it's a memory that still thrills me. 

I am so, so, so happy I did this and I will forever be an advocate for women to do this for themselves. Absolutely do it for your significant other, but most of all, do it for YOU. For all those coming years where what you look like unclothed fades in your mind.

I was on a mission for a racy photoshoot and these are the only two photos I can share being least racy. My photographer took hundreds of photos and the selection I chose for my package had different looks to them. I didn't want similar poses in different outfits, although the poses were extensive. What I want to remember one day is a variety of looks capturing poses, outfits, makeup, and smirks. 

She did a video montage clipping together 7 second videos of my photoshoot experience, adding music to the video that gives a completely different look and feel to still photos. 

It was all things an intoxicating experience.

 

I Want Magic

 

A warm embrace, I sat across from him and thoughts were racing through my mind as he told me who he was. I had agreed to go on the date.

Checking off all the boxes on paper is fantastic, although I was slightly jolted he is much younger than I had expected. Not this time, but once upon a time... 

I believe a lot of people look to check the boxes off on paper. Find a great piece of paper, date until they grow on you, and voila, it's a relationship.

My mind takes me back to instant connections where something inside of me came so alive, I was like, "there you are, I've been looking for you."

I want magic.

In life and in love. 

My soul will find yours.

Kittens or a Husband

 

Sometimes my home feels too big for just me. A couple people in my life have encouraged me for months to get a pet to bring life, love, and affections inside my quiet home. 

There are many analogies... kinda like when several people start to ask you if you are feeling well, then suddenly you question if you feel well or not. 

So, I began to entertain the thought of a pet. At the mention of the thought of getting a cat, my sweet daughter, Brooke, was ON IT! Quite honestly, I admire her knowing me well and her research skills. At the end of the day, she nailed the most perfect little kitten, a Raggamuffin, from a breeder who is reasonably close by for the best price ever. A evening drive to select a kitten and I ended up putting deposits down on two. I blame the full moon, blue moon on Halloween. 

For the last two weeks, I have wavered from one extreme to the next each day. Each person I reached out to in order to support my cause that a pet really isn't for me, emphasized how good it would be for me. Even my Mariah, when I said, "Isn't Rowan allergic to cats?" Nope. 

Do you know what I like about a cat... when it's older, fixed, declawed, in routine, and knows my routine. The kitten phase is cute for a moment, but they are a lot of work, and they live for an average of 15 years. 

All this actually became a crossroad, which lead me to soul search. Do I really want a kitten or a husband? Go ahead, laugh! Yea, super extreme. A kitten is quick and easily attainable versus a husband when I've been single for 23 years. 

In all fairness sake, I just opened myself up to dating three months ago. Three years prior to that I wanted nothing to do with dating. At. All. 

It isn't like a light switch that goes easily off and on, I give great thought to every decision I make and it's me who has to be absolutely 500% ready. In the years I took off dating, those in my closest circle, said it was "time" to begin again off an on for years. It was three years until not only was I ready, but I really wanted it.

For the first time, since I can remember, I really want to be married. A kitten would have been a good bandaid for company in my home, but that's not what I want. I want a husband person. I say that in jest being light-hearted about it, but I do mean it. I want a husband and I want to be married. 

To those who believe a kitten is a more immediate option for me...

I have faith timing is everything. My time off dating was between God and I and I did not miss a blessing during that time. Perhaps I was made for such a time as this. 

My eyes are open and I know exactly what I want. Marriage isn't the goal, finding my perfect husband for me is. 

I told the breeder she can keep my deposit, I won't be getting the kittens. 

Light or Dark

 

I saw my boudoir photoshoot proofs last night. Several of the photos I couldn't believe was me. 

The thrill of the experience, what look do I want selecting my lingerie, the want of a good shot, the memory of the magic of being there still lingering in my mind... the proof on print.

She asked me, do you want these light or dark? Sharing she can make these light and airy or dark and sultry.

Ohhhh, let's go dark and sultry. A dark background with light emphasizing the curves and shape of a woman. Sultry makeup and bold lips. 

My package comes with a small book of my photos, where I custom selected the look of the book, choosing a Renaissance theme, and my favorite pose in metal wall art. 

He saw the gardens of her soul..

wild, unruly, and blooming like crazy.

And he fell in love with the scent of her survival.

Strength Training

 

One of my favorite things to do is attend the strength training classes at the gym. The instructor has a ton of energy and I started making friends my 1st day in class. Now it's fun to walk in and see familiar faces and chat. I love Monday and Thursday nights because of this.

The music is loud and I'm in my groove here. It's that pumping beat that pushes you harder and gives you the energy to keep up. The instructor shouting instruction into her headset so we can hear her, my muscles burning and my hair is damp from sweat. It feels amazing! 

For one hour we use body bars, free weights, an aerobic step, and resistance bands. 

Imagine my shock as I walk into class tonight and see a sign on the door stating group classes are cancelled effective tomorrow, because of the Governor. Are you flipping kidding?! 

We exchanged numbers so we can stay in communication and the instructor is willing to live stream classes for us until we get back together again, as well as meet with us one on one. 

I feel great and I am not losing momentum. 

Roses & DNA

 

It was after my blog post yesterday I was thinking about my grandmother's roses that lined her property since forever. Her yard always beautiful; in fact, her yard won an award one year, thanks to my Grampy who kept it meticulous. 

My mom prefers all things green, no flowers needed. 

Skip a generation to me and my yard blooms by the week and my home décor floral and feminine. I wonder one day if my Sofia will love flowers, too.

My other grandmother, Julia Ann Rose, the rose was her signature flower. She loved pretty floral things, especially roses.

Perhaps my love for flowers and appreciation for roses is in my DNA.

"Let us live like flowers

wild and beautiful

and drenched in the sun"

The Fragrance of a Rose

 

A few weeks ago, very late in the season, I bought and planted rose bushes along the little picket fence in front of my home. They are so pretty and give me so much pleasure.

There is something so elegant about a rose. 

Thorns, so subtle and hidden, planting them was painful. In fact, I looked like I was in a cat fight from the scratches. Yet, I would do it again, because at the end of those long thorny stems, you are rewarded with a flower of great beauty and intoxicating fragrance. 

While most of the leaves have fallen and the scent of autumn is in the air, I have one rose that has bloomed well, while all the other roses are ready to drop their petals. I've been watching this rose for days and every day I go out and smell it's fragrance. It's beautiful and alive while everything else is fading. 

It's scent seems more fragrant, because it isn't competing with the splendor of spring in bloom. In autumn, it's scent is magnificent, because it has outlasted the other flowers. 

My Japanese Maple tree has dropped almost all it's leaves, which has left a beautiful red hue over my flower bed. Two days ago, it stood vibrant in the sunshine. It was so pretty, I stopped in my car and captured it. 

I notice details that give me pleasure and that one rose that is holding on. In full admiration, I breathed in it's scent when it arrived home from work. 

In my days of pleasure enjoying this one flower, I haven't given the thorns a single thought. I felt their prickles in my skins in the planting process, but now... it's the flowers that are produced that has made it totally worth it.

"She wore roses in her hair 

and dreamed of the one not afraid of thorns."