May 16th

Last night I was checking my messages before I turned off the lights to go to bed.

The date on my BlackBerry reflects May 16^th. Hmmm, that date is familiar. A birthday? Why does this date remind me that it has significance?

May 16, 1997, the day Keith and I met.  We met fourteen years ago.

Fast forward 14 years … it has been almost five months since Keith’s death.

Debbie called me sobbing last night. The Lambert’s are loading up their van of Keith’s possessions from Keith & Debbie’s condo to take back to Indiana and they are trying to take the train set.

Keith had a train set that runs around the Christmas tree that Brooke has loved since she was a little girl. A Christmas memory she cherished with her daddy.  Debbie has promised this to Brooke and the Lambert’s want to take everything and not share.

Debbie runs to the battle line for Brooke. Emotions run high, all heck breaks loose! Emotional phone calls placed, needed heart-to-heart conversations, the train set has been left behind for Brooke.

My how things change.

Debbie and I bonding.  Debbie and I battling together on behalf of Brooke.

Once upon a time, Debbie and I used to be at war and I do not use that term lightly.

Life changes.

Keith and I met May 16^th on a dance floor. I can’t help but think of yesterday when I heard Shania’s song in the car that took me back to being on a dance floor with him.

Were his presence which was felt so strongly and the song that took me down memory lane to being on a dance floor with him a coincidence or a sign? 

After all, it was May 16^th.

You're Still The One

Brooke’s grandparents and Debbie came to our home for a visit yesterday afternoon.

Her grandparents are in town looking for “clues” to her daddy’s suicide and taking more of his worldly possessions back to Indiana.

It was a pleasant visit.

There was definitely an elephant in the room with the Lambert’s telling stories of Keith’s sisters when they were little with no mention of Keith.

No tears this visit. A welcomed milestone. Everyone stayed on neutral subjects.

To be totally honest, I am so aggravated at the whole situation. The Lambert’s have made a couple trips now to town to gather Keith’s worldly possessions to hoard at their home.

Brooke has yet to be given anything of her dad’s by his family.

Brooke has her things from her daddy’s house, but nothing of Keith’s, other than his red ring that Roann gave to her. The one item she truly wanted.

I am Brooke’s advocate.  

I am the one she will ask when she is older, what did she get that was her dads?

While these visits go smoothly, it is a painful reminder for everyone.

I am still really salty with the Lambert’s this morning as I am driving into work. What timeframe is fair?  How much do I push and advocate on behalf of Brooke?  They are old and she was his daughter. Brooke was Keith’s only family in Ohio. Brooke was the one he saw every other weekend. She lost her daddy at 11 years old.

On the radio a song begins to play. A warm and familiar tune, before the words are even sung, memories take me from driving up 77 North to back in time to the dance floor at The Bomber … dancing, loving life and in love …

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

A song I haven’t heard in years fills my car and fresh tears release me of anger and resentment. I feel Keith’s presence as if he is talking to me and asking me to please forgive out of love.  

Several times since his death I have felt Keith’s presence strongly.

My dad called me one night from Florida and said he felt Keith’s presence strongly twice when Brooke was in Florida with them for Spring Break.  

Some things in life do not have logical explanations, but you believe in them because they simply happen.

Stripping My Gears

Patience is a virtue.

Virtue is to be deemed morally excellent. Moral values. The foundation of principles. It all sounds very nice.

How about when you don’t feel morally excellent? 

A realistic quote, “Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.”

I feel like stripping my gears. 

I am idling and waiting for a breakthrough to happen. I want to step on the clutch, shift hard into 1^st gear, drive hard and drive fast.

Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength.

I’m sitting still, concentrating and trying very hard to do all the right things. My resolve is slipping.

Concentrated strength is to intensify. Make stronger, make purer.

Holy Spirit … 911!

Planting In The Right Ground

I have always said “the grass is not greener on the other side, it is greener where you water and fertilize it.”  That’s easy enough, but do we know if we are in the right ground though?  

Seasons change. Jobs change. Life changes. We change.

I am always assessing if I am where I am supposed to be for a most extraordinary life. 

Notice I said “I” am always assessing, a bad habit on my part. It is me taking full control. Keeping God on a shelf for when I need Him. Pondering and planning my perfect future while forgetting to ask the One who can do extraordinary a bzillion times better than me!

I have learned to rely on God in so many areas of my life. I am also guilty of giving him a break and handling life myself. That’s where the worry and doubt sets in.

Why do I ponder when I have a God who lavishly loves and supernaturally blesses me?

“If it’s big enough to worry about, it’s big enough to pray about.”

Being where I am supposed to be in life has been on my mind a lot this week. My very attentive Magical Highlighter already knew this and sent me a reminder, to ask Him …

Joel Osteen writes:

God has given you everything you need to do what He’s called you to do in this life. He has equipped you to be successful and has empowered you to overcome in this life. He’s given you seed to sow in order to have an abundant harvest in your future. You have what it takes!

God has placed seed in your hand today, but in order for that seed to produce, it has to be planted. It has to be watered. It has to be fertilized. Today, ask God to show you where to plant your seed. Make sure you are sowing in the right ground and tending to the seed He has given you. Remember, God has a good plan for your future. He has plans to bless you and increase you.

Off-Season Training

Thankfully and restfully I am in off-season. 

Ahhhhh … summer is near! Life is in bloom. My windows are open. I am enjoying walks at night. The promise of summer fun is only weeks away.

As life is blossoming with me, I reflect back over the long and cold winter. A blessing in disguise. A perfect storm on purpose.

I quickly learn the intense in-season training of being still. The same training, now a part of my daily life is my balance during this off-season.

Simply another choice we are given in life.

Glynnis Whitwer writes:
The temperature was pushing 100° Fahrenheit on that hot summer evening. Golden sunshine tinted the trees and shadows lengthened, as the lone runner caught my eye. He looked like one of the high school boys on my sons' wrestling team. But what was he doing running now?

With wrestling season still months away, his dedication to training impressed me. Training in-season is common; training off-season, rare. And yet the off-season warriors consistently push themselves to their personal best, out-performing those who begin training in-season.

Readiness characterizes these highly trained athletes. They are ready at a moment's notice to face the next opponent. Seldom surprised, they move with grace and assurance. Their discipline pays off when needed most.

I've watched this same principle lived out in the lives of godly men and women I've known. They apply themselves to spiritual training, are committed to learning God's Word, and pursue a life of faith. Day in and day out, they discipline their minds and hearts to stay in alignment with the truth. They strengthen their devotion to Christ in spite of circumstances. They take false thoughts captive.

Then, when they least expect it, their training is called into action.

There's usually no warning. It's a phone call. A medical test. An email. In an instant, their "opponent" is raging. Fear, grief and despair threaten. But they aren't overwhelmed.

Shaken? Maybe. But not devastated.

These past few years I've faced events that have shaken me. From losing our savings due to the economy to having kids make choices far from how they were raised, life has rocked me a few times. I've faced things I never thought I would face, and no one gave me a map to navigate the details of these circumstances.

In the darkness of these times, I've held on to what I know to be true in the light. When my flesh wanted to panic and run screaming, God's truth told me He will provide. When I wanted to despair that I'd lost my child forever, God's wisdom reminded me that everyone sins. Without training, I'd have collapsed on the floor in a confused puddle of fear.

Being a woman of faith is easy when life is smooth. It's easy to love others, be a good steward and make wise decisions when everything is going great. It's when there's no warning and a storm hits that we need to be well-trained.

No one can do this for us. We are the only ones who can study God's Word. We are the only ones who can push through a dry season and spend time in prayer. We do this in-season (when circumstances are rough) and off-season (when circumstances are smooth), so that when the battles of life strike, we are ready.

The good news is you can start your training today and when you face a battle, this discipline and training will pay off in peace, confidence and joy in spite of your circumstances.

Opposites

My Mariah is a natural, all-star athlete. That would make her polar opposite sister, my Brooke, not at all athletic.

To fully understand their extreme differences, allow me to explain Sports Day and braces. 

Sports Day in elementary school is an entire day dedicated to outdoor athletic competitions with every grade level in the whole school. 

Mariah brings home either a 1^st, 2^nd, and 3^rd place ribbon in every event she participates in. Brooke on the other hand, dreads Sports Day with such a passion, that she works herself into feeling “too hot” before the day begins.  Brooke prefers to lay down in the nurse’s lounge during the events.

Mariah is also very accident prone.  I believe we have counted up to 9 casts for broken bones.  I didn’t realize until this very week what high level of pain tolerance Mariah truly has.  Many of these ER visits were questionable. She hurt, but she handled pain so well that we never knew if it was serious or not until xray’s were taken.

What brought me to this conclusion this week was Brooke.  Brooke had her braces put on one week ago.  Braces. The common denominator of most kids her age. 

Day 1:  By the end of the day Brooke’s mouth ached. We have Advil.

Day 2:  In tears, “Mom, please take these off.  I don’t want braces anymore!” I don’t sleep.  Pain meds are not enough for Brooke and I wake up no less than 30 times all night with her.

Day 3:  I’m exhausted at work, my eyes burn and my colleagues continue to ask if I feel okay.  Brooke hates her braces. Her lips are swollen.  Her teeth hurt.  And, I believe those thick strings are baby orajel connecting her lips from putting it on a little too thick. “Brooke, you have too much on honey.” Tears. Desperation. “My mouth hurts!”

Thank God in heaven that Brooke is spending the night at Grammy & Papa’s house!

Day 4:  “Mom, how did Brooke do last night?” I think I will cut and paste Day 2’s night right here. It was just as ugly. Brooke is becoming increasingly difficult.  

I find I am not as compassionate to her pain anymore. I’m tired and I need to sleep, so does Brooke.  Ding, ding, ding … Nyquil has pain medicine in it!   

Day 5:  “Brooke, how did you sleep honey?”  “I slept fine, didn’t wake up at all!” 

I call the orthodontist office and explain that Brooke has a significantly lower pain tolerance than everyone else in this world and I need something to help! Yes, my Mariah pulled through like a champ, but this is Brooke. The opposite.

They have an emergency bag of supplies at the desk when I swing by including a mouth guard that will go between her lips and teeth, top and bottom, with an air hole to breathe.

She has to wear braces for a couple of years and I believe they tighten the braces every month or so.  Tighten away, I am now ready!

Blond, brunette.  Hazel eyes, brown eyes.  Pink skin tone, olive skin tone.  Athletic, musical & artistic.  High pain tolerance, no pain tolerance.  Narrow, curvy. My girls, opposites in so many ways.

Springtime Walk in the Park

I stopped by Starbuck’s and picked up a Caffe Mocha for my springtime walk in the park Sunday afternoon.

A break in the rain. A needed walk alone.

As I was walking, I was watching all the busyness. Kids on the playground, a couple feeding the ducks by the pond, a dad hitting baseballs to his son and daughter, three teens playing basketball and couples walking.

Then the cutest thing happened … a couple with their little boy about 3 years old raced to the wooden bridge over a brook. Both the parents were winded, Dad crossed the finish line first, then mom.  The little boy reached the bridge, bent over and put his hands on his knees to breathe and decided to lie down. Mom was trying to pick up a very limp and worn our little boy, all I could do was laugh! 

Ahhhh … fond memories of the limp routine. It has been many years since my girls have gone limp on the ground. Mariah when she was little, she didn’t like to put her winter coat on would lie on the floor with her arms spread, limp and making it impossible to dress her. Brooke’s first day in kindergarten she hopped out of the car and fell backwards, laying on the ground from the weight of her backpack on her back. Only her lunch was in it and it couldn’t have weighed more than a pound. So ridiculous that I will never forget it and it still brings a smile to me.

I am enjoying my walk and I came up on the most beautiful tree that looked like cotton candy! 

I wish I had taken a picture; however, I found a picture so you can follow me here.  I know have a new favorite spring tree, a pink weeping cherry tree!  A must have for my home.

It was breathtaking! I love finding new favorites.

Then I walked up on two duck families.  The first family had the male and female with their baby ducklings. Both male and female standing still protecting their young while walkers passed by. The second family was a bit different.  A female, single mom duck with quite the team of ducklings behind her is moving quickly on a mission to get somewhere.  They approach the brook, momma duck goes in first. Baby ducklings, in a natural, single line formation follow the momma duck into the water. Momma duck does one quick turn of her head to ensure all of her babies are with her and swiftly swims off. Good job momma duck!

I find that I am lost in my own thoughts and see a park bench, a great view of a park in springtime. An old game I used to do with my girls, I would tell them to close their eyes and tell me everything they hear. When you close your eyes, you hear sounds that you didn’t hear beforehand. Sounds you don’t catch when your eyes are open.

 A springtime walk. Life bursting in bloom and in cotton candy splendor! Make time for a walk in a park.