Tiki Hut

It may be getting too cool outside for pool season, but the Tiki Hut is finally finished and I am thinking grilled shish kabobs and me behind the tiki bar making drinks with beach side ambiance.

Next summer, this will be a lot of fun!

An Empty Nest

Their application already submitted, Brooke & Alex were approved to toured the apartment they spent so much time searching for. I'm glad they took their time, because they found a nice place in the community she grew up in, an excellent price, pet friendly, 2 bedrooms, and a top floor. Just what she wanted.

Me, I cannot believe it. I feel like my whole life I've raised my girls and I think of Brooke's challenging years when I held on barely by a thread and dreamed of the day she would just be happy and just move out.

She did find her happiness. Brooke absolutely loves Alex and quite honestly, they are perfect for one another. When she is with him, she is happiest and full of life.

I think of her only turning 19 years old and a part of me thinks she is far too young for this big step in life, then I think of her genuine happiness and I know she will go from missing him when he is not with her, to venting how frustrating it is to live with him; yet, she wouldn't want it any other way.

Just as she has become pleasant to live with and a friend, a part of me told her she doesn't have to move, she can stay until they get married. "Mom, I really want this and I'm ready for this" and me, I catch my breath. Where did the years go?

Their apartment will be ready in two weeks.

I thank God she has reached this place in her life and I certainly don't feel like the commercials I always claimed I would be where the parents were pretending to be sad while secretly excitedly planning home renovations.

I feel as if I did it. I raised my girls and walked through hell with my daughter for years until she made it safely through and God love her, she made it.

My little birdie is ready to fly.

Hello Autumn

I am uncertain if summer or autumn is my favorite season. Is it the warmth of summer after a frozen winter or is it the cool crisp air of autumns splendor after a hot summer?

Splashes of orange and shades of yellow mum's grace my balcony with a classic white pumpkin. Subtle hues of autumn decor throughout my home bring the promise of cooler nights, sweaters, pumpkins and spice.

I confess, I love that it gets dark earlier, an excuse to slow down. It also means its Netflix season, outdoor art shows, maple cookies, Thanksgiving, and blink it's Christmas.

Just when I thought I couldn't love my balcony more on a summer day, I love it as much welcoming on a cool evening with a mug of hot spiced cider.

Hello autumn.

A Heart Attack

It was a normal morning when I missed a phone call that someone was in an ambulance heading to the hospital. I remember in my mind I couldn't stop thinking, who? It didn't matter which parent it was, but which one, my mom or dad?

My mom had a heart attack.

Grateful I was ready to run out the door anyway, I was able to make it to the hospital in 10 minutes. Making a couple phone calls and a quick post on Facebook, the seed was planted and family and friends were notified and praying locally and across the country.

Heart attacks are blindsiding in general. My moms side has always been cancer and she has had a couple close calls through the years, my dad and his side is heart issues. For my mom to have a heart attack it was plain and simply confusing.

She doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, eats healthy and exercises.

It was a day of a roller coaster emotions.

I could hear in the room next to us in ER a nurse calling a patient by her name. As she said it over and over, I could hear her become more panicked before they called a Code Blue. Doctors and nurses rushing through the hall, family members crying and calling loved ones and all I could think about was the stories of people near death as they see angels.

Standing in the door way of my moms room in ER, as if I was a force to be reckoned with so there was no confusion, there would be no angels coming into my moms room today. The sounds of the medical team fill the room next to us, the family frantic, my brother a minister, slips out the door and I follow behind him. He asked if he could pray with the family. We stood in a circle and prayed.

We believe in the power of prayer. The woman pulled through and is alive.

About 8 hours in ER before she was taken to CCU made for a long day. In the midst of so many phone calls, I text the CEO of the hospital that I was there in ER. It has been about a year since I have seen him last and it made my parents feel good he stopped into ER to meet them.

In fact, he text me every day and stopped in every day to check on my mom. The Executive Director in Cardiology came in the room and said, "Who's Dawn?" I said, "That's me." He got a call from the CEO.

With tons of attention, extra special care directed from the top of the tops: God, a Harvard leading physician in Cardiology in a top cardiology hospital in the USA, and a CEO making daily visits, my mom is in the best of the best hands.

So many emotions.

At one point we were in CCU as she was getting an ultrasound of her heart and we were all standing and watching. I could feel my chest tighten (breathe), it has been only weeks since the last time I was watching an ultrasound for my 2nd grandchild and my heart was broken. It certainly wasn't the next ultrasound I was expecting to see weeks later, my moms heart in CCU. So many thoughts raced through my mind all day.

Yesterday was her heart cath and I laughed as she was being wheeled out of cath on her bed eating chocolate. She was hungry and a nurse slipped her a piece of chocolate. Her heart cath came back her heart is completely open, no blockages, no stents needed, and she has the heart of a 40 year old. Hallelujah!

She feels great and they are still keeping her in CCU. Something caused her to have a heart attack and today they continue to run a series of tests, ultrasounds, cat scans, etc. to rule out any other possible reason before they send her home.

Perhaps, they won't find anything. We believe in the power of prayer and if she's healed, she healed.

I smile in wonder if all this extra testing is standard protocol or directives from the top. Somehow it feels as if no stone is being left un-turned and I certainly appreciate it.

Differences

As a momma ... I cleaned my home constantly. Always on the move, always cooking, always cleaning, routine, routine, routine. Fingerprints, gone!

As a grandmomma ... My home is always clean. This morning I woke up to chubby little finger prints and kisses all over my leaning mirror and I smile as I envision my sweet granddaughter kissing the sweet baby in the mirror over and over. Her little hands leaving their print on the mirror and forever in my heart. Those aren't smudges, that is love. I will leave them there a while so I can look at them and smile.

It makes me laugh, the differences between a mom vs. grandmomma.

Then, there is the way to depart from a little one.

As a momma ... drop and dash!!!!

As a grandmomma ... there is a more gentle approach. As my mom said to leave while Sofia isn't looking, I couldn't stand the thought. My granddaughter cannot use her words to ask where I am, so I will not let her be distracted as I slip out the door and her worry about wondering where I am. That is cruel. So, we play the kissing game when I leave so she knows I am leaving and we make it fun.

The kissing game is when I am in my Jeep about to leave, I start the engine, roll down the window and someone has to run up to my car so she can give me goodbye kisses.

I back the Jeep up about a foot and this game continues down the driveway. After several run-ups and kisses, she is laughing and she understands I am leaving. Out of breath is the person who is holding her and running back and forth. A small price to pay for getting more time with her when I don't.

Now my granddaughter understands when I am leaving and it isn't traumatizing to her.

Traumatizing like when I walk from the living room to the kitchen and Sofia thinks I am leaving. She likes to know I am close by and immediately senses and voices panic if I walk out of a room.

My mom said, "It's so sweet how crazy Sofia is about you!"

I know she is. We are kindred spirits.

A Blanket and Coffee Morning

I woke up to rain and 50'some degrees and declared it to be a blanket and coffee morning.

Raining and cold, I am grateful for the excuse to slow down and bundle up.

Navigating through my thermostat, a quest to figure out how to turn the heat on the for the first time here to knock the chill out of the air. Taking blankets out of the dryer, laying it on my sleeping daughter because I'm not sure how many more mornings I will have that I can do that for her. She is ready and anxious to leave the nest.

a blanket + coffee morning 

= perfect

Look Who's Walking

Look who's walking! Those thighs in leggings don't get any sweeter!

Sofia has taken a couple steps, but what are the chances we had a video going when she took her first several steps? We did it, we captured her first several steps on video as she is walking to me. xo