To Every Thing There Is a Season

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

When I turned 35 years old, I had 16 years of experience working in the medical field. Even though I had reached my capacity without going clinical, I was in a very good place, yet ready for a complete and total change. I left.

I do not regret my decision and embraced a completely new field of employment in education which more than doubled my salary, opened many doors of opportunities and new relationships.

That was almost 7 years ago. Here I am, again.

I am awaiting a cue to enter a new season in life.

I am ready for change in a moment’s notice.

I need it, welcome it.

I am romanticizing a new place, a fresh beginning in an oceanfront setting in a simple job, travel and touristy. A quaint coffee shop where people from all over the world walks through the door. Sunshine. Warmth. Oceanfront.

A move?  A new job?  A new career?

Change doesn’t scare me.  I am in a good place where I welcome it.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

New beginnings, I am ready and I embrace you.

Double-pierced

When I was a teen, I had my one ear double-pierced.

So many have asked me 'why' through the years and I don't have an answer. I simply wanted just one ear doubled-pierced, not two.

Decades ago, my ex-husband when we were dating bought me a very nice diamond for that special piercing.

Last night our daughter had her one ear double-pierced, too.

She, like me, just wanted one ear done. Sometimes there isn't a reason; however, she is me in so many ways.

Brooke was called for a sleepover at her friends house, which made last night the perfect night for the sushi celebration for good grades and date night with Mariah. We love sushi and we love sharing sushi together.

Mariah text Eric to see if he is okay with her getting her one ear double-pierced. He replies "okay." She is always concerned what we both think, so I called him verifying that Mariah has talked for a long time about wanting to get the 2nd piercing. He was fine with it.

I tell them both that I am giving Mariah the diamond he gave me that has only ever been taken out for surgeries.  Eric was pleased, he remembered.

We had such a fun evening! Sushi, her ear pierced, browsing the mall together looking at belly rings, ice cream at Menchies then home for a Modern Family marathon with Season 1.

A quality evening with my quality girl.

One-on-one time with my girls is so important and they both love their individual time. Mariah shares every detail of her life with me. Mostly TMI stuff with Mike. I never over-react and stay naturally calm because I know where she is with him. There are no mom-filters when it comes to her sharing. I love that about our relationship.

Here is your diamond, baby girl. It was from your daddy.

"I Do!"

I am on the elliptical this evening when Mariah came down stairs to ask me what her text "I do!" means from Papa.  Seconds later, Brooke shouts for me.  She received a text from Papa that read, "I do!"

Just getting off the elliptical, I knew there would be a text for me and there was, "I do!"

When I was a very little girl, my dad would always say, "I love you!"  Being so little I would say back to him "I do! I do!"  It means I love you, too!

My dad was a wonderful daddy and wonderful daddy's make amazing Papa's.

Every morning all three of our cell phones chime with good morning text messages. Our day doesn't end without another sweet message from Papa, my dad.

He is such a good man and we love him!

"I'm Going To Harvard!"

Okay, maybe not.

“I’m going to Harvard! I’m going to Harvard!”  My very pleased with her self Mariah was chanting as she proudly displayed her report card last night.

I won’t post her GPA, but let’s just say, it is better than last year, but not close to scholarship worthy.  It was, however, better than Brooke’s GPA which was a 1^st for Mariah.

Brooke is naturally very bright. She doesn’t study, and does bare necessity to get natural A’s and B’s. This year has been a bit tough though. Brooke, very much like me, holds very high standards for herself. I have softened & buffered the moments this year when she doesn’t do well on a paper. Nobody is harder on Brooke than Brooke, so my job is to put it into perspective so stress doesn’t consume her.

I understand Brooke. Recently I dropped a course after a couple weeks into it because a professor gave me a 90% on a paper.  Infuriated, I proposed a strong argument to the university who allowed me to transfer my course to a new instructor at no cost. I ‘get’ Brooke. I ‘get’ less than an A is not acceptable, but those are standards I only hold for myself.

Mariah on the other hand has strengths in many other areas.

Academically, not so much; however, Mariah is breezing through Child Development while the rest of her class is struggling. Mariah has an amazing heart and her area’s of strength have been carefully watched and admired by this mom. J  I also take my own moment of pride & credit in the fact that she was raised well and learned first-hand.

Brooke has only one class she is not doing well in, the others are natural A’s & B’s. I hush Mariah’s ‘happy dance’ moment due to Brooke raging at her own shortcoming this grading period.

Mariah deserves her moment of glory and I will take her for sushi to celebrate this life’s celebration-worthy moment.

What has been a neat observance from my viewpoint is Eric’s new-found attitude with Mariah’s grades. Once upon a time he went nuts with her grades, threats made every grading period. Now, grades have lost their powers when it comes to the overall grand picture in life.  Grades are important, yes. In the face of death, they don’t matter.  Grades are put into perspective thanks to Lou Gehrig’s.

As parents, we know our children’s strengths and weaknesses. It is our job to encourage them to be their very best in life, but I would rather my Mariah excel in child development naturally and be an amazing mom to my grandchildren, then high pressure her to excel in every class when her happiness lies in her natural athletic abilities, natural tendencies with child development and her loving and happy heart.

Will her GPA make it to Harvard?  No.

Will she give my grandchildren a Harvard quality upbringing?  Absolutely!  

Congratulations Mariah for getting your GPA up and a high-five for beating easy-A Brooke this grading period!

A Moment of Fun

I am in a season in life where I work non-stop and hard yet sometimes it feels it doesn’t pay off.

My hectic job that I enjoy, I am finding no more enjoyment in. Maintaining 100% in my Life Science course, but just going through the motions. There is always a chore to be done to run a household, which normally gives me satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment, that I now look at as endless. My girls always need something, because kids do.

I am empty.

Sometimes it takes very little to give a heart a lift.

I have had plans for weeks to go out with friends last night. A winter snow storm threatened everyone to stay in … not a chance! I needed a night out, a moment of fun.

There are three things that I accomplished in my moment of fun:

I have a very thankful heart for fun & fantastic girlfriends!

Last night I had the most fun letting go and looking completely ridiculous dancing with my new friend, Luka. There are therapeutic powers to letting go and embracing a moment of fun! He will never know how much I appreciate his carefree and fun personality. It was permission to dance, twirl, laugh and be completely carefree for hours.

Then, my heart that felt empty started to fill up again ... I have crush. A crush on a boy named Miro who is the most refreshing breath of fresh air I have found in years. Bosnian made, American approved! I smile when I hear from him, but what are these fireworks that go off inside me every time he is in my presence?  He is so incredibly sexy, that accent …magical! Smart, confident, sweet, thoughtful, responsible, kind, funny, witty, masculine … I can go on. I deeply adore him!

Life is tough sometimes and sometimes the heart needs a lift. I am thankful for even just a moment of fun.

Mission Accomplished!

One year later, with one tragedy behind us and another approaching, Brooke had her 1^st counseling session.

This private session took an interesting twist in conversation at one point with a unique answer to what was supposed to be a common question.

Brooke was presented the question, “Do you fear losing your mom?”

A very matter of fact Brooke doesn’t skip a beat and very honestly says, “No.” She was given comforting words from her counselor, “It is a very common fear in children, as well as adults, that when one parent dies most fear losing the other.”

“My mom is very healthy, she doesn’t drink or smoke,” Brooke provides a very candid supporting answer.

Thatta girl, mission accomplished!

I have planted seeds in both my girls since they were little with many thoughts:

I love them more than anything in this whole world.

There are no secrets from mom.

            I can handle any situation.

            There is no place they can go that I will not come after them.

I will trust them until they invite me to play in their sand box.

I will run to the battle line on their behalf.

To never start a fight but that they may finish it.

The list goes on.

It is the very comfort I have from my own dad to know he loves me more than anything, while also instilling the most fear in me. My dad is a rock in my life. He is unconditional love and security.

In the face of her daddy’s death, Brooke doesn’t have the least bit of fear in losing me. I am a mighty force in her mind. The exact comfort of love and security I want them to embrace.

Mission accomplished.

A Sick Sense of Humor

Eric and I have enjoyed immensely sharing a sick sense of humor, often at each others expense.

Recently, Michael has been telling Mariah that he wants to ask her dad for her hand in marriage before he loses his ability to speak.  Not to get married right away, but for after college when they are both old enough. A *huge hug* for Michael’s sweet heart. I do adore that boy!

Michael is also afraid of Eric not appreciating his request.  I tell Mariah to wait until her dad can no longer talk and have Michael ask him then! To tell Eric to blink once for “yes” and not to blink at all for “no” … then blow in his eyes! J

It sounds mean, but there is only one person who will appreciate that, it’s Eric. He laughed when Mariah told him. Mariah doesn’t fully appreciate the sick sense of humor we share.

I’m not the only one.

Mariah was two years old when we divorced. When I would call over to his house to talk to Mariah, he would shout in the background for Mariah to stop playing with the knives and come talk to me. He thought he was funny.

Then came the holidays, Eric would ask every year what I was going to get him. His gift ideas varied year-to-year with a common theme:  One year it was a one-way ticket to Afghanistan, then, there was the one-way flight on a suicide bomber. He always had some sort of get-rid-of-Dawn gift ideas up his sleeve, too.

Ahhhh, the years of attending sport banquets or being at places together for Mariah were we would dine together. I would smile and tell him to enjoy his dinner, that he may start to feel drowsy, but to just go with it, go to the light. I especially had fun at his expense when handing him a beverage, “You may get very sleepy.”

It is like unlike anything that I can describe to have been married, divorced and share a lifetime raising a child learning to team parent out of love for Mariah, then to be blindsided that a disease will take his life far too soon. 

Eric wants things to remain as normal as possible. So I will continue to be me with him and he will continue with his sense of humor with me.

We had a conversation recently on our cell phones. Seconds went by and I couldn’t hear him, so I asked if he was there?  He replied, “I was in a dead zone.” Others don’t find it funny, but I thought that was a great comeback!

In the end, we have learned to raise a child together and team parent like champs.

We have learned to let bygones be bygones and cry together through needed conversations.

We have learned to keep our humor for the sake of remaining normal.