I have been job hunting like crazy.
The daily wear of working at a rescue mission often leaves me utterly depleted. I run the meal ministry in a rescue mission located in 1 of the 10 most depressed areas in the United States. In addition, I am the most front line staff person at the mission because I feed the homeless and hungry, run a meal ministry with over 300 different volunteers/workers who walk through the doors every month and leads that it happens, serve an average of 7,400 meals per month, and am present for the shelter residents all day. Six days a week.
Crime in our city is escalating. Everywhere across town share the same theme ... things are getting worse.
I have lost track of how many people I have had arrested in my 1-1/2 years at the mission and recently I have been aware of more and more that walk through our doors who carry guns and most recently last week a street thug intoxicated, on cocaine with a knife in his pocket I had to ask to leave.
I am also the only staff member every evening when we open the doors and feed the public. Thank God for my wonderful assistant who is there two nights per week covering for me. We are both female.
Sometimes I thrive and love it, other times the needs overwhelm me.
I began Prayer Partners approximately eight months ago where volunteers come in to pray individually with anyone who needs it. It was just what the mission needed.
Last week I began Bible Stories for Kids, where we pull kids out of the parking lot waiting for a meal and bring them in prior to the meal ministry for child-focused lessons from the bible, an activity, and cookies & milk. The children who eat every day in the meal ministry believe they are going to church, extending to them age-appropriate lessons is the least we can do.
The weight of the needs are far bigger than me. Giving until I have nothing left of myself in a population where needs continue to grow bigger often leaves me at ... them or me.
Job hunting empowers me to feel as if I have options. Given a choice would I stay or go?
It is as if one foot is barely moving in front of the other most days and I often feel I am not the person for this position or this position is not the right one for my life.
In this overwhelming place a common theme is happening from workers, to shelter residents, to dinner guests to and to volunteers reinforcing the impact that I personally make there matters. That I do a great job.
It's like being a mom. There are days I feel successful and days I feel like an absolute failure. I apologize often to God for my rotten attitude, short patience and my desire to want to battle with many of them.
I continue to press on giving my best. I also continue to keep my eyes open. Where needs are great, a fresh, re-energized perspective in this position may be what it takes to accomplish what God wants done there in such a wear-n-tear position.
He can decide if it's a season or lifetime.
I am not certain I am the right one for the lifetime though.
I am also not the holy spirit.
Just a girl with God-given personality strengths and weaknesses. Open to be used and quick to fall on I am human.
