New Season. Chapter One.

New season.

        New year.

               Chapter one.

Life is transitioning and both of my feet are now in the beginning of a new season, not just the new year. 

I feel the change in myself more so than the change in the seasons of life that forever changes. 

The old me has learned many life lessons and the new me will make mistakes because we are imperfect this side of heaven, but I always, always give everything in life my very best. And, I believe that heart and mindset, seen by God, allows the blessings and favor to fall like a soft rain and transforms our hearts and minds.

That's where I am at. 

In the beginning of a new season and a new year.

Chapter one. 

 

2017, I Welcome You!

Thank you, God! I am a numbers person and I do not like the number 6 and I didn't like 2016.

My favorite number are 7 and 8. You know what that means? 2017 and 2018.

My Mariah's heart bursting in gratefulness acknowledging what a wonderful year she has had and she's happy. What more can a mom want.

My Brooke spending New Year's Eve with Alex at his home with his family had her in nervous excitement all day. I was proud of her when she asked on her own what she could bring, she said she wouldn't show up without a dish. She went to the store, bought and baked brownies. You see, this was her first New Year's Eve out and she couldn't wait for her first New Year's Eve kiss. She prepared herself all day.

Me, I prayed for a wonderful New Year's Eve.

Saying goodbye to 2016 and welcoming 2017 was really important to me.

I slipped into a bath with a wonderful bath bomb Mariah & Jeremy bought me. A candle, a dish of chocolates and a sweet tea ... the bath bomb fizzed into a wonderful aroma leaving flower petals floating on the water.

It's fun to prepare for a date.

Fresh paint on my nails, an off the shoulder top with strappy high heels, jewelry that sparkles, it was just some wild curls that couldn't be contained and I had to go with an up hair style.

David arrived looking handsome in his sexy jeans and a new white shirt, watch and shoes matching. He is so handsome.

We decided to stop for a beverage before dinner. I enjoyed a beautiful presentation of Christmas Sangria and he loved his Salted Caramel Mocha Martini with a caramel and pretzel rim. It really was delicious.

We went to our favorite local restaurant for sushi. The most perfect bites of heaven, to this day I believe it is quite possibly my favorite food. Our most favorite.

Flirty and affectionate is a chemistry reaction to wonderful. I was expecting fireworks at home and it turns out it was an evening filled with spontaneity.

The evening ahead of us, we stopped at a local sports bar to catch part of the OSU game and played a few games of pool. 

There is something about watching his intensity of breaking the rack that I find intoxicating ...

We came home and started watching a new series, Nashville. We like to have a go to show to watch during winter months when it is cold and dark early and we both like doing marathons when there is nothing going on.

Playing with Finn & Max, watching the ball drop and sipping wine, I am grateful for love. For choosing love in my most perfect place, my lips against his welcoming 2017.

My Blog into a Book ... For My Girls

When Brooke's dad died six years ago, I worried if anything happened to me, they may forget the little details of our lives, so I began this blog.

I laugh when I remember so vividly wondering, will I have enough to say and write about?

Life provides countless memories and endless stories. It captures funny moments, falling in love, broken hearts, friendship, family, tragedy and triumph.

After six years, I've often feared, what if something happened to this blog site? What if it goes down and I lose all these memories? So for Christmas, I turned this blog into a book ... for my girls.

It took days. I'm guessing about seven hours of cleaning up spacing and reducing photo sizes condensing their books into the final 762 pages!!

I learned that Mariah follows my blog almost daily. I had no idea.

I learned Brooke was curious about my blog, but never knew the website.

Brooke shared with me yesterday there were so many things she didn't remember. So many things that she didn't know. I knew that. She was a little girl, just turning 11 when her dad passed. That is why I captured her memories. So one day, now she is older, she knows I did everything in my mommy powers to cover and protect her.

This blog is for my girls. It is our lives raw and real. It is me as a mom, but me as a woman as well.

I don't want them ever to forget and to always knows I love them and did my very best.

Glam-ma!

I am going to be a grandma, thank you God!

These words are so wonderful to say and it was a terribly hard secret to keep until Christmas Day.

My Mariah is 8-weeks pregnant. My grandbaby (so surreal) is developing and it has been a joy going to their first doctors appointment, seeing her nauseous (only because it is such a symptom of being pregnant), her being exhausted, and eating like crazy because she never feels full.

Oh, the joys of pregnancy!

I loved being pregnant. Watching my daughter experience this new season in life is a whole new season in life for me, too. And, I am so ready.

Some grandmas are wrinkled and clad in polyester, I still have no wrinkles or crows feet and still live for adventure.

This Grandma is a Glam-ma and I fully intend to take what can seem as a being a grandma as ordinary to extraordinary!

Due Date:  August 7, 2017

A Time of Reflection

It's Christmas Eve and I get to do devotions to everyone who walks through our doors hungry. I get to tell them about Jesus birth, the very reason the world is about to celebrate Christmas Day. This is a moment that lasts between 5-10 minutes and I send prayers up to God I convey what He wants these hearts to hear.

It all goes by so fast. Hopes and dreams and preparation and voila it's Christmas Eve morning.

Excitement is in the air and all the final touches are about to unfold in family, food, and celebration.

Ahhhhh ... the end of 2016. Goodbye, farewell, so glad you are almost completely over.

Keeping my eyes on my blessings, I think of my daughter's beautiful wedding and the gift of seeing her life happy and so in love with her husband and me, blessed with a son-in-law.

I look across my home and I see a beautiful new living room set that I waited far too many years to get. New carpet that refresh's my home and the gift of a new bathroom that complements the rest of my house.

In the beginning of winter and snow, I am so grateful for my Jeep Grand Cherokee that makes it like a champ up my driveway. And, for that automatic start button that warms is a most wonderful touch.

Mariah's marriage opened more space in my home and I am loving my new office/prayer room that has afforded me space to work from home one day a week.

This home was bought as a temporary transition over 13 years ago. Every year I have believed it wouldn't be much longer. Transformed, room by room, and much labor in my yard that blooms so beautifully each summer, this home has transformed into a perfect reflection of me. Comfortable and perfect, I decided to stay and refinance.

Saving a small fortune each month, I am excited to begin a remodel of my kitchen and dining room.

Sweet little Maximus, the new furry little addition to our family and home. Happy, playful, with the sweetest little disposition, Max is an absolute purr box!

Finn has a whole new purpose now, to watch over Max. It took a bit of adjusting, but he has taken a paternal role with him and he isn't as lonely throughout the day. He has definitely stayed off of Piggy, his stuff animal he used to spend all day on!

This next year Brooke also turns 18, I am on the homestretch.

New favorite places, a new hobby that occupies my time and my eyes set on goals I have let go of far too long. I am welcoming 2017 with open arms, hopes and dreams.

A grand production is about to begin, Merry Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

New Bathroom Reveal

My new fixtures in and put up, my mom and dad home for Christmas, all my family came over for the reveal of my beautiful new Christmas bathroom!

Ohhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh!

I call it my Christmas bathroom because it is my gift from Jeremy & Mariah and my mom and dad.

So beautiful and so perfect, I find myself standing in the doorway several times a day in awe at the pieces parts, colors and themes that pulled together far better than I originally imagined.

6 Years Post Suicide

Six years later I am still dealing with the aftermath of my daughters dad's suicide before Christmas.

I say that because the aftermath does indeed linger for those who were directly affected by such a selfish act during a bad season of life for him that has become lifelong hurt for everyone else.

Truly, I am grateful it is six years later on this awful suicide anniversary date.

This is the first year I am fine and grief doesn't wear on me like a heavy blanket. I acknowledge this date and am on stand-by for Brooke should she need me, it's been on the back of my mind keeping an eye on her as this date is filled with tragic memories.

Keith actually died on December 17th, but his body was found on the 19th so the Health Department has his death date the 19th. I recognize it the 17th.

Brooke and I went for a delicious dinner at a new restaurant we have never been to, then as the Christmas music filled the car, we drove looking at Christmas lights. I always do little things in celebration without saying why, so if/when they ask, I can say this is how we did something special that day.

I look back over the last six years filled with pain for our daughter and every little detail I've had to endure because of him and all I see is a scar. The wound is healed, the pain has passed, but I see a scar that said a deep wound happened, but it doesn't hurt anymore.

Time heals.

Alex took today off work to spend the day with Brooke to make it special. She is excited for today. A day with him because the thoughtful act does make her feel special.

We've made it through another December 19th.